Rant from a SAHM

[Mochagirl]

Do any of you SAHMs sometimes feel like your working mom friends take advantage of you? I have one friend who works full-time (in a fairly non-stress job with not too many hours and no need to ever take work home with her), and she has ONE kid who's 6. She's constantly telling me how busy she is, which is fine, but I always feel like she assumes I'm not busy at all because I stay at home with my kids. The other day she hinted heavily to me that she wasn't going to be able to make the cupcakes for her son's birthday party in a few weeks and kept going on until I offered to make them for her. She jumped on my offer so quickly I could tell that's what she wanted/expected in the first place.

That's fine - I don't mind baking and I like to do favours for my friends...but then shoe goes on and on about how busy she is because she works full-time and there's no way someone as busy as her could find the time to make cupcakes. Um....she finishes work at 4pm on Fridays, her son goes to bed at 7:30pm, and the birthday party isn't until the Sunday afternoon. Why can't she take half an hour to make some cupcakes somewhere in the nearly 48 hours she has between finishing work on Friday and the party on Sunday??

This isn't the first time something like this has happened, and I'm sick of having to defend myself from people who think I sit around eating bonbons all day. I have 3 kids under 6, none of whom go to school full time. I'm lucky if I get to sit for more than 5 minutes at a time all day long! Add to that the freelance writing I do in the evenings to bring in some extra money, and there's pretty much no such thing as free time.

Ok, rant over - I just needed to offload. :oops:

[nuthinbutpink]

It's not the job, it's the fact that she only has one child. She has no perspective. You never realize how much free time you had until you have a child and then when you go from one to two, etc. She doesn't know or appreciate how much time on her hands she has!

[happyheart]

This would frustrate me. So sorry! I completely understand why you feel the way you do.

I have several friends, one of which lives two doors down, that makes comments to me all the time about how much more difficult it is to be a working mom vs a stay at home mom. It really bothers me!

I do not doubt that being a working mom has its own set of challenges, but being a stay at home mom is a lot of work too and I am always exhausted at the end of the day.

[Lilian78]

Sorry this happened to you . . . I'm a working mom who dreams of becoming a stay at home mom. But not at all because I think it would be easier. I know some working moms with 1-2 kids with an early bedtime, who have it so easy ;) Just want to let you know that some of us working moms don't think the sahms sit around eating bonbons :)

[Mochagirl]

Thanks, ladies. Not all my working mom friends are like this - just this particular one. She's even asked me to pick up a few grocery items for her before because she finds it stressful to bring her ONE son with her to the grocery store. I consider it a HUGE treat if I can go to the grocery store with only 2 of my 3 kids!

[DoulaMama]

Most of my friends.....actually all of my friends are SAHM's so I've never encountered this other than with working mom's in my family(IL's). My SIL's all think I'm a fat(well...I guess I am to be honest), lazy housewife who takes advantage of my husband. My kids are happy, we do lots of things together, my house is reasonably tidy and I feed everyone:) Some days I do more...some less...I like to be home with my kids and my hubby likes me being home too. I guess that's all that matters but it still drives me nuts when others assume I have it so easy because I can make banana bread with my boys whenever I want to. Ha! I also homeschool so I always get comments on my kids not being socialized or dumb because they aren't in a public setting. Basically, I get comments on lots of things! Everyone needs to assume something it seems....
I feel your pain:) xoxox And I wouldn't offer to make cupcakes again;) LOL

[ELP]

Mocha, you want to unload this friend? quick as that. What a self obsessed user! My sis, who has 5 kids, has always said she goes to work for the break! And I'd happily smash rocks in a quarry for free for a day off sometimes lol, and 6 of mine are in school all day so just leaving the 2 little ones not even the whole gang. The lady needs a reality check:sigh: I wish we all lived closer as I'd love to have her round for tea and scones one Saturday;) :rofl:

[Mochagirl]

LOL ELP...I think she does need a dose of reality. I do feel the need to say some positive things about her, though. Several months ago when I fell and injured my back, she was the one who came and brought me to the hospital. She can be a very good friend at times.

[lov2make]

Working can be hard but so can be a SAHM. They are different in both ways and what works for one person may not work for another. Some people love staying home and some love working. I have a friend who is also a SAHM but is constantly asking me to babysit, etc. She has nothing going on, just doesn't want to be bothered with her kids.

[begonia]

LOL ELP...I think she does need a dose of reality. I do feel the need to say some positive things about her, though. Several months ago when I fell and injured my back, she was the one who came and brought me to the hospital. She can be a very good friend at times.

Good to hear! Because the whole make-my-cupcakes thing does come across as a rather selfish friend! So she's worth keeping around :)

I'm with DM; most of my close friends are SAHM so I really haven't run into anyone like this gal. I have one very good friend who does work full time though, with a one hour commute each way, 2 kids and one on the way, and she made homemade cupcakes for her DS's bday :) She's totally one of those women who does it all and makes it look easy. But I love her anyway ;)

[Glittergirl]

I'm also a SAHM most of the time...I say that cause I have 8 clients I see so that means I technically work outside the home 8 hours per week...not including driving. I go to work to get a break and I work with kids...so go figure! Anyway, I feel like that about certain family members like in-laws at times. 90% of family functions are at our home if they take place in our town. 2 of the three SIL don't have kids..one is single, one newlywed and the one who is married has a college age kid and a baby but she works full-time so heaven forbid she contribute to any potluck we have. She's the one who might pick up a pie! She once had a dinner party at her home but I brought ingredients and cooked there! she had her mom and other sister make everything for her baby's Bday! And to top it off I was expected to host thanksgiving when my son was 5 days old! "I said Heck no...I'm still wearing a diaper LOL" I was So mad!!! So yeah sista, I hear you!!!!

[Mochagirl]

That's annoying, glittergirl - I feel your pain.

[zanacal]

I would never have let you make those cupcakes mocha! I work during school hours (my youngest goes to a childminder) and am home from mid-afternoon and one day a week and I know that the days when I go to work are less emotionally draining than being at home with the children! Work is challenging in other ways but at least when I'm there I can concentrate on getting the job done - at home I can't do a damn thing without everybody wanting some random thing every 30 seconds and it's a constant battle to get anything done! I don't complain about how hectic my life is having 3 children and working because it's my choice and, in all honesty, if I didn't have time to make cupcakes I'd just buy some instead! I don't feel the need to be perfect (good job really!)!!