I need a serious pep talk ladies. Be firm with me please.

[1moregirl]

Ok...so I can feel AF on her bitch of a way. I have been a cranky old witch the past few days, I had some EWCM yesterday afternoon (which I often seem to get these days the day before AF arrives) and I am having lower back pain and the tummy cramps. Why do I feel surprised and disappointed? I'm truly hopeless. We had shit BD this last cycle, I didn't do any BBT or OPKs at all and one night of BD (twice in a row) and that was it. So here I am with my period imminent and due today and I have to go to my good friend's baby shower in less than 3 hours. The irony of this sucks! Remember last year some time when I found a bird nest in our garden with 2 little white eggs in it and then on the same day I cracked open two eggs that were double yolkers? This all got my hopes up and I had told this good friend about these things and when she told me she was pregnant she even told me these signs must've been for her but came through me. I kind of felt like she stole me fertility signs, which is ridiculous I know. But I'm 45 and due to turn 46 this year in October so surely I am being stupid and ridiculous and completely naive to even be feeling anything remotely like hope at the prospect of me conceiving again and having a healthy baby? So please, if I am wanting this, what do I need to do? I need to get firm advice about what I should be doing? I haven't been taking ubiquinol because I never seem to have the spare money. I do sometimes take a prenatal and started last night taking a combined folic acid and iron sup because I felt light headed yesterday and tired and haven't been eating much red meat. Do I keep up the BD pattern of SMEP? My acupuncturist last year told me we should BD the day before a Pos OPK and maybe again the next night...but her opinion of SMEP was it was overkill. I'm thinking maybe I need to take a magnesium sup for a bit too because I have been having cramps legs during the nights and early mornings. My chances feel so hopeless. :(

[MrsGoodies]

(hugs) 1moregirl,

I know how you feel. After TTC a little girl for 10 years straight, failed multiple hi tech cycles, numerous chemicals, and 4 mc in a row... I wonder if it will hapoen for me.

TTC every month is the only thing that keeps me sane on this horrible LE diet. At least I can take a break here and there in the 2ww.

I am taking all kinds of supplements including ubiquinol and i'm not sure if it is helping or not.

Anyhow, whenever I'm feeling down I just read this blog and it picks me right up again....plus SHE HAD A GIRL!

https://thegoodshufu.wordpress.com/2014/04/01/howd-i-get-pregnant-naturally-at-45-5/

[kc15880]

I could have written this post! EWMC last night, cramping & backache today (10dpo). I always get AF 10dpo so we are either both implantingo or AF is just lying in wait. FX for both of us! keep me posted! We only had 1 attempt this month at +opk but I wasnt well with gastro at the time & hardly into it at all as you can imagine. My best friend has a theory that bad sex always leads to pregnancy so we will have to wait & see!

[1moregirl]

Thanks guys. I got through this afternoon surprisingly well. There was another pregnant lady at the baby shower as well. But I was ok with it. Those lucky ladies are in their 30s and I guess I was back there once. Lol! Period hasn't arrived yet but I know it is coming. I have had a really short fuse and been quite cranky today. I just have that achey bloated feeling in the pit of my tummy, plus the irritability....def AF on her way. It's so hard because I often questoin myself as to whether I really want another pregnancy and baby again anyway. It all just seems to be high risk involved and it all sucks. I hope we all get lucky this year soon

[kc15880]

I got my BFP today at 11dpo. FX for you!

[MrsGoodies]

Congratulations kc!

I guess your theory on bad sex = PG worked! I'll have to keep that in mind as we move forward...lol

Did you do any swaying or simply ttc?

[kc15880]

Ive been on the LE diet for a year. I just posted my sway if you want to have a look

[atomic sagebrush]

Ok, I will be firm.

I understand that you're feeling frustrated and scared and disappointed. I don't intend to minimize your feelings at all but I feel like I've said the same thing again and again and I really want you to hear me because I feel like you are making yourself miserable over this.

There is NOTHING I can tell you to do or not do that will magically make this happen. There are websites full of women who are taking this or that or the other thing and there is no magic pill. If there was, they'd all be taking it and getting pregnant and not hanging out on infertility websites. Either your body is going to make a good egg or it isn't. Either the sperm will catch the egg or it won't. You have to acknowledge it's in God/universe/luck's hands now and let go of this idea that there is some magic recipe that I or anyone can tell you in order to get pregnant because that's not how it works. At 45/46 it's possible, but it's a very longshot. What you have to ask yourself is "can I accept this month by month and hope for the best but not be completely devastated because the chances are 99% that I won't conceive".

Can you?

Ubiquinol is not a magic bullet. For all we know, it may even HURT our chances. Anyone who legitimately cannot afford it, PLEASE do not take it. There is simply just not the magic pill, the magic recipe. It's either in your DNA to be possible and then hopefully all will go right and sperm will meet egg, or it isn't.

Going onto a lower carb diet may help but I know you've had a hard time with that idea in the past.

DO NOT BD the day before a positive OPK (unless you also have more attempts later). That is piss poor chances of conception with one attempt. You don't have to do SMEP if that's stressful to you, just have regular sex. I'd try to put it out of my mind and just BD when hubby is willing.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope that whatever the future holds for you it's really amazing. :)

[1moregirl]

Thanks for that last post Atomic. Everything you said rings loud and clear for sure. Will just keep plodding along this year with well-timed attempts and see what happens. We are officially homeschooling now and mine and my son's anxiety has disappeared and we aren't loving it. Every Friday we get together somewhere with other fellow homeschoolers in our area and have met some really lovely ladies out of it. I just need to tell my parents and get the courage to tell others around me. My parents are very old school, traditional and conventional and my father was a high school teacher, so you can imagine what their views of homeschooling are. Never mind!

I had some red blood-tinged watery CM last night too and wanted to ask if anyone knows what that means? I was CD 15 and CD 16 today. I think I had that happen once another time a few years ago. Strange...my period would've been finished by CD 5 or 6. Anyway, I need to buy some OPKs today as don't have any but I haven't had any EWCM as yet that I've noticed. I am also sporting my first cold sore in years (got sunburnt lips a week ago and paying for it) - does L-lysine sway girl Atomic? If not, I'll just wait til after this attempt to take it. Thanks ladies. :)

[MrsGoodies]

So glad to hear you are loving homeschooling 1moregirl.

Not sure what the cm means but good luck!

Ps. The best remedy for cold sores is getting them zapped with laser at the dentist when they first pop up.

Apparently, people who get the shingles vaccine eliminate cold sore outbreaks all together (haven't tried it though)

http://jeffreydachmd.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Efficacy-of-antiVZV-antiHSV3-vaccine-HSV1-HSV2-recurrent-herpes-simplex-Jacqueline-Le-Goaster-2012.pdf

[atomic sagebrush]

Good luck with the homeschooling!!

Re the bloody CM, that is not unusual around O. Your cervix can get very soft and easily injured, and a teensy owie can bleed the smallest bit and it hits that CM and makes it look like a lot more than it was.

We honestly don't know how lysine may sway. Unfortunately it only works to help your cold sore if you take it regularly, by the time you have one full blown it's generally too late to stop it. I'd probably skip it at this point.

[1moregirl]

Thanks MrsG and Atomic. It makes complete sense about what you said with cervix getting easily damaged Atomic. We had BD the night before and it had been a bit painful on one side on the inside, if that makes sense. I think because the only lubricant we had was ky jelly and I clearly didn't want to use that so we BD without any lubricant which might have caused an ouchy and then resulted in that bit of bleeding. And thanks for the well wishes with the homeschooling. We really are enjoying it and I just loving having the kids with me all the time. I've come up with a few great ideas for making some extra income which I am surprisingly enthusiastic about. I told my Mum a few days ago about the homeschooling and was deadset against it as I knew she would be. She even said she hadn't told my father. Hahaha! The big threat! I just said that's fine I'll tell him myself. We really seem to have bonded more as a family unit from homeschooling and the kids are playing and getting along soooo well. It's great. :) xx

[atomic sagebrush]

That's great!!

Sorry about your mum - I know that's the hardest part of it all.

[1moregirl]

Thanks Atomic. But it is our life and our children so our choice how to raise and educate them isn't it? My parents, especially my Mum, has always tried to have much more influence on how we raise our kids than she should. Always says things like, "you kids would never have done anything like that," etc. I don't think she completely understands what her role as a Grandmother is. Even when she comes and stays with us (and it's only ever been 2 nights in a row at the most) she mostly does housework and cooking and never plays with the kids or spends time with them. Yet she always feels compelled to tell me how I should raise them. "I'd give him a good smack for doing that," for example. So I just politely tell her we are not allowed to smack these days Mum. I have also reminded her that she needs to make more of an effort as a grandparent to our kids since they are the only grandparents they have closeby. Their other set are overseas and they never see them and can't communicate with them on phone or Skype because our kids don't speak fluent Spanish yet and those grandparents don't speak any English. Yet my Mum and Dad often forget that they are the only grandparents our children get real contact with so they should make better efforts to be better grandparents. :)

[MrsGoodies]

Baby Boomer Grandparents suck!

I swear they are THE most selfish generation ever and have not mellowed at all as they get older. Its always about them, them, them.

I feel for you one more girl. My kids have 3 granparents left and only ONE (my dad) even sees them....the rest are too busy bitching & moaning about their health problems and entiltlements (yeah you contributed $2/week back in the 60's so now you deserve $500 per month....ugh!)