pregnant after miscarriage - how do I feel happy again?

[kc15880]

Hi all,

I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks & a D&C in december. I am finally pregnant again but I just dont feel excited or happy about this pregnancy. I really want this baby but I just dont have the happiness inside me this time. I am probably just worried about having another miscarriage but I just don't know how to get past this. I have tried all sorts of things to focus on this baby, looking at baby things in shops but I just dont feel anything. Just numb really like there is no point looking.

I have booked in for a scan in 2 weeks time for peace of mind but I would love to know if you have been through something similar & what helped you.

[purple]

Sorry for your loss :( It is really hard being pregnant after having a miscarriage. I also had a miscarriage at 10 weeks before this pregnancy as well as one before that so I found it really hard at the start of this pregnancy. My current pregnancy also started off a bit weird with unusual bleeding so that also didn't help. I was mostly convinced for the first 12 weeks that I would miscarry again so I didn't let myself get excited. I had a scan at almost 7 weeks but it was measuring behind by about 4 days so even though I saw the heartbeat it didn't give me that much reassurance unfortunately.

Feeling numb is a good description of how I would have felt. It did take some time to accept that maybe I was actually going to have a baby even after the 12 week scan was all good. I think it is a pretty normal way to try to protect yourself from another loss but I'm not sure it really works. I don't think you can force yourself to enjoy the pregnancy though so I think you just have to try to get through this stage and in time you will start to get more excited.

[atomic sagebrush]

Huge (((Hugs)))) Kc, I don't have any advice. Just take it one day at a time. Thinking of you. :heart:

[kc15880]

Just to touch base & say I am 12weeks now. Im still finding it hard to even think that I am pregnant. It doesnt consume my every thought like it did with my boys. I have had 2 scans (at 7 & 10 weeks) & I do feel more reassured but still finding it hard to feel any connection. I dont really have any pregnancy symptoms either so it just doesnt feel real at all. I am still waiting on m NIPT results & I am having another scan in 2 weeks. I am hoping it starts to feel more real once I start showing & I feel it move.

[atomic sagebrush]

I think even aside from having a loss, the more kiddos you've had, the less it eats up your every waking thought. I would forget I was pregnant sometimes with my later kids!

I never felt connected to my pregnancies either. I love my babies of course but it was never this feeling of closeness that some women experience.

Sending :hugs: and hopefully once things progress this feeling will pass for you.

[kc15880]

that makes perfect sense atomic! I think I am often so busy it is the last thing on my mind. I cant say I was connected to DS1 at all during his pregnancy - happy & I though about it heaps but I didnt bond as such until I met him. Thanks for your wise words xx

[atomic sagebrush]

Me too! I was certainly excited by the idea but I did not feel any kind of one on one connection with my first either. Then he came out and I thought "OMG it's a BABY!!" I didn't fully realize till that very moment that there was an actual small person that would be there, like FOREVER LOL. I didn't really feel that insane mama love till he was about a week old and then once it took hold it completely consumed me, but I sure didn't feel it during pregnancy.

[Rose2]

Hi all,

I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks & a D&C in december. I am finally pregnant again but I just dont feel excited or happy about this pregnancy. I really want this baby but I just dont have the happiness inside me this time. I am probably just worried about having another miscarriage but I just don't know how to get past this. I have tried all sorts of things to focus on this baby, looking at baby things in shops but I just dont feel anything. Just numb really like there is no point looking.

I have booked in for a scan in 2 weeks time for peace of mind but I would love to know if you have been through something similar & what helped you.

Hello, Honey. First, Congratulations on your pregnancy. Second, I don't think it is not good not to be excited about your pregnancy. You shouldn't let the past affect the future. In everything, If something bad happened you need to forget it, Remembering it won't change what have happened. Live your life happily, And hopefully. Be sure that you won't lose your current pregnancy, And you won't.. I hope the best for you and a life full of joy.

[junep]

Hi, I know how that feels. And I can tell you that trying to find happiness or excitement from looking at things in a baby shop may work for some people, but that's not a solution. You will find that feeling of excitement and happiness within you. It is just a matter of getting the right support that you need to be able to shift your focus from the past to what's good in the present. For me, it was the support I received from my husband and the people around me that helped me get through my depressing phase when I had discovered I couldn't conceive. I am so happy to hear about your pregnancy. It really makes me feel very happy when I hear about women getting pregnant and I can understand what you are going through after you had a rough past. But I really want you to stay happy and positive and believe me, being in present and with your husband is all you need. All the best.

[atomic sagebrush]

I cannot imagine what would possess a person to post spam in a person's loss-related forum thread.

And, I am extremely good at spotting spam at this point, even when you try to make it look like something else, even when you post 17 benign general messages under 10 different names. Your username(s) go(es) onto my special list and I watch your username like a hawk and delete ur account at the first hard evidence that you're a spammer, even if you are very sneaky and sly about it at first.

[atomic sagebrush]

I cannot imagine what would possess a person to post spam in a person's loss-related forum thread.

And, I am extremely good at spotting spam at this point, even when you try to make it look like something else, even when you post 17 benign general messages under 10 different names. Your username(s) go(es) onto my special list and I watch your username like a hawk and delete ur account at the first hard evidence that you're a spammer, even if you are very sneaky and sly about it at first.

[atomic sagebrush]

I cannot imagine what would possess a person to post spam in a person's loss-related forum thread.

And, I am extremely good at spotting spam at this point, even when you try to make it look like something else, even when you post 17 benign general messages under 10 different names. Your username(s) go(es) onto my special list and I watch your username like a hawk and delete ur account at the first hard evidence that you're a spammer, even if you are very sneaky and sly about it at first.

This, yet again. Spam will be deleted, your account banned. Don't bother us any more.

[kc15880]

update: Just to let you know what happened - this feeling stayed with me until he was born. I couldnt even tell anyone I was pregnant. I was so scared to loose him I couldnt bear to tell anyone I was pregnant incase I had to say I had lost another. In the end we told everyone around 30 weeks & then I had him just 4 weeks later!!! I wasnt really showing so everyone was quite shocked.
Once he was born everything I had felt just disappeared & I felt so happy with him in my arms. The gender disappointment that I felt had gone by that stage thankfully I was so grateful for a live baby.

4years later & still trying for a baby that empty numb feeling is still with me. Ive just had & lost another pregnancy - again too scared to tell anyone i was pregnant & so I didnt. I had the pregnancy & miscarriage with no support. Weeks later I found the courage to start telling people I had lost another baby. It felt ok this way. It still feels unreal like did it even happen. I'm so devoid of any emotion or feeling. I think I have grieved so much trying for so long I dont have much emotion left.

[atomic sagebrush]

kc, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I answered in more detail in your other thread.

What you're experiencing in terms of feeling very disconnected is something that many people who have been through losses and failed rounds of IVF experience. It's as if a callus has built up over our emotions to protect us from future harm.

Please let me know how I can help.

[kc15880]

Yes. Disconnected is a very good description. I think its self protection at its best! Not deliberate at all but certainly a response to the trauma in the past few years.

[atomic sagebrush]

It may be that's just what it needs to be for you to get through this. Please let me know how I can help.

[Walkerbabies]

Thank you for sharing your story. Have you tried talking to a psychologist? Sometimes we are not totally aware at what depression can do to our thoughts. Surely what you experienced made you feel depressed and it made you lose some emotions and gain some emotions towards your baby. Glad to hear you had talked to people but maybe get some professional support?

[Walkerbabies]

Hello I've been reading your thread and didn't want to leave without commenting. I have no advice but just wanting to thank you for your post. I haven't had a miscarriage but I had many failed attempts and ttc. (3 failed IUIs and 1 failed IVF) I can relate about the numbness. Let us just pray it will pass and count yourself lucky for your baby :)

[treens]

Sending love and healing your way!