That old feeling is creeping up again...

[ksmom]

So I thought I was finally just OK with not having a daughter and being a mom of three boys. But then....a friend of mine with two boys has announced she's expecting her third baby and I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach because I just know she's going to have a girl. There's no way in heck she'll have three boys like me. I hate feeling this way and I wish I didn't yearn for a daughter so much. I love my boys to the moon and back but damn, it hits me right in the feels when someone gets a girl. Why can't I just be happy?? Why can't I kick GD to the curb and say so long to it? Sometimes I think if I never heard another pregnancy or gender announcement, then I could at least not think about my desire to have a girl so much. Having GD sucks.

[Magical22]

I'm so sorry I can relate to this, I have 3 boys I don't get how everyone gets a mixed family so easy I feel like a freak. I love my boys they are amazing but I hate how people feel sorry for me. Sometimes I think maybe I could try again but then 4 kids ekk not sure I could handle that....but if I got a daughter it would be worth it right?

When will your friend find out the gender?


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[ksmom]

Thanks Magical. She already knows the gender but is waiting to do some big reveal for it so I just KNOW it's going to be a girl. :(

I've thought about having a fourth as well but I'm really stressed at the moment with three kids so it's a lot to think about. DH and I both want to go HT but I have this feeling it will never happen with our busy lives. I couldn't sway again unless I knew I was comfortable with another boy and after everything I went through with my last sway, I don't know if I have it in me to do it again. You're right though, if we swayed again and got a girl then it would all be worth it.

[Magical22]

I went HT it didn't work for us ☹️


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[ksmom]

I'm so sorry it didn't work! Would you be able to try it again? I can't get over the cost of it. Just when I think I'm okay with doing HT, I talk myself out of it and find myself feeling selfish for wanting to spend that much money on a dream of mine. All the uncertainty of whether or not it will work is what gets me too. DH is mad at himself because before we swayed for baby #3, we talked about HT but I talked him out of it because of the cost. He says he should have put his foot down and said no, we're doing it anyway. Once we started swaying though, he was really confident it was going to work.

[Magical22]

No that's it for us.


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[Dreamsister]

Ksmon, I am sorry the fucking GD-feeling is creeping up on you again. Don't let it bring you down. Sometimes I think we complicate life and prevent ourselves from being happy because we demand so much from life. We want a nice house, a handsome husband, a great job, a slim body, beautifull kids of both genders, lots of vacacions and so on, but what if all these things is not there, will we then be unsatisfied?

I can relate to all what you write. But I also have come to the conclusion that having a DD is not a guarantee that your life at once will be great and you will be more happy. I think it is a life lesson to learn to be happy with what you got simply by focusing on all the good things in your life. Or do as Atomic says: Fake it until you make it.

I did HT once - it did not work. Then we swayed and got lucky. I had made a promise to myself that if #4 was a boy I would see him as a gift, be happy and forget all about a DD.

I don't know what you should do. I just want to say that I don't think a DD is a guarantee of a more happy life.


Mother to 3 boys ❤️ and pregnant with a baby girl due in June 2017 [emoji120]. DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144]

[ksmom]

I'm sorry Magical. :( I so wish you could get your DD.

Thank you Dreamsister. I know having a girl isn't everything but I guess it's one of those things in life I've always wanted so bad yet I can't have. It's not like I can say I want a DD and then *poof* get one simply because of my desire. I know my life wont be perfect after having a daughter but it would make me very happy and fill that hole, that desire for a DD. No one's life is perfect even with mixed genders, I get that. I'm sure even people with a PP wish for things in life they can't have. I've been really trying to focus on the fact that I do have a good life. DH and I have a great marriage, we have beautiful boys, a nice house, comfy life...yet it's these dang pregnancy and gender announcements that trip me up.
I know HT is a guarantee of gender but I also know there's no guarantee it will work in the first place and that's what scares me. We've also considered adoption but I can't help but want a biological daughter. I'm still open to adopting though. Right now I'm in a place where I don't just want baby #4, I want a daughter and that's a hard pill for me to swallow but I have to be honest with myself. I may change my mind in the future who knows but that's how I feel at the moment.
I'm glad you were able to change your mindset Dreamsister and sway again. Good luck with the birth of your DD. :)

[Bee]

ksmom, I'm so sorry. I'm in the same place. I haven't really posted since DS4 was born (he's 10mths), but while I've been sad on and off, it's really coming back to hit me now as my DDC moms are starting to post all the first birthday pics and cake smashes with tutus and stuff. Not that it has anything to do with anything, but I guess it's all feeling very much impossible to ignore and it's a reminder of the things I'll never have. A bunch of them are getting pregnant again, too. My best friend's little girl (after two boys) just turned one, and my other friend has her girl after three boys. I have no one to talk to because they all got their girls and they'll never truly get it because they never really cared either way. I've wanted girls my entire life. Never did I imagine I wouldn't have at least one. But what's even worse is that I feel this way. I feel like such a hateful person. I love my boys. I'm beyond overwhelmed with four (terrible PPD) and I know I'm at my limit. If someone were to guarantee number 5 would be a girl, right now I'm not sure I'd do it. I don't regret DS4 (he was technically a surprise after a miscommunication about where I was in my cycle) but I also wish we'd just gone ahead with adoption like we'd been talking about. I can't accept that I'll never have a daughter and I don't know how to move on from this. I don't know how to stop being so mad and upset. I don't want to be bitter.

[ksmom]

I'm so sorry you've been feeling down Bee. :( I always assumed as well that I would have at least one of each. I've been dreaming of having a daughter since I was little really. Idk why I thought I'd have one of each because I certainly new it's possible to have all one gender! It just sucks that it seems like those who don't care what gender they have, always end up with one of each. I was supposed to be in the due date group you were in on here but that was an early loss. I've always wondered what gender that baby would have been (along with the other two I lost). I see so many successful pink sways here and it tempts me so much to give it another try but I know I could not handle hearing boy again as we only plan to have four kids.
I'm sorry you're struggling with PPD. Have you sought help? I don't have depression but like you I am very overwhelmed with my three right now simply because of their ages (5, 3, and 3 mo) and because DH works so much that I'm on my own with no one else to help out. I said the same thing to DH that you said about not being able to accept not having a daughter. I told him that during my pregnancy with DS3 and since then we've talked about HT or adoption. I don't know which is the right choice. I feel selfish for even wanting to spend that much in the first place and I worry my boys will think they weren't enough for me. I also don't know how I'd cope with another child. I'd need to wait until my boys are out of the toddler and baby phase.
Thank you for being so honest about your feelings, I really appreciate it. :) Even though I hate seeing other people suffer from GD, it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

Btw, the friend I posted about originally, she ended up announcing she's having her third boy.
Part of me is relieved but then the other part of me wonders if she, like me, desperately wanted a girl but kept quiet about it. I hate GD and wish that no one ever had to go through it.

[ChezIBY]

I'm so sorry you've been feeling down Bee. :( I always assumed as well that I would have at least one of each. I've been dreaming of having a daughter since I was little really. Idk why I thought I'd have one of each because I certainly new it's possible to have all one gender! It just sucks that it seems like those who don't care what gender they have, always end up with one of each. I was supposed to be in the due date group you were in on here but that was an early loss. I've always wondered what gender that baby would have been (along with the other two I lost). I see so many successful pink sways here and it tempts me so much to give it another try but I know I could not handle hearing boy again as we only plan to have four kids.
I'm sorry you're struggling with PPD. Have you sought help? I don't have depression but like you I am very overwhelmed with my three right now simply because of their ages (5, 3, and 3 mo) and because DH works so much that I'm on my own with no one else to help out. I said the same thing to DH that you said about not being able to accept not having a daughter. I told him that during my pregnancy with DS3 and since then we've talked about HT or adoption. I don't know which is the right choice. I feel selfish for even wanting to spend that much in the first place and I worry my boys will think they weren't enough for me. I also don't know how I'd cope with another child. I'd need to wait until my boys are out of the toddler and baby phase.
Thank you for being so honest about your feelings, I really appreciate it. :) Even though I hate seeing other people suffer from GD, it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

Btw, the friend I posted about originally, she ended up announcing she's having her third boy.
Part of me is relieved but then the other part of me wonders if she, like me, desperately wanted a girl but kept quiet about it. I hate GD and wish that no one ever had to go through it.

Hey ksmom,

Just wanted to give you a high-five and say I am hoping you feel better now than when you first started this thread. Reading over the posts about women feeling GD, I feel I'd give up my own chance of ever having a mixed gender offspring family just so that every woman on here can get her dream. :( Argh, I don't know what to say, wish it wasn't so hard!

Some small thoughts - I really do not think that you are selfish about wanting to spend a lot of time/money on HT or adoption!! Come on, money is a means, what else should you spend it on if not on your dreams?

Also definitely agree that if you feel you've got your hands full at the moment with three you should wait a bit (maybe using this time to plan how exactly and if/when you want to try again, speaking with DH, sorting through your thoughts/feelings, weighing the different options - that way when you are ready for number four you'll have a game plan ready!) Plus of course it is necessary to prepare mentally for number four turning out to be a boy too, unless you guys adopt (dunno if one can choose the gender when adopting?)

I really don't think you have to give up your dream or feel selfish about not giving it up - dunno about your personal circumstances of course, but we all have Atomic's example and how she finally got her DD - but after waiting so long and working so hard! So it is still possible.

Your friend is really cool for making a special gender reveal party for a third kid who is the same gender as her two first! So refreshing! Not a 'let's rub it into everyone's face that I got the other kind' but just a 'let's celebrate this kid here and now' thing :) If she is a close friend, maybe you two could talk sometime one on one and you could find out how she feels about DS3? Plus you guys are both going to have three boys now, she will maybe have heard some similar comments to what you have had.. anyway, friends, real friends, are great to lean on, as well as the ladies on the forums here :)

I am not sure that any of this is helpful at all.. but if nothing else, know that reading over your posts about your longing for a DD has made me more grateful about having my own DD who is due this summer! I realize that I'll have something a lot of women want, this is very heartening. You are in my thoughts and - best of luck!! I really hope it can happen for you further down the line, we're all in this for the long haul; it ain't over till it's over I say!

[ksmom]

Thank you Chez for your kind words. :) Congrats on your DD and blue dust to you. Xx

[Momof3boy]

I am so much with you. I just found out I am pregnant with my 4th son, and I am already thinking it was a mistake not to get the abortion instead of hoping our surprise baby would be our girl. All hope it over now, we will never have more than 4, 4 is already a lot more than we ever wanted. We just wanted a girl.

[ksmom]

I'm so sorry you're going through this Momof3boy. Many of us have gone through the heartbreak of gender disappointment. It's so unfair how many people get girls without even trying. I hope in time you're able to make peace with having another boy. ((Hugs))

[Momof3boy]

I'm so sorry you're going through this Momof3boy. Many of us have gone through the heartbreak of gender disappointment. It's so unfair how many people get girls without even trying. I hope in time you're able to make peace with having another boy. ((Hugs))

Thank you. Yes it really feels so unfair. I cannot count how many who said to me "no 4 would be a girl". I don't know anyone who had four of the same. No 3 or 4 is always the oppeesite. Except for me. I have not idea how to tell everyone. We are going to move from the Middle East in a few weeks. We had a lot of help heee and it is going to be really though to be back in Denmark where there is no help at all. I am afraid I am just from that going to get a depression.


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[ksmom]

If it makes you feel any better at all, my dental hygienist's sister has 4 kids, all boys and she says it's so much fun! I also have a few mom friends that have 4+ boys. :) I'll admit that after DS3 was born I felt a bit depressed. Taking a break from social media really helped a lot.
I'm sorry you're not going to have any help after your move. I'm struggling most days myself with just three kids. Having even just one mom friend can make a big difference so if you can make one that may help.

[ChezIBY]

Thank you. Yes it really feels so unfair. I cannot count how many who said to me "no 4 would be a girl". I don't know anyone who had four of the same. No 3 or 4 is always the oppeesite. Except for me. I have not idea how to tell everyone. We are going to move from the Middle East in a few weeks. We had a lot of help heee and it is going to be really though to be back in Denmark where there is no help at all. I am afraid I am just from that going to get a depression.

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ksmom must be right about the taking a break from social media - I feel like there is so much pressure from the people around us, FB, TV and whatever. It kind of creates an idea of the family we want or think we want, and then we start to get GD, feel desperate and distressed when we don't manage to get that family.

Not sure I know anyone IRL who has four boys either - but that is probably cause most people I know have three kids max, and I do know many families with three of the same! Plus, scrolling through the forums here, one can see that it does happen quite often. More to the point, what does sound not-so-great is that you'll have no one to help, particularly as you already feel down - is there any way at all you can get anyone to help a bit once you do move? I feel (excuse me for butting in, but I just felt for you and hope my two cents can help) that it would be great for you not to be left by yourself during this time; are there any like social events where you can meet up with new people, get distracted? Also, maybe you could plan doing some stuff you like directly follwoing the move, take it easy and sort of slide into your new life gradually? Best of luck in any case, we just moved last month ourselves, it is always a shake up during the first weeks. In any case empty your heart out on the forums here when you feel like it's getting too much, the ladies on here are all so nice. Thinking of you, all the best! <3