Finally decided to do PGD after stillbirth - please help so many questions!

[thelioness]

Hi lovely ladies,

I have been on the site sporadically at so many different parts of my life, looking back at my posts it has been such a roller-coaster of emotions. I remember coming on here for nub-theories with my two gorgeous girls, gender diets, crying over my seven miscarriages and eventually to celebrate my pregnancy with our dream boy. Unfortunately he was born sleeping and I disappeared off this site for a long time, the experience destroyed me. I have spent the last year soul-searching, mourning and pondering the future.

I never thought I would even consider logging back onto this site let alone trying again after last years traumatic events but unfortunately the desire to have a son still consumes my every waking moment lately, I can't seem to shake it as much as I try. I have decided to look into the PGD route but I have absolutely no idea what this entails. Obviously it would need to be overseas, I am based in Melbourne Australia and I am wondering where the closest clinic would be with a good reputation? How much does it cost? How long do I have to be overseas? What is the actual process? Do I need to take lots of hormones?

All answers and recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[ever hopeful]

Just wanted to send you hugs as your post made me cry. Lots of lovely Aussie ladies will chime in I'm sure with all of the details you are after, but I just wanted to say I really really hope you get your longed for son and happy ending - you certainly deserve it. x

[ksmom]

I'm so very sorry this happened. Unfortunately there are quite a few ladies on this site that experienced a loss with their DG. I truly hope you get your very much wanted blue bundle. Xx

[MiaMelb]

My heart just aches reading your post. I am very sorry you have been through this experience. I'm so disappointed with the recent decision on GS here in Aust and that it forces strong women like yourself away from friends and family to have the proceedure done. Wishing you all the best with this next phase of your journey.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm so sorry for your loss - I have no advice but want to wish you well upon your journey. :heart:

[thelioness]

Thanks so much for all your beautiful messages. It is people like you that actually make these times easier! All my family and friends think I am ungrateful and insane to not be happy with my two wonderful girls. I am grateful every waking moment (more now than ever!) but like I said, this need is very hard to shake! I am hoping some of these lovely Aussie ladies will add their bits on here! Thanks again for your beautiful replies.

[louil]

Hi thelioness,

So sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine what you have been through. Sending you luck on your journey.

I am on the same journey for a pink bundle. I contacted gender selection Australia who are lovely. They work with Dr Potter in America (who has very high success rates). They can organise skype meetings with the clinic, provide you information on cost (it's around 16,500 american dollars for one round) and help you organise doctors and clinics that will do all the pretesting as well as provide advice on accomodation etc in America. They stay is around 12 - 14 days I think. We are looking at going mid way next year. Happy for you to PM me if you have any other questions, although I'm def no expert and I am not sure on other clinics other that Dr Potters one.

Good luck

[4blue2pink]

im so sorry thelioness, i completely understand the desire for your dream gender consuming you after your loss, we lost our second baby and dream girl mid-way through the pregnancy and the gender desire was stronger than ever afterwards.
those who say you are ungrateful simply dont understand.
i dont know anything about PGD but i just wanted to wish you all the best on your journey, after everything you have been through i truly hope you get your happy ending xx

[baabaa]

Hi thelioness, i am so terribly sorry for your loss. Your post gave me goosebumps and I cannot even begin to imagine. I am based just out of melbourne and went to HRC in California back in August 2015 to try for our much longed for baby girl. Our beautiful daughter Maya just turned 1 two weeks ago. I am still pinching myself and am so happy that we decided to give the HT route a go and she is amazing.

Clinic choice is hard, as there is many factors that play into it. Thailand used to offer PGD quite openly, and many aussies used to travel there. The last couple of years that has changed and my understanding is that it is not as easy an option any more. Genea is Sydney used to refer patients there, but they don't any more. For me personally, I decided on HRC because I wanted to give myself the best possible option for success. They have some of the best success rates, and are so well known for Gender Selection. I also didn't want to go to a clinic where is was hush-hush, as that was going to be too stressful for me.
We made the California trip a family holiday. Took the boys with us, and did disneyland, vegas and legoland etc. We went for 3 weeks, but I think you could get away with 10-12 days. I liked the extra time, as it made it somewhat less stressful. But extra time there also means extra costs, which can be difficult. Cost wise, we spent approx $40k in total (about $22k was on the PGD stuff, and the rest on the holiday). I think HRC fees have increased since I went (it was US$12,400 back then). I got my meds on PBS which was very fortunate and not everyone does, so that probably cost about AUD$1500. That cost is hard to estimate, as the more meds you need, the more it costs. My natural fertility was still okay (I was 36 at the time we went) so only needed light stims, if you are older you may need more meds. You do have to inject yourself, but I didn't find that too bad.

Go into it knowing it will be stressful. BUT, I didn't find it too bad. There is a lot to wrap your head around and a million questions. This site is great. Next time I would post your question in the main HT forum, not this Aussie one - more people will see it an answer questions for you. I can't remember the name of it now, but will look it up and post it.

Also, look through completed cycle diaries - if you search 'baabaa' for example, you can see posts that I have started and it will come up with my cycle details and you can read through that. I was a OHW (one hit wonder) which means I only had to go once. I had an amazing gender split and got all girls and the first one we implanted turned into our gorgeous baby. Others are not as lucky as us. I was prepared to go three times to chase my dream, but that is a financial (and emotional) commitment which can be hard to make.

This is already a monster post, so I will stop typing - but feel free to PM me with anything. I am not on this site as much any more, as 4 kids keep me pretty busy, but happy to help in any way I can.

Pre-testing is probably your first thing. That will give you a good indication of your fertility and then you can make your decisions based on that knowledge. I am not sure how old you are? The younger you are, the more likely you are to have success (but there are always exceptions to this I realise). I think there is a section which lists all the pre-testing you need to get done. You can then post your results and some more experienced ladies will be able to help you interpret them.

Hope that help a little and good luck. Make the decision that is best for you and your family. In the end I decided that I would rather have tried and failed then never to have tried at all. And oh my goodness was it worth it!! xx

[baabaa]

I should have said - become a dream member on this site. It has a wealth of knowledge and was so incredibly helpful. I don't know if I would have had success without it (and that is not a word of a lie). Out of all the money you will spend on this journey, dream membership to this site is a drop in the ocean and will pay you back 1000 times over. Then look in the private forums. The one I was talking about above is HT Family Balancing Info and Current Cycles.

Dream members also used to get a US$1000 discount off HRC fees. I am not sure if that is still the case, but worth looking into.

Good luck xx

[thelioness]

Wow thanks so much for the indepth replies! That has been so helpful! I also was shocked at the cost! That's a lot of money but now I know I want it more than ever. I'm just wondering which bank to rob first!

I will definitely become a dream member! I might PM you both if you don't mind once I have robbed that bank???

Also, could I ask your ages? I am 37 and petrified if I wait too long it will get harder but right now I just don't have that kind of money!!

Thanks
Elle

[thelioness]

Do you have to go across at a certain time in your cycle? Thanks Elle

[baabaa]

I was 36 when I went to HRC. My fertility was still pretty good. It does get worse over time, and post about 38 years old it gets a lot harder. That doesn't mean it can't be done - there are plenty of ladies who are older, but the reality is that the older you are, the more likely that you will need to try multiple times. That is because you will probably get less eggs, and they won't be as good quality wise. But there are always exceptions to the rule!!

The HRC fees are set, but you can save money on the holiday part of the spend. You can go for shorter time, not take the kids with you, and stay at more budget accomodation (we stayed at the Hyatt Regency - so not the most expensive, but certainly not the cheapest). We flew direct from melbourne and got flights for approx $800 each return.

Once you know the month you want to go, HRC will tell you the dates that Dr Potter is available. They then use the contraceptive pill to make your cycle fit into that timeframe. You need a good three or four months lead time because it takes a bit of time to get everything sorted. Your pretesting can also only be done at certain times of the month - and I think from memory you have to be off the pill for that.

Yep, PM me with anything and I will try to help you out. Its a scary and daunting process, but it all fall into place once you make the decision to go for it. xx

[emshe]

Elle, I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine the heartache you feel. I wish you every success in your continued journey.
I travelled to HRC last December with my family and although we did not have a good cycle, we did leave the states having had the most amazing holiday and carrying so many great memories. I can say that they are an amazingly professional group and I can highly recommend them as a place where I felt well looked after, we are headed back and our fingers are crossed for everyone taking this journey as it certainly is an emotional rollercoaster even on the easiest of rides..
I truly hope you get your happy ending.
Now go rob that bank, I won't tell!

[louil]

Hey Elle,

I'm nearly 35 and will be turning 36 next year when we are ready to go to the US, so I completely understand the worry of age. I had my first son naturally and then for some unidentified reason we couldn't fall pregnant the second time around. All tests came back clear, my ovarian reserve was lower than it should be for my age but they couldn't find a solid reason for it so we embarked on IVF in Melbourne. I ended up with 12 eggs of which 4 become 5 day embryos (the doctor said these were good results, although as we are unable to do PGD here I have no idea of their quality). The second one took and I'm due to have my second son in a few weeks. So based on my experience with some fertility issues we were still able to get a reasonably good result. Sorry that was a long explanation.

I'm taking comfort that the pretesting period and consult with Dr Potter will leave me with a more accurate idea of my chances, and then we can decide to take the plunge. After we rob a bank of course ;)

When were you hoping to go over?