Swaying and dissapointment ?

[love being a mummy]

For all of you who have swayed and failed do you think you felt more dissapointed cause you swayed, or do you think you would still felt the same if you didn't sway?

I'm having mixed feelings.
I think if I sway and fail I will feel more dissapointed but then I feel that if I don't sway and get another girl I'll feel dissapointed that I didn't sway and at least give it a go.
Does anyone else feel like that?

[LolaInLove]

Yep, I would dare say many of us feel the same way. Most of us decide to give it a go, though, because even if you do just a few things like increase your ewcm and take some great healthy supps, you ARE upping your odds of your desired gender. Whether or not your dice falls on blue is kinda up to the universe, but you are adding more blue sides to your dice (that is the famous analogy from Atomic about swaying, where you think of your conception as a big 1000 sided dice, and half of the sides are blue and half are pink.....it can land anywhere when you conceive, but you can turn more sides blue or pink by swaying, thus upping your odds of that gender).

It is a tough decision, though, but you really, really need to be ok with getting an opposite if you sway and dtd naturally. If you cannot handle it at all, you are a better candidate for doing IVF with PGD. I hope that helps!

[ELP]

I think its kind of a catch 22 situation. if you don't sway you may always think, what 'could' have been?? And if you do sway you may always think, what 'should' have been!! So your caught either way. I think you just have to be sure of your decision before your attempt and know from then on 'what will be, will be' and know the dice are rolled:agree:

[nuthinbutpink]

You're going to be disappointed if it doesn't work either way but if you don't try you're going to "should" all over yourself.

You can't go through life afraid to try. I'm sure you're stronger than that!

[zanacal]

You're going to be disappointed if it doesn't work either way but if you don't try you're going to "should" all over yourself.



This! I had to know we'd done our best - and I'm so glad I found this site too, otherwise we'd have gone for Shettles timing with frequent BDing which is what it said in the book I bought!!

[Hobbermittens]

I feel the same way. I think if my sway doesn't work, though, at least I will know I tried. That was my biggest regret about DD2--I didn't know about swaying, and I felt like I could have possibly done something to change what gender baby I had if I had known. If you are planning a baby either way, swaying can't hurt.

[purplepoet20]

"Swaying is about trying not about winning or failing"

[zanacal]

"Swaying is about trying not about winning or failing"

Absolutely. I really don't like it when people talk about 'failed' sways. The way I see it, the sway didn't fail if you increased your chances of having one gender over the chance you would have had without swaying (a bit wordy - hope that makes sense!). That doesn't mean you'll get that gender, it just means you upped your chances - and there's no way of measuring whether you were successful or not in doing that.

[purplepoet20]

Absolutely. I really don't like it when people talk about 'failed' sways. The way I see it, the sway didn't fail if you increased your chances of having one gender over the chance you would have had without swaying (a bit wordy - hope that makes sense!). That doesn't mean you'll get that gender, it just means you upped your chances - and there's no way of measuring whether you were successful or not in doing that.

I love to look at it as I am trying for a girl but whatever I have is based on the life that picks me... My children are my world and they picked me for a reason.

[zanacal]

... and I really wouldn't want to label that child as a 'fail' in any shape or form before they've even been born!

[purplepoet20]

... and I really wouldn't want to label that child as a 'fail' in any shape or form before they've even been born!

SO TRUE... My mom labeled me as a replacement for my older sister who passed away 3y's before I was born. She made sure I knew everyday that I was a failed replacement and a disapointment.

I tell my boys everynight that they are my "greatest gift"

[Flava]

purple you know your mom just don't deserve you! she is freaking mean!!!

We tried for a boy the last 2 times and we got girls and they are just so awesome and sweet no way a fail!

[purplepoet20]

purple you know your mom just don't deserve you! she is freaking mean!!!

We tried for a boy the last 2 times and we got girls and they are just so awesome and sweet no way a fail!

Thank You... My MIL got my hubby to say a few things about my childhood and in my birthday card she wrote that I was the second best thing that God made (her son being the first ;) )

Flava all your girls are adorable and well worth it. But I know a boy for you would be worth the wait.

[love being a mummy]

Sorry for the bad choice of words. "fail" I've just read it on a few sites so thought thats what it was called.
You all have such a great outlook on it.
Very glad I found this site.

[rainbowflower]

we can only give it our best go, give nature the biggest nudge that we can.... and if we end up with an opposite that opposite child obviously wanted us to be their mummy and daddy very much to overcome the odds!

I'd personally regret not giving it out best shot more than I would getting an opposite

[atomic sagebrush]

I have a weird perspective on this because I was swaying and took a month off and then got accidentally pg that month.

Personally, for ~me~ it was 1000 times worse to not get my "shot" at swaying than it was to get an opposite. BEfore I got pg, I felt like (and this is even in my blog) that if I had a sway that I felt good about, I could let the chips fall where they may and walk away with my head held high no matter the outcome. But to have that taken away from me, it was like the universe was giving me a big middle finger and telling me that no matter what I want, I will just never get it. Want a daughter? Nope. Want a good sway? Nope, not even that. Then I found out I lost a twin early in pg and that made my pg and birth very complicated and high risk and the whole thing made me feel like God hated me (and I still feel that way TBH - that feeling has been a lot tougher to overcome than GD was, for sure.)

But I had done a lot of hard work to get over GD by that point. I know that for some people, they really cannot handle and do not want a child of a certain gender and for those people, swaying may make their GD worse by promising things and that is why I believe that anyone who really does not want or enjoy a kid of a certain gender, that they should go HT rather than risk swaying because it's not a guarantee.

The other thing to consider is that by virtue of doing nothing, you're actually kind of swaying in a way, towards the gender of child you "usually" conceive. I know that with DS 3 especially, I may as well have been swaying blue. As blue-friendly as my lifestyle tends to be, I felt like I had to sway pink just to get myself to 50-50!!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Sorry for the bad choice of words. "fail" I've just read it on a few sites so thought thats what it was called.
You all have such a great outlook on it.
Very glad I found this site.

Oh no, not at all! No need to apologize, that is what people call it. I do think maybe we need a new term on this site tho! I kinda prefer "sway opposite".

[love being a mummy]

I kinda prefer "sway opposite".
That sounds good

[zanacal]

Oh no, not at all! No need to apologize, that is what people call it. I do think maybe we need a new term on this site tho! I kinda prefer "sway opposite".

I was going to say the same and I'm sorry if it seemed like I was getting at you - the term is used by many but I just don't like it! I prefer sway opposite too :D

[Flava]

Thank You... My MIL got my hubby to say a few things about my childhood and in my birthday card she wrote that I was the second best thing that God made (her son being the first ;) )

Flava all your girls are adorable and well worth it. But I know a boy for you would be worth the wait.

Sound like at least your MIL is nice!:agree:
Oh for sure my baby boy would worth the wait! But wher is he?? And we are not even trying anymore DH says...so if this a bfn no chance for me.
I see so many cute little boy why can't I have one?:sad:

[Flava]

Sorry for the bad choice of words. "fail" I've just read it on a few sites so thought thats what it was called.
You all have such a great outlook on it.
Very glad I found this site.

Oh no it's not you! we just hate that others call our sweet babys like that.

[Pangea]

I feel like I would be less disappointed if I swayed and got the opposite, than if I didn't sway. Because at least I would feel that I had done my best. I'm waiting to try at the moment, and I'm worried about getting pregnant by accident. Because I feel that if I do that it will probably be another boy and I'll be kicking myself for not doing everything in my power to try and sway the odds towards a girl.

[love being a mummy]

I feel like I would be less disappointed if I swayed and got the opposite, than if I didn't sway. Because at least I would feel that I had done my best. I'm waiting to try at the moment, and I'm worried about getting pregnant by accident. Because I feel that if I do that it will probably be another boy and I'll be kicking myself for not doing everything in my power to try and sway the odds towards a girl.

I'm starting to feel like this. Everytime I think I'll just ttc and hope for the best. Then I think I will be dissapointed if I don't at least give it a try.

[carmella_marie]

I have not had an opposite but I feel like I need to try my absolute hardest to sway, that way, if I get an opposite at least I can say I did all that I could to get my desired gender and God obviously had different plans in mind!

[begonia]

As blue-friendly as my lifestyle tends to be, I felt like I had to sway pink just to get myself to 50-50!!!

ITA with this! I think for those of us who are naturally keyed one way or another, swaying gets you to what might be considered "normal" odds. Which still leaves a lot of room for an opposite! And not to be all cheesy/preachy AS but God doesn't hate you; impossible in my mind. I mean, I definitely got angry with Him about this, but I don't think me not getting my way means he doesn't love me. I feel like my kids are the best way He's been able to show me that I don't actually control everything, as much as I tend to think that I do. Apparently 2 reminders weren't enough so he's hammering it home with DD3 :rofl:

Anyhow ... coming from someone who recently found out the sway didn't get us the gender we were hoping for, yes, absolutely, it left me disappointed. I have made no secret of that here :) BUT ... the disappointment is not in swaying. I know FOR SURE that my sway "worked" in that I had so many changes physically/hormonally that there was no doubt in my mind that I DID in fact sway myself towards blue. I was disappointed because I knew that my sway did work (it worked IMO bc my body changed, but didn't "work" in terms of getting me a DS) so I did have more hope for a boy, if that makes sense. If I hadn't seen all the changes I saw I don't think I'd have been so hopeful. So oddly I'd say I had a successful sway, because I did change my body, but the "dice" still landed on pink :)

[CapricornAquarius]

"Swaying is about trying not about winning or failing"

100% right!! This is what I need to stick into my head, thanks purplepoet.

Dd1 :ballerina: Dd2 :giggle: & OMG Im :pregnant:

[My Fabulous Children]

"Swaying is about trying not about winning or failing"

Agreed.

[pinga]

I swayed for this bub (6w PG) and I know I will initially feel disappointed and sad if I get my third boy... but only because I think that will be our last and I won't get my girl... it has nothing to do with how I will feel towards my child if it is a boy. I agree with what others have said... swaying is simply trying to lean one way over the other but essentially it is still down to fate and I will be grateful and happy for whatever bundle of joy fate lands in my lap!!

[zanacal]

ITA with this! I think for those of us who are naturally keyed one way or another, swaying gets you to what might be considered "normal" odds. Which still leaves a lot of room for an opposite! And not to be all cheesy/preachy AS but God doesn't hate you; impossible in my mind. I mean, I definitely got angry with Him about this, but I don't think me not getting my way means he doesn't love me. I feel like my kids are the best way He's been able to show me that I don't actually control everything, as much as I tend to think that I do. Apparently 2 reminders weren't enough so he's hammering it home with DD3 :rofl:

Anyhow ... coming from someone who recently found out the sway didn't get us the gender we were hoping for, yes, absolutely, it left me disappointed. I have made no secret of that here :) BUT ... the disappointment is not in swaying. I know FOR SURE that my sway "worked" in that I had so many changes physically/hormonally that there was no doubt in my mind that I DID in fact sway myself towards blue. I was disappointed because I knew that my sway did work (it worked IMO bc my body changed, but didn't "work" in terms of getting me a DS) so I did have more hope for a boy, if that makes sense. If I hadn't seen all the changes I saw I don't think I'd have been so hopeful. So oddly I'd say I had a successful sway, because I did change my body, but the "dice" still landed on pink :)

This is exactly how I feel about my sway B - that I'm sure it worked to give me a better chance of a girl but there's still a big chance that the dice rolled boy anyway!

[atomic sagebrush]

Thanks B!

It's SO much more than swaying that makes me feel God hates me LOL! ;) That was just the cherry on top of the sundae haha. I know it's not rational to feel that way and it helps nothing tho. :/

[love being a mummy]

I have tried timing alone and tracked my cycle for a long time. It didn't work for me.