Long-term pink sway, think I'm completely messing up

[WelcomeBaby]

Hello everybody,

so I've been trying my damnedest to sway pink for almost 5 months, but... it's not even a pink sway anymore. :worry: After about 3 weeks on the PCOS LE diet, I had lost about 16 pounds and I was STARVING!!! and had to reintroduce some more calories and meat (seriously, I was craving meat and FAT like never before in my whole life, have always eaten mostly vegetarian and enjoyed it). And then I had to reintroduce some more bread because I really, really needed the carbs.
So now I've found a lifestyle that's sustainable for me in the long run, but, as I said, apart from a few pink-friendly swaps it doesn't look pink to me at all:

- gave up oatmilk for soy milk (I hate real milk), 1l of soy milk usually lasts me a week
- gave up butter for margarine
- cut fat consumption in half, meaning I have about 80 grams of fat / day
- meat 2-3 times a week, mostly chicken, rarely red meat
- protein 40-60 grams / day
- cut out 90% of the snacking
- cut out most sweets (used to have horrible blood sugar levels, pretty much pre-diabetic, so I had to do that for my own health)
- coffe with soy milk for breakfast, I delay real breakfast until about 10am
- peppermint tea and after dinner shot of vodka on some days (forgot it often)
- go really hungry between meals at least once or twice a day, which I've never done before

I've been holding steady at my new weight (BMI 20) for several months. My cycle is extremely regular (28-29 days).

What worries me most is the insane amount of whole grain bread I'm eating, about 6 servings a day. Usually with cheese (protein, aaargh!!)! As I said, I feel I need the carbs and until now I just couldn't bring myself to replace them with potatoes or so. Is all that whole grain bread endangering my sway????? Recently I realized that I'm on a very similar diet like my best friend who just had a boy!!!

Would you please, please let me know what you think? I feel it may take me some more months to get pregnant and if I can tweak my diet/ lifestyle some more, I would do it! I'm so, so hoping for pink!!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Why were you on the PCOS diet? I need to know this before I can really answer.

[WelcomeBaby]

Thank you for replying, Atomic! I'll try to give you some more details in a nutshell.
After all this info here I started to look deeper into the blood sugar topic. I should mention that for years I lived very unhealthy with LOTS of sugar (cake, cookies, chocolate, donuts several times a day). I consequently had several health issues associated with a pre-diabetic lifestyle, particularly bad breakouts / adult acne, irregular cycles and impaired healing of even the smallest cuts, which no amount of zinc or vitamins could improve.
Also, I read that women with constantly high blood sugar, i. e. diabetic mothers (at least those with bad blood sugar management if I understood correctly), have more babies with malformations. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4158942/
My son was born with one. I don't think I'm a full blown diabetic or PCOS patient, but I concluded the PCOS diet would be much better for my own health. And it was. The breakouts are all gone, my cycles are like clockwork and small wounds heal much faster.

Secondly, when I have a sugar crash, I suffer extremely. I'm an elementary school teacher and I have to be completely present and highly focused at ALL times. Now, last time I had a donut for breakfast - about 2 months ago - not even 2 hours later I could feel all energy drain from my body, I was having a hard time staying awake and even do the most basic thinking. I was clearly crashing from the donut. I know on the LE diet this is meant to happen and we're meant to push through as long as possible before the next bite, right? This is something I absolutely cannot afford during my workday.
Second example: When I started the LE diet, I tried some pasta with lots of veggies in a light tomato sauce. Very little fat and protein. To avoid a crash, I chose wholegrain pasta. Not even 2 hours later - the same. My brain shut down and I could hardly keep my eyes open. I did some research and found out that some people seem to crash even after wholegrain if they had too little protein with a meal. Apparently, I'm one of those who need to have at least some protein/fat with every carby meal (the solution in this case was some grated cheese on top of the pasta dish). Unfortunately, a recipe for (a blue) desaster!

I must say, though, that what worries me most is that I probably went too far astray. When I realized 2-3 months ago that I was still losing weight, I even added some nuts back into my diet. As I said, I'm keeping my weight (lowest adult weight) and I'm definitely eating much less than before, but I'm far from starving and as a matter of fact, a friend of mine just had a boy with a diet very similar to my current one. I should also mention that
- I have coffee with almost everything I eat
- I could never really give up fruit juice completely, I just water it down real hard (about 250ml water, 50ml juice 3 times a day)
- I have had cheat meals about 2-3 times a week lately (way too much, I know!!!!)

If in your eyes I have placed myself deep into blue territory - which I feel I probably have - I will stop ttc'ing immediately to sort this out first. I'm very sorry I'm so complicated and, quite frankly, dumb. :sad:

Again, thank you so much for your time and your advice!! You are my ONLY chance at having a girl, and I'm ready to do about EVERYTHING!!