Has anyone chosen Adoption instead?

[frankie2017]

Just curious if anyone here has thrown in the gender sway / ht towel and decided on adoption to complete their family instead?

I'm currently feeling like that would be a much better idea (because not only would I have a little girl to bond with but providing love to a child in need would be a wonderful thing to do).

Would love to hear any stories... though I don't think it's going to be very common here !

Thanks x



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[nuthinbutpink]

It is an interesting question. I have several friends that have adopted after having biological children of their own. All of them have adopted from countries that are less fortunate because they have been led/called to do so.

I think the underlying desire/need from the majority of women on here is different than people that are led to adopt after they are finished having biological children. Adoption is also expensive and a long road so it isn't necessarily an easier path. I DO think adoption is a great option for anyone because there are so many children all over the globe that would love to be cared for and part of a family. I think it may be overwhelming to many to navigate adoption and intimidating to get started. Local churches are a great resource and there are great foster programs in the US that can be a vehicle for adoption too.

Great question though.

[Gazebogirl]

A poster named Luvmyboys did. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/ht-family-balancing-info-and-current-cycles/58725-luvmyboys-she-finally-here-after-4-years-trying.html I was inspired by her story. After years of failed sways and multiple HT cycles, I'm going for my girl via egg donation. I like that, if we are lucky enough for it to work, our baby will be a part of my husband at least. But I think adoption is a wonderful idea as well. Embryo adoption is a possibility also.

[atomic sagebrush]

I would have loved to adopt, felt and still feel very called on to do it, we looked into it extensively before we had our 3rd, but financially was not something we were able to do. I actually know several swayers who would have happily adopted but there are such stringent rules and it's exorbitantly expensive that they threw in the towel with it.

[frankie2017]

I would have loved to adopt, felt and still feel very called on to do it, we looked into it extensively before we had our 3rd, but financially was not something we were able to do. I actually know several swayers who would have happily adopted but there are such stringent rules and it's exorbitantly expensive that they threw in the towel with it.

Interesting .. I think it must be easier here in Australia. Nsw just had some kind of reform to make it easier again as so many kids were trapped in foster care ongoingly. It's only a few thousand here. Though heaps more for overseas - $10k aud ish..


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[frankie2017]

A poster named Luvmyboys did. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/ht-family-balancing-info-and-current-cycles/58725-luvmyboys-she-finally-here-after-4-years-trying.html I was inspired by her story. After years of failed sways and multiple HT cycles, I'm going for my girl via egg donation. I like that, if we are lucky enough for it to work, our baby will be a part of my husband at least. But I think adoption is a wonderful idea as well. Embryo adoption is a possibility also.

Ah you know I just came across this before and it made me very happy ! Lovely story to hear.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[trifecta]

We did a little preliminary research on adoption but it was just too expensive. We have two children and can't spend that kind of money when it could go into their college funds.

We are still considering fostering or adopting from the foster care system.

[LacePrincess]

I know this is an old thread but just wanted to chime in since we did consider adoption. However, for us in Canada we would never have been chosen for infant adoptions because birth parents almost always choose couples with no kids. We could have gone the foster route for kids in the system but the kids would've almost certainly been older and might have a lot of behavioural/trauma problems we weren't comfortable dealing with. We were also concerned about how fair or risky this would be to our boys. And then there was the risk of heartbreak since where we live it takes a VERY long time for birthparents to lose their rights even if abusive, and blood family can always trump adoptive families in claiming the children and these claims can be allowed for years. I just couldn't imagine falling in love with a child and emotionally feeling like a parent and losing them after 1-2 years of having them with us.

There are rarely infants in the foster system, and if there were they are likely to come with issues like FAS and other disabilities which we also felt ill equipped to handle.

We looked briefly at international adoptions but a LOT of countries (especially China) have closed major programs so the availability of overseas adoptions, especially for babies, is very very limited. The only program open from China for example are babies/toddlers with special needs and disabilities. We did consider that for awhile, but in the end decided that we weren't sure we could handle it, and even if we could we'd be looking at adoption/travel fees of $30k-50k and also it takes something like 3-5 years to work your way through the bureaucracy. It just didn't seem reasonable for us.

Thankfully we were blessed with our little girl in the end, but even if we weren't the adoption route just wasn't going to happen for us.

[atomic sagebrush]

Thank you for laying all that out so eloquently Lace.

[LacePrincess]

Thank you for laying all that out so eloquently Lace.

It just irritates me to no end when people say "just adopt" - it's not that easy!! I'd say it's nothing like adopting a puppy from a shelter, but honestly even adopting a puppy is hard where we are LMAO.

The Ontario adoption system is well known to be pretty broken though, which is super sad for the kids especially. :( There are some amazing potential adoptive parents out there who end up giving up after spending years and years in the bureaucracy spending thousands only to have kids they're interested in "lost" in the system until they age out. Such a tragedy in so many ways.

To put it into perspective, for $30-50k we could've also done a guaranteed live birth embryo adoption program, or we could've adopted 3-5 PGS gender tested embryos from Nexus (HRC's egg donor branch). Adoption is not the "easy" OR cheap way to parenthood people think it is. The biggest issue really was that you are inheriting some potentially very difficult issues. Physical disability or even Downs are a known quantity and not so bad for us. But the stories of adoptive families from overseas kids who ended up with major attachment disorders scared the bejeezus out of us. As they say, sometimes love isn't enough and some forms of abuse or neglect in the first few years of life can really create some major psychological issues that no rehab or loving family can fix.

[frankie2017]

Yes I have been disheartened by the process after looking into it a lot. It feels like it should be so much easier than it is- kids need happy homes, happy homes are waiting - how can it be SO hard?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Throwaway_panther]

LP nailed it. Even in the U.S., the system does not favor the adoptive family nor the children. The process is highly discriminatory in many places, and the process has become MORE expensive than IVF in many places! International adoption has become a much bigger hurdle as well -- Russian adoption has been barred to Amrricans for the last few years, for example, when once they wrre a huge source of American international adoptions.

I think adoption is one of the most admirable things someone can do. It's just a shame that it has really become an avenue for the very wealthy :(

[LacePrincess]

I think adoption is one of the most admirable things someone can do. It's just a shame that it has really become an avenue for the very wealthy :(

It seems to me that fertility treatments is primarily for the very wealthy too. :(

[graysmama]

I have a family member who recently did adopt a little toddler girl through US Foster Care although in her case she's had years of infertility. I don't know if her little girl has special needs or not but she was placed with them when she was under a year old earlier this year.

We would have considered adopting had fertility treatments failed.