Surprise pregnancy and loss now so confused!

[Threebabas]

Hi,

I fell pregnant in march. It wasn't planned and to be honest I wasn't too sure how to feel about it. My husband really wasn't keen on another baby (we have two lovely boys already) and didn't have much input - never spoke to me about it, didn't attend scans, was clearly not excited. I had a tragic loss at 17w and initially almost felt relief as my husband was clearly relieved and I had been feeling pretty terrible especially the two weeks before my loss. As the weeks have ticked on I've tried to move on but I feel like there's this presence missing and that really we should have another. I've only just had what I think is my first period though not sure as I've bled pretty much consistently for 6 weeks now. I don't know what to do. If things do happen I'd like another baby as soon as possible as I'm 37 but I don't know how to even approach this with my husband. My only real question after this is when do you think I could start trying? I will try sway girl and buy the plan but probably for a max of 6 weeks giving it my all. I have a strong suspicion my husband has very boyish swimmers! X

[Shannshaff]

((HUGS)) I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I would definitely talk to DH about all of this and how you are feeling. MC sways girl, so trying right away as long as you are physically and mentally ready is good. Praying you can work this all out.

[atomic sagebrush]

This is a really hard situation because I think we both suspect what your husband's reaction is going to be.

I think all you can do for starters is talk to him as honestly as you can about how you are feeling and be very open and forthright about what you want. His reaction may surprise you, he may have more going on with his emotions than you realize or he may have enough sympathy for what you're going through that he's more open to it. But he may not be. He may not react in the way that we would hope that he would (not only by not saying yes, but even just reacting kindly - he may be very negative and even angry about the idea and you may not have expected that) and then you need to prepare yourself to react very neutrally if at all possible because we have found that when we get really upset and angry in return, then they do not ever rethink their position. I think you should just play it very cool and then many times, even the husbands who were not super on board usually came around in time once they realized how important it was to us.