I'm a horrible person

[lovellcute]

Why do I get so upset/jealous/anxious when anyone announces they are having a girl..
I don't even know some of these people yet it can completely ruin my day.. or week
The worst is when someone is pregnant, doesn't find out and then reveal it's a girl
Why does that kill me so much?
I could just sit and cry?
BUT I want these people to be happy, I would never wish for someone to be unhappy so why do I cope so badly with it?

One minute I think yes I'm swaying, I picture myself with a girl etcetc
Then the next day I could just sit and cry because I know i will never be lucky enough!

Anyone else feel the same? Or am I just mental!


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[XXforhubby]

Yep. While it never made me cry, or ruin my whole day, I would get bothered, annoyed, and sometimes mad briefly. Especially those that make it looks so easy and are smug about it. Like my cousin who has BGBG, ugh I could just smack her, haha! She had her own wack theory on the matter [emoji849]. Or the pigeon pair who make comments about having all one gender or largely one gender [emoji849][emoji35]!

It's totally normal! Try not to let it beat you up and know we are all here for you! Hang in there- this TTC business is hard enough!

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[Shannshaff]

I fully understand! My SIL is about to have baby #2 (a girl after a boy) and it does get to me. I often question why I only have boys. But then I remember that God gives us what we need, not what we want. For some reason, he feels that we are great boy parents. Hang in these and FXd that you get your little girl!

[ksmom]

You're not a horrible person. I've had the same thoughts. I hate feeling jealous/bitter any time I see/hear someone announce "it's a girl!" Seriously it's like rubbing salt in the wound even though I know they're not doing it to make me feel bad! lol I guess it just hurts seeing people get so easily what I've so desperately wanted and have worked so hard to get. The GD monster is terrible and I'd love for it to go away but it just won't.

[MiaMelb]

I even get a bit jealous and bitter here occasionally when I see comments like "oh boys are so easy to make". I know it's not their intention and given the percentage of pink swayers here I'm clearly not the target audience for these comments but it does make it hard to see so many women here have something that I desperately want. I flip flop some days about having #3 and try and be happy with what I've got but when I realise I've thought about having a little boy almost every day for the last 2 years I can't help but think we've got to give this one last go.

[Bobster]

I feel exactly the same. I get upset and it plays on mind mind when people announce their pregnancies. Everyone I know who's had a baby recently has had a girl so I just kind of expect it now. It does get easier as I get used to it but it stings at first. I hate feeling jealous too. But thinking about swaying again is kind of getting me through it, although it worries me that it won't work. I feel positive hay this time I'll do what I can to shift the odds.

[lovellcute]

Thanks for replying ladies!
I'm glad I'm not the only one!
I feel panicky even when someone first announces their pregnancy, I obsess over the nub and what their bump looks like
Which is ridiculous
And eurgh some people really need to think before they speak, a woman said to me 'I can imagine you with 3 boys'
I've only got one so god knows why she felt the need to say it
It upset me so much I left the BBQ we were all at.. how sad am I?!?!?
I will be so gutted if swaying doesn't work because what then? HT? That's not even doable for us!
Let's hope we all get our desired genders to complete our families :) xx


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[Girlswaylondon]

I find myself doing all these things too! It's awful!

[Pinkmama]

I been doing this since I have known that I was pregnant with a boy. More than two years now...


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[atomic sagebrush]

I must admit it is the one thing that still gets to me sometimes - literally everyone I know IRL had a boy and a girl or a girl and a boy without any effort whatsoever. I never even wanted a BG pair, but it is just the ease at which it seems to happen for others while it took me 4 boys and 20 years and having to do all this exhaustive research just to get one daughter at 42 years old and I have so much less time to enjoy her than those who got their daughters in their 20's and 30's. :/

[atomic sagebrush]

I even get a bit jealous and bitter here occasionally when I see comments like "oh boys are so easy to make". I know it's not their intention and given the percentage of pink swayers here I'm clearly not the target audience for these comments but it does make it hard to see so many women here have something that I desperately want. I flip flop some days about having #3 and try and be happy with what I've got but when I realise I've thought about having a little boy almost every day for the last 2 years I can't help but think we've got to give this one last go.

It's not even true either - it may even be harder for some people to get boys than it is to get girls. I'm sorry I try to nip that in the bud when I see it but sometimes it sneaks past me.

[ksmom]

I even get a bit jealous and bitter here occasionally when I see comments like "oh boys are so easy to make". I know it's not their intention and given the percentage of pink swayers here I'm clearly not the target audience for these comments but it does make it hard to see so many women here have something that I desperately want. I flip flop some days about having #3 and try and be happy with what I've got but when I realise I've thought about having a little boy almost every day for the last 2 years I can't help but think we've got to give this one last go.

I was at the dentist one day and this lady in the waiting room saw I had three boys and commented "boys are hard to make, girls are so easy. Women are more likely to have a girl than a boy." 😭 Oh yeah? Then why can't I have just ONE girl?? People don't realize how much of what they say can hurt even if they don't mean for it.

[atomic sagebrush]

I was at the dentist one day and this lady in the waiting room saw I had three boys and commented "boys are hard to make, girls are so easy. Women are more likely to have a girl than a boy." �� Oh yeah? Then why can't I have just ONE girl?? People don't realize how much of what they say can hurt even if they don't mean for it.

Not even true anyway as gender ratio is usually 105 boys for every 100 girls. :think: I wonder if that was some sort of weird attempt at a compliment?? People are so strange, how about "what adorable boys you have"?

[ksmom]

Lol I don't know! I think that's maybe what people told her because she was happy to finally have a boy after two girls. It'd be nice if people could just say "oh what a lovely family you have" and leave it at that...or just don't say anything at all!

[atomic sagebrush]

Ah yes, that makes sense too!!! I wonder how many of the crazy comments we get are borne out of someone else's gender disappointment experience.

[ksmom]

Probably more than we realize. I got an awful lot of negative comments from complete strangers when I was pregnant with DS3. I really hated the "But don't you want a girl" or "you need a girl" comments (wasn't aware I could choose boy or girl?). I had one mom at DS1's school come up to me chatting, all very friendly. Then she asked me what I was having and after I told her, she just quickly walked away without saying a word. I guess she didn't have anything nice to say. lol

[trifecta]

I don't think anyone should feel guilty about these kinds of emotions. It's utterly normal to feel jealous. As long as you aren't saying anything rude to these people in real life don't feel guilty on top of it. GD is hard enough as it is.

[Pinklaundryplease]

I have not really introduced myself, and probably won't , on this site because I don't want friends who get their desired gender near the time I might find out that I don't. Let's be honest, with four boys this has happened to me a few times. I love my boys, but I always wanted a girl more during the anomaly scan, and it stings that other people are so elated to find out they are having their desired gender, and I never have.
However, I am one of the lucky ones who falls insanely head over heels for her baby! The experience is divine! I am always in a state of awe and bliss with each baby, and I think everyone has something hard to deal with when it comes to bringing children into this world, sometimes I am glad mine is just that I don't have a girl, and I can still have a family and amazing hubby.

I am not judging anyone who gets bitter when other people find out they are having a girl, goodness knows many days I am right there with you! But it helps to take a step back, and realize the blessings we have, it at least eases the pain temporarily😉. In my case my fourth boy, an absolute doll, was in the nicu after a full term birth because he couldn't breath. The doctors said on a scale of 1-10 ( 10 being dead) he was about a 7. He was born on Christmas Eve. And Christmas Day we were not 100% sure he would survive. I remember thinking if he lives, I will have what I want more than anything in the world. I begged and prayed that I would not have to bury my precious baby. He progressed and we took him home three weeks later on oxygen. Every day I think how lucky I am to have him. It doesn't take away the deep pain of not having a girl, but at least I know I have been blessed equally, boys are not worth less than girls, and if the next one is a boy I know there is room in my heart to adore him, I just might have to live with an occasional ache for a girl, which at the moment sounds like I could do it, and some days I feel like I really really don't want to, so I get it. Gender dreaming is a bit of a roller coaster.

[Kawazza]

Why do I get so upset/jealous/anxious when anyone announces they are having a girl..
I don't even know some of these people yet it can completely ruin my day.. or week
The worst is when someone is pregnant, doesn't find out and then reveal it's a girl
Why does that kill me so much?
I could just sit and cry?
BUT I want these people to be happy, I would never wish for someone to be unhappy so why do I cope so badly with it?

One minute I think yes I'm swaying, I picture myself with a girl etcetc
Then the next day I could just sit and cry because I know i will never be lucky enough!

Anyone else feel the same? Or am I just mental!


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Oh Yes, I've felt it. I felt awful about it and understand your feelings. I Really really wanted a little girl, and when we found out We were having our second boy We didn't tell anyone what we were having because I needed time to come to terms with it in my own way without people's silly comments like, "better luck next time", "you'll have your hands full etc".

A week before he was due a cousin had a gender reveal party. They did have a preference for a girl and lucky for them they got a girl. we didn't go to the party which I'm not proud of, I was just trying to be kind to myself. Our absence was noted and they probably thought it was weird but for once I had to put me first, and with much convincing my husband supported me and didn't go either.

As our children are only 5 months apart, at family gatherings they constantly remind me that THEY have a GIRL. Omg it drives me nuts.

Anyway I'm trying to say I understand, and don't think your horrible. Plenty of us have felt it.