Will you keep going til you get your DG??

[begonia]

Just curious, because while 3 kids was for us always part of the plan, 4 never was. But because we're having girl number 3 we're now *maybe* open to having a 4th, but that would ONLY be specifically to have a son, either HT or adoption. I really don't know if I want 4 kids though, in fact I'm about 90% sure I don't... so I am praying with all I've got that my GD will heal and I can be happy with the 2 (soon to be 3) lovely little ladies I'm blessed with.

So, I know there are several on here with 2-3+ same gender who are swaying, and I'm curious to know if you're having another specifically for the hope of that gender? Or do you really want another child? I ask partially because I have to keep reminding myself that I DID want THREE. I have many days where I regret getting pregnant again, and then DH reminds me that three was the plan, and there was no way we weren't going to have three kids; if we had 2 DS or a PP I would have still wanted 3, and with 2 DD I think I wanted 3 even more just bc of the unsatisfied hope for a DS. Just so happened they all turned out to be DDs :(

And separately, if you got your DG, did you heal from GD? I just wonder if even if I had a son after 3 daughters if part of me still would be bitter that I had to have 4 kids to get him, and go to such lengths (neither HT nor adoption are easy roads, whereas we get pg very easily) to have him.

[pinkdreams]

I have 2 DS' and am 37. I didn't really want to have 3 children at this age but desperately want a daughter. I have come to terms with the idea of having 3 boys, and am swaying hard for a girl. This is absolutely the very last one, no if ands or buts about it. DH had to be convinced to give it this last shot so I know there is absolutely no way he would go for a 4th and to be honest I don't think I could handle it either. My thought is if I do everything in my power to try to influence gender and I do have another DS I will have to be ok with it and know that I tried my best. I wish I had started younger because I always wanted a big family.

[nuthinbutpink]

I only had 4 to get DS. I don't have issues with gender disappointment so I can't speak to that. I mean, I was sad when they weren't boys but I wouldn't change a thing now.

[begonia]

My thought is if I do everything in my power to try to influence gender and I do have another DS I will have to be ok with it and know that I tried my best.

I think that is the healthiest way to look at swaying! FX for you!

[begonia]

I only had 4 to get DS. I don't have issues with gender disappointment so I can't speak to that. I mean, I was sad when they weren't boys but I wouldn't change a thing now.

I can see that side of it ... I sure wouldn't trade either of my DD's for a DS, yes I'm disappointed not to have a son but I'm glad I have them. I told DH yesterday I'd have such envy if I had a friend and these girls were hers, I think my girls totally rock.

I'm just going to have to wait and see if we can make it to 4 kids. I only have one close friend with 4 (and sadly her youngest passed away this year) but I remember after she had him, I had just had DD1, and she said the hardest thing about 4 was she finally had to cave and get the minivan :) But she also grew up as one of four so it just seemed natural to her. To DH and myself, coming from PP, it seems like crazy talk to have more than 3!

[nuthinbutpink]

4 young children is not easy. No minivan though. Big SUV for me! Can't do the van. I think if you can do HT and you KNOW #4 will be a boy, it totally changes things. Right now, I don't think you can try naturally if what you want is a boy and not another baby. You have to know that that is OKAY. It IS okay to say that and own it. I did. I totally see myself in you. You get one shot at life and if you want his and you are spirtually and financially able to go HT, I would go for it.

[TTC5]

I think either way I want a 6th anyway! If it is a boy, I will want to sway to give him a brother lol if it is another girl I would be tempted to try again I won't lie about that lol

[TTC5]

But, hubby said this is it :(

[DoulaMama]

Well, to be honest, if DS3 had been a girl, my hubby would have said "No More!". So 3 would have been it. I think I would have been ok with it even though I like even numbers:)
Just a quick blurb about when I found I was going to have 3 sons... When DS3 was born, I took a few minutes to look to see what we had. When I checked, I looked up with a smile and said "it's a boy!". My hubby kinda laughed and said,"I'm sorry Mama". :tissue: This is recorded on his birth video:( I watch it and feel so awful that one day he'll hear that. My hubby wasn't upset at all but he knew I would be:( I just want to say, I know what it's like to have a hole in your heart. I have felt this way since DS1 at 20w pregnant. ((hugs))

It took a long time for me to figure out if I wanted a fourth, could handle having another child, whether or not we could afford it, where he/she would sleep.....I wanted one more chance. My hubby was not on board at all at first. We don't know anyone with 4 kids other than a Mormon family that lives near us. I felt overwhelmed when I got pregnant...almost like I'd made a mistake. This is where it changes- when I saw those scans, it was as if everything had happened for a reason:) I love each of my sons so much and I'm so glad DS3 pushed his way down first because it makes me tear up thinking that he might not be here if "she" had come down first. Three years ago, I would have said 2 kids for us. And then it was 3.... And well, you see how that plan changed:) Life plans always change...rules are made to be broken... your heart aches for a boy...go for it. I say go the HT route. I honestly feel like the hole in my heart has been filled:) If my hubby would have agreed to HT, we would have gone that route. I feel so incredibly lucky right now. 4 kids will be tough but I'm so happy that we tried one more time :)

[My Fabulous Children]

I think either way I want a 6th anyway! If it is a boy, I will want to sway to give him a brother lol if it is another girl I would be tempted to try again I won't lie about that lol

I like that :p I want a 4th anyway, but if is a girl I will want to sway again to give my DS a brother. So I guess I will keep going ..I will never give up on my dream.

[Plum3]

I have always wanted three kids but I always saw myself with at least one of each gender. DH has always said we would only ever have two kids. When I was pregnant with DD2 I really cherished the pregnancy because I thought it would be my last. I was sad when we were told we were having another daughter but not sad for me, for DH. He wanted to bring a son into this world and raise him differently to how he had been raised. I was sad that I would never be able to give him that chance. When DD2 was about 12 months old he told me he wanted another baby. And I did ask him did he want another baby or did he want a son? To this day he tells me he wants another baby but I know that if it was guaranteed that this next baby was a girl then he would not want another one. I worry so much about having another girl. Not because I don't want another girl but because I will feel so sad for DH. I know he will love another child regardless of their gender but I worry that he has his hopes so high that we will get a boy. And if we do have another girl what's to say he won't want to try again for a boy? We joke about it all the time and say that this will be our last but there has never been a definite 'no' to number 4. After all, he was always adamant about only having two children.

So, yes B, I do think we (or more so DH) are having another baby in the hope of it being a boy. But, I don't feel guilty about it at all. I love my two daughters and they are part of me now. I want them and I want a son. If things don't turn out that way then we will deal with it. I think I would rather be disappointed about not having a son than regretful that I didn't try to have one. I could live with that.

[littlemisswilko]

me and my dp have always wanted at least 4 children regardless of genders but i honestly dont think we will stop unitll we have our DD the only problem for us is that i have already had to c-section previously and there is always the risk when having more. We may consider going high tech if we have another boy but we will just have to see when the time comes!

[zanacal]

We wouldn't be having a 4th if it weren't for me wanting to try for a girl - that said, I now feel at peace because I know I tried everything we could and we definitely won't be having a 5th!

[Flava]

bec-same here! Im so sure DH only said yes because of a hope for a boy! But me too so can't blame him...

[Zivic-Bubac]

No way.
Here are the reasons; I'm 39 and I want to be done already, DH wants only 2 :worry: and I'm already pushing it with 3rd, not enough space & money, only 1 car....
If I get 3rd girl I guess I'll just be bitter and disappointed for the rest of my life LOL!

[KnockYourBallsOff]

Yes and no. We wanted a big family of (4) children originally. AFter alot of loss of family after marriage, we want a larger family and I think we'll have 5. Now....if we get to 5 and still keep on...who knows. Even if I have a girl next, I think we'd still have a fifth and vice versa.

I don't want any of my kids to feel like they were clutter along the way while I was trying for a diff. gender.

[maybeoneday]

I don't think I had a preconceived idea on how many children I wanted. My mum had huge problems having me and my brother, so for me I was so scared I wouldn't be able to have any. That fortunately was not the case!

When I was pregnant with DS2, I was convinced he was a girl. My pregnancy was so different with him and in my head, I was going to have one of each as that is the family dynamics I grew up in. I honestly can't say I would have stopped at 2 had DS been a girl as I was never in that position, but I suspect I would have gone on to have a third (just with a bit less gender pressure!).

I am now embracing having a third child and while a girl would be my dream come true, I think I would handle it being a boy much better than I handled DS2 being a boy as it was such a shock. I will honestly be able to say I tried and every baby is here for a reason.

With regards to number 4, lets see how we get on with 3 first...........

[shouldihope?]

We would not have tried for #4 if we had a girl previously. Three was always our max, but I convinced DH to try one more time. Sometimes I think I am crazy. Just praying for no GD this time if things don't turn out the way we dreamed.

[Lilian78]

I think I would've kept going within reason ... Can't imagine I would've ever had more than 5 or 6. Having less kids was part of how I sold HT to DH :). But I think it's a win-win if you're willing to keep trying--no one ever regrets having more.

[ThroughWithBlue]

And separately, if you got your DG, did you heal from GD? I just wonder if even if I had a son after 3 daughters if part of me still would be bitter that I had to have 4 kids to get him, and go to such lengths (neither HT nor adoption are easy roads, whereas we get pg very easily) to have him.

I COMPLETELY 100% agree with this. I feel the same way, I still think if I ever did get lucky enough to have a daughter that I would be resentful that it wasn't just handed to me like it is to some people. I feel like I'd still be mad that I have 2 sons (that sounds SO horrible, i love my 2 boys more than life but I never wanted any boys). Either way, I wouldn't have my "dream". That chance is dead and I think that's what pisses me off and fuels my GD the most.
Will I keep going til i get my DG? Yes, if I had it my way. My husband doesn't want many more kids though. He wanted 2, but he knows how badly I want a daughter and we were NOT trying for our #2, when our first was born he said I had 2 more chances and he's holding to that since I never had an opportunity to try once yet. I had always wanted 3 children though, I love my kids and even if I had a DD I think I would want as many as my DH would. I wouldn't mind having the chaos of a house full.

[Glittergirl]

I always wanted 3, DH always wanted 4, so early on we said if we ever have three of the same gender, we would go for the 4th. But that would be it for us. I do love big families but this is it for us. We just wanted to eventually have 4 kids so even if they were all boys or all girls, we would have stopped at 4. (Although DH is now saying we should leave room for an oops baby) I'm like NO way, we are done after this one! He loves having lots of kids :)

[CapricornAquarius]

Definately im done with 3, regardless of gender.

[Hollie86]

We were definately done at 4, no matter what, 4 was the absolute max! then i found out i was pregnant........massive surprise! we honestly dont know how it happened! (i know that sounds silly) But we only ever get pregnant actually on the day i ovulate..........so we didnt do anything on the day, made sure from a few days before and until a few days after we stayed away lol! but somehow its still happened! So now were going to have 5......but it really is the absolute limit, DH is booked in to have the snip, were just waiting for his appointment to come through and it should have been sorted before i get to 20wks!! Im glad i never got the girl i so badly wanted as i wouldnt have had all my boys. I wanted my 1st to boy and got him, i was desperate after that to have a little girl, and if ds2 had been girl, i honestly dont think we ever would have had more than 2 children, so i really am pleased that my children are all boys, or i wouldnt have had the chance to love these fantastic little people! Now with my current pregnancy, gender really isnt issue, I'll be just happy with a fifth boy because i realise how wonderful my sons are, and if i do have a girl, then great too!

[Ashgirl]

We knew we wanted 3. In all honesty, I didn't want 4 and waffled back and forth for a while on #4 if it was a guaranteed girl. Now that she is here, I simply can't picture life without her. And I am 100% GD cured. No bitterness whatsoever that I had 4 kids to "get her" or that I went HT. Those feelings truly went away. Sometimes I look at other families with just 2 kids and think, wow, their lives must be so much easier. But that's about the extent of it.

With #4, I am genuinely fulfilled and have zero regrets. GL with your decision.

[begonia]

We knew we wanted 3. In all honesty, I didn't want 4 and waffled back and forth for a while on #4 if it was a guaranteed girl. Now that she is here, I simply can't picture life without her. And I am 100% GD cured. No bitterness whatsoever that I had 4 kids to "get her" or that I went HT. Those feelings truly went away. Sometimes I look at other families with just 2 kids and think, wow, their lives must be so much easier. But that's about the extent of it.

With #4, I am genuinely fulfilled and have zero regrets. GL with your decision.

That's exactly how I do feel now (wanted 3 for sure, don't want 4) but how I hope I'd feel if we do eventually go for a DS. Which would likely be adoption for us since DH isn't up for HT. I wish he was but it's not going to change, so for us it would be adoption. IF we adopted I think I'd be happy I had him, and I do love my daughters, so I *think* I wouldn't be bitter about having the 3 of them first. But good gracious 4 kids feels overwhelming to me. Although at this point 3 kids feels overwhelming too, LOL, mostly b/c the %$^# GD is wrecking my normally happy, easygoing personality :(

[TTC5]

Oh Begonia :(
Wish I could hug you right now xx

[begonia]

Thank you 5 :) I would take it, LOL, and I'm not normally a hugger! I do KNOW it'll get better but it is SO hard to believe that right now. I need it better now, KWIM? But I don't think it'll be better til after she's here, and even then I think it's going to take me a long time to get past it. After all, I spent almost an entire year believing I was going to get pg/was pg with a boy (I felt like believing it would happen was an important part of the sway, at least for me) so I guess I should expect it to take at least as long to get over the disappointment.

[mommymachine]

I would have kept going until I got my DG. I am pregnant with her now (praise God) after 3 boys. But hubby and I always wanted at least 6 so we would have kept going regardless.

[auroara78]

Hubby said 3 is our max.
We have two boys now, so if we wind up with boy 3, I might push him into a fourth. Not sure.
Also afraid if we DO get our DD third, that I'm going to be so in love with her that I'll want to try to sway for another DD
Then, there's also the strange residial feeling I get that I'm not "done" with having boys yet (I don't know what that is about, but it hangs around me like a ghost, almost, lol)
In my heart of my hearts, I would love 4. I think 4 would be a totally complete family, as I'm the last of four. I guess I keep picturing a family similiar to what my mom had, but in reverse, she had: GGBG, and I keep picturing BBGB for me. Though I think if we have a girl next, hubby is locking that door, because he does NOT want two DDs or the chance of it. He'd happily be a boy dad 100%.

[princesssarah34]

4 and we are done. I would have been done already but we lost Evan last Dec at 26 weeks along. So whether this baby is a girl or a boy we are done!

[gigi16]

We have always wanted a big family. After my first 2DS's we had our DD. Most people assumed we were done because we had our DD now so no need for more...
What most didn't know was our desire for more children regardless of gender. We swayed loosely for a girl this time but more than anything wanted to give our youngest a playmate :-) . I'm happy with 5 and honestly feel blessed to have the love and support to have more babies. I have a great support base and my older boys are big help too. 5 won't be easy, but anything worth doing never is!

[envisioned]

My DH and me had this convo last year. He says he wants 4 kids. We have 2 DD's. Sounds nice in theory but the idea of not having a boy for a 3rd would seriously push me over the edge. I have nightmares about having a 3rd girl and I am not a spring chicken anymore so time is running out.

Right now I'm mentally at a point where I want to do HT. I would take our entire Line of Credit and whatever needed to go to the US and do HT. I am having a hard time convincing DH. But the issue for me is that don't want wake up at say 65 and wish I had gone for it while I was still able to have kids. It seems like an insane amount of money, but when you look at what we spend on cars or homes or trips, it's not as horrible in the grand scheme of our lives.

I honestly think - no I know - that I will never ever be truly happy and at peace with my life, unless we have a son. There's this part of me that's just missing. I've had him named since I was 12 years old and I'm running out of time biologically.

In fact I came here tonight after I thought I was doing ok, b/c yet another friend who has a boy, is now pregnant and she's already calling her baby a her. And I just know she's going to get her girl (which I am happy for her if she does b/c she's one of my dearest friends but it doesn't help the envy that builds up inside me b/c of it). I know so many PP's and people with son's that there are days I'm just convinced the Universe is taunting me.

So will I have a 3rd? If I can convince my DH to HT then yes. I just want to be able to enjoy a pregnancy for once and not care if I am puking or sick or tired. I just want to revel in sheer joy and happiness and tell the world that I am having a boy. You really have to think about your life not right now, but your life when you're looking back on it.

[begonia]

Envisioned, I think you're smart. I really do. I wish that I had the foresight to know how much I really wanted this 3rd to be a boy ... I mean, I knew I wanted a son, if I could have picked I would have picked all boys. Like you I've had him named forever :) And in a way, I thought because I'd dreamed of him for so long, that meant he was meant to be ... and so I really, really felt like we'd have a boy this time. I fooled myself into thinking I'd be OK with a 3rd DD because in my heart, I wanted a son so badly that I was sure I'd have him. But nope ... DD3 for us.

So, from my perspective, if you can get DH on board, I'd 100% say go HT for #3. We wanted 3, never 4, but now ... well, if a year from DD3's birth I still can't bear it, DH and I will adopt. He won't do HT. I would though, but he's not on board. I'm also 100% comfortable with adopting a boy though as we have talked about adopting for years, so that's where we're at right now. Had I known this would be DD3 I would have adopted our 3rd child and not swayed. I have some deep regrets for TTC instead of adopting. Not saying I won't adore her and feel like she's supposed to be here, etc ... I will, I'll be glad she's part of our family I'm sure. But I only wanted 3 kids. And now I have them, and no son. So I'm faced with either choosing a 4th child, or choosing to not have a son ... and like you, I think about when I look back on my life. And I know I'll always wonder what it would have been like for us to have a son and my girls to have a brother. Would I rather have the what-if, or rather have the 4th child and know for sure? I can't decide right now but that's part of the reason I originally asked this question, to see what others perspective was on it.

[4devochki]

Begonia, you are really smart too--I wish I'd had the foresight to know how much I really, really needed #3 (which turned out to be #3 and #4) to be a boy. We would have adopted then. But it feels so very disloyal and awful to say that because as girlie as they are, they are treasures, each one, and the thought of not having them is...well, unthinkable.

Will we keep going? Our plan was to have 2. Then DH agreed (gritting his teeth) to 3. We ended up with 4. And now I'm pressing for #5 (because really their sibling relationships are precious)...the answer is we'll see.

[envisioned]

Begonia - Envisioned, I think you're smart. I really do. I wish that I had the foresight to know how much I really wanted this 3rd to be a boy ...


Oh honey! :hug2: I read your posts and I hear so much of myself in them. I don't think I'm smart at all. What I am is terrified. I feel a lot of the same complex emotions that go along with GD that women here feel all the time. I've always wanted 3 kids. And yet now I feel like I can't even do that b/c of the insane pressure I would feel to make our 3rd a boy. Had I had one of each or even 2 boys, I'd have gone for a 3rd no problem. Now, instead of thinking "oh I have another chance" I instantly think "Hell no, I'm just going to have another girl". The negative thinking is certainly not helping my morale or even the possibility of my dream coming to fruition (you know the whole positive thinking begets positive results aka The Secret etc).

Just b/c I want to do HT, doesn't mean it will be a possibility. It's still expensive as is but when you don't live in the country that allows it to be legal, the travel, the time, the emotional expense of it and you're still not guaranteed a BFP. It's a lot for lack of a better word, easier, to convince yourself to do a really good sway to boost yourself mentally. And then if it doesn't pan out you think that's it, I'm going HT. Then the reality sets in of actually doing it and suddenly you're swaying again. It's a vicious cycle.

When we write or read on here, we usually are in a bad place. When we're out living our normal lives, things don't seem as dark. So when they do, we come here and vent and when we read them back later on, half the time it's like "yeah right, wishful thinking" or complete shame in what we wrote b/c we love our kids and it's hard to convey the difference to people that a lot of the GD isn't about not loving your kids. It's also about longing to love and experience the kids that you don't have.

I came to this place b/c I found the other site too negative in this dept. The bashing of each others gender's to make themselves feel better in order to get on with their lives or justify their anger, that's not me. I love boys, I love moms who have boys and I feel my personality is compatable with boys. But that doesn't mean I don't give my girls all the girly stuff they want. It's their childhood, not mine. I don't take out my desires through them no matter how much I struggle inside to enjoy doing a tea party or ballet dancing.

I had a friend once tell me she thought I was the perfect mom to have a daughter b/c I was strong, independent and took no crap and was a great role model for a girl to have. And while I can agree with her, it doesn't mean that I don't think I could be a great role model for a boy. I think I could raise a wonderful son that could grow into a stellar young man. I think a boy can learn a LOT from his mother and then when he grows up to be someone's husband one day, he can thank his mom for helping him be that man. I really respect women who raise good sons. My DH is one and as much as my MIL drives me nuts, she did a great job. I want that chance too.

Ok that's a run off tangent. I know nothing I say will help at this time, but just know that you're normal and allow yourself to hurt and grieve. And never say no to #4 if it means it will help you find peace. You never know what lies ahead. I know a friend who has has 4 sisters and the youngest is a brother and she openly states "My parents kept going b/c my Dad really wanted a boy" and she says her family isn't affected by that admission at all. They're all very close and loved by their parents.

[begonia]

Begonia, you are really smart too--I wish I'd had the foresight to know how much I really, really needed #3 (which turned out to be #3 and #4) to be a boy. We would have adopted then. But it feels so very disloyal and awful to say that because as girlie as they are, they are treasures, each one, and the thought of not having them is...well, unthinkable.

Will we keep going? Our plan was to have 2. Then DH agreed (gritting his teeth) to 3. We ended up with 4. And now I'm pressing for #5 (because really their sibling relationships are precious)...the answer is we'll see.

Thanks 4D; hindsight is 20/20 isn't it ... ah well, I do completely, 100% agree that the thought of not having either of my DD's (and I am sure I will feel the same about DD3) is just unbearable. I adore them. Isn't that just the crazy part of GD? To be totally in love with your kids and at the same time, so badly wishing you had one of a different gender. Baffling. I can understand why people who've never experienced it find it so appalling.

Sibling relationships are precious ITA. FX DH either gets on board for #5 or you find peace and closure.

[begonia]

Thanks, Envisioned ... I feel the same when I read your posts, so much of what you say is precisely how I feel in this situation! I really have appreciated you sharing as much as you do.


The negative thinking is certainly not helping my morale or even the possibility of my dream coming to fruition (you know the whole positive thinking begets positive results aka The Secret etc).
So ... here's what's funny, I TOTALLY refused to picture anything but a boy when we decided to TTC. For the 6 weeks up to my attempt (though I did diet and supps for 9 months prior) I visualized that boy. I don't regret it, but I do think it's part of the reason my GD got to me so much this time. I had convinced myself he was real. DH keeps saying maybe he is, but maybe THIS pregnancy never was supposed to be him. Who knows? I do think it's worth believing you can do it though; I mean, honestly, I've never achieved anything I didn't think I could do, KWIM? There have been things I knew would be tough, but I've never doubted my ability to get what I want ... and that's again where this whole gender thing has been hard. I can't think of a single goal I've ever set that I didn't hit, both in business and in my personal life. I'm very "boy mom" in that aspect, LOL. So the fact that this X or Y sperm thing is uncontrollable? I hate it.

Just b/c I want to do HT, doesn't mean it will be a possibility.... Then the reality sets in of actually doing it and suddenly you're swaying again. It's a vicious cycle.
HT is a long hard road, that's for sure. Swaying is far cheaper and I've always gotten pg so easily (fertility is a blue sign, LOL) that I figured it was a good shot this time. That's another thing that has been tough ... every "scientific" or psychological theory about "boy" parents vs "girl" parents put DH and I firmly in boy. So I thought SURELY it is just the fact that I don't eat enough meat or lift enough weights ... :rofl: But I do think swaying has merit or I never would have tried it.


When we write or read on here, we usually are in a bad place. When we're out living our normal lives, things don't seem as dark. So when they do, we come here and vent and when we read them back later on, half the time it's like "yeah right, wishful thinking" or complete shame in what we wrote b/c we love our kids and it's hard to convey the difference to people that a lot of the GD isn't about not loving your kids. It's also about longing to love and experience the kids that you don't have.

Best part about being here is people do get it; we all know we love our kids, KWIM? ITA with the thought about longing to love/experience the kids we don't have. That's a good perspective on it. And yes ... the other site is harsh lately. I don't post there but have read some of them and it's kind of a battleground rather than a support network.


I had a friend once tell me she thought I was the perfect mom to have a daughter b/c I was strong, independent and took no crap and was a great role model for a girl to have.

I get this frequently. My DD1 is a tomboy by nature, bless her heart ... since she could express a preference around age 2 she wanted to wear superhero shirts and jeans everyday, LOL. Her birthday parties are Batman, Scooby-Doo, etc. And women would always say how great it was that I "let" her be herself, but the thing is, I was GRATEFUL that she was that way. It has been far more difficult for me to buy DD2 the purple tutu's she likes than it ever was for me to get DD1 the Batman shirts. But like you said ... it's her childhood, not mine. Mine sucked and it is of paramount importance to me that my girls always know they are loved and supported. And that they have fun :) Even when their idea of fun is different than mine.

Ok that's a run off tangent. I know nothing I say will help at this time, but just know that you're normal and allow yourself to hurt and grieve. And never say no to #4 if it means it will help you find peace. You never know what lies ahead. I know a friend who has has 4 sisters and the youngest is a brother and she openly states "My parents kept going b/c my Dad really wanted a boy" and she says her family isn't affected by that admission at all. They're all very close and loved by their parents.

That's kind of DH's perspective on #4 ... neither of us ever really thought we'd have 4. Ever. But he's all in if it's what I want to do, and I'm beyond thankful that he's been supportive and understanding and flat-out wonderful about my GD. It's one of those reasons again that breaks my heart for NOT having a son, KWIM? I'm married to an amazing man and I'd love to have him raise another man to share his character. Love the story about your friend whose Dad admitted to going for the boy. I've wondered if my girls would feel like we "picked" a boy if we adopt, but at the same time, I think adoption is such an awesome thing for them to see. We'll see. Anyhow, I'm glad you're here. I'll be rooting you on if you decide to sway :)

[Iris_star]

no 4 is my limit, so if i dont get pink next time then that will be it :( :(

[xokatietatie]

Our fourth baby will be our final baby.

[kaseybaby]

I think about this often. The realistic part of me says no, because I don't want to be pregnant forever, I don't want to have babies too late into my 30's, financially I can't really swing more then 3 or 4, etc. But I can't get rid of this desire for a DD. It is killing me that I feel like I will never have one. If I ever fall pregnant and it is a boy, for my 3rd i will try to sway one more time. If that doesn't work then i will probably just stop at 3, but I know i will be crushed.

[fresas]

My husband comes from a big family and has always said he wanted four kids: two boys, two girls.

Now we have re-evaluated that because I have had high risk pregnancies and raising happy, well adjusted kids plus being able to provide for their educational future is daunting for us.

If we had our way, we would go HT and try for twin girls. That most likely is not going to happen.

I have known a few families that kept going regardless of how many children they had until they got what they wanted. One family had 5 girls and stopped at 6 when they got their boy. They said they would have kept going until they got their boy if #6 was a girl. They were pretty vocal about this.

The other family that comes to mind is one where they had 7 kids, 4 girls and two boys. They wanted another boy, but ended up with another girl. They stopped at 8, but were not happy about it.

[Muls]

I had said this baby was it but when it was announced to me on Thursday that it was DS4 I couldn't bear the thought of never having a girl but don't want a massive family either so we will not be risking it naturally again but will attempt pgd in 2013 to get my dream :) I can't let my dream fade

[hocuspocus]

yes

[auroara78]

When I showed my hubby the positive test this time and told him I was pregnant, he said in a few years, he could see us going back to have a last and fourth baby.

Regardless of this baby's gender, I think I am very interested in that. I am the last of four and I feel like four is the magic number, but we will see how it goes with number 3, and if she is a girl, or if he is a boy, that may impact my determination about 4.

It is just a bit of a relief to have hubby fully aboard now...before he said 3 was his max, and I love how his heart is really opening up.

[begonia]

Auroara I think it's interesting how your own family make-up can really influence what you see as doable. DH and I are both 1 of 2, so 3 feels big and 4 feels huge! When we found out we were pg with this one, before we knew gender, he was like "we are DONE!" ... but now knowing it is DD3 and seeing how hard it has been on me, he keeps saying we aren't done yet. Which is funny because I was most definitely NOT up for 4 when he brought it up. But I'm coming around to the idea, if only because right now having one more chance out there (even if I don't know that I want it) makes this a little more bearable.

He keeps saying his dad was the 5th of 10 and the 1st boy, so maybe we just have to keep going :rofl: I am NOT going to keep at it. 4 is for sure my max and I'm not even sure I'll get there! FX you have a girl in there now!

Muls I think it is great that you aren't giving up! FX you are a HT success story next year!

[wilma_five]

Always wanted 2 maybe 3 kids. If number 1, 2 or 3 was a girl we wouldn't have more children.
Now we're plannin on #6, just to get a girl........

[Navywife620]

Right now 3 is my limit. But now that I think about it having my youngest turn 2 in May.. I don't even know right now if I want to go and do the whole newborn/baby stage. My boys are getting so much easier now!

[purplepoet20]

My hubby wants to have 4 kids now... We originally said 2, after 2 boys we said 3, and now I think he questions if swaying will work so he wants the last to be PGD.

[Princess of Pink]

To be honest I would of stopped at 2 if I had got a boy for #2. I think maybe that is why I have been given all girls. I was just meant to have a large family!! But I am done with #6 even if it's another sweet baby girl!! I want a nice even 6 pack!! I keep telling DH we need 6 because everything comes in packs of 6 and right now we always have one left over!! lol

[girlmom]

i did!! after 7 girls, i finally got a boy. and with a pretty good girl sway too! due with a bang on the 4th of july!

[Cinss]

My DP already has 2 from a previous relationship + our 1 DD, so he really wants to try 1 more time for a boy. If we get a boy we will definatly stop as we only have a small house and don't know if we could afford more children. If we get another girl i am not sure what my heart and head will do.

[TexasMommy]

I have 3 daughters. When I first got pregnant with DD3, hubby & i decided that i would tie my tubes afterwards (i have to have c-sections) but right before I found out the sex... I started realizing this would be my LAST pregnancy. My LAST little baby. That just didnt sit right with me. I started feeling like I wanted a 4th down the road.....then weeks later we heard ITS A GIRL for the third time in a row. And I was so bummed, so was DH. We had both wanted a baby boy. I talked to DH about #4, he was not on board. By the end of the pregnancy he was & I didnt tie my tubes (THANK GOD!!!)....I can tell you that GD will go away. As soon as I saw my sweet little girl, I was hooked. Its funny, shes the one out of all 3 that I wanted to be a boy the most...and she looks identical to me. DD1 looks like a mix of DH & I & DD2 is DH made over into a female form, but DD3 is my little mini me. Funny how that works right? She is 2 months old today, & i wouldnt trade her for 10 boys. Altho, when we start TTC #4, we will be swaying for a baby boy. & I pray God sends us some blue! But if he doesnt, ill be okay, just like Im okay now with 3 girls.

But to answer your question....#4 will be our LAST. No more. Even if we end up with 4 girls. We have to stop somewhere.

[begonia]

TexasMommy we're pretty similar on this :) I'm expecting DD3 too .... we did however do a solid sway this time but... it didn't work out. I never would have thought we'd go for four but we are absolutely considering it. I don't know that I'll sway again. I know now how important it is to me now to have a son, and not just another child, so we'll have to either do HT or adoption unless I can come around to where you are now ... OK with the possibility of a 4th daughter. Like you, 4 will absolutely be my max :)

I'm so glad you're doing well with your DD3 though! I remember when you found out and that it was tough on you, so it's lovely to see you on the other side :HH:

[Sophia]

Hi everyone! Sorry to interrupt! I had to answer....I have a two little boys then finally I had a little girl! I had thought I would stop then (promised DH!!) but now I feel this strange need to have another little girl, which would be wonderful! But it's right, you have to stop somewhere, I always thought no 3 would be my last...but maybe no 4? :-/