I never thought that fear would be an emotion I would experience in getting my DG.

[nearlyalegume]

I'm scared.

I'm scared and I don't know who to talk to because I know that I'll just get platitudes (which drive me bonkers) or hugs (don't like being touched!), and it won't really help.

I'm 39+4 with baby #4, and three ultrasounds tell us that this is our first little girl. All I ever wanted was just one little girl - I've had her name picked out for half my life, and it was like a dream coming true to be told we were having a female child for the first time. (Don't get me wrong, I love my boys fiercely and I'm grateful beyond words that they came first so that I got to have these three amazing little people in my life, but I never expected to hear the words "It's a girl" in relation to my own child!)

But as we approach the final days of this pregnancy, I'm finding that all I'm feeling is fear.

She seems too good to be true. How did we manage to conceive a girl? After three boys, how did we get a girl? And then I start to worry about the other shoe dropping...what if something happens? What if we've gotten this far, only to have the unthinkable happen at the last minute? Why can't she just be born already so that I can see her and protect her? Every time she goes a bit quiet (more and more as we get closer to the birth and she runs out of room), I start to panic. It's not without reason, because I do know somebody who lost her daughter just a few days past her due date, so I figure that if it happened to her, I'm not special, it could happen to me too. I just want her out so that I'm not totally helpless if something happens. I know my infant CPR, but you can't do it on a baby that still inside you :(

Unfortunately, I'm also one of those people who pathologically Doesn't Want To Cause Bother, so as much as I would love to call my midwife and word vomit and get her take on things... I don't want to bother her. It's not her problem, it's mine, and being a public patient, it's not as though they would be able to hurry the baby along anyway to alleviate my fears. But it's starting to become consuming as she keeps not being born yet, and I'm petrified to the point of feeling physically ill at the idea of going to 41 or 42 weeks.

You can tell me I'm a loony if you want. You're probably right. But I don't know where else to get this off my chest :(

[XXforhubby]

(((Hugs))) I definitely think you should tell your midwife about this. It's most definitely part of her job to listen and discuss what you're feeling- even if you feel silly about it! What we are feeling mentally is just as important about what we are feeling physically. There is a reason they have us answer the depression screening three times throughout our pregnancy! Please do not keep this to yourself! This anxiety may not go away or it may be transferred to something else postpartum if it's not dealt with now.

I wish I would have done that with my DS1. I didn't. I didn't want to bother the midwives at my hospital. I ended up having a traumatic birth with him followed by a horrendous experience in the NICU. I didn't know postpartum anxiety was a thing. I was never depressed, just anxious. I didn't start to feel myself until my DS1 was 6mo. Looking back, I should have told them about my anxiety I was feeling before he was born. I swear my body was telling me something was off but I didn't want to inconvenience anyone.

Please, please, PLEASE tell your midwife what you are feeling [emoji1317][emoji1317][emoji1317]!!


[emoji170]8/2010 [emoji170]6/2013 [emoji170]11/2015 [emoji170]
[emoji178]Baby Girl [emoji254]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji178]

https://lmtm.lilypie.com/kIlmm5.png (https://lilypie.com)

[atomic sagebrush]

I had the exact same experience and until very recently I would wake up in the night in a panic convinced she wasn't breathing (did this with my boys too but nothing to that extent). And you're right, the fact is it actually can happen, we have members on this site who it has happened to and you are only being realistic about the possibility. People who don't think it can happen to them ARE being irrational, you aren't, so please don't feel that your fears are crazy or loony. They aren't.

But, as you know, the odds are with you that everything is going to go perfectly fine, and beyond that being in a state of sheer terror is not helping anything, so I would actually call the midwife and tell her that you're feeling quite anxious. At the least, you'll feel somewhat reassured that they understand the situation. They may even be able to do something to help - I know none of us want medication but I have found sometimes with anxiety, just knowing I have the medication on hand if I do need it, goes a long way towards alleviating the anxiety!

The other thing I'd do is try walking for a while every day, not fast or far, but physical activity can be calming and maybe it will help bring on labor a little sooner - can't imagine going all the way to 42 weeks with that level of anxiety so hopefully it will happen very soon!

Hugest hugs - wishing you the very best happy and healthy birth!

[Noel503]

I have 3 girls and I'm 14 weeks with my 4th! I'm scared too! I just want one boy.[emoji23]

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[atomic sagebrush]

Nearly, has baby arrived??? Thinking of you and awaiting an update! :heart:

[nearlyalegume]

Sorry, I updated in the due group thread but not here, oops!

My little girl was born 11 days ago on her due date, 8lbs 7oz, and is just the most amazing wee creature on the planet, all biases aside :D The birth was fantastic - eight hours of labour in total, and only six minutes of pushing(!), very calm and gentle, and she arrived in a room full of morning sunlight with only my husband and two midwives present. Immediate skin to skin, they delayed clamping the cord until the placenta was delivered (and didn't stick needles in me to hurry it along), bub had 9/9 APGARS and fed immediately. Everything I could have hoped for and I didn't even have to ask about it - it just happened! I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful, respectful experience, (even though I pooped, lol.) I know that everyone has a different idea about the 'perfect' birth, but certainly from my perspective, it was pretty much as perfect for me as it could have been. And my baby! I can't gush enough. She's divine. My boys are head over heels in love with her. I never got that 'baby blues' period at all (oxytocin, man, it's a rush!). She's feeding like a champion and is only 20g shy of her birth weight at 11 days old.

Thankyou everyone for your supportive words - it really helped me get through that rough spot right before the birth. I'm relieved and forever grateful that everything went so well, and thus far continues to go well, but it's hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes when you're in a state of panic!

[atomic sagebrush]

Huge congrats!! I am so happy for you!!! Just how my final birth went too - she practically walked out on her own in about a minute LOL. Enjoy every moment, I know it's a trite cliche but it really does simply fly by. :)