Coping with bad GD days? vent..

[ThroughWithBlue]

I've been really down in the dumps lately. I'm wondering what you ladies do when you are having bad gender disappointment/desire days to make yourself feel better?
My baby boy is getting older now and now they are starting to fight (in the way a 2 year old can with a 9 month old), bug each other, my oldest is hitting the youngest with his favorite dumptruck on a daily basis. It's just getting old, this is exactly what I was wanting to avoid with more than one boy and I know it's just going to get worse. I just don't know why I was chosen to be a boy mom, I'm so overly girly I just don't understand, I feel like I wasn't cut out for this and I'm not living the life I was supposed to have. I feel out of place. I don't have anything manly to teach them, I don't know anything about sports, I don't know anything about cars. I know that is stereotypes and they may be different but I feel like I can add nothing of value to their lives the way I could with a daughter. Then I go out and every single baby I have seen lately in the past month is a girl. Then most of those moms have one older son. And I just don't get it, it makes me sick it makes me so angry. THEN to top it all off, my husband is deployed and I was going to use this time to track my cycles. WELL GUESS WHAT. I had AF 1 1/2 weeks after he left and NOT ONE since. Not one cycle since July and no reason why. I have an appt with an OB/GYN in a few weeks but I feel like that is just one more stab right in my heart. Like, now I can't even try to get things going. I feel like I'm just destined to have these 2 boys forever if my fertility is f***ed or this is one way to say don't even bother. Or, I will ovulate when my husband is back and bam end up pregnant with another boy if I keep going how I have been and then he won't want another baby probably and I'll be boy mom forever.
Ugh, if you read this thanks. I'm having a pity party today. I try not to get on here because it just makes my GD so much worse, but I need someone who can understand me today. I get in a really bad dark place about every 3 months because of this stupid GD I have ever since I found out my 2nd was a boy and I guess it's just time for it to start again. I hate this.

[nuthinbutpink]

First, I am sorry that you are feeling down. I think all moms have good days and bad days. Regarding your fertility, I assume you are not pregnant- that's the obvious reason, right? If not, maybe stress. Deployment is a big deal. Being a single parent is hard. Could be related to that but I am glad you are seeing someone for it.

I think you're wrong about adding value to their lives. You're their mom- the single most important female role model of their lives. They will watch you, study your actions and they will learn from you. You will learn from them too. What if you have a daughter one day? What will change with your relationship with your sons? Would you do things differently? Would you be more open to new things that are outside of your comfort zone?

I hope I have something to teach my son. I know I will likely influence who he chooses as a partner one day- not by my words but my actions over the years he is with me. I know about sports but that's about it with the boy stuff! That has nothing to do with our relationship right now though at 15 months---he just wants his mama. I am embracing the mama's boy. I love his air kisses to me, his shrieks when I come in the door from being out and I love his clothes!

You'll have a lot to teach them about life. I'm sure they will have lots of questions for you! And they have eachother and that is so special too. What an awesome gift you gave each of them- a brother.

I imagine the uncertainty of your fertility is making things worse for you right now. I hope you get some answers on that front and I hope you begin to see that you really do add value everyday to your boys!

And the fighting, boy or girl, at those ages I can tell you firsthand that it happens. My DD3 shoves DS down any chance she gets right now. He is a marked man with her!

[DoulaMama]

NBP said that all so well!! I agree 110%!! I'm not a "BOY" mom either but they're all I've got and I have to make the most of it:) They will learn lots from their father but I think as a boy mom, we have so many great values we can instill in our "soon to be men". I know it must be incredibly hard having your DH away...I cannot imagine. (HUGS) Do you get any alone time? Any time for just you? If not, is there any way you can do that? I find that the GD is worse if I never get a break. I need some me time, away from the fights and the drama....Good Luck Mama and I hope that things turn around for you~~ xoxo

[ThroughWithBlue]

nuthinbutpink-Thank you so much for taking the time to write that. No, I don't think I am pregnant. I have taken 3 HPT's since my husband left between July and September and they were all negative. It never showed up on HPT's with my first (I must not leak HCG in urine because I took them correctly) They do an ultrasound of my ovaries next week so I guess I'll know 100% then lol. I know I contribute to them and how/who they are but I feel like I can't do it like I could with a daugther. I can't play Barbies with my sons, I can't buy them that super cute zebra tutu in Target, I can't paint their nails, teach them about makeup, I can't take them bra shopping, I can't go dress shopping for their first middle school dance with them, I can't do all the things that *I* and only I can give them based on my experiences and my interests. My husband can wrestle with them in the yard, teach them the sport they are playing, do all that boy stuff I don't know any other examples right off the top of my head. It just sucks. Having boys does put me outside of my comfort zone that's for sure so I know I'll experience more things but I'm still having a really hard time accepting I have boys and I don't understand why. And you are right when you say it's about the fertility issues. I have never not had a period, if I could chart at least I could be doing something. I can't chart while on birth control, so the time I'd lke to take to chart I'd be risking getting pregnant also. Just really bad timing.
DoulaMama-Maybe I am just burnt out! Well, we live overseas actually or we are stationed there. I moved "home" where our parents are and am living with my parents since July and still have a few months left to go til I go back to get things ready for him to come back home. These boys are so wild nobody will watch them. My parents won't have anything to do with them and my in-laws only watch them 4/5 hours one day a week (maybe...). So, they have been with me every single day for 4 months straight no break. That might be it... I have to wait til my DH is back to get a break. We had a horrible experience with a babysitter overseas (she left my boys alone for 2 hours because she locked herself out of our house which she shouldn't have been out of anyway) so needless to say I do not trust babysitters.

[TTC5]

Big huge hugs xxxxxxxxxxxx

[begonia]

Hugs to you, TWB. I could write your post but gender reversed! I mean, I DREAD having to go bra shopping/dress shopping with the girls! Dread it. I can't believe I'm going to have to go through all of it times 3. I'm really trying to get my brain to look at it as "get" to go through those things instead of "have" to go through it but it's taking some serious work.

Hope your GD heals, and hope you get your DD.

[envisioned]

I feel like I wasn't cut out for this and I'm not living the life I was supposed to have.

Your post made me cry! Or it could be the wine. Seems to be a lot of that these days. LOL!

I feel this way all the time except I have 2 DD's. Every freakin' time I heard Oprah on TV saying "If you want to live your authentic life, you have the power to change it", I wanted to rip my tv apart. Like really? Tell me how to choose the XY sperm to go to the egg the next time I have sex and give me the son I've always wanted.

It's hard. And I realize that seems strange b/c I am a girl and I should be able to understand having DD's, but the reality is I'm a huge tomboy and have envisioned my life sitting at hockey practice at 5 am in the winter and blue rooms and trucks and cars all around and Little League baseball games. Instead I'm saturated in princesses and barbies and my little pony and WW3 fights over what to wear to school in the a.m. It's just not my life. I feel like I am not living my authentic life and I don't enjoy being a mom as much as I wanted to enjoy being one. I feel ripped off. I don't think it would be as bad if there was some male balance in the house. That's the big catalyst behind it. I love my girls, I do. But my oldest is SO girly and I am so not and we have absolutely nothing in common and we fight all the time b/c of it. Just like I'm betting if she grows up and has a boy, she'd be devastated. We all are born with our personalities and likes and dislikes and it's hard when you're surrounded by the things that make you feel like you're tolerating the experience vs enjoying it to what you're supposed to enjoy it as a parent.

There are days/weeks where I am fine. I look at my family and everyone's happy and we do all the giddy usual family joking etc. And then it takes just a friend to announce a pregnancy or finding out someone's having a boy after a girl or vice versa and you're back to the evil place and you're online commiserating in secret, b/c IRL, you can't talk about it.

[begonia]

It's just not my life. I feel like I am not living my authentic life and I don't enjoy being a mom as much as I wanted to enjoy being one. I feel ripped off. I don't think it would be as bad if there was some male balance in the house. That's the big catalyst behind it. I love my girls, I do.

There are days/weeks where I am fine. I look at my family and everyone's happy and we do all the giddy usual family joking etc. And then it takes just a friend to announce a pregnancy or finding out someone's having a boy after a girl or vice versa and you're back to the evil place and you're online commiserating in secret, b/c IRL, you can't talk about it.

ITA. That's why I think even though I never really wanted 4 kids, having ONE son would help me balance the 3 girls better. Have to see how I handle 3 first though. But I definitely get the feeling of tolerating the experience rather than enjoying it, and those moments are when I just feel AWFUL for my girls that they have ME as their mom. I feel like it's going to be even harder as they get older :(

I actually had been having a good GD week, but today a friend announced she's having a boy after a girl, and I'm just like, REALLY?!? Really? THREE kids and I couldn't have ONE son? It's a knife in the heart every time and I'm pretty sure it will be for a long, long time. In fairness to her she was actually hoping for another DD, so I feel her pain. But just once I wanted to have the chance to say "it's a boy!" when someone asked me about my pregnancy :( And I'll never have that.