Praying and swaying for a girl after 4 boys :)

[Northernsparkle]

Hello
I'm not exactly new here but have returned after 3 years of enjoying our four little boys and hoping my longing for a daughter would pass, to no avail! After ds3 I rushed into a 'panic sway' but know I was far to random and that 6 weeks was nowhere near enough time and ds4 followed shortly. I was so smitten with him that I thought I was finally over the irrational (in my mind) yearning to have a little girl and wanted to be free of the guilt I felt every time the feeling overwhelmed me and my gorgeous little boys were cuddled up to me. It had taken over my life for 10 years so I was determined to let it go.

Fast forward 3 years and although I have found a much healthier balance in my life the longing has never completely left me. The difference is that now my dh has opened up and admitted that he has been thinking about it too. I know he was hoping for a girl after ds2 but he always made out that it was just because he wanted me to be happy. He now says he would be happy to have one more baby but want to wait until ds4 is at school which is September 2019. By then I will be 40 and he will be 48.

So that's my rough timescale and we have agreed that if we can afford PGD by then dh will go through with it, highly unlikely money wise but it means a lot to know he's with me 100% on this at last! More likely is that we will go all out and sway but I think his participation in this would be harder to maintain as he's a nightmare with remembering stuff so I think a lot of the onus would be on me! I've put on about a stone and a half since ds4 so think losing some of that would be a good starting point. Then I'm just going to read up and ask lots of questions on here if that's ok?

So blessed that I have this unexpected chance and glad I have the next 18 months or so to plan! Thank you so much for reading x

[ksmom]

Hi and welcome! There's a plethora of information here on swaying and Atomic is the best! She's the person to ask for any questions but many of us are happy to help too.

Best of luck to you and pink dust! :baby:

[atomic sagebrush]

Hi and welcome Northernsparkle!

Yes I'm happy to answer any/all questions you have!! Just hit me as you think of things.

I do want to mention that at 40, odds of success with PGD are going to be quite slim - would you consider donor eggs?

[Northernsparkle]

Thank you both for welcoming me!
Atomic, I think PGD is just a pipe dream in reality. We have always conceived on our first attempt with all the boys which gives me hope that we could have a good shot at a good cut off point at least if swaying. Do you know if conceiving quickly is consistent with producing lots of boys? I have read about lowering sperm count being more pink friendly so am wondering if that is something we need to be thinking about but don't know if it's actually far too early to do anything at all yet given that we won't be ttc until about 18 months time.
Is it good in terms of diet etc to have a long run up or is a more drastic change over a shorter period more effective?
Thank you for offering to help answer my questions, I really didn't know where or when to start!

[atomic sagebrush]

Cut offs don't work though. That's the thing. Most of us on here, myself included, have timing opposites and scientifically it's been as debunked as something can be debunked. https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/7691-trouble-timing.html

Yes, I have reason to believe that being highly fertile and tending to conceive fast is indicative of people who may be more set for blue, but that doesn't mean that the solution is just "making it take longer to get pregnant". You actually have to decline your fertility a bit, especially for your end of the equation.

Anything longer than 3 months on diet has been effective. I do not think there is any benefit in being on diet for longer than that in advance, though. If you need to do something, go vegetarian.

[Northernsparkle]

Ah thank you, I've read your essay and actually it's quite a relief as timing is the thing which sticks in my head from the last time I looked into swaying (obviously not very thoroughly!) and I found it really stressful!
In fact I have been completely stressed out by ttc each time even though it's always been quick. I get totally obsessed. So this could be a contributing factor in a tendency towards boys too, unwittingly swaying blue by obsessing about pink?!
I'm so tempted to move things forward a year in case hubby changes his mind. Which would give me 6 months roughly.
Would having just one attempt in my window after abstaining still be a good tactic for a pink sway or not recommended in a man of 47? Is it more about my fertility which is best tackled by diet?
I'd really like to look into a personal plan as I am beginning to pick up so many blue traits in my lifestyle reading through things on here that I'm scared I'll never reverse it!
Is it best to post in the coaching forums or do you not mind where we ask questions?
Thanks so much for putting me straight on the cut off myth :-)

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes getting obsessed can mess with your sway to be sure.

one attempt is great, you could not do abstain at 47. I would just have him do regular release every 2-4 days with one attempt.

If you have a plan then yes post in the coaching forums, if not I will track your q's down whereever you post! I will answer all swaying questions usually within 3-5 days max.

[Northernsparkle]

Thanks Atomic, I think we have just about agreed that we will go for this Spring rather than leave it another year, so ttc around April (just because we already have 4 summer babies which is already way too expensive for birthdays!).
I'm going to try pretty much giving up meat right away as that won't really bother me. I have some birthday money saved up so would like to invest in a plan. Would now be a good time to start planning? I have just come of medication for anxiety after a really bad couple of years for our family so I'm hoping that won't affect my sway if there's time for it to be out of my system? I'm also on medication for high blood pressure which I have to stay on. I'm hoping a plan would stop me stressing so much and keep my blood pressure down lol!
I think the lifestyle changes needed for a pink sway would be beneficial for me generally anyway so am keen to get going with it 100% and if we complete our family with a little girl at the same time then that would be the icing on the cake!
Thanks again :-)

[atomic sagebrush]

It's totally up to you - some people like to have the plan in advance, others wait till the last minute (but it's better not to as it does take me about 7-10 days to get the plans back to you)

The medication probably sways pink anyway!

Good luck and let me know how I can help!

[Northernsparkle]

Hi Atomic

I was hoping to be able to post back here in the new year to ask about going ahead with a personal plan and throwing myself into our final girl sway in the springtime. However over the past couple of months I have developed a horrible skin condition called Lichen Planus which is an autoimmune disease and the management of which seems to go against everything I had in my head in terms of diet for a girl sway 

As I’m probably getting it all out of proportion as my head is swimming with it all, mainly because of frustration and lack of sleep because of how uncomfortable it is, I was hoping you would be able to sense check what I think I need to do and give a much more informed outlook before I rush into anything or abandon completely!

Basically there is no cure but the condition usually runs its course in 6-18 months then disappears. Until then it’s a case of managing the symptoms and that is through steroid creams or injections (which I’m reluctant to use) and diet. The diet which seems to be most recommended and has best results is the Auto Immune Protocol which in a nutshell advocates:

NO
Dairy
Eggs
Grains / Wheat
Potatoes
Legumes
Coffee Alcohol
Sugar / sugar substitutes
Processed Foods

YES
Organ Meat
Grass fed meat and wild meat/poultry
Fish
Leafy vegetables
Berries and citrus fruits
Onions and garlic
Cruciferous vegetables
Olives and high fat fruits

Basically a diet as nutrient dense as possible so hopefully you can see my frustration!! Also the supplements recommended are Echinacea with Golden Seal Root, Turmeric, Valerian Root tea for sleeping – not sure if these are relevant.

My gut feeling is that following this diet is going to compromise my girl sway significantly (unless I eat barely anything!) and as I don’t want to give anything less than 100% to it, that I should postpone it until this disease shows signs of going, hopefully in the next 12 months. Or am I missing another alternative? I still think I could go vegetarian and have already started cutting out most meats and will almost certainly lose weight which I know is a could basis for a girl sway. Would you agree that this is sensible?

I am desperately sad as I am worried that time is against me as I turn 40 next year and dh will be 49 but am also determined to kick the ass of this horrible thing and get back on track as we were both feeling so positive about giving everything to our final attempt for a girl.

Once I know that it is in remission would a more drastic change to my diet from the AIP to the LE be beneficial in my sway so that we get going with a plan straight away? I’m going to increase my cardio exercise too so presume it’s ok to do that long term?

Is there anything dh could be doing or is there no point until I know I am back on board fully?

Sorry for the length of this post and would be very grateful for your thoughts.

The ugly lesions and incessant itching aren’t exactly a recipe for putting me in the mood for baby making anyway lol!

Thanks again

[atomic sagebrush]

no there is a lot we can do to sway. CAn you please bump this for me, I am just doing short posts right now!

[Northernsparkle]

Wow really?! Thank you!

[Northernsparkle]

Bump - sorry only just found out what that means! I’m a bit rubbish with online stuff x

[atomic sagebrush]

Ok, thanks for your patience!!

You cannot even have rice on this autoimmune protocol? Usually they'll say you can have rice. I'm not saying that for swaying, I'm saying that because I am worried that will be a heck of a hard diet to stick to and that you'll lose a massive amount of weight on it.

This is all still a restrictive diet and can still sway pink. It's actually NOT as nutrient dense as you think it is because you're missing out on lots of foods that are packed with several nutrients so please put that concern out of your head now. You are almost certainly going to be getting less of lots of nutrients including calories overall and it will still be registered by your body as a decline in access to food overall. Do not try to stick in the limits for protein and fat. That part we aren't going to worry about. You're still eating a much more restrictive diet and your body will take note of that.

I am not a fan of organ meats, particularly liver/kidneys, for anyone TTC. They accumulate a lot of chemistry in them and liver and kidneys even get toxins in them so please avoid those. Also fish no more than 2x a week for the same reason.

I think you should focus on lean meats for reasons I'm going to expand on below.

So you're going to be eating mostly lean meat and fruit (please eat fruit because you are going to NEED the calories!!) and then fill in the blanks with the other stuff. Olives and avocados are fine for you to eat because you're going to need to be getting fat from someplace and it sways pink to have a higher intake of vegetable based fats anyway. I would also have you cook with lots of vegetable based fats such as olive oil as those may sway pink anyway. I know we originally thought that swayed blue, but it's been shown in lots of animal studies that getting a higher % of fat intake from vegetable based fats as opposed to animal ones sways pink. So that will be the trick we are going to embrace here - lean meats, with lots of olive and avocado oil not only for the sake of calories but also in an attempt to be sure you're getting more veg fats than animal fats.

I am very skeptical of all those herbs other than turmeric. If you're having an autoimmune system thing, the last thing you want to do is toss a bunch of herbs that you may or may not react to on top of that. The turmeric is fine. What about EPO (evening primrose oil)? That is often beneficial for skin conditions and I now believe it to sway pink so I would have you add that in if it's ok for you. It also counts as a vegetable based fat so will help you get more of those. I know that was once used for blue sways but it made so many opposites we dropped it.

I really do think you should consider TTC sooner. I do not think it wise to wait around for the LP to clear up - I mean what if it does take 18 months??? and like I say, that still is a restrictive diet and we'll exploit the vegetable fat trick to sway pink for us as well. As long as you have permission from your doctors I think it's fine for you to TTC on this diet.

Yes, do cardio if you can (sometimes exercise makes me rashy and itchy from sweat and I don't want that to happen to you!) We have to be quite careful, however, because you're going to be hard pressed to keep weight on, on this diet, I suspect. Lots of fruit, lots of vegetable based fats.

DH can take Olive Leaf Extract, smoke if he smokes (even if it's just on occasion), and jog or bike if he does that. I'd not have him do anything beyond that. Have him do regular release every 2-4 days and start off with the one attempt at positive OPK. I don't want you guys to do anything like douches or antihistamines or anything because I think it best for you to get pregnant easily and fairly quickly in case your cycle gets screwed up due to the restrictive diet.

[Northernsparkle]

Thank you for such a detailed reply and for reassuring me that there is no need to delay my sway. You have explained it in such a way that I (hopefully) am beginning to understand the principals of the pink sway diet much more! I agree we should TTC sooner rather than later. I also can’t help thinking that the discomfort of the LP is only temporary whereas the happiness of one final child is lifelong so I was wondering whether a kind of ‘lite’ version of the AIP diet would be a consideration to avoid the things which I know are an issue for me anyway and drop or compromise on other parts to help me actually stick to a restricted diet in the first place which is my biggest worry!

I’m probably missing some key factors but I was thinking along the lines of:

Sugar – I know have problems with sugar, in all of my pregnancies drinking full sugar drinks and eating chocolate would drive my skin insane, not LP or anything specific but lots of itching and general rashes. So I really think sticking to very low sugar would help me cope with the LP and also help with weight loss.

Dairy – this, along with fatty meats, has always been one of my vices and I’m convinced the reason I struggle to lose weight. Far too much full fat cheese, milk and butter and lots of creamy sauces! So if I stuck to the no (or very low) dairy part of the AIP and just allowed a little milk in my coffee and perhaps a very low fat cheese spread now and then would that seem sensible? Then increase my vegetable fats as you suggested?

Nuts and seeds – I don’t really eat these anyway so can easily avoid

Grains – I know that wheat makes me bloated and itchy so it seems sensible to avoid this as far as possible but what if I allowed some wheat and gluten free pasta and some rice just have a source of carbs to fill up on. Again I really think I’d struggle to stick to no bread, pasta or rice! Are there limits for carbs on LE or is the idea just to get most of your energy from them rather than fats?

Meat – I had already started to cut out meat prior to the LP developing and this is something I would like to stick too. I couldn’t bear to eat organ meat anyway and don’t like fish so dropping this part of the AIP diet in favour of my sway would be easy to stick to. Then concentrate on vegetable fats through olives, avocado etc as you suggested?

Does that sound like it would be a decent sway or am I going way off the mark by picking and choosing?!

DH smokes a couple of small roll ups most evenings so he will be happy to carry on with that!

The EPO and OLE sound great –would it just be the dosage suggested on the bottle?

One final thing – I had always had it in my head that I would go all out and give Clomid a try too – would it still be possible to add this into our plan and if so would you still recommend the one attempt at +OPK?

Sorry for all the questions….Friday is pay day and I am going to purchase my plan and fill out the questionnaires and am more than happy to wait for that rather than answers to all of this here if that’s easier! When do you think we could realistically start to TTC to allow for the diet to have enough of an impact?

Thanks so much I am so so so excited to finally be going ahead – I have already lost half a stone in 2 weeks 