Pregnancy at 40 or early 40s risks

[Dreamsplanner]

So I wanted to TTC DC4 and sway pink again...
But DH is not keen and we were discussing this
And he was telling me how the chances of having an unhealthy
Baby are much higher now and I started reading about it and I’m all scared now...


Mind you I am a born worrier and DH knows that...
Is it really that bad in terms of risks? Does the fact that I had 3 kids before 40 already
Help in any way at all? What can one do to help ensure a healthy baby?

Thanks a lot

I know there are never guarantees but I wanted to kind of step back and see how other see this through their eyes, as I am feeling so nervous 😟 yes I know DH should treat me delicately esp when I do not manage to get a good night sleep ...

[nuthinbutpink]

The older we get, the more complications we face. It's just a fact. There are screening tests once you conceive that you can choose to have and then you have options. There are risks to both you and baby the older you get. Those are just facts. I think if you are as healthy as you can be and you want a 4th child, I would not be afraid to try. I would be more afraid of going from 3 to 4 than the health risks, lol! 4 is a lot! Trust me!

I think something to consider is how long you want to be raising kids and when do you want to be free to do your own thing again. If you have a child at 40, you are locked into a minimum of 18 years but with college, 22-23. That puts you at 63. Or, that's how I look at it.

Having a child at any point is a hard decision. I am glad to see you are thinking about the impact and making sure it is the right move for your family. Good luck with your decision.

[mommymachine]

My mom had me at 40 :) my husbands aunt had healthy twin boys at 48, and they were her first (and second). Healthy babies are born all the time when women are in their 40’s.


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[ksmom]

NBP makes some great points. It's a lot to consider and you're smart for thinking this all out.

FWIW my MIL had my DH's younger brother at 40. The pregnancy was uneventful and other than needing a c-section, all was fine. The thing is though (like NBP pointed out), is it's often times more than a 18 year commitment. My BIL ended up being hugely dependent on his mom, to the point that he's now in his late 20s and is constantly needing her help. She's almost 70, retired, and can barely support herself yet she has a son with 2 young kids (one of which he had really young) who depends on her. He only just recently moved out of her house a few years ago after some tough love. She's still their main source of childcare and will be for the foreseeable future (he and his gf plan to have more kids too). She's told me before she doesn't know how she's going to keep up with child minding as she gets older as it's tiring enough for her now. So anyway I'm not saying this will happen to you, it's just an example of what a long term commitment it is and how it factors in more with age. Just something to consider. :)

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide!

[Dreamsplanner]

Think from a parent age gap perspective we should be fine, in the sense that I am 39 and have a baby at 7 months already. But I did want to think through the health and what the risks are in terms of that.

Also what is the difference between 3 kids to 4 kids, I would think 4 kids may be more balanced though not sure whether it will be easier...

[4blue2pink]

4 kids is when you no longer all fit in a "normal" sized 5 seater car, so you enter the world of the "big family" who have to upsize various things just to make everybody fit, obviously this gets more dramatic the more kids you have!! but baby number 4 is the one where the car has to get changed (unless you dont need a car or already drive a 7 seater :))

personally i found going from 3-4 really easy, baby #4 arrived and just fitted right in and i have found all my other babies since have also done the same thing, they just turn up and slot right in place :heart: i found going from 2-3 the hardest as i suddenly had more kids than hands!!

i am a fan of even numbers with my own kids and agree with you 100% that i found 4 kids more balanced than 3, but that is just my opinion, you do what is right for you :) good luck with whatever you decide xx

[SoFullofHope]

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[Dreamsplanner]

SoFullofHope it is nice to hear of good stories of older mamas ��❤️❤️ My concern is in the risk for the not so healthy as I had hoped and what that entails.
We have no family nearby and for me health is so important to enable us to care for our children on our own.
But I guess there are screenings I can do and a positive thinking and attitude is needed too x

[atomic sagebrush]

It's true that the risks are higher but still are overwhelmingly in favor of everything going just right.

If you are in good health, thin, without underlying health issues it really does mitigate a lot. It really does. My pregnancy and birth at 41/42 was the easiest of the five.

But, nuthin is right - you have to totally take into consideration that there are no guarantees about how long any of us will be here. I do have some worries about that myself. :/ But, the fact is that even at younger ages there aren't guarantees anyway so I just have my will in place and hope I'll be here as long as I can be :)

[Dreamsplanner]

Thank you Atomic, nice to hear positive words!!
Guess with us older mums there is also the plus that we have a maturity and knowledge of life so whereas our age gap is big we have tons of life experience to make up for it �� Leaning towards swaying now. May visit my doctor to ask for w check up before TTC next year ...

[SoFullofHope]

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[atomic sagebrush]

Nope anyone can have a baby with Downs Syndrome. Age makes it more likely but it's possible at younger ages.

[SoFullofHope]

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[ever hopeful]

4 is hard, no two ways about it. We are very lucky financially, but even so it's a totally different ball game with holidays, room configurations, cars and also finding individual time for all of them. I started late and have had 3 of my 4 in my 40's 41, 43 and 45... very easy conceptions and pregnancies for all of them - although DD was HT - and four c sections and luckily four healthy babies. I know people that have had babies a lot younger and have sadly ended up with health issues for themselves and their children.

If you are both in agreement and want to do this, providing you are in good health (I do think that's important) I'd say go for it - I think it would be dreadful to get spend your latter years wondering 'what if'. Despite the fact that it's hard, and being realistic it's unlikely that I will be around to do anything meaningful for my grand children, I wouldn't change things. Good luck x