Need to put this behind me

[Debahlgrim]

Hey atomic this has been on my mind and I just need to get it all out there and move on- what I did wrong or could have done better in my sway. I feel like I had a great sway and I was so shocked to find out we were pregnant with a boy. I was on the diet for a solid 9 weeks. (And the 4 weeks before that it it wasn’t a super boy friendly diet but not super pink either!) I was doing 60 minutes of cardio 6-7 days a week. I added coffee and skipped breakfast everyday. In July- the month we conceived- we BD on CD11, I got a positive LH surge on CD14 and we BD again on CD 16 (a full 48 hours after the LH surge.) I J&D after 5–10 minutes instead of right away because I figured the chances were slim anyways. (we had to BD on those days due to hubby being out of town!) So I just wonder what was the most likely thing that didn’t work for us or was it just luck that we got a boy and all the pink swaying in the world could still conceive a precious boy? My momma heart wants so much to be content! I’m getting better but the loss of the little girl and little sister I always wanted for my daughter and that I had dreamed of still gets to me from time to time. I want to know that I shouldn’t have done anything differently and this was absolutely meant to be. I knew, of course, I would be thinking “we should have waited one more month to try” if we conceived a boy and I was right. I keep thinking that. Maybe more time on the diet? Maybe more strict pink diet? I lost almost 15 pounds in those 9 weeks so I feel like the diet was good enough. I stayed within the limits with the exception of a few days. Ugh. Anxious to hear your thoughts!


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[onelastsway]

It really does sound like a perfect sway to me. I can't see how you could've done anymore/anything differently. In the end, a huge part of it is beyond our control/luck. Hope you start to feel better about it soon, at least know you did everything you could x

[lovellcute]

I haven't found out what I'm having but I'm 99.9% sure it's going to be a boy
I keep going over my sway thinking what could I have done better, longer on the diet? More supplements, etcetc
But the fact is, I have many friends who have girls and didn't sway one bit
I know people who have 3 boys then a girl and didn't change one single thing
We can only slightly push the odds to our favour!
Congrats on your little boy
I have a two year old son and he is the light of my life!


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[ksmom]

No one can tell you why your sway didn't work. You can have a great pink sway and get a boy just like you can do nothing different and get a girl. Your sway sounded great to me and I'm not going to nitpick at it because like I said, no one can tell you what got you a boy this time. Even with great sways, about the max success we've been able to get to is around 70 percent (maybe a little more). That means even with doing everything "right," there's still up to a 30 percent chance of getting a boy. It really boils down to luck. I swayed for a long time and had a lot of pink tactics going for me but got another boy instead. Swaying isn't a guarantee. Atomic never said it was and it's why she encourages people to go HT if they can. All that being said, I understand the heartbreak of not hearing girl. It comes with a lot of mixed emotions and it can be hard to move on. It does get easier though. My sway opposite is now 10 months old and it no longer hurts when I think back to my swaying days. He has such a fun personality and now that he's able to play with his brothers more, he fits right in. I've long thought that sometimes (like the song goes) we don't always get what we want but we get what we need. Take from that what you will. You had a good sway and it didn't work out. It's okay. Your daughter gets to be the only princess and now has three little brothers to reign over. ;) I think you're pretty darn lucky to have even just one girl! A lot of us here wish we could have that. It's okay to be disappointed though that you didn't have another girl. Go easy on yourself. It's nothing you did or didn't do. Enjoy that new little man of yours, he must be pretty special to beat the odds. :)

[lovellcute]

Oh and I said to my partner
This baby we've conceived really really wanted to be ours
They fought Against the higher 'girl' odds and chose us as mothers
That's what I keep telling myself!


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[LA_Girl]

It sounds like you're looking for a stick to beat yourself with. You WILL find people who did less than you did, but got a girl. Remember that we all start from a different starting point (age, hormones, genetics, partners). Everything plays a part in the symphony, and we don't know everything about what influences the gender we conceive. Even the things we're doing to sway we don't know why (scientifically) they do.

I can imagine that, although you must be happy to have a boy, it's the disappointment of not having a girl. I totally get that, and fear it myself. Be kind to yourself, and don't beat yourself up about what you could've done differently. You'll only be hurting yourself and that won't achieve anything positive.

Sending you lots of hugs.

[pinkfairydust]

i know you know this but remind yourself-- swaying is never a guarantee. You had an amazing sway but there was no guarantee. You didnt do anything wrong. Some things are out of our control and there's nothing we can do to change that.

[SoFullofHope]

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[Debahlgrim]

Thank you ladies so much. I know I am beyond blessed to have a daughter already. Having her first I always pictured a little sister for her and I have a brother and always wanted a sister. So it’s been hard to let go of that dream. But it’s been helpful planning and doing girly things with her. I bought us matching PJs for Christmas :) I’m getting more excited about this little boy. Thank you ladies so much for your comforting words. I really felt like I had a good sway and tried my absolute best. Just trying to push those “if only I did this” thoughts out of the head.

Any advise on raising brothers to be close?


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[Suliah]

I have 3 boys, and I was beyond hurt when I found out the third was a boy... As my (at the time) DH had told me he was getting snipped if I didn't (and he followed through, when DS3 was only 2 months old, even though I begged him not to). I had to mourn the loss of the daughter I had always dreamed of...

It hurts.
But to me it looks like you dodged a bullet... Your daughter will be 7 years older than your new family member... they would never have been close. Now at least he will have brothers close to his own age. Yes, he will be the baby, he will be picked on (mine is, that's how boys are) but something about brothers, they always have each others' backs, even when they seem to hate each other. Girls are not like that.
I love my 3 boys. They are all so different, and so special.
You will need to deal with your grief (it truly is mourning the loss). I hope it gets easier. It did for me, after a while.

[ksmom]

Thank you ladies so much. I know I am beyond blessed to have a daughter already. Having her first I always pictured a little sister for her and I have a brother and always wanted a sister. So it’s been hard to let go of that dream. But it’s been helpful planning and doing girly things with her. I bought us matching PJs for Christmas :) I’m getting more excited about this little boy. Thank you ladies so much for your comforting words. I really felt like I had a good sway and tried my absolute best. Just trying to push those “if only I did this” thoughts out of the head.

Any advise on raising brothers to be close?


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There's really no magic to getting them to be close. Yours will be close in age so that helps. It really comes down to personality though. My oldest is 5.5 and despite DS3 being only 10 months, he loves playing with his little brother. DS1 and DS2 are very close but they've never really known life without each other. I say just try to always include them in activities together and encourage them to work out any differences. I always try to get my boys to play together so no one is left out which usually isn't a problem. Most likely they'll be close anyway just by being brothers similar in age.

[atomic sagebrush]

Swaying is an iceberg. What we see and think we are controlling with diet and stuff is this tiny piece. There's a huge mass under the water that we cannot know about and all we can do is step forward in faith when it is the right time for our family to start TTC because not I nor anyone can tell you when it's the right time. It is entirely possible that you'd have waited that month and gotten a boy or waited a hundred months and gotten a boy. I can't say why, I can't tell you what you "should have" done. It is just beyond my ability to know. All I can ever do is have you guys do what works for most people most of the time and then we roll the dice.

EVERY baby is meant to be in my book. No mistakes. No matter what we never ever lose. We only win. Whether we get a boy or a girl we get another beautiful little person to love and I promise, promise, promise that in time this will make sense to you like all our opposites do in the end. :heart: