Aftermath of IVF for gender selection

[goldielock615]

Hello,
Wanted to see if there were any moms still on the board who completed IVF for gender selection?

-If IVF did not work for you did you switch to swaying or decide your family was complete?
-If IVF succeeded and you have the gender selected how has everything been? Did you tell friends or family their gender was selected? Do their siblings know? Any emotional baggage from making the choice?

[nuthinbutpink]

I am several years on the other side of having my IVF child. We have not told anyone. There really is no need in the world for anyone to know. I can tell you that it is much harder to keep it a secret because human nature is to want to tell. I know too much about genetics, screening and IVF for GS so when any of those topics come up, it is hard to hold back and not correct people when you know they are incorrect with their information.

It is overwhelming at times with 4 kids! I probably have emotional baggage from that, lol. Other than being very busy, no regrets. Our child is totally normal, excels at most things and there is zero difference between the IVF child and his siblings. There will never be a reason for anyone to know at this point as far as I can tell. We never discuss how our other children were conceived so it's not that big of a deal to me.

[goldielock615]

Thank you! Definitely lots to think about.

I am torn about whether or not we would tell our parents and siblings, especially mine who live very close to us. I think I would appreciate their help during the process with the kids. We could have our nanny stay late and such but they usually do better with more help from their family for longer periods of time. I am not sure if my parents will agree with the choice but I don't think they would tell anyone else. But once we tell them there's always the chance our children would find out. If we complete the process over the summer on our first try we could probably have the kids spend a week with my in-laws, but again it might be hard not to explain why. I also don't trust my MIL not to tell others, she cannot keep anything to herself and it would inevitably come out.

[boyshopping]

Hi,
Great post goldielock615. I'm following.... also wondering how it is after success and emotionally how things are going.
thanks!

[Throwaway_panther]

Hi, I remember having the same thoughts and issues too. As you can tell by my signature, our first cycle was a failure, but we also had the added issue of recurrent pregnancy loss to work against. IVF, at least, gave us some answers in where the embryo issues were happening (my husband's sperm). Our clinic also didn't do the best drug protocol with me, so we'd adjust for a second cycle.

We're not telling anyone. Only my real life best friend knows and people I've met through here. We'd never tell my family or extended friends, and as we travel for our cycles, we had the extra hurtles of going out of town and not telling anyone.

Ultimately, it's been fine. It is isolating, as between the injections, monitoring and recovery, there is a lot of time and emotional upheaval that goes with IVF. But it is my choice to not tell anyone, and so far I don't regret it.

If we ever get to my dreamed of son, I won't view him differently. I remember worrying about that so much before IVF, that I would view him differently since he was conceived in an atypical way. But after as many losses and heartbreak as I have had, I know I wouldn't feel that way. Dreaming of seeing my son bouncing around with a strong heartbeat on an ultrasound is sometimes the only thing keeping me going.

[Hopefully Pink]

This is an older thread, but I was just checking in and I thought I'd answer.

I had my IVF daughter in December. I can honestly say it was the best decision for my husband and I. I have 2 boys and I longed for a daughter. I tried to move on and get past my desire for a daughter after my 2nd son was born but I just couldn't. We decided that the act of trying even if we were not successful would help alleviate my sadness. We felt that it would help knowing that we had tried. We were very lucky in having a successful cycle. We only told our parents our IVF plans because we had our boys stay with them while we were at HRC. After I was pregnant I told two of my best friends because I knew they were worried about the gender. They had been very supportive during my gender disappointment and I did not want them to worry. I do have concerns that my MIL will share our secret but my daughter has completed our family and we love her so much that if it were to get out I do not think I will care. We do plan to tell her when she is older. Good luck on your journey!


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[ever hopeful]

this is probably likely to be one of my last posts on here as my HT DD is now 4 years old....no regrets whatsoever, totally in love with her and the best thing we have EVER done for ourselves and our boys, even though my DH didn't want to do this or want a 4th and feel totally complete and no longer look at baby/toddler girls with complete and utter longing or the pink section in children's shops with the same emotion! We told everyone after the 12 week scan, as had joked that we'd go abroad if we went for number 4, so thought it easier to be honest and I happily now tell people, especially when they say 'how lucky I was to have a girl after three boys'! We have never had any negative comments to our face and in fact lots of people have asked for more information and I know at least two who have gone through the process of the back of 'knowing someone who'd actually gone the HT route'. In the UK it's obviously not so common and also illegal. Good luck and I hope you get your desired gender.

[goldielock615]

Thank you all for the continued responses. Its really reassuring to hear others feel it was worth it and it did make their family feel complete. I love hearing the positives and negatives of going the HT route and general considerations of larger families. Please feel free to keep updating this thread!

I did tell my parents and sister we were looking into it. They were surprisingly supportive and said this was something I've wanted for such a long time they are happy I am trying to make it happen. I think I will need their help to go through with it, so I am happy they were receptive and not judgmental about it. I am waiting to see how we feel after we actually go through with it if we tell anyone else.

[Dreaming of a girl]

Hi everyone, I hoe you don't mind me jumping onto your post? We also haven't told anyone about our IVF journey, We have 2 boys conceived naturally.

I so want a girl and although I love my boys dearly, I cant help longingly looking baby girls and I just feel someone is missing in our family

So our IVF journey started in June 2017 when we went for a fresh transfer to Genesis in Cyprus. We only managed to get 6 embryo's and only 2 xx made it to transfer at day 5 which we transferred. BFP but unfortunately I had a missed miscarriage at 6/40

We went back out to do a frozen transfer and again only had 2 xx to transfer in February 2018 BFN and I'm broken hearted we have no more eggs to transfer

I have received an email from the Dr offering another go but we only pay if we get a full term pregnancy! I do not know what to do. We would need to find money again for flights, accommodation, medication, scans etc as well as the cost if it was successful

What would be different next time? Am I just wasting my time? should we try naturally?

I just don't know what to do. We live in England so this has already taken a massive toll financially and emotionally. Has anyone else been in my position? My DH has said he will support me whatever I decide

[Georgia_Peach]

Hi everyone, I hoe you don't mind me jumping onto your post? We also haven't told anyone about our IVF journey, We have 2 boys conceived naturally.

I so want a girl and although I love my boys dearly, I cant help longingly looking baby girls and I just feel someone is missing in our family

So our IVF journey started in June 2017 when we went for a fresh transfer to Genesis in Cyprus. We only managed to get 6 embryo's and only 2 xx made it to transfer at day 5 which we transferred. BFP but unfortunately I had a missed miscarriage at 6/40

We went back out to do a frozen transfer and again only had 2 xx to transfer in February 2018 BFN and I'm broken hearted we have no more eggs to transfer

I have received an email from the Dr offering another go but we only pay if we get a full term pregnancy! I do not know what to do. We would need to find money again for flights, accommodation, medication, scans etc as well as the cost if it was successful

What would be different next time? Am I just wasting my time? should we try naturally?

I just don't know what to do. We live in England so this has already taken a massive toll financially and emotionally. Has anyone else been in my position? My DH has said he will support me whatever I decideThat's a hard journey. I am so sorry you are going through this. We also conceived naturally for our children and after we lost our daughter and tried for months with no success... I knew I was ready to do ivf. It was a huge emotional and financial strain on myself and family. We have only told my best friends. No family. It's a secret.
We had a very successful outcome (I had 7xx normal PGS girls. Transferred 2 and am pregnant with one currently 1st try) and I am beyond greatful for that... however I always told myself if it didn't pan out I'd only do ivf one time. But after going through the whole process and coming so close to getting another daughter.. I started to change my thinking. I will never give up on wanting her. I can't just turn my mind off from dreaming of her and who she would/will be.
So if it were me... and my clinic was offering that.. I'd strongly consider. Most clinics charge you regardless of the outcome!
Money comes and goes. Be creative and find ways to gather the funds. We sold a lot of extra stuff around the house to help pay for my meds (per example).
wouldnt you beat yourself up more for not giving it one more go?
What AMH level did you have? Is another ivf round going to be successful?
What does your Dr want to do differently thus time to help them stick?
It's such a hard descion and I know every situation is different. I am just speaking from my experience. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide!

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[goldielock615]

Good luck Dreaming Newbie! I realize their is high emotional costs of going through another round of IVF. If a clinic offered me a chance to only pay for success I would likely take it if my husband was on board. I personally would rather deal with the pain that it did not work and I did all I could than pain that I gave up an opportunity and do not know what the outcome would have been.

I would ask the clinic what protocol changes they will make for another round. It sounds like you had 4XX embryos which is quite good, do they have any recommendations on make transfer more successful?

[seven gorgeous babies]

Hi
Wow I've not visited these boards for years but tonight for some reason I got to wondering!
I had 3 cycles.
My third cycle with Dr savvas/genesis cyprus game me my twin girls who are unbelievably nearly 6!
At first it was all I thought about - the process, the tears, the amazement?
But now honestly I don't even think about it. They are my girls. No matter how they were conceived.
It's not that I forget but that it doesn't matter. It all just fades away. They were meant to be
Worth every penny, all the heartache, all the work

[Dreaming of a girl]

Thank you every one for your replies. We have decided to go ahead with our 3rd cycle. What have we got to loose? just the cost of the medication and obviously if successful then we have to pay the cost of the IVF!! If it is unsuccessful then at least I know that we tried and we can try and sway naturally.

I will keep you updated of how things go :)

[3rdbaby]

How did it go?


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[EVERAFTER]

how many cycles did everyone do to get their xx? Our first cycle we got one normal male and 1 normal female, transfered the female and she didnt take... :-(.... next cycle only had 1 normal male... crushed.... wondering if we try for a 3rd cycle....

[Georgia_Peach]

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