How many times ?

[love being a mummy]

How many times have you had gender disappointment.
Whether you were swaying or not, how many times did you have the opposite gender of what you wanted?

[TTC5]

Once, DD3. I had it terribly :(

[love being a mummy]

I've experienced it twice now.
I don't think I have had "GD" as such. I still connected with my baby and still wanted her.

I had G first so wanted boy next and I got a boy, then I wanted a girl next and got a girl.
So I had GBG so I wanted #4 to be a boy but it was another girl, was really hoping #5 was a boy but it was another girl.

Just wondering what it will be like to get a gender opposite for a 3rd time.

[Flava]

I had it twice .it was real bad with #3 but not so at all with #4. And no i don't want to find out how it is for the 3rd time!
omg...

[Zivic-Bubac]

Once, with DD1 :( All my life I was sure my 1st child was going to be a boy. Right....

I can't explain why no GD with DD2 :think:

[DoulaMama]

I've had GD with my first, mildly. I was down from the time I found out he was a boy at 26 w until birth. Once he was here... I was head over heels in love!!!
I had terrible GD with DS2:( I found out that he was a he, secretly at my u/s and lived in pain and suffering for 22weeks... I had trouble bonding and it took months for me to say that I was glad he was here. I still feel horrible about that. He's such a sweetheart and I'm so glad that I have him!!
DS3 was a birth surprise... Almost zero GD other than a second at birth when I looked to see what we had. Other than that, I fell totally in love the minute he was born and have had zero issues. I still had a longing for a girl, but no disappointment about him.

I've had 3 opposites now. I wanted all girls.

[nuthinbutpink]

My first, I wanted a boy and I was more embarrassed that she wasn't for some reason than sad about it.

DD2, I lost it like a real jerk at the doctor's office after the anatomy scan and just bawled my eyes out.

DD3, didn't find out in the doctor's office after the experience last time, had her write it down, SURE it was a boy, opened it at home, nope DD3. More shocked than anything. It's not like I had even swayed, just was so different than my other pregnancies and the ultrasound tech sounded like she was talking about a boy the whole time.

DD3 led to to find IVF while I was pregnant so I guess I always had the desire. It made it easier to cope with DD3 because I knew IVF was an option for us.

I really think that if anyone is going for a final/another child and you cannot do IVF, I really think you need something that is just for YOU- you have to find something you love that you can focus on- whether it be your job, a new job/training, hobby, etc. There has to be a focus beyond your children or you can wallow in GD forever.

[DoulaMama]

I really think that if anyone is going for a final/another child and you cannot do IVF, I really think you need something that is just for YOU- you have to find something you love that you can focus on- whether it be your job, a new job/training, hobby, etc. There has to be a focus beyond your children or you can wallow in GD forever.
I totally agree with this! I have known for a long time that after #4 comes along, we are done and I finally get to pursue Midwifery! I'm very excited about starting my journey "officially"(been a birth junkie and doula for years) and I knew that if this was a boy I'd still have that part of my life to really look forward to(not that I wouldn't look forward to my kids lives...but having something for just ME is soooo important too!!). This is one of themain reasons why I haven't stopped doing the things I love- I am a crafty person and need to have that in my life or I'd feel like I wasn't ME anymore...if that makes sense??

[Hobbermittens]

Once, with DD2. Before having kids, I wanted all boys. I had DD1 first, and I was just so happy to be a mom, I didn't care that she was a girl. I was also surprised at how much I enjoyed girl stuff. But then I had DS, and loved having a boy, and wanted #3 to be a boy as well. When I found out she was a girl, I had horrible GD. :( Just now getting over it, and she is 19 months.

[nuthinbutpink]

I totally agree with this! I have known for a long time that after #4 comes along, we are done and I finally get to pursue Midwifery! I'm very excited about starting my journey "officially"(been a birth junkie and doula for years) and I knew that if this was a boy I'd still have that part of my life to really look forward to(not that I wouldn't look forward to my kids lives...but having something for just ME is soooo important too!!). This is one of themain reasons why I haven't stopped doing the things I love- I am a crafty person and need to have that in my life or I'd feel like I wasn't ME anymore...if that makes sense??

It totally makes sense and I can tell you from the perspective of finally getting your dream gender, what I said still doesn't change- you have to find something that makes YOU happy no matter what. Getting your dream gender is great but it doesn't solve world hunger or world peace IYKWIM. Your kids will grow up and have their own lives. You gotta live yours too.

[DoulaMama]

It totally makes sense and I can tell you from the perspective of finally getting your dream gender, what I said still doesn't change- you have to find something that makes YOU happy no matter what. Getting your dream gender is great but it doesn't solve world hunger or world peace IYKWIM. Your kids will grow up and have their own lives. You gotta live yours too.

Absolutely! I am excited beyond words about a girl in my life...but feel the same way about my passions, career, etc. I know that although my GD was bad with DS2, it felt different this time around. I was expecting this one to be a boy and didn't feel that bad about it...I'm sure GD lessens in time for some. Pretty sure it had already started getting better before TTC this one :)

[zanacal]

Once after DS3 - until then I had foolishly thought that one of them was bound to be a girl and never did anything to try one way or the other!

[purplepoet20]

Well, when I was prego with DS1 I took a gender urine test and I was upset that it said girl but a few weeks later the u/s showed a perfect boy and I was over the moon in love with my little boy.

DS2 I wanted to be a girl. I did wish some awful things to happen but once I held him OMG every thought and feeling went away. I did talk about a 3rd child in the labor and delivery room ;)

I am a little afraid of my feelings but I do know that I will love my baby no matter what it is. After all I love my hubby and my boys so I can love whatever comes along.

[Glittergirl]

once with DS3--I kinda thought I would have 2 boys 2 girls. But I honestly think other people's expectations caused the GD because everyone mentioned how I have to have a daughter. Before then, it never occurred to me to care as long as baby is healthy. When I heard boy at NT scan I went online to other sites to study the whole nub theory and that's what caused it the most. I have to say I am probably closest to ds3!!! I love all my kids, but something about him he is so special to me and so loved....I bonded with him right away and my little GD baby is just the most special little guy in my life!

[DoulaMama]

once with DS3--I kinda thought I would have 2 boys 2 girls. But I honestly think other people's expectations caused the GD because everyone mentioned how I have to have a daughter. Before then, it never occurred to me to care as long as baby is healthy. When I heard boy at NT scan I went online to other sites to study the whole nub theory and that's what caused it the most. I have to say I am probably closest to ds3!!! I love all my kids, but something about him he is so special to me and so loved....I bonded with him right away and my little GD baby is just the most special little guy in my life!

I admit that it's the same here...I'm not sure if it's because he's the "baby" or it's just because we really click together. He is such a mommy's boy too...my other 2 were not as close to me and wanted daddy a lot. I love it:) My bond with him is crazy....I can honestly say it's different with him.

[love being a mummy]

I can tell you from the perspective of finally getting your dream gender,
Do you feel your family is now complete?

Every one has told I will know when I am done, and my family will feel complete.
I have never felt complete even when I had DD and DS. I always wanted another baby and now I have 5 kids I still feel the same way. I worry I will always want more children. It's a very strong emotion to deal with.

[nuthinbutpink]

Do you feel your family is now complete?

Every one has told I will know when I am done, and my family will feel complete.
I have never felt complete even when I had DD and DS. I always wanted another baby and now I have 5 kids I still feel the same way. I worry I will always want more children. It's a very strong emotion to deal with.

Oh, I was so done! Yes, I knew. If I had gone for number 4 naturally and gotten another girl, I would be done. We want to do stuff- travel, be able to leave the house without a diaper bag, etc. Before we are old! I'm dead serious about that. I want to go into my forties infant free, toddler free and start enjoying life beyond preschool play dates. I've started to get back out there some and I am absolutely enjoying it!

[love being a mummy]

My hubby is the same he wants the kids to grow up a bit so we can spend more time together doing things without nappies, prams, bottles etc but I can't help it, I look to the future and I want my other son. I want my son to have a brother.
I grew up with no sister and I hated it, I still hate it.
Hubby says DS will have brother in law's and probably sons of his own, but it's not the same as a brother.
I don't have a sister but I have SIL's and 4 DD's but it's not the same as having a sister JMO

[annabel♥lee]

I had it mildly with boy #2. My first I was OK with because although I would have preferred a girl, I figured my next would be a girl. When he wasn't I was disappointed. I actually came to terms with it rather quickly and decided I was Ok with it and I wanted to be done. It was a few years later (when my sister started having girls) that I started feeling that yearning again for a daughter. It's so difficult because I'm invited to go to tea parties and girly things with my mom, sister and neice and it hurts so bad. I want to experience those things with my own baby girl. :(

[nuthinbutpink]

My hubby is the same he wants the kids to grow up a bit so we can spend more time together doing things without nappies, prams, bottles etc but I can't help it, I look to the future and I want my other son. I want my son to have a brother.
I grew up with no sister and I hated it, I still hate it.
Hubby says DS will have brother in law's and probably sons of his own, but it's not the same as a brother.
I don't have a sister but I have SIL's and 4 DD's but it's not the same as having a sister JMO

How old is your DS? I know what you mean about having a brother but really, I don't think about that ever. You could really run with that- I am the oldest in my family...I never got to experience having an older brother OR sister...am I missing out? If you have another DS and he never has a younger sibling, does he miss out...you could go on and on with that but I really don't think your DS will be affected at all.

I take the glass half full approach and my DS gets all the attention when it comes to the boy stuff...he stands out because he is the only boy and we embrace it. I don't think any of my kids has issues with where they fall in the birth order because it's not an issue and we don't make an issue of it. So, is it more YOUR issue or your DS'? What is he missing that his sisters cannot provide? I don't think there is anything he cannot do with them that he would have to have a brother to do other than see how far in one direction they can pee! (That's a joke). Obviously, you have a DH and he can get everything he needs from him.

I know what you mean about wanting a same sex sibling- I like the fact that my girls do- but that is MY issue, not theirs. That's all I'm saying.

[love being a mummy]

My son is 7. He constantly asks for a brother.

I am the oldest child aswell, birth order doesn't bother me at all.

I don't think any of my kids has issues with where they fall in the birth order because it's not an issue and we don't make an issue of it.
Same here


So, is it more YOUR issue or your DS'?
I think it's more my DS issue but my issue aswell

[nuthinbutpink]

Well, all you can do is try then. Good luck! I hope you get him a brother!

[love being a mummy]

Do you think I am doing the wrong thing, trying for a boy?

[nuthinbutpink]

Do you think I am doing the wrong thing, trying for a boy?

Well, no...the whole site is kind of dedicated to that sort of thing! Obviously, the decision to have another child is very personal and monumental so who am I to have an opinion on your life.

All I can do is speak for myself. I know kids say stuff all the time. When I was due with DD3, DD1 would say we already have enough girls, why can't she be a boy and then when we had DS, she has asked why he couldn't be another girl! I stopped listening to them awhile back!

I would not have a kid for my kid- it's my life too and I had the kids that DH and I wanted and my kids ask for another DD or DS all the time but they are not getting it! I am ready to move on...it is hard enough and expensive enough with 4- raising them, parties, college, weddings, etc...it's a lot! There's only so much we can do and still provide for our kids so 4 is it for us. I can only speak for myself though.

[queen-of-harts]

I have had some sort of dissapointment with every one of them.I always figured my first child would be a girl and when i was pregnant i got all sorts of pink stuff and then it was a boy so i figured "next time" but boy again....i didnt start to lose hope until ds5 and then ds6 i was pissed at the world after my u/s but got over being pissed and i of course love all my boys and i am super close with ds6,i am not mad he is a boy just very sad he could not have had a twin sister lol

[lobella2]

I had GD really bad with my son. I didn't really connect with him until he was a few months old. I really wanted girls. Three girls would have been perfect to me. Then I was lucky enough to have a girl for my second, but I was very depressed until I found out she was a girl because I was already starting to feel the GD thinking she would be a boy again. I know with the 3rd I will have some GD if it turns out to be a boy because I still really want a girl again. So far its looking like it is another girl though, so I am hoping the tech is right. GD is such an awful feeling to have.

[love being a mummy]

I am having another child because I want to.
I am swaying boy cause I want another son and want my son to have a brother.
I will be a little bit dissapointed if it's not a boy but I will be ok if it's a girl.

[auroara78]

Disappointed with DS1, always imagined only having girls....I was so sure it was a girl when I was pregnant (no reason) that when I heard "boy" at his U/S I was stunned, as if that wasn't an option! LOL

Love DS1, but haggled hubby for baby number 2 for a while, he wanted to wait until better money situation, etc, but got preggo accidently with DS2 while still in grad school. Thought "OK here is my girl, she was meant to be because we didn't plan, etc" and well, the night before the U/S, I laid in bed and was actually trembling slightly because i just knew I was going to hear "boy."

Swaying for a girl, but being realistic and for the first time, really open to a 3rd son, if that's what happens. My heart is filled with so much love for my two DS's. I have realized that my life is way different than I thought it was going to be, but that's OK< I need to embrace what I've been given, and have peace that my reality is different than my fantasy.

Would not trade either DS for anything, though I do still long for a daughter. Maybe she will arrive next time :P

[CapricornAquarius]

I had gd at the 20wk ultrasound of my 2nd dd, I cried like a baby in my car, then when I got home I cut up the little boy outfit I had brought & that made me feel so much better.

[love being a mummy]

I had gd at the 20wk ultrasound of my 2nd dd, I cried like a baby in my car, then when I got home I cut up the little boy outfit I had brought & that made me feel so much better.

:( hugs

[atomic sagebrush]

I only had full-blown GD with DS 3. With DS 4 I was actually ok with another boy but was very bummed to get pg without having a chance to sway the way I wanted to, and also very devastated to have come so close to having my lifelong dream of twins only to have it snatched away at the last minute. Then I had a high-risk pregnancy on top of it, horrible birth, and I am still struggling with negative feelings in general because I feel kinda cursed (I know logically that;s not true but it is how I feel) and also that I am a total f-up who fails at everythign I have ever tried (and I don't want to feel that way but logically I have to admit it is totally true. :/)

[atomic sagebrush]

Do you feel your family is now complete?

Every one has told I will know when I am done, and my family will feel complete.
I have never felt complete even when I had DD and DS. I always wanted another baby and now I have 5 kids I still feel the same way. I worry I will always want more children. It's a very strong emotion to deal with.

I think this is not true and I know many gals both IRL and online who always wished for one more baby and never felt "done" even when they knew realistically, they should be (like ME!!! :p and me feeling not done has nothing to do with gender, either.)

[Flava]

I am having another child because I want to. I am swaying boy cause I want another son and want my son to have a brother.
I will be a little bit dissapointed if it's a boy but I will be ok if it's a girl.
You want a boy so why would you be disappointed if it's a boy?:suprise:

[Flava]

I only had full-blown GD with DS 3. With DS 4 I was actually ok with another boy but was very bummed to get pg without having a chance to sway the way I wanted to, and also very devastated to have come so close to having my lifelong dream of twins only to have it snatched away at the last minute. Then I had a high-risk pregnancy on top of it, horrible birth, and I am still struggling with negative feelings in general because I feel kinda cursed (I know logically that;s not true but it is how I feel) and also that I am a total f-up who fails at everythign I have ever tried (and I don't want to feel that way but logically I have to admit it is totally true. :/)
wow i feel the same Im freaking cursed for sure it's like some one don't want us to have a boy ! And yeah i fail at things to :(

[zanacal]

Atomic - I know you weren't saying that for a pep talk but the research and energy you've put in to this site are a very good example of why you don't f-up everything. I was thinking this only this week, how strange it is that if I get a girl I pretty much have a woman I've never met who lives thousands of miles away to thank - and even if I don't, I can still rest easy that I did all I could because based on what I've read from you I wouldn't do anything different if I had my chance over again. I am very grateful to you for that :D

[begonia]

How many times have you had gender disappointment.
Whether you were swaying or not, how many times did you have the opposite gender of what you wanted?

I wanted boys every time, so technically, I'd say I had it 3 times. But with DD1 it really wasn't what I'd call GD, it was more something I pretty much laughed about; "of COURSE it's a girl, LOL ... I said I wanted boys." And that was it. From the moment I saw her sweet face and every single day for the last nearly 6 years I wouldn't change a thing about her.

DD2 I had it mildly in comparison to now. I really thought she was a boy. Pregnancy was 100% different. And I grew up pigeon pair and so did DH, so for us, it just seemed like the natural order ... one of each. Shocked when we heard girl, and definitely disappointed. Got over it long before her birth though and was excited for DD1 to have a sister.

DD3 I will meet in oh, 4 months or so ... the GD is extremely bad now. Never ever EVER would have thought I'd be as bad as I am with it, but it's bad. Bless DH's sweet heart for putting up with the things I have said about this baby these past few weeks; I don't know how he tolerates me sometimes but thank heavens he's allowed me to be honest with how I feel. It sucks because normally I love being pregnant; it's such a tremendous gift and the last 2 times I just loved it to bits and couldn't wait to do it again ... but the GD is definitely robbing me of the joy of pregnancy and I hate that. This is my last pregnancy and I really, really hope I can get to a place where I enjoy part of it... the 1st tri I was obsessing over what it was, then of course found out and am depressed ... so maybe, just maybe by 3rd tri I can have some fun with it. FX.

[begonia]

wow i feel the same Im freaking cursed for sure it's like some one don't want us to have a boy ! And yeah i fail at things to :(

I feel cursed too! But only in this. I've said it before on here but this is the first thing in life I've ever really wanted that I haven't gotten ... and I don't mean that in a spoiled way, I mean that I'm used to being able to work/train/study for a goal and meet it. This?!? This I can't make happen, and I am SURE that is part of why it drives me mad. And what with the perception that boys are "given" to dominant people (and TW supports this, aside from the whole maternal dominance hypoth) it drives me NUTS that I am somehow not "good enough" to have a son.

[begonia]

Atomic - I know you weren't saying that for a pep talk but the research and energy you've put in to this site are a very good example of why you don't f-up everything. I was thinking this only this week, how strange it is that if I get a girl I pretty much have a woman I've never met who lives thousands of miles away to thank - and even if I don't, I can still rest easy that I did all I could because based on what I've read from you I wouldn't do anything different if I had my chance over again. I am very grateful to you for that :D

I wholeheartedly agree. Well said Zan.

[CapricornAquarius]

:( hugs
Thank you lbam xx

[begonia]

I think this is not true and I know many gals both IRL and online who always wished for one more baby and never felt "done" even when they knew realistically, they should be (like ME!!! :p and me feeling not done has nothing to do with gender, either.)

Oh ITA with this ... I think SOME people feel done. I think others would keep having babies as long as they could. I'm struggling because I really, truly felt "done" the second I POAS for this baby and saw +. DH said the same. But now knowing it is a girl, both of us are thinking maybe we're not done. But I do WANT to be done. I never saw myself raising 4. But I also never saw myself without a son, so we'll see which of those wins ...

[begonia]

I had gd at the 20wk ultrasound of my 2nd dd, I cried like a baby in my car, then when I got home I cut up the little boy outfit I had brought & that made me feel so much better.

We just moved and unpacking I found one of the things I had in storage while we were in our temporary house; I had forgotten that I bought it but it was the most adorable baby boy outfit. I sobbed all over that thing. When it was dry I put it in the box to take to donate. It's tough.... even now I can't shop for this baby; I just have no desire to buy more girl clothing. FX you've got your baby boy this time CA.

[CapricornAquarius]

My husband often says to me that I take everything for granted, when you get given a gift like pregnancy accept it whole heartedly & be grateful regardless of gender.
I run this over & over in my mind & at times I know what he's saying is true but then I wonder how I will feel if at my 20week ultrasound Im told its a girl, but ive promised my husband & myself that im not going to dwell on gender anymore, because I really want to enjoy my last pregnancy.

[begonia]

My husband often says to me that I take everything for granted, when you get given a gift like pregnancy accept it whole heartedly & be grateful regardless of gender.
I run this over & over in my mind & at times I know what he's saying is true but then I wonder how I will feel if at my 20week ultrasound Im told its a girl, but ive promised my husband & myself that im not going to dwell on gender anymore, because I really want to enjoy my last pregnancy.

I hope you can do that CA! I know I wanted to do the same... but I couldn't, obviously. It's funny DH is SO totally fine with a 3rd girl, last night he was even talking about how he loves being a girl dad so much he can't wait for having 3... and I was telling him THAT is exactly why I wanted boys. Girls (not to stereotype, not all of us are this way) but many of us tend to get more wrapped up in the emotion and have a harder time moving on ... it's why we have the whole reputation for causing/liking drama. I think men tend to let things go easier than women do.

[CapricornAquarius]

We just moved and unpacking I found one of the things I had in storage while we were in our temporary house; I had forgotten that I bought it but it was the most adorable baby boy outfit. I sobbed all over that thing. When it was dry I put it in the box to take to donate. It's tough.... even now I can't shop for this baby; I just have no desire to buy more girl clothing. FX you've got your baby boy this time CA.

Aww thanks begonia :hug2: my heart breaks when I hear you say that you have no desire, you are going to adore your third child, trust me, im the baby of 4 girls & im mum & dads favourite, maybe not as a baby but as an adult.

I really hope you can get in the mood begonia & accept your beautiful gift.

[CapricornAquarius]

but I think men tend to let things go easier than women do.
I totally agree

[begonia]

Aww thanks begonia :hug2: my heart breaks when I hear you say that you have no desire, you are going to adore your third child, trust me, im the baby of 4 girls & im mum & dads favourite, maybe not as a baby but as an adult.

I really hope you can get in the mood begonia & accept your beautiful gift.

Awww, CA, that's so sweet about you being the fave :) DH keeps telling me this girl is probably going to be my favorite of them all.

I have moments where I'm able to enjoy parts of the pregnancy ... she moves all.the.time and today was the 1st time DD1 got to feel/see her. That was pretty precious :) Of course she followed it up by asking if we're sure it's a girl because she really wants a brother ... so that didn't help, LOL. I told her for sure it's another sis and she said that would be OK, but if something changed to let her know :rofl:

[CapricornAquarius]

Awww, CA, that's so sweet about you being the fave :) DH keeps telling me this girl is probably going to be my favorite of them all.

I have moments where I'm able to enjoy parts of the pregnancy ... she moves all.the.time and today was the 1st time DD1 got to feel/see her. That was pretty precious :) Of course she followed it up by asking if we're sure it's a girl because she really wants a brother ... so that didn't help, LOL. I told her for sure it's another sis and she said that would be OK, but if something changed to let her know :rofl:

Aww my goodness im so emotional, that is so damn cute, if anything changes to let her know, so so adorable.

[begonia]

I know, right? I have a scan at 28 weeks and might bring her if she wants to come along. It's fun that she's old enough to remember this type of thing later on in her life.

[love being a mummy]

You want a boy so why would you be disappointed if it's a boy?:suprise:
oops typo