Would you go for early gender scan on your own?

[mandyp85]

Hi ladies. I'm having a bit of a dilemma at the moment, I'm absolutely convinced that my twins are boys and I am contemplating going for an early gender scan on my own without telling anyone, even dh, as I think I would be better dealing with it by myself if its 2 boys. My problem is if it does so happen to be 2 girls or one of each I will feel like I have taken something away from my dh and I would feel bad about that and as if I had been deceitful. I really don't know what to do so was wondering if anyone had any advice for me? Thanks.

[atomic sagebrush]

I wouldn't go to an early gender scan because they are not reliable.

As for finding out gender, I ended up going to my ultrasound with DD by myself and DH didn't seem to care at all. You know your husband best, of course, but in many ways I felt like it worked better for me, I could have whatever reaction I needed to have unlike with DS 3 and 4 when he was sitting right there and I really had to temper my reaction due to his presence and then make a bunch of small talk afterwards in the car on the way home, and stuff.

[mandyp85]

Yeah sorry when I said early gender scan I just meant to go for an earlier scan on my own to determine gender rather than wait for the one ill attend with my dh :-) I am 17 weeks now so hoping they would be able to clearly see :-)

Yes that was my thinking too, that if it is 2 boys then I can deal with it better on my own. I know my husband wants to know and I think he would be disappointed to know that I found out before him, although I wouldn't ever tell him I already knew. Of course if its 2 boys I think that would be better for me but if its not 2 boys I would feel dishonest and that I had deprived him of something. Did your dh know you were going for your scan?

[mandyp85]

I just feel like if its 2 boys ill be better off finding out on my own but if we have at least one girl I would like to find out with my husband there. Of course I cant possibly know what the right decision is until I know what I'm having which is obviously not helpful at all ha ha.

[Parying4agirl]

I havent been in the same situation but i have scans to check health of my baby and after first baby, ive decided to go on my own. My DH can deal with things alot better than me, and expects chitchat when im going out my mind with stress and worry so decided its best i go to apps on my own. Its easier now cos he can look after boys but even with DS2 i went alone as I found it easier to deal with whatever was thrown at me myself. If it was bad news then i could get up upset, control it and then tell him whereas if he was there he wont let me cry and i cant deal with it.
I know that doesnt help u as i too would feel bad if it was a girl and he wasnt there.
I guess if u go with it just never ever telll anyone ��

How badly does ur DH want a lil girl?
I mean my DH isnt really fussed as hes happy with the two boys so if i were to go without him to a gender scan and find out its a girl, i dont think he’d be fussed

If u go alone and it is agirl ... book another scan and he can see it on screen ☺️

[mandyp85]

I havent been in the same situation but i have scans to check health of my baby and after first baby, ive decided to go on my own. My DH can deal with things alot better than me, and expects chitchat when im going out my mind with stress and worry so decided its best i go to apps on my own. Its easier now cos he can look after boys but even with DS2 i went alone as I found it easier to deal with whatever was thrown at me myself. If it was bad news then i could get up upset, control it and then tell him whereas if he was there he wont let me cry and i cant deal with it.
I know that doesnt help u as i too would feel bad if it was a girl and he wasnt there.
I guess if u go with it just never ever telll anyone ��

How badly does ur DH want a lil girl?
I mean my DH isnt really fussed as hes happy with the two boys so if i were to go without him to a gender scan and find out its a girl, i dont think he’d be fussed

If u go alone and it is agirl ... book another scan and he can see it on screen ☺️

Yeah that is my thinking, that if I decide to go I will never tell anyone. We've just always gone to all scans together, apart from last time I went to get gender confirmed on my own without telling anyone, but we were already 99% sure of what we were having as we saw his bits at our anatomy scan so I didn't really feel bad about it that time.

My dh doesn't really have a preference, not that he has communicated to me anyway but he does know how much I want another daughter. We already have our 20 week scan booked where they will tell us gender so for him nothing will change if I find out early, he will still have the surprise himself and will be none the wiser so really with the chance that it may be 2 boys it probably makes sense for me to find out early so that I have a bit of time to prepare myself for telling everyone its 2 boys.

[atomic sagebrush]

yes he knew but I would have had no qualms about going in secret after the first two go-rounds. I just personally felt like it was going to be easier for me to hear either bad news OR good news on my own and not have to temper my response. This would be a different dynamic if your husband was supportive or wanted a girl, but mine wasn't really either LOL

[Parying4agirl]

If it helps me be calmer and less stressed/ deal with emotions better id prob go alone.
Id feeel soo bad but sometimes we have to do things, i guess i say that because i go to my preg apps alone anyways.

[atomic sagebrush]

This is probably a YMMV thing. I know many of the ladies on here seem to get soothed/supported by their hubbies, whereas mine is usually more like, whenever I really need him, not only is he not there for me, he suddenly becomes the biggest problem I have. :/ So I tend to do things on my own without his invovlement as much as I can and reserve him for when I need a fridge moved or spider squashed LOL.

[mandyp85]

My husband is supportive of the fact that I don't want to hear comments from other people about gender, he told his mother not to go on at me about hoping its a girl etc, you know the usual comments, but he is not so understanding of my personal gender disappointment, he just doesn't understand it, last time when we found out we were having a boy he was not very impressed by my reaction and I don't really want a repeat of that. I think I will book one for just myself and if it gets to it and I've changed my mind there is no harm in cancelling is there?

[Parying4agirl]

Sounds like mines Atomic 😂

[Parying4agirl]

Good plan mandyp85
I dont think my DH would understand my feelings towards any of that either

[mandyp85]

So I have booked a gender scan for Monday, I will not be telling my husband, am going to go alone so that I can deal with whatever news I do get on my own. It will only be another week until we have our scan together so I'm not feeling overly guilty about finding out before dh .

[Parying4agirl]

Good luck for Monday, hope theres at least one girly in there. Be strong if the news is not what u dreamed. Hope either way you have healthy bubbas xx

[mandyp85]

Thank you :-) I will update ASAP :-)

[Blushpinkbabyxx]

So I have booked a gender scan for Monday, I will not be telling my husband, am going to go alone so that I can deal with whatever news I do get on my own. It will only be another week until we have our scan together so I'm not feeling overly guilty about finding out before dh .

Good luck Mandy! I hope you find out pink news with at least 1 of your twins! [emoji166]

[atomic sagebrush]

Good luck Mandy!

[lindz]

Good luck!! Hope you have twin girls in there!


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[ever hopeful]

Good luck - I'm in awe of you about to have numbers 6 and 7 (when your youngest is only a year younger than mine. I've only got 4 and life is busy!!!) Really hope you hear at least one is pink. x

[missiz]

Goodluck Mandy, I hope its twin girls for you, what a special surprise that would be - but either way, praying for healthy babies for you xo

[mandyp85]

Thank you everyone. I have just had my scan and its 2 boys. It feels like such a kick in the teeth that I worked so hard on diet and exercise, fell pregnant with twins and yet still couldn't manage to have a girl. I'm just so upset for my daughter right now, she is going to be heartbroken. They are both looking healthy tho which is obviously great news so I am trying to be positive.

[Parying4agirl]

Hey mandy im so sorry it was not news you dreamt off.
Take some time to yourself to accept that you have two amazing lil boys growing healthy inside you. Twin boys will be such a joy once they arrive. I know no matter how many positive things we all say, u will still feel that need for a DD and for that i hope u can deal with it emotionally as soon as possible.
Big hugs xxxx

[mandyp85]

Thank you. I just knew it wouldn't happen for me, things like this never do, so I wasn't surprised in the slightest when she said they were boys as thats what I've always felt they are, I'm more upset for my daughter really, I am not putting myself through this again so any chance of bringing another girl into the family has gone so my DD will never get her sister now :-( Happy they are healthy but so disappointed to have my second failed sway and the knowledge of the shitty comments that will be coming my way when we tell people its another 2 boys. Xx

[Parying4agirl]

bless you. Im sure your DD will adore the twins, two of everything ❤️❤️
Family can be so harsh, and your not alone. Dont see why there is a need to comment. Girls or boys they are your children so they should be happy for you either way. Can u hold off telling anyone until birth?
I wish i had the words to comfort you. If you decide after the twins your family is complete, your DD is so special to have lots of brother love surrounding her. She’ll be the princess of the house.

[mandyp85]

Yeah I'm sure she will too bless her, just really feel for her as I know how desperately she is wanting a sister. If I was just having one baby and it was a boy I think that would be harder but twins are special aren't they. Yeah I definitely think I'm done now, I have 2 failed sways behind me and I just don't think it would ever work for me so don't see the point in carrying on trying really. I appreciate all the support I have had from everyone on here, especially atomic but I think its time to let go now. No I don't think so, they know we are finding out so will have to tell them at some point I'm sure, my dh will probably tell them not to make comments about gender but I'm sure they wont be able to help themselves. Xx

[Parying4agirl]

Your right. Twins will bring double the laughter, joy and fun times, as well as mischief im sure ☺️
You seem very strong and i hope the comments dont come your way but should they do, dont let them get to you.

[mandyp85]

Well I'm flitting between feeling fine about it to feeling really disappointed, it does feel like a kick in the teeth, to be blessed with twins but still not be getting another daughter even after all the hard work, I know swaying isn't a guarantee but it does sting a bit.

[Parying4agirl]

Totally natural- dont feel bad about feeling that way xx

[mandyp85]

It just makes it all feel worse as now I'm going to have to deal with this gender disappointment for the rest of my life, was hoping to have one of each and then put it all behind me but its just going to hang over me forever now. I probably sound ungrateful as I already have a DD but she is getting bigger now and I just wanted one more go at bringing up a baby girl, especially with so many kids, a bit more of a gender balance would have been nice. Just feel quite sad.

[Throwaway_panther]

Oh mandy, I am so sorry!! You don't sound ungrateful at all. We're here because we all get the level of GD at any stage.

[mandyp85]

Thank you, I appreciate that. Of course I'm grateful that they are looking healthy and I will love them the same as I would a girl but my heart still hurts :-( x

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh mandy I'm so sorry to hear this - huge congrats on twin boys, of course, which are awesome, but I know it hurts. Hugest hugs for you and your daughter.

[ksmom]

I'm so sorry it didn't go your way. You have every right to feel upset, especially after putting so much into swaying. I hope in time, you'll adjust to the idea. I know how much GD sucks.

I'm glad your twins are healthy though, congrats!

[Blushpinkbabyxx]

Congrats on your twin boys mama! I’m sorry to hear that you didn’t get the news you were hoping for and that your daughter won’t have a sister to grow up with and that it all feels so disappointing right now, but in time all the feelings will pass. The bonus is that you and your daughter will be the women of the house and will have a special bond together and she will have the men of the house to look out for her and protect her.

[The Anchor]

I am so thrilled for you! I know it's not the news you wanted but I think you are truly blessed :)

[lindz]

I’m sorry things didn’t go your way. I don’t think you’re ungrateful at all. I can understand why you were hoping for another girl especially since you’ve had three boys in a row and are now getting two more. What are the chances? I always think it’s so unfair when bigger families have none or only one of the same gender(unless they wanted it that way) If you have that many kids the genders should at least somewhat even out. Congrats on your twin boys though! My twin sister is my best friend, and it’s awesome having a twin! The one upside with them being the same gender is they’re probably be closer and have more in common than b/g twins would and g/g twins probably would have left your daughter feeling left out. Hopefully she will enjoy being the only girl in the house and have special relationships with all her brothers. Hang in there and feel free to vent here whenever you need to. Hopefully people keep their stupid comments to themselves


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[missiz]

oh mandy, its ok to feel the way you do, I'm sorry it wasnt the dream you were hoping. I am glad they are healthy and like you said, take some comfort in the fact that you are still having twins which is a pretty special experience. I am in the same boat in wanting another baby girl so my daughter can have a sister... and I still dont know what I should do. You are brave and strong and now you have an amazing family of special people to love.

[Princess Mom]

Mandy, I came on here to see if you found out the genders, I’m surprised their both boys, I feel your pain, I am sorry! But sometimes this is meant, no matter how much we try. I know u are sad but health is most important. I pray you have all granddaughters in the future. I also totally understand your want for another girl, a baby girl, I felt the same. And honestly my older daughter would of been happy with either gender deep down inside, it bothers us more. I hope the GD passes you and you find peace with it. Hugs

[Parying4agirl]

How are u doing Mandy x

[mandyp85]

How are u doing Mandy x

I am doing much better now thank you. I still feel frustrated a little that I put so much into my sway and still got 2 boys, keep beating myself up that I could have done more and that my previous sway where I didn't fall pregnant was better and that I could have had more chance of a girl that time. But on the whole I think I have mostly accepted the fact that I will be a mostly boy mum and that I will never give my daughter the sister she wants. But I am just going to make the most of the relationship and bond I have with my DD. In my mind I will not rule out having more children but in reality I think its mostly likely not going to happen. I hope you are doing well? Xx

[Parying4agirl]

Hey good to hear from you. I think that feeling will stay for a while and would be for most people. Its normal to feel the past would have been better or was different but we can never be sure of that.
Who knows maybe in future it may happen without even any trying. I think sometimes we want something sooo badly it just doesnt happen for us. Im about 7 weeks now, constant nausea and extremely tired, still waiting for midwife to call to have a booking appointment. I had a bad night where i felt its gonna lead to a m/c like last as around this time the sac stopped growing (although i didnt find out until 9 weeks. Strong feeling its a boy though. Just get lots of vibes, i know people say feeling and emotions are not always promised for a gender sway but i have my feelings.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm so glad to hear from you Mandy - hugest ((((hugs)))) and wishing you the best of luck with your family moving forward. :heart: