Ever wish you had been more sympathetic to someone else's GD?

[auroara78]

I have two sisters. My eldest is very cut and dry, very doubting, negative. She has 1 girl and 4 boys.

My second sister is a sweetheart, very trusting, loving, open, if not a little relgious-orientated. She has 4 boys.

Her last son is now about five and a half years old. He was born with a cleft palette, cleft lip, and, well, born a boy. She didn't find out with him at an U/S, and everyone knew she really, really wanted her LAST to be a girl, but obviously he wasn't.

I didn't have kids then yet (my oldest just turned 4) and I remember being smug about her last being a boy. Back then, I thought I'd have nothing but girls.

I wasn't mean to her, or I didn't say anything directly hurtful, but I'm sure I mentioned the fact that it wasn't her long sought after daughter. Looking back, I feel bad for probably being very insenstive to to the fact that not only was he a boy, but that he had cleft issues. (He's had surgeries, he's almost fine now, but it's stressful to deal with that sort of problem.)

My oldest sister, the one with 1 daugther, loves talking about how much second sister wanted a girl and how it NEVER happened.

Instead of agreeing with my oldest sister and being a bitch, maybe I should have told the first sister where to shove it and gave more support to my 2nd sister?

As this was years ago, I don't want to bring it back up (and reopen a wound) but can a person ever say sorry about something that's water under the bridge?

[nuthinbutpink]

I think you can be super supportive and very complimentary of her and her sons. It's very stressful to have a special needs child. Very. It changes you too.

It's never too late to be a great sibling! I don't think bringing up the past is best but focusing on all the good stuff going forward is great. And yes, I would tell the older sister to watch it.

[auroara78]

Thanks for the response! It's been eating on me since I started to desperately look for ways to get a girl.

I'm closest to my brother, who stays out of everything! When one of us sisters tries to bring him into anything, he says, "I'm not going there!" LOL, he cracks me up. He keeps me on the right path, most of the time, when it comes to gossipy stuff.

[nuthinbutpink]

Well, when you know better, you do better. At least you are aware enough to make a change and that is more than most!

[begonia]

I'm closest to my brother, who stays out of everything! When one of us sisters tries to bring him into anything, he says, "I'm not going there!" LOL, he cracks me up. He keeps me on the right path, most of the time, when it comes to gossipy stuff.

Ah, Auroara ... this is one reason I reeeeeally wanted boys! They tend to be more level-headed about things! That said, my brother is the most unforgiving person I know so certainly not all men are level headed :)

Re: the empathy, I have one friend who years ago had her 3rd DD. She was over for a playdate and mentioned had she known it would be another girl, she never would have had her. At the time I didn't really pick up on it other than to think I felt badly for her and I think all I said at the time was how darling her DD3 was. Now I really understand where she was coming from and looking back I wonder if she needed someone to talk to and I just didn't see it.

I do think that occasions arise to apologize for something that you otherwise wouldn't ever want to bring up again. If the situation comes up I would certainly say something, because an apology is really a lovely thing when it is genuine. But no, I wouldn't bring it up out of the blue.

[auroara78]

Thanks, begonia, I was thinking along those lines of it if comes up naturally, maybe fit it in....

I love my two sisters but I have always and always will be closer to my brother. We just relate to each other really well. I don't always talk to him a lot in person, but we text at least a few times a week, soemtimes a day if we get in a chatting mood. I talk to my sisters every few months. I think if I ever got my wish and had a daughter for my third child, she'd be so lucky to have two brothers.

Sorry about your brother being unforgiving,....sometimes men can be very stubborn and arses, if you know what I mean! My hsuband is the most stubborn mule i know!