Swaying after Miscarriage

[Mochagirl]

I've already PM'd a lot of you and had discussions on several unrelated threads, but I thought it would be useful to start a thread on swaying after miscarriage in case it could help others. As most of you know, I had a m/c 5 days ago, and am in the midst of planning my next attempt. There is just such a wide range of advice on what is best after a miscarriage, and for every piece of advice I get, I find something contradictory elsewhere.

Just for fun (and to help keep me distracted while I wait to O again), let's play a game of Fact or Fiction. I'm interested to hear about people's experiences with any or all of these issues.

1) The first cycle after a m/c (before your first period) sways girl

I really want to believe this, and I definitely have heard lots of stories about women having a girl after a m/c, but how come I keep hearing the exact opposite everywhere as well: that the cycle after m/c sways boy? Why exactly does it sway one way or the other? Is it hormones? Also, is this sway factor strong enough to make up for the fact that I won't be able to do the diet for longer than maybe 2-3 weeks before I O? If you have stories about women with lots of boys conceiving a girl right after a m/c, I want to hear about it!

2) It is safe to try to conceive again right away

My midwife told me to wait two full periods before trying again or I will increase my chance of another m/c, which to me was devastating news. I'm 37 and want to be done having babies. I also don't want a big gap between ds3 and this baby since one of the main reasons (other than wanting a girl) I want baby #4 is for him to have a playmate. It took us 4 months to conceive last time (+ an extra 6 weeks on the diet), then with 3 months of pregnancy before my m/c that means I've lost well over half a year. I want to get started NOW. I feel like being pregnant again will also help a lot with my grief.

I've since discovered that lots of doctors and midwives tell women it's fine to start right away - that news was music to my ears (and a special big thanks to the lovely DM who asked several knowledgeable midwives for advice on my behalf), and I really want to believe it. I'd love to hear stories of women who conceived right after a m/c (especially after a late m/c 10 weeks or later) and carried their baby to term - it would help me feel better about trying so soon.

Ok ladies, discuss. This stuff is all I can think about lately, and I'm going to need to make my decision soon since my bleeding is finally stopping and I could O in the next week or two if I'm really, really lucky (apparently some women O as soon as 2 weeks after a m/c). My dream is to have a BFP by Christmas, but it's not worth it if rushing it (and not spending long enough preparing my sway) will up my chances of having another boy or, most importantly, if I will be increasing my chance of another m/c.

[rainbowflower]

Oh Mocha, I didn't know about your loss - so sorry :(

I can't answer #1, but I can answer #2 as I did a lot of reading after my MMC last year. The reason they ask you to wait for 1 period is (1) to have a "clearout" (sorry, there's no nice way to put that) although not everyone needs that and (2) so that they can date the next pregnancy should you fall straight away, although this is nothing that a scan couldn't resolve.

I think some couples might also need the break TBH, time to grieve and come to terms with what has happened.

Also, most first cycles after a MC are anovulatory.

You should always wait until you get a neg HPT before TTC again - so you know that any BFP you get after that is a new pregnancy and not "retained products" (again, sorry) and also not TTC until you have stopped bleeding/spotting.


ETA - often the later your loss, the longer it can take AF to return - although this is normally within 6 weeks. Cycles can be irregular after a MC, so I guess that might sway pink. Finally, nature's cruel twist, even if not pregnant you might find you get intense pregnancy signs during your 2ww as your body is then more sensitive to the progesterone - I had this for a couple of cycles after my MC and know many others who have too.

[Mochagirl]

Thanks, rainbow - it's been a tough week. Yes, I've definitely seen the dating argument for waiting, as well as the grieving argument. However, after a natural m/c, like mine, and an u/s to confirm that everything has passed (which I have scheduled for Tuesday), the advice from many sources seem to be that there's no physical reason not to try again right away. I would definitely use an HPT before making my attempt, and I also have a blood test scheduled for this coming Friday and plan to ask them to test my HCG levels.

[Mochagirl]

Oh, and thanks for making this a sticky - I know many women have these same questions after a m/c. Hopefully we can all help each other.

[rainbowflower]

only you will know if you feel really ready or not, you know your mind and body best. If you have a clear scan and normal blood results you will likely have no physical barriers to it.

FWIW I tried to TTC straight after my MC although wasn't swaying, but I had loads of spotting, wasn't using OPKs although I was temping... I had no idea what my body was doing as it kept on spotting ALL cycle and I don't think my body had any idea either. It was the most stressful and depressing situation to be in limbo like that not knowing when AF was due. AF showed up after 6 weeks in the end. We didn't get a BD in during our fertile window (calculated based on when AF showed up) but AF showing up again still brought it all back and hurt all over again. Perhaps it would have been better to wait a cycle, then again I just wanted to be pregnant again ASAP and waiting didn't feel productive.

[Indira]

Mocha I´m sorry for your loss.

Question 1: I´m sorry I don´t have stories like that, I can only say we skipped the first cycle after miscarriage and conceived Ds 2 on the second cycle. Surely my diet was boy-friendly then: my MC happened on Christmas and I was feeling sad and sorry for myself for weeks and consoled myself with lots of food and chocolate.

Question2: I also got a lot of different opinions, I had a control US a couple of weeks later, the dr. told me I was about to OV and that we could go for it right away. My homeopathic dr. told me to wait 6 months, that was upsetting to me and not acceptable (I was feeling sad and empty and the only thing I wanted was to get pregnant again). The dr. in the hospital that diagnosed the MC told me to wait for 1 AF so that´s what we did.
The only thought that made me get through it was to start TTC again and get back pregnant again, so I completely understand you want to try now. After Ds2 was born I did wish I would have waited 3-4 months because getting back pregnant so soon made that I couldn´t ´enjoy ´ that pregnancy at all, also DH and our relatives were very worried and gave me a hard time trying to live that pregnancy as a natural, pleasant thing. The new pregnancy was determined in everything by the experience of the MC, and it was not about this new live that was coming to us. Once Ds2 was born the MC faded out a lot ofcourse. And I don´t know if it would have been any different if I had waited 3-4 months. Unfortunately, I think once this happens, pregnancy is never going to be the same again.
I really hope you will be pregnant very soon with a little pink bean :HH:

[Mochagirl]

Unfortunately, I think once this happens, pregnancy is never going to be the same again.


Thanks for your thoughts, Indira. I know in my heart you're right - now that I've experienced m/c I know I can no longer experience the carefree thrill of early pregnancy - I will always be fearful.

Oh, and did I know you were pregnant? Sorry if I missed that - congratulations!!!

[TTC5]

Oh Mocha, I had no idea :(
I am SO SO sorry xxx

[rainbowflower]

Thanks for your thoughts, Indira. I know in my heart you're right - now that I've experienced m/c I know I can no longer experience the carefree thrill of early pregnancy - I will always be fearful.

Oh, and did I know you were pregnant? Sorry if I missed that - congratulations!!!

I think that's true as well... although I never had the stress-free pregnancy experience myself at all (I was a regular poster on forums even then so knew the MC risks well), but once you have experienced one it's easy to become a nervous wreck.

Chances are you will always be afraid of a MC again now during pregnancy, and although you might choose to wait to TTC for fear of having another, it doesn't mean that the fear will go away after a few months.

[Mochagirl]

rainbow - I know what you mean. Because of my involvement in so many online communities, I knew the reality of m/c well. Still, having never had one myself I always felt somewhat invincible. I was always cautious for the first 6 weeks or so of pregnancy, but if I got past that unscathed I felt safe. I certainly never imagined I'd m/c at 11 weeks! I'm soooo thankful I hadn't told the kids about the pregnancy because I was very close to doing it several times.

I agree that waiting won't alleviate my fears. Honestly for me I don't see any benefit to waiting at all (as long as it's physically safe to start trying right away). I think being pregnant again would make me feel so much better. I definitely have a loss of innocence now but I'm still hopeful for the future.

[rainbowflower]

Will you get any answers about why it happened? Apologies if that's a silly quesetion, over here they make you wait for 3 losses before giving you any tests and I'm not familiar with policy in other countries.

I conceived my DS a few months after my loss (we'd seen the baby alive and "well" at a scan at 9 weeks and had been so so happy, I hadn't expected anything to go wrong either after that. I was worried, but I thought I was being irrational and everyone else told me I was being irrational for worrying too when my odds were so good after that).
My point is, had I never had that loss we could never have conceived my "rainbow baby" - can't imagine life without him now. I won't lie and I still grieve my first ever baby even nearly 2 years on, but William has cushioned the pain a lot. I think we also appreciate it all a bit more too and I hope that it makes us better parents for being so lucky to have him. I hope that makes sense. Hope you get a rainbow baby too.

[Mochagirl]

Thanks, rainbow. No - the baby likely died many weeks ago and I miscarried it naturally at home, so I'll never get any answers. That's ok - I feel better knowing the baby was likely sick from the start and never meant to be. I'm thankful we never heard or saw a heartbeat or the loss would have been harder.

I like to think my angel baby will always watch over my family. And one gift my angel gave me is that though I still want a girl with all my heart, gender is just a teeny bit less important to me. I think I'll be so relieved if I get a healthy baby next time that my gd won't be quite as severe if it's a boy.

[LolaInLove]

Hey Mocha....I hope you are doing ok. My heart really goes out to you as I know exactly what you are going through. I think it is comforting to think that the baby was sick and wouldn't have made it anyway. As painful as nature can be sometimes, she does the right thing.

I think I posted this in the over 35 thread, but I can add a few tidbits to the discussion.

I conceived my 1st DD two weeks after my 1st m/c, which was just a chemical. My DH and I (this was the ex) dtd only once or twice, and it was around O time. I remember going to the doc for my post m/c check up, and I told her I felt pg again and she laughed. And then they did a beta and I laughed. Ha. Anyway, when I had the m/c in January at 5 wks, which was technically a chemical also, the doc told me to wait a few months. Being older ourselves (that m/c was on my 35th birthday of course, just to make me feel old and broken as all hell), we decided to wait a month, so we gave February a pass and then conceived again in March, which I lost at a hair under 10wks. After that one, my doc asked us to PLEASE wait 3 months, and we did, but of course, now we are having real problems conceiving again, which is weird, and of course, my DH did the old SA and it came back really bad, so we are just in limbo/whatever land now. But, I will say that when I went back at 6 weeks for my check after the last m/c, I was about to ovulate, and the u/s showed a nice big follie about to erupt and also a very good lining, so I suspect it just depends on how your body bounces back. I think if you really up your vitamins and eat very nutritiously (which probably means no LE diet, unfortunately) your body can bounce back faster. Which sucks if you are ttc a girl.

Maybe it would be worth it to have a really healthy month now and then get back to the diet (honestly I can't even remember if you are doing that, but I think so) the next month from AF-O? Just a thought. I know how you feel though, waiting 3 months was an eternity, but we really REALLY freaked about our eggs/sperm being bunk due to age after the 2nd one in a row, so we told ourselves that the 3 months was our time to really beef up our antioxidants and try to make the healthiest eggs and sperm possible.

I hope that long diatribe was somewhat helpful. Just know that you can and will conceive again fairly soon.....seems like you guys are still nice and fertile. Just do what feels best to you. I say if you don't want to wait, then don't. If you feel like you can take a month and it would ease your mind to do so, go for it. Many docs just give you the 3 months off prescription on robot mode because it's the standard or something.

Hope you are doing ok and feeling better, hun. xxoo

[LolaInLove]

Oh, and I forgot to add that YES, after a loss you definitely don't have a stress-free time, but hopefully you will enjoy the pregnancy after all seems well around 12 weeks or so. And I also will have zero GD if I have another girl. Losses and infertility (and just getting older) really put gender desire on the backburner to just plain and simple baby desire!

[Out of the Blue]

Mocha, :HH: & :hug2: again! I hope this thread will help others out there...

“1) The first cycle after a m/c (before your first period) sways girl”
Everyone tells me that it does sway girl and I was very tempted to do it when I got my first O back (11-11-11) but we decided not to go for it b/c as much as I just want to get this show on the road and be preg again, I was afraid those past 16 wks of pregnancy would not sway hard enough as I had gained those 10lbs and my diet had changed (BOY FRIENDLY!!!). I also just wanted to take some time to make sure I was in the right place mentally. In addition, I hate the number 11 now as this year has been such a terrible year with too many losses (please, please let 2012 be a great year!). DH almost wanted to wait until Jan to TTC so we can wipe the slate clean of 2011 but I can’t wait that long. We’ll TTC on the next O after my first AF.

“2) It is safe to try to conceive again right away?”
Who knows…??? It’s funny how doctors say one thing and midwives, etc. say another…I’m hoping TTC after my 1st AF will be okay. To anyone out there, I say do your research and go w/your gut on this one!

In my case, we will never really know what happened with our twins…the 1st was lost too early on for any testing and our 2nd looked completely perfect at birth, all organs intact and functional according to the report. No signs of any Trisomy issues that the earlier blood work pointed to. Just that darn cord wrapped so very tightly around her neck. At the NT scan several wks earlier everything was perfect according to the Dr. but I saw the cord going upwards in all the shots but didn’t think anything of it and the Dr. said nothing, probably b/c there is nothing they could have done and he didn’t want to alarm me. I am wondering if the unfavorable blood work was due to the cord around her neck earlier on as she was slowly dying. Maybe the cord issue was even caused by a Trisomy issue...??? We had an appt w/that Dr. last Fri, but we ultimately decided to cancel it b/c if he were to say my next pregnancy would likely have the same issue, etc., I don’t know how I could get the courage and mental soundness to TTC again. We could go IVF but we just don’t’ want to right now, especially if we don’t have to. We just decided to leave things as they are and try not to question anything as even that Dr. wouldn’t be able to give us definite answers, just some statistics on what happened and what would happen w/future births. Maybe I’m sticking my head in the sand but at least right now, I have found peace and am hoping it remains. I had 2 healthy pregnancies before this with 2 wonderful lads and we are so very thankful for that. I am also thankful for this experience because it has brought clarity to our lives. We are honored and humbled to be their parents even though they are angels now.

I will be a basket case though out my next and any subsequent pregnancies…I feel like I have been robbed of the joy and wonder of pregnancy and I won’t be able to settle down until the next baby gets here safely. It’s unfortunate but true.


And I also will have zero GD if I have another girl. Losses and infertility (and just getting older) really put gender desire on the backburner to just plain and simple baby desire!

Lola, you’re right! But I honestly cannot say whether or not my GD will be gone. I think having a healthy baby will soften it a bit but in my case, I suspect it’ll still be there (and I feel very guilty of that…sigh…shouldn’t it be enough to have a healthy baby, especially after losing these two…??? UGH.). I cannot even let myself think of GD, right now as there is so much more at risk right now…After a healthy baby, I’ll just have to deal w/GD then if it’s there.

[rainbowflower]

you're right Mocha, it does change your perspective. I will never ever be able to relax before a scan again - seeing a LIVING baby on there instead of a motionless one is all I want, gender comes second to me really.

[Mochagirl]

Thanks ladies - you're all so wonderful to share your stories and advice.

Lola - I am doing the LE diet, but I'm trying to do it in the healthiest way possible. Atomic has been helping me to come up with high iron meals that loosely stay within the diet (spinach salad with beans and chopped egg), and I'm letting myself eat up to 50g of protein instead of just 40g. I'm also eating whole grains here and there and not worrying so much about the occasional cheat.

I think at this point I'm going to wait to see when (and if) I O and go with my gut then. I like to think anyway that if my body's not ready I just won't get pregnant that cycle. Maybe fate will decide this for me and I won't ovulate until after af anyway.

So far, a week after my m/c, I feel physically ok. The bleeding has slowed to the tiniest bit of brown spotting, I'm feeling energetic again, etc. Emotionally I have my ups and downs. Most of the time I focus on my hopes for the future and feel ok, but every once in a while something triggers the tears.

Jen - I definitely hear you on 2011 being a crappy year. In the past 3 months I had to put my kitty to sleep, discovered that my father has bowel cancer, and now this. I just know 2012 is going to be a great year of new beginnings for both of us :HH:.

[mandicane]

Hi Mocha, I'm so sorry to hear about your m/c. I know how you feel as I had a m/c with my very first pregnancy. My input might be redundant and a little late but I let one period come before I started trying again and one was all i got as I fell pregnant with my son. I also heard conflicting advice on trying after a m/c and I decided to just go for it. It felt right to me and it was right because I have a beautiful, healthy little boy because i listened to my instincts. Trust your self and just go for it. hugs to you!

[Mochagirl]

Awww...thanks, mandicane! I'm currently exactly 2 weeks past my m/c, and I finally got a BFN, so I finally feel like things are progressing. I also am starting to show signs that O *could* be coming any day now, and I'm considering going for it.

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh gee whiz, I thought I had commented on this thread!!

What a great thread and (((Hugs))) and love to you all.

The only thing I can add is that my understanding is that some people want you to wait one cycle to make sure that all the tissue (and even cells) have been passed to ensure there is no risk of infection.

Doctors talk a good game but they know about 3% of why anything really happens if that even. Take their advice with a grain of salt because I think they speculate A LOT and just do things sometimes so they can appear that they know WTF is going on and that they are in control.

I'm with ya in the 2011 SUCKS clan. Can't wait for 2012, even if the Mayans were right it has to be an improvement! :heart:

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh gee whiz, I thought I had commented on this thread!!

What a great thread and (((Hugs))) and love to you all.

The only thing I can add is that my understanding is that some people want you to wait one cycle to make sure that all the tissue (and even cells) have been passed to ensure there is no risk of infection.

Doctors talk a good game but they know about 3% of why anything really happens if that even. Take their advice with a grain of salt because I think they speculate A LOT and just do things sometimes so they can appear that they know WTF is going on and that they are in control.

I'm with ya in the 2011 SUCKS clan. Can't wait for 2012, even if the Mayans were right it has to be an improvement! :heart:

[XXdreaming]

I am on the fence here, I was puking by 5wks pregnant, got u/s at 7wks. Saw a healthy baby and heartbeat, wanted to see me back in 10wks, I lived on zofran puking my guts out, all signs of a good pregnancy....yeah right! My 10wks u/s showed a baby measuring 7wks 6days with no hb, my body had no signs of m/c, cervix tightly closed, no spotting, no cramping, so I decided the fastest way would be d&c, went home and felt sorry for myself taking my zofran and still vomting, blood work agreed with u/s, and my question is it different with a d&c then a natural m/c, can you still start right back up after d&c or should you wait?, I haven't decided yet, because I just puked through thanksgiving and christmas and then found out a week before my bday it had already died, I don't know if I am ready for m/s again, but just in case I change my mind can you start right away after a d&c?

[Mochagirl]

First of all, I'm am sooooo sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you that you've had to go through this so many times.

Back when I was trying to decide what to do, I found lots of people online asking the same thing as you. A lot of them were told by their doctor that since a d&c completely cleans out your uterus it's a good idea to wait until after your first period to make sure you have a good lining built up first. Could you maybe ask your doctor?

I did end up trying right away, but my body obviously wasn't ready since I spotted through my whole LP, but my second O I got my BFP. I'm somewhat of the mind that if your body isn't ready to support a pregnancy, you won't get pregnant. I wish you a swift BFP and a sticky, healthy bean :HH:.

[rainbowflower]

I am on the fence here, I was puking by 5wks pregnant, got u/s at 7wks. Saw a healthy baby and heartbeat, wanted to see me back in 10wks, I lived on zofran puking my guts out, all signs of a good pregnancy....yeah right! My 10wks u/s showed a baby measuring 7wks 6days with no hb, my body had no signs of m/c, cervix tightly closed, no spotting, no cramping, so I decided the fastest way would be d&c, went home and felt sorry for myself taking my zofran and still vomting, blood work agreed with u/s, and my question is it different with a d&c then a natural m/c, can you still start right back up after d&c or should you wait?, I haven't decided yet, because I just puked through thanksgiving and christmas and then found out a week before my bday it had already died, I don't know if I am ready for m/s again, but just in case I change my mind can you start right away after a d&c?
so sorry for your MMC :( I had a similar one
no, you can start after a D&C, but in a D&C they really strip your lining of most of its thickness (to make sure they get all of the cells) and I'm not sure if that would affect implantation chances in the first cycle
not all pregnancies are the same, you might not be sick at all with the next one.

[XXdreaming]

thanks i think I will wait a cycle then, because I dont need any help with m/cing, it does make sense in cleaning your uterus and striping your lining my body might not have enough to time to replenish it for an egg to implant, so I think to be safe I will wait for my cycle to return and all my pregnancies sucks lol I am puking at 5wks and dont let up till 18 to 20wks so I am not to hopeful of it being any different :/

[atomic sagebrush]

:( Hang in there XX. Praying it happens fast for you!

[Allegra]

I'm so sorry for all of you with losses. I've never had a late miscarriage, but have now had two early ones in a row and I'm getting so frustrated. I know it's not fair to compare week 5 M/C with week 11, but it still hurts some way.

First misscarriage was about week five. Had many BFP:s but I still was cautious and continued LE diet. When the mc happened, I was happy I did, cause then we could ttc right the next cycle. I had a GREAT swaying cycle after the MC. Did the diet, antihistamines, ph, supps, 8 day abstinence and 0+7-timing. And I got pregnant. I had an early BFP and was SO excited that this must be my girl. I didn't continue LE diet this time because I was so fed up with it - having eaten tasteless food since february. I ate chicken, fish, pork, chocolate cake - whatever I feeled like.

But after a bit more than a week, mc happened again. I was again on 5+ weeks. I'm just getting frustrated and I'm not sure I can continue swaying anymore. The thought of zucchini pasta makes me cry and I'm not even sure we can TTC next cycle because of all the meat and fatty foods I've stuffed during the early pg. Also I can't help but think that the losses were boys. I've read that most miscarriages are boys, since they are more fragile. So how come I fall pg twice with (possible) boys after great sways.

Just needed to vent. I feel like baby fever is taking soon over the baby girl fever..

[Mochagirl]

Sorry, Allegra - that's frustrating. A miscarriage is a miscarriage no matter how early - they all break your heart. I certainly became much more 'team baby' after my m/c, and it think if I'd had more than one I would have dropped even more of my sway. Just make sure you don't make any decisions you'll regret. Maybe take a month off swaying and TTC altogether?

[Butterfly Spirit]

I'm so sorry for all of you with losses. I've never had a late miscarriage, but have now had two early ones in a row and I'm getting so frustrated. I know it's not fair to compare week 5 M/C with week 11, but it still hurts some way.

First misscarriage was about week five. Had many BFP:s but I still was cautious and continued LE diet. When the mc happened, I was happy I did, cause then we could ttc right the next cycle. I had a GREAT swaying cycle after the MC. Did the diet, antihistamines, ph, supps, 8 day abstinence and 0+7-timing. And I got pregnant. I had an early BFP and was SO excited that this must be my girl. I didn't continue LE diet this time because I was so fed up with it - having eaten tasteless food since february. I ate chicken, fish, pork, chocolate cake - whatever I feeled like.

But after a bit more than a week, mc happened again. I was again on 5+ weeks. I'm just getting frustrated and I'm not sure I can continue swaying anymore. The thought of zucchini pasta makes me cry and I'm not even sure we can TTC next cycle because of all the meat and fatty foods I've stuffed during the early pg. Also I can't help but think that the losses were boys. I've read that most miscarriages are boys, since they are more fragile. So how come I fall pg twice with (possible) boys after great sways.

Just needed to vent. I feel like baby fever is taking soon over the baby girl fever..

Allegra, Please don't blame yourself for feeling guilty for being sad that you had a 5 week M/C.
I believe the same thing that Mocha does, no matter what time it occured, a loss is still heartbreaking!
I had my first one this month at 5 weeks as well, and it HURTS like hell! We had sweet little babies that we finally conceived, and we thought and dreamed about their futures and then all of a sudden they were taken from us ... just like that.
Might I suggest what I am doing that two wonderful ladies told me to do: Either drink red raspberry leaf tea or taking red raspberry leaves capsules.. they strengthen the uterine wall!
Don't rush into conceiving though, just whenever you are ready again.
Life sucks! I'm so sorry for your loss hon. It's just not fair!!! :broken:

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm so sorry Allegra.

First of all, you have no way of knowing whether your babies were boys or girls. Girls are lost too, it's just that more boys are lost.

I would have you drop the abstain and O+ timing. Best results come from fresh sperm + fresh egg - I am NOT saying in any way that you caused your miscarriages by anything you did or didn't do, because most are totally just bad luck and out of our control. I'm just saying that's what ~I~ personally would tweak if it was me.

Huge (((hugs))) and best wishes for a sticky BFP soon.

[Allegra]

Thanks everyone! It's a much better day today. I think that when you're swaying m/c feels even worse bc of all the effort put into it. But here I go again finishing my mushroom pasta and drinking some sprite zero. I think we'll TTC this cycle even though I ate some meat and sweets during early pg.

Atomic: do you think FR would be better than abstinence for us? DH is 35 and is on a medication that can potentially lower sperm count.

[atomic sagebrush]

Allegra, yes I think FR would be much better for you guys than abstain.

[fresas]

I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks in March and yes, it still hurts like hell. It hurts more because just recently 3 of my friends announced their pregnancies, 1 who is due 2 days after I was supposed to have a baby. Let yourself grieve and do what you need to do to get your entire self in a healthy place. I'm so sorry for you. :( It hurts.

All of my doctors told me to wait at least 3 cycles just so the uterine lining can recover and hopefully become much healthier and thicker. I talked to my husband who is still on the fence about trying for a baby because I really need to finish school and with a baby, it will be much harder. This will be my 3rd cycle since miscarrying.

What was weird about my miscarriage was that it acted almost like a period. Obviously it wasn't since my hCG was close to 1000 with the first blood draw at 3 weeks + 5 days, I was having a lot of pregnancy symptoms (extreme nausea, fatigue, sore and huge boobs), and the fact my bled so heavily and with so much clotting, but I ovulated 2 weeks after miscarrying and got my period about 18 days later. That luteal phase was pretty long compared to my normal cycles, but had I not been so attentive to my body, I probably would have though I was just have been having a really gnarly, horrible cycle.

[Butterfly Spirit]

I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks in March and yes, it still hurts like hell. It hurts more because just recently 3 of my friends announced their pregnancies, 1 who is due 2 days after I was supposed to have a baby. Let yourself grieve and do what you need to do to get your entire self in a healthy place. I'm so sorry for you. :( It hurts.

All of my doctors told me to wait at least 3 cycles just so the uterine lining can recover and hopefully become much healthier and thicker. I talked to my husband who is still on the fence about trying for a baby because I really need to finish school and with a baby, it will be much harder. This will be my 3rd cycle since miscarrying.

What was weird about my miscarriage was that it acted almost like a period. Obviously it wasn't since my hCG was close to 1000 with the first blood draw at 3 weeks + 5 days, I was having a lot of pregnancy symptoms (extreme nausea, fatigue, sore and huge boobs), and the fact my bled so heavily and with so much clotting, but I ovulated 2 weeks after miscarrying and got my period about 18 days later. That luteal phase was pretty long compared to my normal cycles, but had I not been so attentive to my body, I probably would have though I was just have been having a really gnarly, horrible cycle.

Oh Fresas, that is so very sad! I hope that your friends keep their pregnancies on the DL.
It is so very very hard. I just am sad, then I'm furious, then sad all over again.
The morning after the ER told me I "probably had miscarried" (the doctor wasn't very nice), I visited youtube to seek out ladies and what their bodies did afterwards. I started taking Vitex and Red Raspberry Leave capsules (well they did tea I decided I can't stand tea so I did capsules) at the advice of Mocha and Atomic. I thought that would speed up the process. So day 5 of those, and so far no headache today!
So here's how mine went down: On April 17, I had red bleeding..period wasn't due until the 22nd the next three days I had pregnancy ghost lines while bleeding out like a moderate period with clots day one and 2 just one pad, day 3 like 5 pads.. so I was confused, and hcg at the clinic was 46 a couple days later. That whole week after that I just had brown discharge so I thought I was done. Then Sat I was done so DH and I BD. Next day fresh blood so I went to the ER. hcg was 500 and I thought I would be totally fine, and they gave me a rhogam shot..and a couple hours later I cramped pretty bad and bled and there was part of my mucus plug when I went pee. I thought that it was from the pelvic and transvaginal u/s. Next day was all dark old blood but Wed it was like a flow and clots so I went to the ER again and they did both U/S and pelvic. The not so nice doc said my hcg went down to 50 and my uterus was empty. I never saw the evidence though, which upsets me.. my body will probably still think it's pregnant. Even in the past few days I'm having prego symptoms, and I hate it, I just want it to end as long as there isn't another bean hiding in there :(

It sounds like you and I had similar miscarriages.
You had a VERY high hcg level at under 4 weeks!
I want another one badly but DH isn't going to help me
I wish you luck with your DH helping, if that's what you want to do.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me sweetie! It's SO hard!!! :tissue:

[fresas]

Oh my gosh, I'm so so sorry. :( That is such a sad story. Cycling through various emotions, even in the same day, is totally normal, at least it was for me.

DH is willing to help in any way he can so I'm happy to have that support, but we're both worried about the financial aspects of having another baby and then so preoccupied with having another miscarriage or an unhealthy pregnancy. I have had high risk pregnancies so I have never had the chance to have an easy pregnancy, but if I am ever pregnancy again, it will be even worse. I hope I'm not sounding so negative. I'm just very scared. :(

The hCG was high! My progesterone was 4.1 with the 1000 hCG draw. I think this is why my doctors still feel the pregnancy was unhealthy to begin with. I just wish I could get answers.

I hope your husband can have a change of heart about assisting with a sway in some way for you. I hope you find peace soon, too.