annabel♥lee
November 26th, 2011, 02:53 PM
I need help.
I'm almost 5 weeks pregnant, swayed for a girl. I'm desperate for a girl after two boys and almost 12 years of wishing and hoping.
Here's the thing that makes my desire for a girl so much worse. My sister. She had a boy first, then two daughters. Her girls are 4 and 2. For the most part I do OK, but there are days when I can see my mom's obvious favortism and it makes me crazy.
I'm extra bummed today because today is the "girl's tea" which is my mom, my sister and her daughters and me. I decided not to go. Call me a jerk or whatever, but I just couldn't do it today. It hurts to much. And the worst part of it all, they will NEVER know or understand how I feel. NEVER. Oh and for the record, there is no "boys" Christmas tradition. :/
I don't know how to cope between now and finding out the gender of this baby. And worse, I don't know how I'll cope if it's another boy. My mom clearly loves having granddaughters and to think that my sister was able to give her two and I gave her none. Wow. That hurts. My mom has always favored my sister, in my mind (although she denies it), so this obviously makes that even stronger since my sister had girls.
I really don't know how I'll cope. I went into this (TTC) OK with either gender, of course with a strong desire for a girl, but OK with either. Now that i am pregnant, my desire for a girl has increased 10 fold. Geez, after a miscarriage 6 months ago, all I should care about if having a healthy baby. But, all I keep thinking about is gender.
I sometimes wonder if maybe I just don't deserve a daughter. Or maybe I'm simply not that lucky. :( I just keep praying and hoping my sway worked. *sigh*
I'm almost 5 weeks pregnant, swayed for a girl. I'm desperate for a girl after two boys and almost 12 years of wishing and hoping.
Here's the thing that makes my desire for a girl so much worse. My sister. She had a boy first, then two daughters. Her girls are 4 and 2. For the most part I do OK, but there are days when I can see my mom's obvious favortism and it makes me crazy.
I'm extra bummed today because today is the "girl's tea" which is my mom, my sister and her daughters and me. I decided not to go. Call me a jerk or whatever, but I just couldn't do it today. It hurts to much. And the worst part of it all, they will NEVER know or understand how I feel. NEVER. Oh and for the record, there is no "boys" Christmas tradition. :/
I don't know how to cope between now and finding out the gender of this baby. And worse, I don't know how I'll cope if it's another boy. My mom clearly loves having granddaughters and to think that my sister was able to give her two and I gave her none. Wow. That hurts. My mom has always favored my sister, in my mind (although she denies it), so this obviously makes that even stronger since my sister had girls.
I really don't know how I'll cope. I went into this (TTC) OK with either gender, of course with a strong desire for a girl, but OK with either. Now that i am pregnant, my desire for a girl has increased 10 fold. Geez, after a miscarriage 6 months ago, all I should care about if having a healthy baby. But, all I keep thinking about is gender.
I sometimes wonder if maybe I just don't deserve a daughter. Or maybe I'm simply not that lucky. :( I just keep praying and hoping my sway worked. *sigh*