How do I cope with a sister who has daughters and my mom who favors them?

[annabel♥lee]

I need help.

I'm almost 5 weeks pregnant, swayed for a girl. I'm desperate for a girl after two boys and almost 12 years of wishing and hoping.

Here's the thing that makes my desire for a girl so much worse. My sister. She had a boy first, then two daughters. Her girls are 4 and 2. For the most part I do OK, but there are days when I can see my mom's obvious favortism and it makes me crazy.

I'm extra bummed today because today is the "girl's tea" which is my mom, my sister and her daughters and me. I decided not to go. Call me a jerk or whatever, but I just couldn't do it today. It hurts to much. And the worst part of it all, they will NEVER know or understand how I feel. NEVER. Oh and for the record, there is no "boys" Christmas tradition. :/

I don't know how to cope between now and finding out the gender of this baby. And worse, I don't know how I'll cope if it's another boy. My mom clearly loves having granddaughters and to think that my sister was able to give her two and I gave her none. Wow. That hurts. My mom has always favored my sister, in my mind (although she denies it), so this obviously makes that even stronger since my sister had girls.

I really don't know how I'll cope. I went into this (TTC) OK with either gender, of course with a strong desire for a girl, but OK with either. Now that i am pregnant, my desire for a girl has increased 10 fold. Geez, after a miscarriage 6 months ago, all I should care about if having a healthy baby. But, all I keep thinking about is gender.

I sometimes wonder if maybe I just don't deserve a daughter. Or maybe I'm simply not that lucky. :( I just keep praying and hoping my sway worked. *sigh*

[littlemissnaughty7]

oh hun try not to feel so down, im sure your mom loves all yours and your sisters children the same, i know it must seem like she doesnt because you will pick up on any slightest negative thing about boys vs girls and take it to the extreme when there was probably nothing in it, i know exactly how you feel im in the same position, i have 2 boys and want a girl so much my heart aches for her, im starting my first sway on the 9th dec (the diet that is) have you posted your sway on here i would love to have a peek x

[Hobbermittens]

Grandparent favoritism is the WORST. My in laws are terrible about that--they favor my son over the girls. My FIL is actually kind of rude to my oldest and it makes me SO mad. It's like she isn't worth his time because she's a girl.

I don't blame you for staying home from the tea--I would have done the same thing! No need to torture yourself. Why isn't there an equivalent for boys? I say you start one--a day out ice skating, or going to a bakery for Christmas cookies and hot chocolate, or whatever, and invite your mom to go along. Tell her your boys feel left out by not being invited to the tea.

I hope you get your girl this time. I will send you some pink dust!!!

[zanacal]

{hugs} My sister is pregnant (she already has a boy and a girl) and whilst I'm sure I will eventually be ok with boy number 4, it will make it incredibly difficult if that happens and she has a girl - a constant reminder.

[CapricornAquarius]

Annabel, firstly I luv your name & funny enough if im carrying a girl Anabel will be her name.

I totally disagree with what your mother is doing, I think its cruel & very unfair that there's no boy tradition, im sure that they would know why you wouldnt feel like going, in saying that im sure your mum loves all her grandkids the same.

I really hope you are carrying a girl. I also say to myself how can I be so lucky to get a boy this time, but im just lucky to have a baby in my belly.

Hope you can talk to your mum about your feeling towards the girl tradition & why there's no boy tradition.

[Cinss]

Hi Annabel, i'm glad you didnt go to the tea thing too. So is your father in the picture at all? Do you have any brothers or BIL's? I think a good way for you to cope with this situation would be to set up your own special occasion with your sons and the men in their lives. You could even offer to take your sister's son along, seeing as he doesn't have any brothers of his own.

[TTC5]

It's hard hey. My sister had a boy then a girl *sigh*...

[annabel♥lee]

Hi guys...

No, my dad died before we had kids. And my husband's parents aren't too involved. I have no brothers. I do have a brother in law, but he's my sister's DH. I know my sister, and she would be PISSED if we did a boy tradition and didn't include the girls.

[3Pink1Blue]

Oh Hun I so get this. On dh's side there is 1 boy and 5 girls ( soon to be 2 boys and 6 girls) and they have favored that boy from day 1. My nephew was born 3 weeks after dd3 and from then on she didn't exist. They were happy for my first daughter as they never had one but since then all others have been a disappointment.
My mother on the other hand has had only granddaughters till our son arrives in Feb and when we first found he was a he she was really disappointed. She loves all the tea parties and girly stuff they do and I worry he'll be left out.
I would say talk to your mom but if she's anything like my in-laws she will deny the favoritism. I love the suggestion of starting your own tradition with the men in their lives.
Sorry you have to deal with this, it hurts so much when someone treats your kid like they aren't important.