Did having a nephew/niece change your GD

[MiaMelb]

Hi ladies,

I'm just wondering about others experience with having a nephew/niece born into your family when they were of the same gender that you desired. Did it heighten your GD or did they help fulfill your need to have that gender yourself?

I ask as my girls are getting their first cousin, a boy, early in the new year and I wonder if this will make my GD worse or whether in some ways he'll fill a void for me. Unfortunately/fortunately his parents don't live close by so wont get to see him all that often.

[atomic sagebrush]

Honestly, it didn't bother me that much. I found out I was going to have a niece literally 2 months before finding out that my DS 3 was a boy (and that was the child I had the worst gender disappointment with, by far) and it really made little to no difference to me at all. Because I didn't want that baby. I wanted MY baby!

Honestly, hearing that my half-sister was having a boy at the same time (exactly, her son is born March 20 and mine was born March 22) was actualy worse, because she got what she wanted. It felt like everyone could just dial up a baby of whatever gender they wanted and that bugged me way more than my niece, by far.

[Throwaway_panther]

This is an interesting question, and one I dealt with myself. When I was pregnant with DD, both my sisters in law were also pregnant. We literally had a baby a month for 3 months in a row, me being the last. The SIL I love thought she was having a girl, and texted me it was a boy after her anatomy scan. I was definitely gutted by that text, since she had her scan a week after my own. But the feelings were gone within a few days, and seeing him has never been hard for me. My other SIL (who I don't like) had a girl, which was relieving... but also a bit annoying because she got a PP as a result.

Fast forward through all of my trials and tribulations, the disliked SIL announced she was pregnant and due a month after my third loss (one that was very traumatic and I passed at home, made further than others, was due on my birthday, etc.). She ended up having a girl.

I actually had only minutes of relief. My GD was exasperated because it only hit home that someone else was getting a baby, regardless of gender, when I wasn't. It didn't help that we had just had two twin losses in a row, one we knew were our XYs from IVF, the one before I'll go to my grave thinking they were boys. So I was raw, and I'm sure I would have had an even harder time if she had had a boy, but I was surprised at how even getting a niece could make me sad still.

I only bring that up because I know you're facing health issues that are keeping from you from even trying, so I say be aware that IF you get GD from your nephew, you might have gotten it even if he had been a girl. GD can
be tricky I think in what triggers it and when, which is why I think it's so wonderful we have this forum to talk about all of it!

[pinkhopes]

I have three nieces and have always wished for a girl. In some ways, it does help - not because it fulfills my wish for a daughter, but because it gives me an example to realize that life with daughters doesn't mean it's perfect. My nieces throw tantrums, whine, get messy and dirty and can be rude to their mom. I love them to pieces, but it reminds me that the image I have in my mind of what a "daughter" is really isn't reality.

[HeyItsAnnie]

I'm not sure. I miscarried boy #4 on Valentine's Day, a week before they announced that they were having girl #3. A few months later I had 2 cousins also announce that they were expecting girls plus one who is team green. It has been brutal. My due date is tomorrow and so far, 2 of the girls have been born. The team green cousin and I had the same due date, but that baby isn't here yet. The 3rd girl is due next month. I'm not sure if my hightened GD is because they're all having girls or because they're all having girls with miscarriage stuff thrown in. In the past, when family members have had girls, it increases my GD though...like, why can they have girls but I'm stuck over here popping out only boys?

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[atomic sagebrush]

Annie, I'm so sorry to hear of your losses - please let me know how I can help. :heart: