Maybe number 4?

[Greydore]

Hi all! I was more active here during my last pregnancy, but of course I've been busy with a new baby and two little boys. My third sweet boy was born in July, and I thought I would for sure feel done having babies after he was born...but I dont. I can't tell if I truly want another child or I'm just having a hard time accepting that my pregnancy days might be over? I'm 30 so I still have a lot of time to have more if we want to. I'm on birth control and am not rushing anything. Husband is happy with 3, but doesn't want to do anything permanent yet and has said that he would be open to a 4th. My oldest son keeps asking for a sister. I would be happy with another boy, but would love to give him a sister. How have you ladies decided to have/not have a 4th? (I made a similar post when I couldn't decide if I wanted a third, and oh my goodness we adore him!)

[4blue2pink]

Hi Greydore i remember seeing you around before :) congratulations on your baby boy :heart:
im not in the position of deciding weather to have #4 or having just had number 4 but i have been there :) (a few babies ago!!)

if either one of you was dead set against it and it would ruin your relationship or break you financially etc then that would be a different matter but if you are both open to it then id say go for it!!

i am a firm believer in "you never regret the babies you have, only the ones you dont" i've had enough elderly women (mostly total strangers) approach me when im out with my kids and tell me how they always wanted 1 more or they always wanted 4 kids but stopped at 2 or they just wanted more kids.. and the regret of not having them is still there right into their old age :( i am yet to meet anyone who tells me they regret having the number of kids they had and wish that they had had less.

the main thing about 4 kids is that as a family of 6 you outgrow a normal 5 seat car and in most peoples eyes enter into the territory of "large family" though you and dh still have enough hands to have 1 hand per child ;)

good luck with whatever you decide!!

[Parying4agirl]

I say go for it ����
Ive always wanted 4, ideally 2 boys and 2 girls not that life always pan out the way we want. After losing my first boy and having 2 more boys i still wanted another 2. Having just given birth to my girl a week ago, i would have another in a heartbeat!
If your husband is not completed against it then its great. My husband was happy with the two boys but we went for another mainly for me, also wishing we have a daughter. I think even if it was another boy id want to have another still. Now we’ve had a girl my husband is saying thats it but i just dont feel ive completed my family yet.

To be honest i think id have more than 4 but i dont think husband would ever agree to more than 4.
4blue2pink i love how you have a big family, that is what i would loveeee to have x

[Noemi2017]

Hello Greydore, i would go for n.4;) i wish u good luck:luck:

[4blue2pink]

I say go for it ����
Ive always wanted 4, ideally 2 boys and 2 girls not that life always pan out the way we want. After losing my first boy and having 2 more boys i still wanted another 2. Having just given birth to my girl a week ago, i would have another in a heartbeat!
If your husband is not completed against it then its great. My husband was happy with the two boys but we went for another mainly for me, also wishing we have a daughter. I think even if it was another boy id want to have another still. Now we’ve had a girl my husband is saying thats it but i just dont feel ive completed my family yet.

To be honest i think id have more than 4 but i dont think husband would ever agree to more than 4.
4blue2pink i love how you have a big family, that is what i would loveeee to have x

thankyou :heart: i love big families, i hope your dh comes round to the idea of another one :) Congratulations on the arrival of your little girl :heart: and im so sorry to hear you lost your son, we lost our first daughter (second child) midway through the pregnancy, even after more babies it never leaves you does it xx

[mommymachine]

I’m also team “Go for it!!!”

Congrats on your newest!!


Mama to 6 little Blessings. Hoping to try in 2020 for #7!

[Greydore]

Thanks everyone! It's not a decision I'm going to take lightly, and I want to make sure my husband is on board. We actually already have a van, so far seating isn't an issue. My only concern is financial - we love to travel and each child makes traveling that much more expensive. If we do decide to have another we will wait to ttc in the summer, I want to enjoy my newest baby more before adding another :)

[Georgia_Peach]

Hi all! I was more active here during my last pregnancy, but of course I've been busy with a new baby and two little boys. My third sweet boy was born in July, and I thought I would for sure feel done having babies after he was born...but I dont. I can't tell if I truly want another child or I'm just having a hard time accepting that my pregnancy days might be over? I'm 30 so I still have a lot of time to have more if we want to. I'm on birth control and am not rushing anything. Husband is happy with 3, but doesn't want to do anything permanent yet and has said that he would be open to a 4th. My oldest son keeps asking for a sister. I would be happy with another boy, but would love to give him a sister. How have you ladies decided to have/not have a 4th? (I made a similar post when I couldn't decide if I wanted a third, and oh my goodness we adore him!)We just welcomed our fourth. Our second girl after having to go through ivf after a late miscarriage last year. I love it. It is A LOT right now bc we are still transitioning into being a family of 6. I always wanted 4 though so I am happy. Everyone has a partner. Although I would have liked my girls closer in age unfortunately.

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[atomic sagebrush]

hey, bump this for me please! thanks!

[MiaMelb]

Hi Greydore, have definitely seen your name pop up here and there but don't think we've really crossed paths before. I totally get where you're at. Found this site while still pregnant with DD2 imagining a future blue sway. However three years later I still haven't taken the plunge. DH (and I) had both only planned on having two kids, but given I never got the boy that I expected I'd have my heart is still struggling to give up on the idea. The financial side of things really gets me too, where we live is very $$$ and I find it hard to fatham putting any more unnecessary pressure on. I guess what I will say is that in my experience the feeling of 'not yet being done' doesn't seem to just go away (particularly if you still have some time on your side).

[Greydore]

Hi Greydore, have definitely seen your name pop up here and there but don't think we've really crossed paths before. I totally get where you're at. Found this site while still pregnant with DD2 imagining a future blue sway. However three years later I still haven't taken the plunge. DH (and I) had both only planned on having two kids, but given I never got the boy that I expected I'd have my heart is still struggling to give up on the idea. The financial side of things really gets me too, where we live is very $$$ and I find it hard to fatham putting any more unnecessary pressure on. I guess what I will say is that in my experience the feeling of 'not yet being done' doesn't seem to just go away (particularly if you still have some time on your side).

We live in a very low cost of living area, so I should be thankful for that.

I also don't want to make my boys resent us having more kids. My in laws are both 1 of 8 kids, and none of them had more than 2 kids, a few of them had none. It seems like many people from bigger families growing up didn't like it, and I don't want that for my kids. Maybe I'm one of those women that just don't ever feel done? Because after having 3 I feel like I should be!

[2blue1pink]

The nurse practitioner at my ob's office SWEARS to me that 4 is easier than 3 because of the even numbers thing. I am pregnant with our 4th living child (hopefully), my 6th pregnancy, so we'll see, but man I hope she's right. We just had an incident yesterday where DS3 was crying at the park because DS1 and DS2 (who are only 18 months apart) wouldn't play with him. :( DS3 will be 3.5 years older than the new baby though so I hope they still get along/play together. (Then again, when DS1 was at school last year, while DS2 was still in preschool, DS2 and DS3 played pretty well together and they are 3 years apart.)
We have had a minivan since our 2nd kid so no issue there. My big thing is if I will be able to continue working. The only way I can work now- which is only part time typically one to two days a week- is that either my mom or my babysitter comes over in the morning and lets me go to work, gets the kids up when it's time (they get to sleep in for an hour after I leave), and takes them to school/preschool. If I had to actually get them up and take them somewhere before getting myself out the door, honestly it would be a deal breaker for me working, and I'm not so sure #4 won't make it a deal breaker either but I'm hoping I can manage to work once a week as I did work really hard to become successful at my current job and have only been in the field for a year. We will see.

My mom had 4 kids but 3 of us are much older- we were 13, 11, and 10 when our youngest brother was born so that was totally different than having 4 younger kids at the same time. Already I can't believe how different it is being pregnant with a 7yo and 6yo this time rather than a 4yo and 3 yo.

I did wonder if I would ever feel done, especially since we have a DD that died as a result of my first awful pregnancy. I can happily say this time that I am TOTALLY done. I have never actually minded pregnancies before even after my first horrible one and then stressful high risk ones with the others. But I am so over ever being pregnant again after this time. Such a huge difference from being 25 and later 20's for my other kids vs. 34 now. I am planning to get my tubes tied with my c-section and have no doubt about it.

[kittendreams]

Hi Greydore I remember you!
Congratulations on your ds3 and I'm glad you are enjoying him.
I'm 32 weeks pregnant now with my sway opposite baby boy ( ds3) and will be trying for baby number 4 next year even though I thought 3 was our limit.
I just have to try again or I will always wonder what if....even though 4 kids scares me I must admit!
Wishing you peace with whatever you decide xx

[sunstars]

Hi Greydore, I also remember you. Congratulations with your boy!
I'm expecting my 3rd boy, and every day I think if I should try again for a girl, since like kittendream, I will wonder what if, if I won't. A few years ago, I thought 4 is possible, but after I've lost my twin girls, then tried to sway and couldn't get pregnant easily, then had a miscarriage, the years have passed (I'll be 40 when ds3 will be born), and some health and pregnancy issues have appeared, so now I just really don't know what to do, what is right. I keep telling myself that I'll decide once my ds3 will be with me safely and turn a year old, but I feel the urgency of time and need clarity, either I need to get used to the idea of 3 boys and no daughter, or I need to prepare to 4 children. But to say the truth, right now I wouldn't want a 4th boy, so things are much more complicated in my case.
Since you have time and wouldn't mind 4th boy, just like everyone here, I'd say go for it. Good luck!

[Greydore]

Kittendreams and sunstars, congratulations on your pregnancies! There is something so special about that third boy- We are so head over heels for ours. I think I’m enjoying him the most because I’m not as anxious/clueless as I was with my first, and don’t have the guilt I had with my second. I’m much more laid back as a mom and that’s helped too. I hope both of your deliveries go smoothly!

2blue1pink I totally get the crazy logistics of having kids. I’m lucky that I’m a nurse so I can choose my own schedule, otherwise there’s no way we could afford daycare for 3 kids. So I’m able to work on days my husband is off. It’s hectic but it works for us. I’ve also learned quickly that people don’t want to take 3 kids at once, like my mom is hesitant to take all 3 this summer so husband and I can go on vacation.

[kittendreams]

Sunstars I am truly so sorry for the loss of your girls!
Time also isn't on my side- I'm 39 not long after ds3 will be born so most probably 40 by the time I ttc number 4- not something I ever thought I would be doing at 40 I kind of thought I'd be back at work by then but I guess this is my path/ destiny/ Fate whatever you call it-so as long as I'm still able to get pregnant I feel like it must be right for me if it happens.

It looks like there will be a few of us ttc after an opposite on here in the near future so I feel lucky we can support each other through the journey xx

[kittendreams]

Just curious if you girls will sway again If you decide to ttc?
After two failed sways I'm still undecided ��*♀️

[Greydore]

Kittendreams that would be great to possibly ttc with some of you. I didn’t sway with any of my boys, I was fine having boys and would be happy with a 4th boy. My older two sons keep asking for a sister, and the oldest gets tearful when I tell him he might never have one! I was hesitant to sway because diet an exercise seems very important and I have a history of eating disorder. But if I get do it without getting neurotic I might want to try.

Edited to add: how hard did you sway? Just curious.

[kittendreams]

Kittendreams that would be great to possibly ttc with some of you. I didn’t sway with any of my boys, I was fine having boys and would be happy with a 4th boy. My older two sons keep asking for a sister, and the oldest gets tearful when I tell him he might never have one! I was hesitant to sway because diet an exercise seems very important and I have a history of eating disorder. But if I get do it without getting neurotic I might want to try.

Edited to add: how hard did you sway? Just curious.

Oh we swayed hard- really hard both times. Honestly nothing else we could do hence why I'm on the fence as to whether we sway this time or just leave it to fate.
I get you with the eating disorder I have a similar history in my teens and twenties and I did lose a lot of weight to sway ( 30 kg!) but I haven't relapsed probably because I'm pregnant. It's definitely something to be careful of.

[Greydore]

Kittendreams that must’ve been difficult. I think girl swaying is much harder (my tendencies are so opposite). I can see why you might just leave it up to chance. I haven’t tried it yet so we’ll see. Are you due in early February? My sister is 31 weeks with a boy and due February 14.

[LMSM]

Hi Greydore,
#3 opposites are so very special, and can see your DS3 is no exception !
We are in the same boat (just other gender).
I go through waves of « omg, 4 kids? No way! What if it’s another girl? ». Down deep, I know I am not finished’ but am oh.so.scared of dd4..,the disappointment, the comments’, that feeling of missing out on a son...(beyond the whole 4th child, « big family « , etc ttc aspect).
And waves of being hopeful, thinking karma should be kind now, I have proven myself to be a good mummy for dd3, regardless of how upset I was initially that she wasn’t a boy (and gosh do I adore this kid!) so maybe, I’ve learnt my « lesson » and FAte should give me that last chance to have a son..surely ?! Lol bit twisted logic’, I know but eh, hanging on to what’s I can...think we’ll go team green next time, to just truly enjoy what no doubt will be a (definite for hubs) last pregnancy.
From a logistics side, I think if you can make it work, then it’s a matter of knowing where you both stand emotionally ...
I know I cannot give up’on 1 more baby, even if I am scared, so I know that regardless of gender’ will not regret it :) I am in the process’ of selling all my girly clothes and keeping only a few basic gender neutral’items, so that way all’we will need is a bit of extra things to bulk it up once baby is here. If it’s a boy, well, some things he has may be more girly, but he won’t mind lol

Hope you find the answer, though the fact you are thinking about it, probably gives you your answer :)

[kittendreams]

Kittendreams that must’ve been difficult. I think girl swaying is much harder (my tendencies are so opposite). I can see why you might just leave it up to chance. I haven’t tried it yet so we’ll see. Are you due in early February? My sister is 31 weeks with a boy and due February 14.

Yes due early feb but may have my scheduled c section even earlier (late Jan) just waiting to hear from the hospital. Im exactly 32+2 today.

[kittendreams]

Awww LMSM you so deserve your boy! And your logic is not twisted-you are a beautiful soul and a wonderful mummy xx
I've got so many boy clothes to send to you and I truly hope I get to give them to you one day!

[Greydore]

LMSM I truly hope you get your boy! I’ve definitely done the rationalizing in my head too. My oldest wanted a sister so badly when I was pregnant with our third, that I figured the universe would have to give him a sister, right? And thinking, I have 2 boys, I should definitely have a girl this time. My pregnancy was also completely different than my first 2 so everyone was telling me it must be a girl. That can really mess with your head and makes me nervous to have another.

[Babybeaublue]

Yes Greydore!! If you both are happy to have another then go for it!! I'm really sad my pregnancy/baby days are at an end but we just could not manage another (3 bed 1 bathroom house) I would have liked another theoretically but I don't think it's an option realistically:( I'm hoping the sad feelings of being done go away and don't kick in worse when this little one is older ( he's only 4 months now) so if you don't feel done and don't mind having another boy then Go Go Go!!

[Greydore]

Thank you BBB! Hope you’re enjoying your little guy :) We had a ton of medical bills this year from baby’s birth and then he got sick at 2 months. I would love a December 2019 baby but realistically know we need a break from medical bills this next year. I also want to think on it more, because on some hard days I think omg I have too many kids! Haha.

[Babybeaublue]

I know, when they are asleep you think, awww I'd love another one. Then, when you are trying to eat dinner, and they're screaming it's - nope, I'm done lol

[MiaMelb]

Hi Greydore,
#3 opposites are so very special, and can see your DS3 is no exception !
We are in the same boat (just other gender).
I go through waves of « omg, 4 kids? No way! What if it’s another girl? ». Down deep, I know I am not finished’ but am oh.so.scared of dd4..,the disappointment, the comments’, that feeling of missing out on a son...(beyond the whole 4th child, « big family « , etc ttc aspect).
And waves of being hopeful, thinking karma should be kind now, I have proven myself to be a good mummy for dd3, regardless of how upset I was initially that she wasn’t a boy (and gosh do I adore this kid!) so maybe, I’ve learnt my « lesson » and FAte should give me that last chance to have a son..surely ?! Lol bit twisted logic’, I know but eh, hanging on to what’s I can...think we’ll go team green next time, to just truly enjoy what no doubt will be a (definite for hubs) last pregnancy.
From a logistics side, I think if you can make it work, then it’s a matter of knowing where you both stand emotionally ...
I know I cannot give up’on 1 more baby, even if I am scared, so I know that regardless of gender’ will not regret it :) I am in the process’ of selling all my girly clothes and keeping only a few basic gender neutral’items, so that way all’we will need is a bit of extra things to bulk it up once baby is here. If it’s a boy, well, some things he has may be more girly, but he won’t mind lol

Hope you find the answer, though the fact you are thinking about it, probably gives you your answer :)

God LMSM this post speaks to my soul. I truely wish I find the same courage as you have. You never know perhaps we will end up swaying at the same time (I'm feeling a bit better health wise so perhaps psyching myself up for a sway April-June 2019, from memory that's a bit earlier than you're considering?). Anyway today I've been out purchasing the first present for my soon to arrive nephew so my envy is peaked today, couldn't bring myself to buy an overly boy gift so they've got something gender neutral :tissue::hide::rofl:

[kittendreams]

God LMSM this post speaks to my soul. I truely wish I find the same courage as you have. You never know perhaps we will end up swaying at the same time (I'm feeling a bit better health wise so perhaps psyching myself up for a sway April-June 2019, from memory that's a bit earlier than you're considering?). Anyway today I've been out purchasing the first present for my soon to arrive nephew so my envy is peaked today, couldn't bring myself to buy an overly boy gift so they've got something gender neutral :tissue::hide::rofl:

Oh Miamelb I hear you! Christmas shopping for my nieces has been extra hard this year- I just want to finally buy some girlie stuff for my own child. I've been buying various nieces gifts for 13 years now and I'm just like argh...It's my turn!

[kittendreams]

And it doesn't help when my sil asked for clothes/ summer pj's as gifts for her girls- little girl pj's are my weakness they are just so sweet! Meanwhile my boys wear ninja turtles and transformers pjs *sigh*

[MiaMelb]

Sounds like gift giving doesn't get any easier with time kittendreams:sad:

[LMSM]

Thanks ladies..I so hope we all get to experience having a child of the opposite gender, too, or find trueness peace with it,somehow!

Oh gosh yes it’s tough when you have relatives that you see have the opposite gender....so far, I only have nephews! And the hard but is that one of my SILs (whom I adore) is aching so bad for a girl! After her first she wasn’t even sure she wanted ttc #2 because she was worried it’d be a boy again...life isn’t fair :(
Having said that, I guess Life gives us what we need, even if we don’t realise that we need it?! That’s my consolation:P

[Kayla2178]

hey


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[atomic sagebrush]

I am going to tell you the opposite side here.

While I love babies and children and would never trade any of mine, the fact is that having 3 small kids and two big ones, plus a husband, job, housework, and the other things I want to accomplish with my life, is HARD. You do have to accept that going in. I personally am spread very, very thin right now. I don't feel like I"m a good mom, a good wife, or a good atomic, and I am having to let opportunities I want to pursue in other arenas pass by. (my husband brought me a piano which I've wanted for years and I never have time to play it, for instance...I don't ever have time to exercise so I'm not as healthy as I'd like to feel, that kind of thing.) My life feels like a hamster wheel I'm always running on while some evil spirit throws disasters at my head.

In the meantime, I have several friends from my IG days who decided to stick with 2-3 boys and they're succeeding at their job, they're traveling, they're doing activities with their kids - and they have time and money to do that. I have no time and we have no money and in no small part, the reason we have no money is that I had to accomplish my dream, yk?? So while I did get my daughter, I don't have things the way I'd dreamed of even with her, and I still don't have the time and freedom to play dollies, and have our nails done, and all that stuff.

Now obviously I would not trade her or change anything, but just keep in mind that no matter what happens there will be some tradeoffs involved and you may find that the things you traded off for that next baby are actually things you will miss and feel you are missing out on. Just keep that in mind going in to the decision process because we all get so focused on the gender dream that we sometimes forget that we all have lots of other dreams too and pursuing the one thing may end up meaning that the others don't come true.

[Georgia_Peach]

I am going to tell you the opposite side here.

While I love babies and children and would never trade any of mine, the fact is that having 3 small kids and two big ones, plus a husband, job, housework, and the other things I want to accomplish with my life, is HARD. You do have to accept that going in. I personally am spread very, very thin right now. I don't feel like I"m a good mom, a good wife, or a good atomic, and I am having to let opportunities I want to pursue in other arenas pass by. (my husband brought me a piano which I've wanted for years and I never have time to play it, for instance...I don't ever have time to exercise so I'm not as healthy as I'd like to feel, that kind of thing.) My life feels like a hamster wheel I'm always running on while some evil spirit throws disasters at my head.

In the meantime, I have several friends from my IG days who decided to stick with 2-3 boys and they're succeeding at their job, they're traveling, they're doing activities with their kids - and they have time and money to do that. I have no time and we have no money and in no small part, the reason we have no money is that I had to accomplish my dream, yk?? So while I did get my daughter, I don't have things the way I'd dreamed of even with her, and I still don't have the time and freedom to play dollies, and have our nails done, and all that stuff.

Now obviously I would not trade her or change anything, but just keep in mind that no matter what happens there will be some tradeoffs involved and you may find that the things you traded off for that next baby are actually things you will miss and feel you are missing out on. Just keep that in mind going in to the decision process because we all get so focused on the gender dream that we sometimes forget that we all have lots of other dreams too and pursuing the one thing may end up meaning that the others don't come true.I can definitely understand this fully. I feel the same right now with my 4. I've given up on travel years ago unless its Disney.
Its also cold and flu season and trying to keep this house free of germs is another added stress. I can only image what it will be like when it hits the whole house!
I sometimes resent the fact that my husband gets to leave the house to go to work! Obviously though... I have a newborn and it's not always going to be THIS hard.. but I too am spread very thin.
I am going to have to disagree with the post on this thread though about your kids resenting you bc you had so many children. I grew up with 1 sibling and always wanted more. My kids love the fact that they have eachother and play with eachother every day. We dont hsve to schedule play dates with other kids! I think this is a your damned if you do.. damned if you dont kind of situation.


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[atomic sagebrush]

Oh I didn't read that post sorry - but yes I was an only child for 11 years before I got half-siblings and I HATED IT. I would have loved to have lots of brothers or sisters to play with and that's one of the few saving graces that gets me through sometimes. I hear the kids playing together, instead of with me (because I"m so busy and exhausted all the time), and while I feel guilty for that I remember wanting that so badly as a child...having that sibling right there at the ready. That part makes me happy.

[dreamofdaughter]

Have not read all the replies but I would go for it if DH is on board. My siblings were my saving grace growing up. We aren't close now (that's another story) but honestly I don't know where I would be without them. I never resented my parents for siblings. I actually was hoping my mum was pregnant when she skipped her first period in the start of menopause. Good luck and good wishes for more healthy children. :)

[Greydore]

Thanks so much atomic. The more I think about it the more I feel like I’m just mourning the fact that my pregnancy days are over. Not that pregnancy is easy, but there’s the excitement of a positive test, finding out the sex, delivery, etc. Obviously that’s a terrible reason to have another child, so I’m leaning towards no right now. I brought up resentment because I do know people who didn’t like being part of a big family- they felt like their parents were always stressed and spread thin. I feel like that now with 3, so I’m sure it’s only worse with more kids. I don’t mean to imply every big family is like this, but it’s something I’ve definitely noticed. I’m not worried about my boys not having playmates because there’s already 3 of them, lol. And as far as having a girl, I’ve never felt a strong desire for one. It would be wonderful to have one, but I’m not desperate for a daughter. I think right now I need to focus on being content and enjoying the kids I do have rather than stressing about whether I should have more or not. Thank you all for your kind comments and advice :)

[kittendreams]

Greydore im so pleased you have made a decision. Deciding when your family is complete is something I think most people struggle with and all the emotions you are feeling are so very natural.
I'm so very envious of you that you don't desire a daughter- I wish with everything that I could find that peace. You sound like a wonderful mumma and those boys are so blessed to have you. Enjoy every moment xx

[ForeverRestless]

I am going to tell you the opposite side here.

While I love babies and children and would never trade any of mine, the fact is that having 3 small kids and two big ones, plus a husband, job, housework, and the other things I want to accomplish with my life, is HARD. You do have to accept that going in. I personally am spread very, very thin right now. I don't feel like I"m a good mom, a good wife, or a good atomic, and I am having to let opportunities I want to pursue in other arenas pass by. (my husband brought me a piano which I've wanted for years and I never have time to play it, for instance...I don't ever have time to exercise so I'm not as healthy as I'd like to feel, that kind of thing.) My life feels like a hamster wheel I'm always running on while some evil spirit throws disasters at my head.

In the meantime, I have several friends from my IG days who decided to stick with 2-3 boys and they're succeeding at their job, they're traveling, they're doing activities with their kids - and they have time and money to do that. I have no time and we have no money and in no small part, the reason we have no money is that I had to accomplish my dream, yk?? So while I did get my daughter, I don't have things the way I'd dreamed of even with her, and I still don't have the time and freedom to play dollies, and have our nails done, and all that stuff.

Now obviously I would not trade her or change anything, but just keep in mind that no matter what happens there will be some tradeoffs involved and you may find that the things you traded off for that next baby are actually things you will miss and feel you are missing out on. Just keep that in mind going in to the decision process because we all get so focused on the gender dream that we sometimes forget that we all have lots of other dreams too and pursuing the one thing may end up meaning that the others don't come true.


I stumbled to this thread and want to thank you Atomic for this reality check! I loved your honest answer, it's so true. That's exactly why I am still on the fence to try another time. Dh wants in like 2 or 3 years, he would love to add a girl, but doesnt mind another boy. I still struggle bcs I feel like I already reached my limit at 2. It's very difficult and exhausting and it's so much work... my house is constantly a mess, we sleep awful and in a few week i'll be back to work..i am worried I won't make it 😅....and as you said one have to accept all the "package" when trying for more kids. What actually happens is that we just go in thinking about achiveing a dream... but not considering all the consequences
I admire all the mamas who were so brave and went for more kids to achieve their dream. You are amazing and doing a great job and it's not for everyone... I think you are special!

[Greydore]

Forever restless is one of your boys a baby still? Just asking since you mentioned not sleeping. If so, it does get better. My older boys are 5 and almost 3...and things are so much easier than even a year ago. They play really well, and some days they are so busy with each other I only see them when they are hungry or thirsty. That’s a big reason I felt okay have a third- I realized how fast my second son’s first year went by, and while it’s hard it’s over so fast. I wish you luck and peace in whatever you decide to do.

[ForeverRestless]

Forever restless is one of your boys a baby still? Just asking since you mentioned not sleeping. If so, it does get better. My older boys are 5 and almost 3...and things are so much easier than even a year ago. They play really well, and some days they are so busy with each other I only see them when they are hungry or thirsty. That’s a big reason I felt okay have a third- I realized how fast my second son’s first year went by, and while it’s hard it’s over so fast. I wish you luck and peace in whatever you decide to do.

Hi Greydore, took time to read the responses. Glad you made a decision, but in any case you have plenty of time to change your mind in case, so take it really easy imo!
Just enjoy your beautiful new addition! I had mine in April 2018 so yep it's still hard work.
Plus he is kinda high needs, but now that he crawls he's much better. At least he can do what he wants and doesnt use me as a living "balcony" lol!
Nights are still busy and i am going to be back to work mid January... i already feel overwhelmed! I am bad at organising and I feel that all this is just... too much to handle... i guess it's a problem that all working mamas have to face soon or late 😅
I am leaning towards no atm, mostly because I fear GD (I had pretty severe with DS2) and also because I feel I am struggling with 2. You give me hope that growing up the kids will be less needy and more indipendent. I pray that the day when they will just play and come to me just for some snack or so will come soon! Ahah!
I am 34 now so maybe there will be room for a new addition.. but first we need to adjust...
I am team "let's wait and see"... definitely!!😉😊

[JaneL]

I am so glad I found this thread.

I am in such a similar position to you all. I had my 3rd beautiful son in April 2018 who was a sway opposite.

I was so upset when I found out I wasn’t having a girl .....but as soon as I held him all those feeling went away and I fell totally in love! Greydore is right ....there is something so magical about baby no.3.

My husband and I agreed that we both wanted 3 kids but for a few months....all I could think about was having another baby. After a lot of thought I think I just hate the thought of never being pregnant again and never having a new born. When I think about no.4 I also think about the chance of a girl again.

But thank you atomic for you honest post - as much as I would love to be pregnant again ..... I’m scared I would spread myself too thinly. I am already so busy with 3 and I don’t want to take any more time away from them.

It’s a difficult decision - deciding between another baby and chance of a girl - or to just contentment myself and give all I have to my 3 beautiful sons

I just worry I would regret not having no4 but hate the thought of taking time and activities away from my boys xx

[atomic sagebrush]

Forever restless is one of your boys a baby still? Just asking since you mentioned not sleeping. If so, it does get better. My older boys are 5 and almost 3...and things are so much easier than even a year ago. They play really well, and some days they are so busy with each other I only see them when they are hungry or thirsty. That’s a big reason I felt okay have a third- I realized how fast my second son’s first year went by, and while it’s hard it’s over so fast. I wish you luck and peace in whatever you decide to do.

:agree: :agree: :agree: Yes please don't base any decision on the baby and toddler years. My small ones are now 6, 9, and nearly 11 and it is STILL very hard for me. I homeschool though in addition to working so it's just a very big task many days.

[Greydore]

Atomic you are supermom, do you sleep?! And while my older two are easier than used to be, they’re still really young and some days are really hard. Foreverrestless I also work, and although it’s chaotic (juggling the kids and the house is always a mess) I enjoy working and would be a very unhappy SAHM. I hope going back to work goes smoothly for you.

JaneL it’s funny, my husband and I were both wanting a 4th right after our thiedwas born. We were in that honeymoon phase of having a newborn (we were also both on parental leave so we had time together as a family that we don’t normally have). But when reality hit we both realized we were exhausted and stopped talking about it. I started birth control and asked my husband if he wanted to schedule a vasectomy, and he still doesn’t feel ready to do anything permanent. So for us we know we are open to another baby but are leaning towards no. I’m just having a hard time shaking that sadness of being done with that part of my life- it went too fast! (Yes, I know how silly this sounds).

I hope everyone keeps us updated on what they decide to do.

[JaneL]

That doesn’t sound silly at all Greydore - it sounds exactly like me.

My husband is also not ready to commit to a vasectomy and to be honest I’m not ready for something so permanent either! I’m also so sad about that stage of life being over because I have enjoyed it soo much but it does have to be over sometime!

I feel so complete with my 3 boys but I just hate the thought of never having another baby. Is that enough reason to have another one?

[atomic sagebrush]

Not well, LOL.

I would personally have you guys pick a non-permanent birth control unless you are a million billion % certain that you don't want another. WE have quite a few people on here who end up doing reversals, having the V done even though they were still sitting on the fence thinking it would help them make the decision and then they ended up regretting it. I am really not a fan of vasectomies for that reason - just too many people who've had regrets over it.

[Greydore]

Yeah I definitely agree. One of my friends has two kids, 11 and 8, and her and her husband now desperately want a third. He had a vasectomy reversal but they’re now having fertility issues.

[atomic sagebrush]

Yeah I definitely agree. One of my friends has two kids, 11 and 8, and her and her husband now desperately want a third. He had a vasectomy reversal but they’re now having fertility issues.

:agree: that's been the experience on here. I am wracking my brain trying to think of anyone who had the V reversed and then got pregnant easily and not coming up with anyone. Several people ended up having to do IVF evne with the V reversal and a few others had to walk away with no baby. :(

[JaneL]

Hi atomic -

We are leaning towards going for number 4! We said we would start to try in May ....

My plan is to get clomid, improve diet from previous sway and attempt to walk most days. Glass of wine in the evening. Lavender candle for bedroom.

Few questions
- would going vegetarian sway as much as le diet
- is it 1 bd in ovulation window
- is walking sufficient enough for a form of exercise

I’m currently still breastfeeding my 9month old and still haven’t got my period, hope it come soon.

Any other reccomandations?

[atomic sagebrush]

No, I don't think vegetarian is as good as LE (If I did Id just have you guys do that, it's way easier LOL) A lot of people will end up getting way too many calories, fats, and protein while just following vegetarian diet, anyone with PCO tendencies will end up getting too many carbs (which can undermine their sways) and it also can often make it harder for people to conceive, particularly those who go vegan.

Yes 1 bd in window to start

Yes I LOVE walking for swaying - so many people think it has to be super intense but they get injured or give up. Walking is perfect and sustainable for most people.

I would be sure to be eating 1800-2000, 50-60 g protien and fat a day while breastfeeding to make it easier for your cycle to resume.

[JaneL]

Thank you atomic

I will do more research in le diet and start that!

Glad walking is good ����

Yes I’m at my lightest weight at them moment at 8st .... so probably why period also is slower to return.

Thank you