Time sensitive question! Looking for advice please!

[MamaK1]

Hello, I just miscarried on 1/10/19 and hubby and I have decided to just right back in. We have 2 amazing little boys and so badly want a daughter. Since my miscarriage, I have gone right back to Dieting, exercising 60 min 6 days per week now, and trying to stay as calm and stress free as possible. DH and I dtd Monday night just for fun, but.... today (to my surprise) I’m having a lot of ewcm. My opk is still negative today but I have a feeling tomorrow, I could get a positive (just based on my previous cycles). If I get my pos opk tomorrow, should we BD or is that too close to our “fun” on Monday night? That would only be 4 days and I was advised in my plan to bd once at positive opk. I do see some ladies are advised to bd every 4 days but I was not and I just want to have my best chances at a girl. Please help! Thanks!

[atomic sagebrush]

I would have an attempt at any point after today. If you get a pos OPK like say this evening, use the rule of thumb "for best sway stick with attempt you've had, for best chance of conception have another attempt" but any time after tomorrow have another attempt.

AFter a couple more months I'd have you go to e4d regardless (and in that case I'd have you attempt today) but I know you want absolute best chance and so I'd have u be slightly more cautious for now.

[MamaK1]

Perfect, thank you. Got my positive opk yesterday and made the one attempt late last night. Fingers crossed. Thanks!

[MamaK1]

We weren’t able to catch that first egg unfortunately, but due to a stressful
Couple of weeks DH and I abstained (unintentionally) for 3-4 weeks. I got my positive opk today and made the attempt. I’m seeing that abstaining for so long can cause birth defects?? If I even happen to fall pregnant, will my baby even have a chance of survival and if so will he or she have a birth defect bc we were too busy to dtd? Any info is appreciated or suggestions if I should do anything right now?

[Pbn3]

Mamak I believe I've read somewhere there "may" be some correlation with old sperm and miscarriages (which is likely due to defects) however I've not seen any scientific studies or any proof this is true. Atomic will know if there's anything to know. I myself conceived my very healthly now 14 month old dd from a random bd that occured a full month since last dtd. My husband couldn't recall whether he'd released on his own during that time (when I finally asked) but he's quite sure he hadn't... he was going through a stressful time at work and didn't have much libido. My belief is that you could have the healthiest, freshest sperm result in abnormalities so why stress about an idea/belief that is totally out of your control? Try and think positive! Hope you get your sticky (pink) bfp!

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[Twogirls0607]

Mamak my second daughter was conceived with one attempt and abstaining from i think 2-3 weeks. She is perfectly healthy. I dont know if we dtd on o day or whenever because we didnt ttc.



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[atomic sagebrush]

It is only a very very SMALL link. Still a bolt of lightning out of a clear blue sky, just a slightly more likely bolt of lightning.

The thing is that abstaining does not work for a sway tactic, so my thinking is, why take on even the slightest risk (even if it's a super longshot) pursuing a sway tactic that does nothing? It just doesn't make sense to continue doing something that doesn't work, may cause even a slightly higher chance of issues with the baby, and cuts odds of conception hugely to boot??

If abstain was something that always and invariably caused birth defects, or even usually, or even occasionally...anything besides exceedingly rarely...you would hear about it from EVERY quarter. The March of Dimes, ACOG, the CDC, WHO, etc would be shouting it from the rooftops.

I am simply trying to get people to stop using sway tactics that may have ANY risk associated with them (even if only theoretical), particularly in the case of things that do not work at all and also cut odds of conception.

[atomic sagebrush]

Mamak I believe I've read somewhere there "may" be some correlation with old sperm and miscarriages (which is likely due to defects) however I've not seen any scientific studies or any proof this is true. Atomic will know if there's anything to know. I myself conceived my very healthly now 14 month old dd from a random bd that occured a full month since last dtd. My husband couldn't recall whether he'd released on his own during that time (when I finally asked) but he's quite sure he hadn't... he was going through a stressful time at work and didn't have much libido. My belief is that you could have the healthiest, freshest sperm result in abnormalities so why stress about an idea/belief that is totally out of your control? Try and think positive! Hope you get your sticky (pink) bfp!

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I don't want anyone deliberately abstaining as a sway tactic. Yes, it's a "may" thing but since it doesn't work anyway (and often makes for an extremely annoyed hubby) not to mention cuts odds of conception considerably it makes no sense to have people deliberately pursue it. It does happen, and can end in conception, just that I don't recommend doing it deliberately, that's all. https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/8801-articles-studies-about-why-abstain-not-good-males-over-35-a.html

[Pbn3]

I don't want anyone deliberately abstaining as a sway tactic. Yes, it's a "may" thing but since it doesn't work anyway (and often makes for an extremely annoyed hubby) not to mention cuts odds of conception considerably it makes no sense to have people deliberately pursue it. It does happen, and can end in conception, just that I don't recommend doing it deliberately, that's all. https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/8801-articles-studies-about-why-abstain-not-good-males-over-35-a.htmlSorry if my post caused confusion, I absolutely wasn't recommending abstaining in any way, I was simply trying to explain that old sperm does not always equal abnormalities and mc. These things can happen with the freshest of sperm. The OP seemed concerned her attempt may result in abnormalities if successful. I was just trying to say theres no guarantee either way but it's not something she should stress over. In my case I wasn't even ttc and our abstain was simply a lack of sex drive and nothing at all to do with swaying [emoji2368]

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[atomic sagebrush]

Sorry if my post caused confusion, I absolutely wasn't recommending abstaining in any way, I was simply trying to explain that old sperm does not always equal abnormalities and mc. These things can happen with the freshest of sperm. The OP seemed concerned her attempt may result in abnormalities if successful. I was just trying to say theres no guarantee either way but it's not something she should stress over. In my case I wasn't even ttc and our abstain was simply a lack of sex drive and nothing at all to do with swaying [emoji2368]

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No not at all I was just trying to clarify my original reasoning in telling people not to abstain. Just as you say people can and do get pregnant with abstain and their babies are fine and healthy, just that I don't see a point in embracing it as a sway tactic for all the reasons I already went into in mind numbing detail.

Sorry for confusion, I really appreciated your reply and was just zipping thru the post as quickly as I could. That wasn't meant as a rebuke in any way.

[MamaK1]

Well I was able to
Conceive again and found out I was pregnant. Went in for my first ultrasound today. I should be 7w1d but I measured 6w2d and had an empty sac. Looks as though it’s another loss. I feel completely devastated. Is swaying hurting my chances of having a healthy pregnancy. I had two boys with zero complications and now I’ve suffered two back to back miscarriages. I’m completely heart broken. Any advice on where to
Go. Clearly I ruined my sway bc I believed I was 7 weeks pregnant. Wondering if it’s affecting my fertility. ☹️

[Pbn3]

Mamak I'm so very sorry to see this, my heartfelt condolences. Swaying does not cause miscarriages, we always look for a reason when these things happen and blame ourselves. Unfortunately in most cases, repeated loss/es are simply bad luck due to an abnormality with the embryo that the body rejects. After 2 healthy boys, I had 3 losses in the year of 2016 (was only lightly swaying by the time I conceived the first time and not at all for 2nd or 3rd) and my second loss was by far the worse. By the 3rd I'd come to realise that it didn't matter what I did or didn't do (example: abstain from alcohol or caffiene while ttc), I was either going to lose the pregnancy or I wasn't. It helped alot to put that distance in my thought process. My final pregnancy (the 4th in 1.5 years) stuck but it wasn't until after the 12w scan and nipt results that I actually allowed myself to bond with the idea that baby was here to stay. It's going to take time to come to terms with this and we are here for you [emoji173] I always thought a second loss was the hardest to get past, perhaps because we feel after the first time that surely lightning cant strike twice and when it does it beggers belief, our thoughts can turn bitter and the unfairness and grief is crippling. There is no timeframe to getting over something like this, I don't actually think you ever do, but you do learn to live with it and there comes a time when it doesn't consume your thoughts. Please be kind to yourself and keep reaching out. There is so much empathy and understanding from ladies on this site, I'm not sure how I would've got over mine without them. Thinking of you and sending you giant hugs x

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[MamaK1]

Thank you so much for your kind words. That is really comforting. I feel so confused as to why I have never had any issues in my pregnancies with my first two and now I have had two miscarriages back to back. I keep saying is it because I was in my 20s when I got pregnant with them and now I’m 33. Am I getting to old to have a healthy pregnancy. Every thought is running through. The doctor called and said my hcg was 12,000 yesterday and with a number that high we should have seen something on the ultrasound. So now I sit here just waiting to miscarry until a follow up ultrasound next week. I have every pregnancy symptom in the book and feel so frustrated that it’s all for nothing. I just feel heartbroken ��

[Pbn3]

Mamak is a d&c an option? I would highly recommend getting one if it is. The wait to miscarry is torturous and all consuming. Your pregnant but your not and it's such a mind !$#& I ended up having a d&c after I went down the medically managed road (which was unsucessful twice) and wish so much I'd simply opted for the d&c straight up. At the time though I wanted to go through the miscarriage so I could feel the physical pain in hopes it would block out some of the emotional pain. It didn't. I regretted not getting the d&c straight up because it took such a huge emotional toll.

2 love of my life boys followed years later by my miracle daughter [emoji173][emoji173][emoji173] so blessed [emoji847]

[atomic sagebrush]

I have a full investigation of all potential issues with miscarriage and swaying here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/29504-guide-swaying-after-miscarriage.html

33 is not too old to conceive. It's not unusual for people to have 1-2 miscarriages and then go on to have totaly normal pregnancies after that. We don't know why but we do know it's the case for people who aren't swaying as well.

I'm so sorry for your losses, when you're ready you can regroup and go on to try again.

[MamaK1]

Thank you. I’m just so confused. I still haven’t passed any tissue. I had a follow up ultrasound yesterday and the sac is still showing empty. I should be at least 8 weeks by now. My dr. Sent me for more bloodwork and my hcg has again increased. It is now over 25,000. She said she can’t definitively diagnose it yet because my levels increased. They want me to come in another 2 weeks for another ultrasound. At that time i would have been almost 11 weeks. I am following what they say but it’s taking such an emotional toll on me. My symptoms have increased over the last week as well. I just don’t see how a baby will magically appear on the ultrasound that far along. My body has felt pregnant pretty much since December with now two blighted ovums back to back. I had planned on asking my dr. About clomid today when I talked to her but then she told me to come back again so I never did. Does clomid help improve egg quality? I know it helps with ovulation but my issue doesn’t seem to be ovulating/ getting pregnant. It’s more having the baby develop. Feeling very confused and heartbroken.

[atomic sagebrush]

Well, in the case of blighted ovum it actually IS the egg itself.

I would have you switch to a diet that's better for egg quality like the atomic fertility diet here: https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/9052-swaying-under-special-circumstances-part-3-pcos.html (it's the 5th from the top, you have to scroll down through a few posts first)

Yes, for reasons we don't quite understand, Clomid CAN help with making better eggs.

While I know it is terrible to be in limbo, the thing is that what doctors did in the past (up till quite recently) was acting too quickly to terminate, leading to the loss of viable pregnancies. This has actually happened to several people on here, they were given medication or D and C only to find that they actually were pregnant with a healthy baby - and I'm sure you can imagine how devastating that is. They've thankfully backed away from terminating until they're 100% sure now. For now, even though it sucks, hugely, it is probably best/safest to take a wait and see approach in case the baby's just not showing up on screen for some other reason.

Have they investigated the chance of a tubal pregnancy?? That would be my concern with waiting it out, so if you notice any pain (even seemingly unrelated, like in your shoulder or middle of your back) and bleeding, get to an ER right away and explain the situation. I also think you should take your temp once a day and if you spike a fever, go to the ER. This is in case of infection.

[MamaK1]

They haven’t mentioned much about ectopic. My doctor mentioned that they don’t suspect it bc my ovary (I only have one) looked normal. The gestational sac is in the uterus and I read my first ultrasound report on the patient portal and I will copy and paste that in


IMPRESSION:
1. There is a finding compatible with an intrauterine gestational sac. Mean sac diameter is 1.5 cm. There is NO yolk sac or fetal pole visible at this time.
The findings could be due to an early intrauterine pregnancy. Differential diagnostic considerations include a pseudogestational sac in the setting of an ectopic pregnancy (there are NO findings to suggest an ectopic pregnancy in the uterine adnexa), and early pregnancy failure.
Follow-up is recommended in 14 days, assuming the patient is clinically stable, to document viability.

[atomic sagebrush]

Ok. Sounds like they're considering the possibility at least.

Well, still, the recommendations will apply about pain, fever, bleeding, etc.

FXFXFX and I hope for good news soon.

[MamaK1]

Just a follow up. I ended up having to take cytotec to pass all the tissue this past Saturday so looks like I’ll be going back to my sway. This was now my second loss and looking for some tips. I have not had any testing done. My dr. Doesn’t seem to think it’s necessary at this point. She thinks it was pure bad luck. I decided to buy pink stork folate instead of folic acid and was wondering how many I should take of that specific kind? I’ve always taken folic acid but I figure why not just change. I’m also wondering if there are any additional supplements I should try such as CoQ10?

We probably won’t attempt for at least a month or two as I will have to follow my levels back down and I’m not sure how quickly that will happen, as they are over 25,000. However, I was wondering if I should now move to BD every 4 days since I’ve had two back to back losses.

Any advice is much appreciated. We so want this third baby and a girl at that is all we hope and dream for.

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes I'm always in favor of folate vs. folic acid if you can afford it. Pink Stork is fine

Coq10 is fine if you'd like to take it, I don't think it's a miracle pill, though, unfortunately. 400 mg daily till BFP and then gradually wean off of it.

Yes I'd have you on e4d simply becuase it's hard to know when you'll ovulate after a loss.

[MamaK1]

Do you know how much of the pink stork folate to take? They say 600, but I’m
Not sure if it is equivalent to 600mcg of folic acid. Thanks ��

[MamaK1]

Do you recommend any other supplements to maybe improve egg quality? Or any supplements for DH?

[atomic sagebrush]

I would take two of the pink storks for total of 1200. One in the morning, one at night. Till the end of the first trimester at which point you should gradually wean off by spacing doses further and further out till down to one per week, then you can drop the extra and continue with just the amount in your prenatal.

[MamaK1]

I’m not sure if you misunderstood my question. I’m not in my first trimester. I just miscarried again so I’m starting all over again. Looking for advice on any pink friendly supplements to improve egg quality after suffering two back to back blighted ovums.

[atomic sagebrush]

No, I didn't misunderstand. I want you to start the extra now, and take it through the entire first trimester of your future pregnancy that hasn't happened yet.

A lot of people get pregnant then drop the excess before that point, but you need the extra folate till the neural tube is closed which happens at the end of the first tri. It is NOT enough to just take the extra folate till you're pregnant then stop it. You need to take it longer than that, till the end of the first trimester of your new pregnancy that will hopefully get started soon.

[MamaK1]

Oh ok I understand. Would you suggest I try myo inositol or COQ10 for egg quality ? I have quite a bit of weight to lose. I have been doing the AFD off and on now since about October with the two miscarriages now. Do you think those supplements could help me out and sway pink along the way?

[atomic sagebrush]

Sure, if you have more than 50 lbs to spare.

400-600 mg coq10 (ubiquinol is best) starting right away and going thru till BFP, then gradually wean off.

Myoinositol - 1000 mg during the follicular phase, go to 500 mg during the luteal phase (or go to 1000 every other day) then wean off at BFP.