I am so confused as to what I am doing 😖

[Ange]

Im feeling so silly right now. I didn’t really know when to dtd after a positive opk to sway pink. I got my first positive opk today (CD17 and still BF so with my usual 27/28 day cycle my luteal phase may yet be long enough). Well, I chickened out and just used a condom and have given up for the month after a 7 day abstinence as I was worried I was too close to ovulation to try. So, am I correct in saying that this was the optimal time to dtd?

Also, I will admit I am only wanting to do a fairly soft sway. My first was a boy, no swaying and we dtd every 2nd day for the whole cycle, perhaps more around my fertile window (my husband has a rediculously high sex drive). I was extremely fit and ate very well and also was on elevit and used a sperm friendly lube and lots of it. My second was a girl and I changed things up a little (so a very mild sway and to be honest I can’t remember what I did but the main thing was just to drop things that favoured boys). With her we dtd daily with no cut off, I skipped breakfast and dropped the elevit and only took a folic acid supplement that had something else in it. I also used minimal sperm friendly lube. Then number 3 was a boy and I realised after conceiving him that I had actually done everything pretty boy friendly. I was still BF my daughter, dtd every 2nd day, was still taking elevit, using lube ect. Anyway, now I am wanting my 4th and final Bub and would love another girl. I am just not really sure the best way to sway that is not too full on. My theory with my one girl sway was that dtd everyday gave me a good solid chance of having girl sperm there without going to full on with a sway (hubby thinks I am a crazy person). I would love opinions on the best few things to choose to do and some clarification on timing. Hubby is over 35 if that makes a difference. Thanks 😊

[atomic sagebrush]

Timing doesn't work (I posted this in a different spot you asked but just to make it easier) https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/7691-trouble-timing.html

It is of course up to you if you want to use timing or not. In that case you'd want to aim at 2-3 days before you expect ovulation to happen, but be aware that you may ovulate early or late and end up having intercourse right on ovulation anyway (late, because many people assume they'd ovulated and then have sex a few days later and conceive from the later sex).

What we have found sway is having one attempt in the fertile window, regardless of timing. We have that attempt at positive OPK because a)it's easier than guessing when ovulation may happen and b) it's a good time of getting pregnant with one attempt.

Even though you got your daughter with daily BD (because none of these things are magic bullets) our resuts have indicated pretty strongly that one attempt is more pink friendly than many attempts. I would urge you to conceive with one attempt at least to start with. I have a full explantion of that in this thread (not the first post, a few posts down) https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/58359-what-up-bd-thru-o-pink-lately.html

So since you aren't wanting a full-on sway I'd have you start there and then skip the sperm-friendly lube!

[Ange]

Thanks so much :-) I am actually glad to hear timing doesn’t sway. That actually makes it so much simpler.

So, I think we will try the 1 attempt on a positive opk then. I will also keep skipping the sperm friendly lube and missing breakfast.

My one other question is does my husband need to abstain until that one try? I imagine this would be hard for him but if it’s important I can talk to him about not masturbating or anything until our one attempt.

Thanks so much for your help

[atomic sagebrush]

The abstain hasn't worked, so follow your gut instinct. Some people feel like they can't let go without at least trying it, others have let it go in favor of regular release every 2-4 days or just letting him "do what he does"

[Ange]

I think I have ruined my sway :nails:

It got to CD 15 and I still hadn’t had a really good positive OPK or any ovulation signs (very weird for me). I am still bf my nearly 8 month old and he increased feeds overnight substantially this month so I had actually thought I wouldn’t ovulate at all given the lack of signs.

Anyway, I decided maybe that’s as dark as the opk line would get and to have a try anyway. So we dtd on CD15. I had a really busy month and hadn’t dtd at all so hope my husband had been doing his own releases if you know what I mean. Up until that point it was a good girl sway. Unfortunately the next day my husband begged to dtd again and begged to not use a condom. I gave in as I honestly thought I had either missed ovulation or it wasn’t going to happen. So that was lunch time of CD16 and I was straight up and on the toilet. That night and next day I was extremely (sorry for not having a better word and also TMI) horney. I thought oh crap, what’s going on! Low and behold here I am with a positive pregnancy test.

So, have I completely screwed my pink sway and ended up swaying blue?

The only other things I did were no sperm friendly lube (I did use a small amount of ky jelly just on the outside), missed breakfast for over 6 weeks and I have also lost about 3 kg. Other than that I have been extremely stressed because of some issues I am having so am surprised I even fell pregnant :worry:

[atomic sagebrush]

Huge congrats!!

Just for future reference, even when O is delayed, most of the time you'll still ovulate, just later on.

You have not wrecked your sway. Close spacing sways pink, as does conceiving while nursing. KY likely sways pink. Skipping breakfast, weight loss, and being stressed like that can also sway pink.

Sending you tons of pink dust!

[Ange]

Thanks :) I can hardly believe it!

Now I am really worried as it turns out he abstained for over 14 days. Does this massively increase the chances of birth defects with poor sperm quality? I had been so busy I just thought he would be sorting himself out if you know what I mean.

[atomic sagebrush]

No it doesn't. It is simply a very minor, slight increase (still a lightning strike type of event, very unlikely). Since abstain doesn't work, I see no point in having you guys incur even the most distant chance of increasing risks for something that does not sway one bit anyway.

[Ange]

Thanks. It wasn’t really an intentional part of the sway. Just the fact I was flat out that month (up until midnight most nights finishing an alum for my mums 60th) and he was working long hours and nothing really happened which ended up been a very long abstinence for him. I am glad it’s only a minor risk. I was getting a bit worried about it. I had just assumed he was doing his own thing but apparently he wasn’t.

With the 2 attempts within 24 hours of each other close to ovulation, does that sway at all?

[atomic sagebrush]

It sways slightly blue we believe but still on the whole more pink friendly.