Help being more Mary

[Bowtiesandtutus]

Hi! I posted for the first time here earlier this morning and it didn’t work and now I can’t seem to find the novel I wrote lol. So to try to make this shorter... I have 2 boys, 4 and 20 months. I would love to have a little girl and we may start trying for #3 in June or July. I’m doing ok so far with the LE diet and exercise, switching to folate and fiber from prenatal and probiotics, but where I’m struggling is with stress, anxiety and control issues. Prior to having kids I was an anxious person but pretty shy, non confrontational and kind of a doormat. Since becoming a mama though, my anxiety is in overdrive and I really struggle with needing whatever control I can have over my life. I stay home with the boys and feel the need to prove I’m doing a good job, so I obsess over cleaning and get overly upset when everything is inevitably destroyed within the hour. I desperately want to be a calmer mom, not just for swaying but for my mental health in general. My boys are precious, and they are also very high energy and always into everything and taking risks. Any tips for chilling out and learning to just go with it?
Thanks!

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm sorry about that glitch! Thanks for repostin.

The thing is, you can't change your personality. What happens is, people launch into these "Project Mary" mentalities where all you're really doing is exchanging things like anxiety over cleaning and stuff with anxiety over not being calm enough. It's not a good trade, because we don't want you sitting around thinking "I gotta calm down I gotta calm down or my sway will be ruined" all day every day.

Just acknowledge you're an anxious person by your nature. It's ok I promise. ALL of us myself much included are just like you (in fact I think you and I are the same person, LOL - originally shy, nonconfrontational, then growing highly anxious when children came along) and I got a girl! Many, many of us got girls with swaying.

When we talk about the personality stuff our goal is simply to avoid treating swaying like a huge project or a game you can win. That's all. We want to treat it as a lifestyle and then put it onto the back burner and forget about it. So we don't want to then treat "becoming Mary" like a project either. It's the project mindset that we want to avoid, not trying to have an entirely different personality.

Just sway via diet, exercise, number of attempts, Clomid/Femara f you can get them. Try not to go down the rabbithole of controlling everything in your life for a sway. Those things work even for us Marthas, I promise. :)