Step by step directions? Lol

[Masers]

Hello!

I stumbled across this forum after scouring the Internet for info on conceiving girls. Thought I would reach out.

I have three boys, and we would like to begin trying for our fourth and final child in December. I bought the Babydust book, but feel sort of half-hearted about it. For one thing, I don’t like the odds of one Bd, multiple days before ovulating. I conceived all three of my sons easily and right away, and would really love another easy conception. Especially because I really want a September baby and that would mean I need to get pregnant the first month trying!

For another, Ive been tracking my ovulation this month, but it seems very unclear. I had quite a few days with dark lines, including some that were proceeded by a couple days of faint lines, then another day with a dark line! Huh?? I just don’t trust those strips—I can tell I’m ovulating now because I have sore boobs and clear, slippery CM and I don’t really get when the cutoff starts. I have had these symptoms for the past few days.

So, I’ve been perusing this and other boards, and just feel incredibly confused. There is so much conflicting advice out there.

I just want an “in a nutshell, step by step, do this” directions, because I feel confused and stressed. I desperately want a daughter, but I don’t know that I’m up for douching, checking PH, eating crappy fat-free food with artificial sweetners, etc.

Right now I’m thinking I would rather have sex starting after my period ends, daily or every other day for the frequent release factor?? (Or is that a total no no since it’s against Babydust), until I have CM. Then stopping. Skipping breakfast, doing cardio, and trying to cut back on snacking.
Is that enough?

I am a healthy eater and a very big eater...tons of snacks all day, lots of nuts, fruits, veggies, tons of Peanut butter, oatmeal, whole grains and breads. I eat very little meat and not a ton of dairy, either. I am a healthy normal weight. I don’t work out much. I got pregnant with my boys very easily and I know I was ovulating with the last two, not sure with the first (who was a surprise!). Not sure how many times we dtd those months that I conceived, but probably not that many, if more than one, honestly.

Thoughts?? Would love a game plan!

Thanks so much!

[atomic sagebrush]

Hi and welcome!

Babydust is garbage. It's junk. I have people show up here regularly who have gone a year not conceiving on it (and since it's only been out since 2016, that's quite a shock). All they did was steal the one attempt (which we discovered several years before the Babydust book came out), combined it with Shettles timing which has been completely debunked https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/7691-trouble-timing.html and went out and found a very poorly done study from Nigeria that supposedly proved this "method" worked. Then they started a Facebook page in which they allegedly manipulate the comments that are allowed to make it look like it's working but I've talked to several people who got opposites and told me their Facebook posts were never approved. So, please feel free to not do Babydust, LOL.

We do believe in the one attempt (and I'm happy to explain how we uncovered that number of attempts swayed - let me know) but since timing has been debunked, we have that one attempt at a point in the cycle that's a good chance of conception. Or, we can even have more attempts right from the start.

You can't reliably use OPK to judge when cutoff starts. They really aren't that good a technology. I know what the claims are but after 12 years helping people with OPK on two different sites, I'm convinced that the number of people they work for so clearly, is a very small minority. I do want to let you know that the faint lines are negatives (you may know this already, but many don't) It's only when the test line is as dark or darker than the control that the test is actually positive. Then you'll ovulate in 24-36 hours' time.

We have never douched on this site (I have the directions for those who must, in the safest, clearest form I could write, but I don't recommend it and never have) and we dropped checking pH within the first year. You don't need to do either of those things, or use any jellies or other stuff in the VJ. They don't work and aren't necessary. https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/11684-ph-pickle.html

I think you're having a very common misunderstanding about our swaying diet. It's not fat free, nor do we recommend high intake of artificial sweetener (indeed, I'm totally cool with you guys leaving it out) While we did play around with low nutrient foods that was only for a few months till we found out that whole grains, vegetables, and fruits were not affecting sways at all and now people have tons of those things if they want.

Short version of the Low Everything Diet:

1500-1800 cals for most (a large minority go up to 1800-2000 cals or even beyond, a very few go down to 1200-1500)
40-50 g protein for most (large minority goes to 50-60 g)
30-60 g fat for most (large minority does 50-60 g)

Get more of your protein and especially fat from vegetable rather than animal sources
Low carb veg are free and unlimited, have as much as you want, no need to count
high carb veg (including potato) and fruit count only calories, not fat or protein

Whole grains or white at your discretion (PCOSers or those with insulin resistance, over 38/40 or more than 30 lbs to spare use whole grain only)

PCOSers, those with IR, more than 30 lbs to spare, or over 38, especially over 40, use full fat dairy only, no skim, and limit/ avoid sugar. Other people not in those groups can have full fat dairy or skim and sugar within limits.

No fortified foods or prenatal/multivitamins

Aspartame only if you want to and only the amount approved by the FDA as safe during pregnancy - 2-3 servings a day.

That's it. Within limits, you have freedom to eat lots of different foods and this is a healthy pre-pregnancy diet based on recommendations of the World Health Organization and reproductive endocrinologists about a safe and healthy diet for a woman of childbearing age who might become pregnant. This is my diet, I invented it (sometimes people think I'm misrepresenting someone else's diet - but I'm not!) and so anyone who told you that this is some fat free, high aspartame diet is steering you wrong.

I BEG you not to have sex every day starting when your period ends. I have a full explanation of that in this thread:https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/58359-what-up-bd-thru-o-pink-lately.html This "method" using the term loosely is a good way to both a)get a boy and b) not get pregnant at all. The frequent release hasn't worked. Even if it may sway a little, it cuts odds of conception hugely when done properly, and the trouble is, most people end up not doing it properly. Something comes up. A kiddo gets sick, everyone is tired, hubs gets called in on a work emergency, etc. And daily BD (even if it swayed pink, which it doesn't) ends up being every other or every two days. And there's no guarantee that ovulation stays regular, so you can easily end up accidentally having 2 or the dreaded 3 attempts in the fertile window, then doing your cutoff 4-5 days too late anyway. It's just not a good method for those of us who actually live on Planet Earth where people get tired sometimes.

Cardio is a great tactic. Absolutely include that.

I would def. love to see you try to stick with 3 meals a day (you don't have to do only 2 meals. both 2 and 3 are equally acceptable on LE Diet, I got my girl with 3, and that's still a huge change for those of us boy moms who eat like Hobbits -all day every day) I believe in the LE Diet, but if you feel like you can't manage that, even just going vegetarian, pushing breakfast back, and stopping the snacking will really help.

I know it seems like a lot, but it's actually a much simpler approach than the other sites. If something doesn't make sense please just ask me, that's what I'm here for, and I answer every question asked.

[Masers]

Wow, thanks so much for typing all this out. Very helpful!
I read the other threads you posted and the background info is good to know.

My concern is that this swaying girl plan almost sounds like how I got my boys! I do eat and snack a *lot*, this is true, so I could/should cut back on that, but otherwise the foods I eat sound like the girl diet— yet I have all boys. I also believe that all 3 boys were conceived with one attempt in the fertile window. That’s why I was leaning towards trying something different!

I’m a little confused by what I was reading on the forums—are you supposed to completely abstain until dtd once during the fertile window? Honestly, it was a huge stretch to think we would be dtd every day anyway....we have kids that are always getting in bed, we are on opposite sleep schedules, he’s out of town a lot, etc., so...probably should be more realistic about that anyway. Lol.

Would love to hear further insight. Thanks again!

[atomic sagebrush]

I get all that, but here's the thing. Gender is never 100% set or anything close to it; no matter what you do to sway you always have a chance of the other gender (even with ideal sways we only get 70-75% absolute max) So let's say you were doing a lot of pink friendly stuff and when you conceived you actually had like a 50-60% chance of a girl, but then luck brought you boys those three times. You might go over everything you did in your life and think "ok I gotta do the opposite of all those things" but a good amount of those things were actually pink friendly!! So by doing the opposite, you can very easily end up making yourself LESS likely to have a girl, if that makes sense. It just makes no sense to disregard the stuff that has worked for most people most of the time (like the one attempt!) to do the opposite when for all you know (and our results do seem to show pretty clearly), that one attempt was swaying pink for you all along.

There are some things in swaying that are simply out of our control. We have a whole lifetime of stuff we did and ate and experienced, genetic factors, and what our husbands bring to the table, that may potentially sway for us. So you can't look at your life and say "but I did all this stuff and got a boy! this means this must sway blue" because you're not seeing the 1000 other things that were swaying blue for you.

To put totally hypothetical numbers on this as an illustration:

Let's say you came into TTC your boys (due to a lifetime of experiences, genetics, and hubby's experiences and genetics) 60% set for blue.

You did some pink-friendly stuff and ended up between 50-60% likely to have girls over the course of 3 conceptions, and just didn't get the luck of the draw any of those times.

But these things were STILL swaying pink for you! So now what would happen if you stopped doing them, and instead "did the opposite"?? You would take yourself from 50-60% likely to have girls, back to your "natural" setting of 60% likely to have boys, or even beyond that! I believe what happens very, very regularly is that people actually inadvertently sway their way right into another boy this way by thinking they need to do the opposite.

What we've found is that it is best to do what has worked for most people most of the time and not try to figure out some sort of personalized recipe where you change everything in your life. Because all our bodies really do work pretty much the same, there are no people who are backwards and boy things sway pink or whatever. It just doesn't work that way any more than there are people out there who breathe carbon dioxide instead of oxygen. I know some sites will say "well maybe you're the opposite" when their tactics don't work for people, but that's because they can't bear to admit that there is anything uncontrollable or any luck involved in gender - they want to tell people it will be 100% successful if they do it right, but that just isn't true. We sway to boost our odds, not to get a guarantee. Guarantees are only available from IVF/PGD. Swaying just gets us better odds than we'd have had on our own (even if that is just 50-50, which for some of us, that's an improvement LOL)

Our results are better than ever with the approach we have going, in line with all sites/sources that are honest about their results (70-75% depending on tactics used) and with a much shorter time to conception than any other sway site, 3 months on average.

RE abstain - neither abstain nor FR has seemed to add anything. Only the one attempt has worked. So it's fine if you want to try abstain (if your husband is younger than 35, that is) or FR (although I agree like I said before, it's hard to stick with) in addition to the one attempt, or feel free to scrap those and have hubby do regular release every 2-4 days or even "do what he does" with one attempt. The one attempt is what matters.

[Masers]

Thanks, this is very helpful. It makes sense when you write it out, and I appreciate you taking the time to explain things in detail. My husband is 35 now, he will be 36 in December when we begin TTC. Just curious what that has to do with FR vs. abstain?

So—just because i really DO need step-by-step directions...are you saying that we should have ONE attempt during the fertile window, and it doesn’t matter how often we do (or don’t) dtd before and after that window?

I’m also totally confused by ovulation, tbh. I tracked this month and it seems like I had one darkish strip on CD11. However, that was followed by 2 faint days.
Basically, my calendar looked like this:
CD11–Med/dark in AM, faint in PM
CD12–Faint AM and PM
CD13–Faint AM and PM *EWCM begins
CD14–Med Line AM and faint PM—CM
CD15–Med Line AM and faint PM—CM
CD16–Faint line—sore boobs, CM
CD17–Dark line—sore boobs, CM
CD18–Dark line—sore boobs, CM
CD19–forgot to take test—sore boobs, CM decreased
CD20 (today!)—med line—sore boobs, CM basically gone

Sooo...what is my fertile window here?! In this scenario, what day would be the best day to DTD?

Do I need to keep tracking? Or can I go by symptoms? Or what?!
Thanks again for your help!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Studies have found that DNA damage from sperm that can cause health issues with future pregnancies (in rare cases; this is not a for sure thing at all) start to occur more frequently at 35+. Abstain makes less healthy sperm. So since abstain doesn't work anyway, it makes no sense to me to incur even a minor level of risk chasing abstain, which does nothing for your sway. Thus we have a cutoff age of 35 for using abstain.

It has appeared not to make much if any of a difference what frequency husbands release in. It's all about the number of attempts. Now, if we wanted to take 1000 couples and have some abstain and some do FR or whatever, it ~may~ be there is a microscopic level of pink sway from doing those things, but in our results they've added nothing (and may possibly be hurting sways by cutting odds of conception so far that people get sick of swaying or various sway tactics, like one attempt, and end up giving up or adding attempts to conceive)

The one attempt, on the other hand, has been very consistent over time - and again I'll share the long story of how we found out that swayed if you want me to. So it makes the most sense to me to have you guys do one attempt, with regular release or "do what he does" if you can't do abstain or FR (since neither abstian nor FR is working for us anyway)

I suspect that you ovulated CD 18 ish. That makes the most sense. But that ~may~ not be accurate and what's more important, it very well may not be what happens next month or any other month. We can't use what happened this month to predict future months. People have results all over the map. We won't truly know what happened till your period arrives and we can look back 12-14 days and may be able to see when ovulation occurred.

I always recommend OPK. They suck, but are more reliable than symptoms (you can have symptoms 5-7 days prior to O and even 3-5 days afterward). I would have the first attempt at first positive OPK, and keep testing. In your case, you'd have had an attempt on CD 11 to cover your bases, and then kept on testing. CD 17, you'd have had another attempt (the sperm from the prior attempt would have been long gone by then) and would have been covered regardless of when you ovulated.

Or, if you don't want to track, you could do the every 4 day method which I'll tell you how to do if you're interested in not tracking with OPK.

[Masers]

I SWEAR I’m not a dumb person, but for some reason this just isn’t computing.

My husband will be 35 turning 36 in December, which is the month I would like to conceive. So...since abstention leads to less healthy sperm, but FR also could lead to less healthy sperm, would you recommend say, DTD a few times BEFORE the fertile period? Like, say, cycle day 7 and 9. And then ACTUALLY bd with the intention of pregnancy on the first day I got a positive dark line? And then once again about 6 days later or so? (While still testing positive?) I guess I’m confused because I thought they key was ONE attempt, and wouldn’t that be TWO attempts?? Am I just dumb or what?

And I’m assuming the 4 day method means...bd every 4 days? Throughout the entire cycle? (Whether fertile or not?) Is this still swaying for a girl? Please elaborate, and also tell me what you would do if you were in my shoes. ;)

You are so helpful and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the long explanations.

[atomic sagebrush]

FR does not lead to less healthy sperm. It leads to fewer sperm overall but they are more healthy.

It's fine to BD before the fertile period with protection or have husband release on his own. If you don't believe in frequency (and I don't) then I'd either do regular release or let him "do what he does" (the latter is good for hubbies who just aren't into swaying and don't care at all - just better not to ask anything out of the ordinary from them).

That is not two attempts because there will be no sperm left after 6 days. Contrary to what some sources claim, sperm can only fertilize an egg for 2-3 days after being deposited in your reproductive tract. Modern studies have found that BD 4 days before ovulation has about a 1 in 1000 chance of conception, 5 days before O has 1 in 10,000, and BD 6 days before O has 1 in 100,000 chance. All those people who claim they got pregnant with weeklong cutoffs or whatever ovulated sooner than they thought they did. People just are not getting pregnant 4 or even 3 days before ovulation.

One attempt means one attempt that has a legit chance of fertilizing the egg. even 4 days before O is pretty slim chances, and 5/6 days before doesn't count as a viable attempt.

So with the e4d method, yes, it's just BD every 4 days. You can count this in the "every 72 hour" pattern (and this is how most people do it - but they usually go to this method after several months at one attempt at pos OPK) OR in the "every 96 hour" pattern (and this is less common but is how people who are just starting off tend to do the e4d.)

I recommend starting off with one attempt at positive OPK with whatever frequency you prefer. This is because I have a higher level of confidence in the one attempt since we've been doing it much longer and have a much higher sample size. WE are getting good results with e4d, but this is with a small sample size and most of them were swaying and on diet a long time (which may skew the results to make it look more effective than it really is).

I happened to get my girl BD about every 4 days or so and then the week we actually conceived it was more like 5 days apart. This wasn't by design as we hadn't figured out any of this stuff yet, but it did just happen to work out that way for us. But I'd been on diet a really long time too and had a lot of other stuff swaying pink for us.

[Masers]

Thank you! So, for the first month you would recommend dtd the first day that i get a positive OPK, followed by another bd 6 days later.

If that doesn’t work after a month or two, move to dtd every four days (from beginning of period till end of ovulation?).

Is that my plan!? ;)

[atomic sagebrush]

Start off with the one attempt at positive OPK for sure. Then some people decide to start doing e4d after that till they're sure they've ovulated (sorry I'm not sure where you're getting the "6 days later" from? This is to guard against delayed ovulation. You don't HAVE to do this (you could just stick iwth the one attempt) but a lot of people have done that.

It's totally up to you, but if you're not sure if the OPK are going to be reliable, that is a way you can probably have the one attempt, but at the same time be guarding against the possibility of ovulating later than you think you're going to.

Yes, after giving one attempt (with or without additional attempts after) a try, then go to e4d after that.

[Masers]

Hey, thanks again! :)

I got the six days later idea from when you said, based on my last charting, you would have recommended BD on day 11 and day 17.

So, just to be clear, what if, the first month, I:
BD on first day of OPK, then again 6ish days later (?)

If not pregnant, on month two, I:
BD on first day of OPK, then every four days thereafter

If not pregnant after that, I:
BD every four days starting at end of period

Are all of those things still in “girl sway” territory?
Combined with less snacking, no meat, no vitamins/supplements, maybe skipping breakfast, plus as much walking/cardio as I can get in (which is not as much as I would like, but man is it hard to exercise with kids and toddlers and a traveling husband!).
Anything else I can easily implement that seems to have a good correlation??

Also, I don’t eat very much dairy...is that okay? I have seen people taking calcium/magnesium supplements, as well as cranberry. Anything to those?

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh, ok. But that's because you were trying for one attempt at positive OPK. Since we weren't sure when the actual positive came, I would have had you try at the first positive (which was on CD 11) and then again on CD 17 because you had what seemed to be another positive OPK then..

I dont ever recommend doing anything 6 days after. That was entirely me basing a recommendation on you getting a positive OPK and then getting another one 6 days after that and not any magic to 6 days.

There is no point to you doing an attempt 6 days after unless you get a positive OPK then! Most of the time when ovulation is delayed, it's delayed only a few days. So you'd miss being covered in case of delayed O unless that delayed O was 6 or more days after your last attempt.

What I would have you do instead is have your attempt at positive OPK and then either a) keep testing and then have another attempt whenever that happens to fall (provided it's 3 or more days later than your previous attempt, otherwise stick with the one you've had.) OR b) have one attempt and then go to every 4 days (in the 96 hour pattern if you want better odds of pink, 72 hours if you want better chance of conception but still a good chance of pink)

There is no option where I ever tell anyone to have an attempt and then 6 days later have another attempt, UNLESS they kept testing and got another positive OPK that day!

Yes please DON"T eat tons of dairy. Dairy DOES NOT sway pink, it makes absolutely no sense that it does, and the "science" supposedly supporting that notion is really sketchy and terrible. The best study ever done on maternal diet and gender conceived (and in fact the ONLY one ever done by someone who wasn't trying to sell a revolutionary gender swaying method, LOL) showed that women who conceived boys had the most of ALL nutrients in their diet, including calcium and magnesium. I got my 3rd and 4th boy taking cal mag (and all four boys having tons of dairy) and gave it all up to get my girl. But I know it's hard for some to let go of so I let you guys take cal-mag supplements without vitamin D if you must.

Cranberry does not work at all and has a lot of risks and side effects (including possibly causing miscarriage and even death). I have never recommended it and wouldn't have anyone take it.

[Masers]

Awesome. I think it’s finally clicking. 😂

So, if I can manage to stop snacking (failing so far, ugh, I’m a night owl and keep keep from nibbling while I do my work!), I think I can manage the diet and the timing part.

So: just for one final time—I should DTD the FIRST DAY that I have an OPK, then again four days later. Yes?

I’m sorry—just don’t want to mess this up. I finally got off the Babydust FB group because it was stressing me out reading about all the people who were having fails—and also all the people having successes! I just know this is my LAST SHOT, and I really and honestly will be so, so, so disappointed and frankly, devastated, if I don’t ever end up with a daughter. I always imagined raising both genders, and I am very close to my mom and do a lot of stuff with her.

So the pressure I feel is immense and I just want to be very sure that I am doing everything in my power to give myself the best odds possible.

Thanks again for your help. It’s great how much you’ve researched and learned about this over the years!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Trust me after 4 boys over 20+ years myself I totally understand!!

I do want to reiterate that even under ideal circumstances opposites are possible. If IVF is an option it might be something to consider, but I know it's not an option for many people (wasn't for me, either.)

Yes, DTD the day of positive OPK and then start doing the e4d after that to guard against delayed ovulation. :)

[Masers]

Thanks a million.

IVF is not an option. But I want to feel like I’m doing everything in *my* power to put the odds in my favor...and leave the rest up to God! ;)

K. So I’m going to try really hard to follow the diet as much as possible, then start in a couple months! We will dtd the first day of a positive OPK, and then 4 days later.
If that doesn’t work, the next month we will just start dtd every four days from the end of my period.

Sounds like a plan!!
Wish I hadn’t bought the Babydust book—kind of a waste of money now that I’m not going to follow it! 😝

Thanks again for all your help!!

[atomic sagebrush]

:agree: The problem is, though, that when it comes to swaying pink, being too control freakish actually LOWERS your chances of success. Getting all detail oriented, doing tons of things to sway that all require large amounts of micromanaging only reduces the likelihood of pink. I know it's really hard to accept, but the key to swaying is to focus on only doing the things that get the most bang for your swaying buck, and letting go of the stuff that really does little to nothing, because the more stuff you're doing, the more control freakish you have to be to keep it all going, and the more it contributes to that "hamster wheel mindset" where you're thinking about your sway 24-7. We want your sway to be like a lifestyle and the less you think about it, the better.

:agree: Everything else looking good! :)

[Masers]

Okay, sooooooo....December is the month we were going to start trying to conceive!

I am really torn.
I have NOT been restricting my food intake at all, and have been snacking like a fiend and eating lots of holiday foods and treats. So I feel like I have that going against me.

Secondly, after much consideration of our schedule and lifestyle, it feels like the ideal time to have another child would be November. (And I partially want that because I have a sept, oct, and dec baby, and am someone who is really into patterns and complete sets. Lol. And partially because the beginning of the school year, September (which is when I originally was thinking of trying to aim for), is sooo busy. I kind of would like to get them into a school rhythm. And finally, our youngest has been a demanding baby and toddler, and I feel like maybe a couple extra months wouldn’t hurt. Also, we JUST moved this week, and I’d like some time to set up and get organized and settled, and as someone who tends to get really really sick with pregnancies, I am not ready for that 4+ months of feeling horrid and unable to do much.

BUT I don’t want to go beyond Nov—so, my ideal would be either September (conceive this month) or, even better, November (conceive in Feb).

What should I do?? I feel like I’m setting myself up for failure...like I either will instantly get pregnant, OR I’ll THINK that i’ll Get pregnant right away, but because i’m Messing with the timing (instead of just during ovulation), it’ll take longer than I think.

I also feel like since I haven’t been cutting back on calories or exercising or doing anything, I’m not going to have that in my favor too.

AND my cycle has been off. Like, for the first time I think ever, I had my period a week early last month. But the month before that it was a week late.
UGH.

Thoughts? Plans? Advice? THis is my LAST shot for a girl, and I’m so nervous I can hardly stand it. Knowing that all this pressure is on getting it right, with no chance to go back and do things differently, is getting to me!!

[atomic sagebrush]

I can't ever recommend putting so much import on conceiving in a particular month. It takes fully fertile people doing nothing to sway, 3-6 months to conceive and when we start thinking that we can just BD in one month and get pregnant that month, it makes people get very stressed when that doesn't happen.

I would have you postpone to adjust your diet, though. I can't ever recommend trying a sway without diet and exercise, that's like trying to have a fistfight with both hands behind your back! Our good results with one attempt are IN people doing diet and exercise. While I will always suggest one attempt when people don't want to do diet and exercise, the high results for one attempt are only a thing if you've also done diet and exercise. If this is your last chance, I implore you not to try unless you've done diet and exercise.

Can you tell me more about what is going on with your cycle?? A week early and then a week late?? how long was your cycle?? How are you determining ovulation?? If your period comes at a different time than normal, it will mean your period will have changed from there on in - you understand that, right? So having your period come the wrong day one cycle, means it's not going to ever go back to being on the same days (well maybe over years, but not by the very next month). If you give me more info I can better explain what is going on with that.

[Masers]

Argh! If you could tell me 1-3 MUST-DOs for diet and exercise, what would they be?
And how long do I have to do it for before trying?

We did get pregnant the first month of trying with each of our previous children. However, I AM older now, and I get that there are no guarantees.

I have no idea what is going on with my cycle. I usually am about 30 day cycle. But in October it was like 35 days, and then in November it was 22 days.

I had been testing ovulation with the LH strips to see when my peak is, but I think it’s pretty clear that I ovulate for a long time (i have multiple days of dark lines), with a pretty long window of obvious symptoms: cervical mucus, very sore boobs, etc. Last month, for instance, I started on Nov 6th, ended Nov 12th, had ovulation symptoms from the 21st till about the 27th, with the very darkest line showing up on the 25th.

I literally feel paralyzed by the idea of having this one shot.

And i don’t know why I can’t stick to a diet *at all*, except that it’s the holidays, we have lots of family birthdays going on now, it just feels like I’m SURROUNDED by parties, get-togethers, family dinners, and a house stocked with cookies and cakes. Like I said, I am a huge slacker and I’m struggling! We’ve also had vacations, we just moved and we’ve been doing a lot of take-out and restaurants while we get settled and unpacked. And the weather here is cold, miserable, snowy, and wet—I haven’t been outside walking like I do so often in nicer weather, and we aren’t members of a gym, and I Just feel like a slovenly glutton lately!

[atomic sagebrush]

if you find you can't stick to diet, just go vegetarian if possible (or even just as much as possible, with some wiggle room for holiday meals, etc.) We've had decent results with that for people who can't do the full LE. Going vegetarian plus adding in the 60 min. exercise a minimum of 4 days a week is even better. You DON"T have to do everything, you can just do a couple things, it's still a sway!!

If you do want to do LE Diet, the key (when you're a person who tends to struggle with diet) is to just tweak the diet till you get to something you can stick with. There is no magic to sticking to the overall LE Diet to the fullest extent, ANY changes you make in a pink friendly way from what you were a) eating recently - more important and b) what you were eating when you got boys - less important.

When you're in a situation where you're eating out a lot and it's the holidays, I have some tips. Holidays and restaurant meals are not dealbreakers, and weirdly, many people have found it's actually far easier to stick to the diet in this situation because everything feels like a treat!! Much easier than the people who are going on day after day eating nothing but rice cakes and Craisins LOL (no one do that please!!!)

For sitdown restaurants: You can have an appetizer or salad and dessert (I do this to this very day as it's also a great way to prevent overeating and spending $$$$ when dining with rich friends, LOL) OR, you can order an entree and then eat half of it or even just a third of it, and then plead fullness and take the rest home in a doggie bag for 2-3 more meals. It is NOT so much about the foods you're eating as about the overall amount of cals, protein, and fat you're eating, so you can manage that with portion control much easier than with the "magic food" approach (which does not work at all!) You can also order things like vegetarian options, salads, pasta where the types of foods are more LE friendly, but those things can have a surprising amount of cal/pro/fat in them so you're better off also using the "doggie bag" trick.

For fast food restaurants: They have salad options, Wendy's has baked potatoes, and my personal trick of having fries and a cookie LOL works quite well. You can have a child's hamburger or corn dog, they have barely any protein. Or other appetizer (some of the restaurants have a lot of appetizer options now like egg rolls, taquitos, that kind of thing) Again, it's a matter of making choices in what you order to end up walking out of the restaurant having eaten a smaller portion than you normally would because it's making changes from what you WERE eating that matters, not having a certain tiny set of foods.

For holiday eating, it works much the same but here's the magic trick to success on any diet - figure out what you want and have it. DON'T try to get by with eating 4000 rice cakes and a massive bag of Craisins, at which point you will realize "OMGosh I just ate 3000 calories of nothing, screw this" and you'll end up having the stuff you really wanted to begin with, and 10 other things besides because you'll see the day as a wash and will decide "I'll have whatever I want because I'm going to start over and do everything right tomorrow" This sets up a binge and purge cycle where you're alternating back and forth between depriving yourself totally one day and then turning around and eating way too much the next. In every situation, but especially when surrounded by temptation, have the thing you want! Just don't eat 20 other things first. You'll be shocked when you realize you ended up eating a lot less than you normally would have by having things you actually wanted, LOL. :)

Re exercise, you don't need to join a gym. You can exercise at home with free videos on YouTube and still get good results. They have some fun cardio ones from Blogilates and PopSugar fitness, just focus on the more cardio stuff and less musclebuilding. Some of them have short musclebuilding exercises, so just walk in place or do jumping jacks or whatever during those parts if you come across them.

[atomic sagebrush]

Ok I posted that diet/exercise part above, re the irregular cycle -

Yes that was def. a couple oddball cycles there in Oct and Nov. Given that I'd probably consider having you do e4d instead (just have unprotected sex every 4 days, starting after your period ends and going on till you're sure you've ovulated, even if that means going all the way till your next period starts) in the 72 hour pattern for best chance of conception, every 96 hours for best chance of pink but lower chance of conception.)

What you're describing dos NOT mean you are ovulating for a long time (that's not really a thing). What you describe is actually entirely normal. Many of us myself included have a solid week of EWCM and O pains if not even longer some months. I've had EWCM and O pains starting CD 3 for CD 14 ovulation on several occasions! It's actually far, far more common to have that pattern than to have one day of symptoms and then O the next day.

Are you getting many days of positive OPK though?? Sorry that wasn't quite clear to me.

Is the needing to have just one shot solely because of the months thing?? I truly think you may want to try to set that aside as it's going to be another source of that control freakish pressure that does not help a pink sway in any way

[Masers]

Thank you for all the help!!

SO—as far as the every 4 day thing goes—can you explain to me one more time why that sways girl? Makes me just a little nervous. I did some more digging around online last night and found that most people say to do it as far before ovulation as possible, and to only do it once. I did find a few more people saying more frequent dtd.

My freakish controlling thing is about the month, partially—really want a November baby!!—but moreso it’s about feeling like once I’m pregnant, it’s over and I don’t have another chance to try something different or sway a different way or WHATEVER it is—it’s just my last pregnancy and last baby, and I really feel like I’m almost sabotaging my “diet” because I’m so nervous about getting pregnant that i’m giving myself an excuse. (“Oh, I need to follow the diet longer, oh I haven’t been dieting or exercising, better not try yet after all.”) Because—this is IT!

As far as the diet goes, I do follow a vegetarian diet like 80% of the time, at least. I eat very little meat. I eat a lot of sweets. Some dairy. A lot of carbs. A decent amount of fruits and veggies. I’ve been skipping breakfast most days. I haven’t been taking a multivitamin. (Considering calcium and magnesium, though...)

I do need to exercise. Is just walking okay? Like if I try to do longer/more frequent walks? That’s just the easiest thing for me to do.

Thanks again!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Because it's always one attempt. E4d attempts are far enough apart to only BE one attempt (especially if you stretch it to every 96 hours). So I am not telling you to have more than one attempt, I'm simply telling you that if you have sex every 4 days, that's an easy wa to do one attempt without being sure about when you'll ovulate (since with an irregular cycle you're not going to be able to predict that.)

DO NOT do more frequent DTD at least to start off with. One attempt is good! It's jsut that e4d is an easy way to do one attempt for those who can't manage to do one attempt due to irregular cycles and/or not wanting to use OPK.

The people who tell you to DTD as far before O as possible are basing that on a 50 year old theory that has been completely debunked by modern science. We know exactly the mistake the researcher made, we know his idea was wrong, everything about it has been debunked, but it just keeps hanging on. I have the full case against timing here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/7691-trouble-timing.html

I hear what you're saying about wanting to have reasons to not try, but the catch is that a lot of people do that and end up doing it righ into trying without doing diet or exercise!! So they basically create what they fear, we boy moms are often all or nothing type thinkers, and so we don't want to do anything unless we can do it exactly right, but then we invariably get to a point at which we think "well I need to do this anyway" so we end up worse off than if we'd just done a reasonably laid back, even halfhearted sway! Do the doable!

Walking is great and is in fact my preferred form of exercise since people get hurt doing more intense exercise.

I would very much hesitate adding cal-mag unless you're cutting back on diet. I have seen tons of opposites in the group of people who don't do diet but do take cal-mag supplements (we don't do that on this site, but there were many people when I was on InGender who did that and got scads of boys). Cal-mag (especially with Vit. D added) were shown in the best study ever done on maternal diet and gender conceived (and literally the only study ever done that wasn't made by someone selling cal-mag for swaying!) found higher intake of ALL nutrients including cal-mag to sway blue. I understand it's hard for people to give up on cal mag, so I allow it for people who are eating lower nutrients anyway, but it makes me very, very nervous when people who aren't dieting otherwise (even on vegetarian diets) add in the cal mag, if that makes any sense. So I would either do diet and add in calmag if you feel the burning need to take it (without Vit. D) or keep with vegetarian diet and skip the cal-mag.

[Masers]

Thank you again!

So—you start the E4D right after your period, hopefully conceiving before ovulation. Right?

That’s probably a good plan, since my ovulation and periods have been wonky. And it puts less pressure on me to figure out the ovulation thing perfectly.

As far as diet goes...this makes me nervous. I’ve been primarily vegetarian since well before my first son was born. I’ve eaten about 80-90% vegetarian for 10 years and still conceived 3 sons. I also basically accidentally followed the LE diet before my last son, because I had a horrific bronchitis/pneumonia thing for months and lost my appetite during the whole thing...I definitely had cut back on calories, lost weight, etc. But I got pregnant towards the tail end of that illness, when I was basically recovered, but still not eating a lot, and I had a boy. I feel like if I’m already doing the vegetarian thing, and I inadvertently had a restricted calorie diet with one pregnancy, and still had three boys...will it really help?

I also know that I got pregnant with one attempt with all three of them.

So again. One attempt. Vegetarian diet. Exercising more at that time. (Was exercising quite a bit—regularly going to the gym and taking long walks when I conceived my first son).
And—3 boys.

So. I guess we shall see, but...idk.

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes that's right, you start the e4d after your period ends to have the pattern in place so you aren't thinking about it any more before the egg drops.

You can't technically conceive before ovulation but yes most people will end up BD before ovulation occurs and will conceive from sperm that's hanging around in the reproductive tract.

Swaying is like an iceberg, the stuff we see (diet, exercise, for example) is simply the stuff that's above the water. There are dozens if not hundreds of things that have occurred over your entire life that might affect a sway, and additionally there is a huge luck component to this. Think about it - if diet and exercise ALONE could ever make 100% a particular gender or anywhere close to it, the entire human race would have died out a long time ago. We seem to have an upper ceiling of swaying of about 70-75% but considering many of us are going from 70-75% likely to have boys, getting to that point is a massive sway!!!

My point in telling you this is to explain you can't just look at your diet and throw up your hands and say "ok well diet obviously doesn't work for me" because it very well may have worked for you for all you know. You may have gotten to 60% likely to have a girl with diet (particularly when you were ill) and then you rolled the dice and Lady Luck still had her part to play. Or it may ave been that there were other things that swayed blue for you that countered the diet, or some combination of the two. We just can't know, and so I always come back to the idea of doing what has worked for most people, most of the time.

My preference would be of course for you to do the full LE Diet for 12 weeks plus exercise as that's what gives us the best results. But you don't have time to do that and don't seem to want to, so I offered you the vegetarian option instead as some people have had some success doing that instead. I don't think it's as good a sway, but our results and studies have shown it can affect the gender ratio (plus it doesn't mess with your head like LE Diet can, in that control freakish way that may sway blue, and I feel like maybe you might struggle with that to some extent) I think it's a viable option for you and is certainly better than doing nothing.

I can't give you a guarantee. I wish I had that in my power. I don't. Swaying only gets us so far and like I said, there are things that come into play like the control freakishness that are beyond our ability to change, that may affect the outcome. But what I do know is that not doing diet/exercise has far lower results than doing them, and we can't rely on one attempt to carry the day alone (at least not to get you your best chance).

I'm just trying to find the road between operating within your parameters and you having the best sway I can, and if you're set on trying in a particular month and don't want to do diet, your best bet is simply going vegetarian and having one attempt. That's all. No guarantee but it will help boost your chances, regardless of what has occurred in the past.

[Masers]

Thanks again. I’m sorry I’ve been so annoying!
Appreciate you taking the time to type everything out for me.
I understand what you’re saying and apologize for my control-freak, doubting tendencies.

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh gosh not at all, I apologize if my post came off that way! I PROMISE, virtualy all my pink swayers (myself included) have tendencies that way and your questions were in no way out of the norm whatsoever. I mention the control-freakishness not in any way as a rebuke, but simply because it's something I've seen potentially affecting a sway (where people who are getting super wound up over details end up having opposites, and those who manage to remain more chill are more likely to have successful sways. If I didn't warn you guys about that, I'd invariably have people going down the rabbithole where they're planning out their entire life months in advance without even realizing that might have negative ramifications on their sway. (especially since this type of thing is encouraged on the other sites.)

[Masers]

No, you’re fine! I just looked at my responses from your perspective and how annoying I must be! 😆

I really do appreciate your help and am going to implement your suggestions. Even if I don’t have the full 12 weeks, it’ll be a couple months. I’m going to try to stick to a LE diet or at least continue vegetarian, and will do the e4d technique. (Another stupid question...let’s say my period ends on day 6. Would that I mean I would do day 7, 11, 15, 19, 23?)

Again, much appreciation.

[atomic sagebrush]

7/10/13/16 in the "every 72 hours" pattern (better chance conception, possibly lower chance of pink

or

7/11/15/19 in the "every 96 hours" pattern (better chance of pink, lower chance of conception)

[Masers]

Thanks a bunch. :)