Is it better to stay team yellow after swaying?

[SleepyMommaBear]

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with my autonomy scan later this week.

I attempted a pink sway (however fearful I wasn't on the diet long enough, only 6 weeks!) and were ever so lucky in that we conceived on our first cycle with one attempt. Makes me feel that this baby was absolutely meant to be after trying for much longer with our first.

Although I feel I can't admit this to anyone, I feel this is a good place for advice... I'm concerned at finding out the baby's gender at the scan as I'm scared of hearing it's a boy. I truly wish I didn't feel this way, and really disappointed in myself that I do, after all I should just be in awe of being blessed with a healthy baby.

I've always dreamed of having girls after growing up as the only girl surrounded by a family of boys! I was quite content with my sway attempt and the possibility of the baby being a little girl, however I got curious and submitted one of my 12 week scan photo's to The Nub Tech's online and their response came back boy.
Even though when I've posted the same scan on here and another forum and had mixed, but mainly pink responses, I've kind of taken the Nub Tech's response as gospel and I feel as though I'm now going through a bit of gender disappointment.

I'm not sure if finding out the gender at scan or birth is the better idea now and would love any advice anyone can offer.

[SleepyMommaBear]

Here's a link to my nub post from a few weeks ago ->https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/ultrasound-gender-prediction/79229-gender-guesses.html#post1039616

[atomic sagebrush]

I personally always recommend finding out at the scan. While it's hard at first, at least it's hard when you aren't recovering from a birth and having to care for a needy little person who needs you to be at 100% (not to mention dealing with visitors, your other kiddos, your husband, post-partum hormones etc.). Plus, it was very very helpful to me with my GD babies to get to pick out a name I liked, some new little blue outfits, and stuff. I really felt quite a lot better by the time my baby came. I would have been DEVASTATED with DS 3 because I was convinced I was having a girl, and I'm so thankful I found out with him.

Did I guess on your pics?? I'll look it up.

[atomic sagebrush]

Here's a link to my nub post from a few weeks ago ->https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/ultrasound-gender-prediction/79229-gender-guesses.html#post1039616

Oh yes I remember those - the nub experts guessed on those??? WOW there is barely anything there to guess on!!

How many days into the 12th week were you?

[4blue2pink]

i found out gender at 20w scan with my first 5 kids, then i went team green with my 6th (1st sway baby) but caved and found out at 37w growth scan and regreted finding out, with my last 2 babies (2nd and 3rd sways) i've been team green and not had a clue about gender till birth.

my last 3 babys were all pink sways, 1st one worked and i found out she was a girl at 37w scan, last 2 failed and i found out they were both boys at birth.
for me not knowing the gender is better, finding out at 20w destroyed so many of my pregnancies and i decided enough was enough, i was going to enjoy the pregnancy not even thinking about gender.
Finding out boy on the day has been much more positive than hearing it at 20w scan, i find it impossible to bond with a baby before its born and coped better having it there in front of me.

Some people do it and allow themselves to think that the baby is 100% what they want it to be, after 9 months of this it then causes devastation when baby is born not being what they had hoped. If you dont find out, dont allow yourself to dwell on the dream of baby being a girl.. the fact is you dont know the gender and just as you can be told what you dont want to hear at the scan the same can still happen on the day and then you will have to cope with it while looking after a newborn. I know Atomic advises against team green for anyone with GD and there have been some really awful experiences with it.

If you think you will struggle with baby being a boy then its probably better to find out, good luck with your scan :)

[SleepyMommaBear]

Oh yes I remember those - the nub experts guessed on those??? WOW there is barely anything there to guess on!!

How many days into the 12th week were you?

Yes, I’ll attach an image of their response. Other people I asked said no nub visible very confused as the next image looks as though that is a bit of baby’s leg, but what do I know!!

By my dates I would have been 11+5 at this scan, they measured me at 12+3 which doesn’t really fit with my known ovulation date?

[Mummyof4boys]

I agree with Atomic 100%. I suffered gender disappointment with three of my boy pregnancies, and knowing that they were boys at 20 weeks really helped me come to terms with my feelings before they were born and helped me bond with them better. We had names picked out for them early and I bought little outfits for them to help me be more excited. Of course only you can determine what is best for your situation and how you think you’ll cope with the news. Best of luck whichever way you go x

[Lailanela]

Hi,
First of all, please don't feel bad for your feelings. You're wishing for a girl, and a lot of people (especially here) do understand you.
I was team green for no.1 and no.3. I actually did not really care for the gender and I liked the surprise.
For my second I did find out, because I was kind of wishing for a boy. And I also liked it very much. We had a name early and I didn't have to think about a girls name at that time (which I find harder). And I bought a lot of really pretty stuff for baby boy.
We plan on trying next year for a girl and I plan on knowing the gender again, because I am kind of scared of getting depressed when it turns out to be a boy at birth.
Just because I know if you are team green people start to say baby will be this or that (based on old wives tales) and if you do have a preference I guess it could lead to believing it is you desired gender.
I wish you all the luck in the world however you will decide. And I hope you get what you wish for. 😊

[SleepyMommaBear]

Thanks all, I think I’m just so apprehensive about finding out and I’ve also been adamant to the outside world that it’d be a surprise this time.

I suppose I’ve just built it all up in my head, at least now I’m expecting to find out that I’m having a boy following the nub theory response. I hope you’re right and it’ll give me time to adjust, I’m just still scared that finding out I’m team blue will effect my bond with my bump and my baby...

[Blue-blue-pink]

I’m afraid I also think it looks like a boy when looking at the nub

[MsDashwood]

I would say find out in this case. I personally lean on the preference of not finding out as I think the surprise gender on the day is overtaken by hormones and complexity of birth. However, as you have looked at nub guesses I think it’s best to know now. You’ll just keep thinking if you don’t. Best to know now I think - it will be what it will be.


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[atomic sagebrush]

Geez. I think that is leg bone and cord and not the penis AT ALL. Penises at 12 weeks do not look like that at all whatsoever. I think that guess is entirely wrong (even though the baby can of course still be a boy) because the alleged "penis" is coming out of the middle of the stomach and that long stick looking think literally could not be genitals at all due to the size and direction of it. In my opinion, that picture is not at all suitable for guessing and they shouldn't have guessed on that.

[Blue-blue-pink]

I Thought that thing in top could be the nub or partly. But maybe not. Hope not and that this is a girl

[atomic sagebrush]

IMO it's way too high for the nub. It could only be nub if it was attached to that long huge thing, and that would be the most well hung baby in human history, LOL>

[charlyn]

I’m 21 weeks pregnant and decided not to find out at my scan last week as like you I’m hoping for a girl and didn’t want to feel disappointed the rest of the pregnancy if they told me the baby was a boy. I’m hoping I’d take the news better at birth if it’s a boy.
I don’t see a nub in either of your pics so I’m surprised you’ve had any boy guesses so you still have a good shot at the baby being a girl.

[Kelbear]

I never found out until birth with ds1, didn't really have a preference then, both DH and I thought he was a boy so I wasn't surprised. With DS2 I swayed girl hard for 6 months mths. Wasn't going to find out gender but he had a very obvious boy nub at 12 weeks and flashed us at 20 wk scan despite me saying to tech we didn't want to know gender. I knew he was a boy. I was devastated at first and DH was adamant he was a girl but I just knew and birth I had come to terms with that and loved him already. If I hadn't known (was sure my girl sway had worked until I saw scans) I would have been devastated when he was born.
With DD1 she was our surprise baby. I didn't know whether to find out gender or not (was disappointed for a large portion of DS2s pregnancy once I found out but eventaually grew to accept it by the time he was born). I had NT scan early as I didn't want to see obvious boy bits like with DS 2. Then at my 20 week scan I wanted tech to write down gender so I could look when I was ready but she said it was against policy to write it so I didn't find out. I spent the next 4 weeks sleepless obsessisong over scan and not knowing and as I had to have extra growth scans due to a placenta issue (scared I would lose Bub altogether) I asked at 24 week scan as it was affecting my health and mental health so much not knowing (I was the person who always swore I would always have a surprise and never find out gender early). I found out she was my longed for DD and I am so glad I found out as the guessing and not knowing was killing me.
I hope you work out what is best for you x

[atomic sagebrush]

:agree: I know some people fear finding out because they think "this will cause me stress during pregnancy and stress is bad for a baby!" But those same people stress and obsess endlessly because they didn't find out!! They get just as upset (in many cases, completely unwarranted) and end up peering at ultrasound photos in tears because they're so sure they're having an opposite. But what is worse is when they do all that obsessing only to end up sure they're having what they were wishing for only to end up getting some really shocking news in the delivery room. This has ended very badly for a couple people so I really do urge you guys to find out unless you are 1000% sure you won't get your hopes up or end up in despair when you don't know gender.

[SleepyMommaBear]

Thank you all ladies for your advice.
Scan date tomorrow so hopefully we’ll be able to find out and I can stop obsessing one way or the other!

[SleepyMommaBear]

And it’s a boy!

Really pleased to say that I don’t feel upset, and happy I can start to imagine what the years ahead might look like and delighted to be giving my boy a brother.

Only sad bit is parting with my little dream and wishing that wasn’t overshadowing my joy right now.

[atomic sagebrush]

Huge congrats!!! I think boys should come in pairs like shoes, LOL. :heart:

[Mummyof4boys]

Congrats on your little man!

[Kelbear]

Congrats on your little man. I would not swap having a brother for DS1 for the world. They are the best mates

[MsDashwood]

Huge congrats!!! I think boys should come in pairs like shoes, LOL. :heart:

Congrats on your boy!!! I just read Atomics quote above. Our two boys literally are addicted to each other. Copying everything each other does - they even hold hands sometimes (super cute!). They are such a supportive pair, and because of that, they are easy to parent and I know they will have each other’s backs always.

I know it’s not a girl (and I so desperately want a girl as well so I know this must be SO hard), but it will be a great addition to you family. Congratulations.


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