I almost feel embarassed...is that weird??

[annabel♥lee]

I think I'm having boy#3. There's a tiny bit of hope left but it will be gone next Friday (gender determination scan). Baby looked like a boy at the NT scan. So anyway, as of right now I am resolving myself to the fact that I am having a third boy.

Is it weird that I'm embarassed? I feel like it's a weird emotion to have and I didn't expect it, but I really feel embarassed to tell people I'm having another boy. I feel as though I am defective because I cannot produce a girl like other women can. I thought the odds were in my favor. I mean, most families with three kids end up with mixed genders. My sister has both...my best friend has both. I'm ashamed to admit that people were right. The people who told me after two boys I have an 85% chance of having a girl (my boss told me that one!), those who laughed and said I'd have another boy. They were right and I'm so ashamed and embarassed. I feel like an idiot for thinking that I could actually have a girl if I just got pregnant one last time. How dumb I am. Of course I won't get what I so desperately want. Feels like the reason I didn't get it is because I wanted it SO BADLY.

I prayed and prayed for a daughter. What is so wrong with me having a girl? Is it because I wouldn't be a good girl mom? :( And now look at me. I'm bringing yet another baby into this house where it's already chaotic with two high needs boys...someone will have to share a room...I will be more tired than I already am...and for what ? For ANOTHER boy.

I know I will feel differently once he's here. But I fear I will NEVER feel complete without a girl. But even if we go for #4, what are the odds that one will be a girl. I'm not sure I can cope with 3 boys....4 might send me straight over the edge.

[zanacal]

{hugs}

I didn't feel this way with #3 but I think I would have done with #4 but only because everybody assumes the only reason we tried for another was to get a girl.

FWIW, life with 3 boys is completely chaotic (at least with my 3!) but I would never, ever have changed DS3 for a girl. He is the most adorable, sweet little boy and he adores his 2 big brothers who love him to pieces in return. I really wish I could sit you on my sofa for a while so you could see them playing together right now!

Of course I understand the longing for a girl and not feeling complete without her. We're here for you if you don't get the news we all want you to get in a week.

[indigoviolet]

I totally know how you feel. I will feel embarrassed saying that I'm having a third boy. I also don't want people feeling sorry for me as I know almost everyone would have mixed genders if they could choose.

I've got my 12 week scan on Monday (my BF was told confidently by the sonographer at the same place she was having a boy, so I'm almost expecting to find out and hear boy). It just feels totally like it will be a boy and I'm really liking this stage in pg where I don't have to explain to anyone and it still could be a girl. I will def find out for sure but I do not want the dream to end.

I'm not expressing myself v clearly as I still have bad m/s and can't really concentrate! I just want you to know you are not alone and am praying we both get our girls :pray:

[nuthinbutpink]

Embarrassed is the exact emotion I felt with my girls. I felt weak because we couldn't make a boy. I always look at boy moms as tough ladies( that's a compliment). I think a lot of us get what you feel. People make dumbass comments and as much as we don't want to be affected by them, unless you're made of stone you can't help but be.

I hope you are surprised and have a girl but if not, you will be okay. If you have 3 healthy kids, you will be okay. With my number 3, I found HT and went that route. Maybe you can look into that. Maybe next time you try a hard core sway. Maybe you decide your family is picture perfect...give yourself a break, keep the gender to yourself if that helps for now or do something super cute to announce it. It's harder for people to make a mean comment in the face of genuine enthusiasm. It makes them look like a real ass.

Whatever the scenario, you'll get through it and you've given your boys another sibling to live their lives with. There is no better gift than that.

[Indira]

I understand. I don´t know if I will feel imbarassed, I think I will find some one-liner to use to announce when it´s a boy to show how positive I am about it and hide how I really feel. But I can already imagine the smile on certain people´s face thinking ´yeah I knew you were going to have another boy.´ I will feel betrayed by myself letting me think I could ever have a daughter.

And I hear you on the thought of bringing another baby in our family will complicate things.
This hit me last night, I hate myself for thinking this but having to go through the lack of sleep again, giving birth, and the time and attention my boys will have to do without for a while, is this really all worth it if it is another boy?
I could have dedicated myself to them more. But I know in the future I will be happy about it because I really wanted 3 kids, it´s also the swaying that has gotten my hopes up. With every month of sacrifice, my hopes increased otherwise I hadn´t been able to keep doing the diet.
I´m sorry I am of no help. I´m still hoping your scan will bring good news. Hugs.

[Mollymaybe]

I felt exactly the same when I found out I was having ds3. I was dreading telling people. I told my mum 1st and she was so happy...she loves 'her boys!' but I still felt bad. It was new yrs eve when we found out and I avoided a family party the day after...couldnt cope with all the 'bet you wanted a girl' or 'we said it would be a boy.' One of our 'friends' was totally over the moon I was having a 3rd boy just because she didn't want us to have a girl! She's a PP mum who continually rubs her daughter and our lack of in our face! All this said....when he was born, he was perfect! An angel baby and so cute. He's my special little man! Lol! the GD totally disappeared after for 2 years. I didn't want to replace him...even with a girl. He's 4 soon and of course, the GD returned so I'm doing high tech. I know what you mean about the chaos. My boys are loud!! All the time!! I know I'd love another boy, but if I'm honest, I'd only want 4 kids if i have a girl. I'm happy with my 3 boys and I don't need 4, but 3 boys and 1 girl would be fab.
Hope you're feeling better soon....it might be pink! Molly. X

[zanacal]

I even feel the need to defend myself when I tell people it's a girl, it's always swiftly followed up with 'I would have loved another boy'! This week DS1 made a comment about girls being 'better', which was very odd because he's usually quite anti-girl (by that I mean anything girly, he has lots of girl friends!) and I had to make a really big deal about telling them all that I don't think girls are better than boys and that I love my boys and wouldn't swap any one of them for any girl in the world. It makes me sad that people make these comments in front of our children like they can't hear and don't give it another thought!

[girlmom]

i felt the same way. what was wrong with me that i couldn't give my husband the son he always wanted? why couldn't i carry on the family name? i was so grateful we live in this day and age because women got their heads chopped off for not providing boys in the past. i would have been on the chopping block with them.
i would say you can always try again but honestly i swayed boy for 10 years and failed, the first time i did a girl sway i got a boy. so i think when its your turn then its your turn. i had 7 daughters and 2 miscarriages trying to get this boy.. are you willing to go through 7 boys? if not maybe high tech or adoption would be a wise choice.

[coocoobananas]

I think this is why I keep hesitating to even try to sway! I am so scared to do it again! My mind plays tricks on me that I can do it and that I am ok being sick for 9 months cause it would be all worth it since it is what I think of all day long. That it will be a girl that it will all be worth it... If I had a crystal ball and knew it would be a boy I would keep things as they are because things are so great but there's this itch I can't scratch. I know people will be all sad for me if it is a boy and I don't want that, I want to be perfectly ok that it most likely will be! So I guess that's why I haven't taken the leap yet! Wow that wasn't much help! My advice for you and I is you won't replace him with a girl and hopefully having a 3rd will fulfill you enough to rid you of gd:)

[TTC5]

Completely understand what your going through having been through this myself xx

[angel in a pink sky]

I am going to keep everything crossed hoping you hear girl. I know you are scared I have been in your shoes myself and felt everything you are feeling right now. When you have GD you wear your heart on your sleeve for everyone's "innocent" comments to break it. I found being upbeat even if you're faking it does help and it gives them the feeling there is something wrong with them for not wanting all the same gender. I have the person in my proffesional life who everytime i am pregnant tells me he hopes it is girl because if it is a boy i am will be sorry becasuse his son never talks to him. Well two boys later i finally told him to seek therapy with his son because it is not boys or girls there is something wrong with his relationship with his son. I went on to tell him my husband talks to his parents four to five times a day. It stopped him in his tracks As for the loud rowdy boys, if you can't beat them, join them. I love to wrestle my sons, play trucks and watch their boy movies. I am a very girly girl and I do not loose my feminine side you just become more well rounded. My dad has three girls and now goes to nordstrom and Bloomingdales like a champ he still is a true guys guy but my mom says having daughters softened him. In the end life is what you make of it. Whatever happens hold your head up high and have fun because living well is the best revenge!

[fivebabies]

I've actually heard that if you have 2 of the same gender then the likelyhood of getting the same for #3 is over 90%. :(

I really hope your get what you want! We've all been there though. (((hugs)))

[Cinss]

I understand the embarassment feeling, even though i haven't even concieved my next baby yet, i have talked to everyone i know about my sway attempts. I try to educate people about the possibility of swaying and let them all know we are hoping to get a boy next. Now i feel if we get a girl, everyone is going to tell me how crazy i was to sway and put all of my faith into it, i am going to feel like a fraud.

[begonia]

Embarrassed is the exact emotion I felt with my girls. I felt weak because we couldn't make a boy. I always look at boy moms as tough ladies( that's a compliment). I think a lot of us get what you feel. People make dumbass comments and as much as we don't want to be affected by them, unless you're made of stone you can't help but be.

I ditto this. Having 3 of a kind has definitely made me feel embarrassed. Not only for the whole bit about everyone saying once you have 2 of a kind you'll have 3 of a kind, so this 3rd girl proves them right when I SO badly wanted to prove them wrong, but also because for me they are all girls... like NBP said, it made me feel weak. For many reasons that girlmom mentioned ... it's not like we're able to carry on family name, there's no "strong" image for the DH/DW in having all daughters, and historically/biblically having all girls hasn't been looked at as some kind of mark of success. Like you, I didn't anticipate this embarrassment and it's been one of the harder things in my GD this time.

Yes *many* people do see 3+ of a kind (boys or girls) as something to pity... but just know that no matter what others think or say there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about whether it's 3+ boys or 3+ girls. There's not a single thing wrong with any of us; it is not at all that you wouldn't be a fantastic mom to a girl. We rolled the dice and it came up the same way every time; it's not like this is a game of effort and you didn't try hard enough, or a test and you answered the questions wrong, it's a game of chance. When people make comments like "of course after 3 girls it's another" I just smiled and said I like to be consistent. And actually, last week I kind of snapped at someone and said that "ACTUALLY the facts are it is very close to 50/50 every time. I happen to have all girls, yes, but I don't consider it a given that any of my future children will also be female." She was taken aback and nervously laughed and said something about guessing I'd gotten tired of hearing comments. I smiled and said "yes." It's amazing to me that the gender thing feels like an OK topic for people to opine on... can you imagine someone saying "Oh pity! You had another blue eyed child. Sure wish you could've made one with green this time."

Like Angel-in-a-Pink-Sky said, all you can do it try to hold your head up high. Easier said than done, I know, because I too am still torn up about what I don't have. When I'm having a really rough day I focus on the long-run. Picture yourself decades from now, proud of your grown sons and surrounded by grandchildren, terrific little people who wouldn't be there if not for these kids you are raising now. In the long-run I think we're gaining far more joy and love in our lives by having another child... boy or girl. Don't lose sight of the beautiful forest because of these terrible GD trees. You're building a family here and it's going to be wonderful. ((HUGS))

[jude17]

I've actually heard that if you have 2 of the same gender then the likelyhood of getting the same for #3 is over 90%. :(

Well that makes me feel really depressed. May as well give up right now if that's really true!

[annabel♥lee]

Beautiful words, Begonia. Thank you. ♥

Jude - i really don't think that's accurate. Studies have shown it's about 50/50 each time. I feel like people just say that to us to upset us for some reason. :(

[fivebabies]

Oh, I really wasn't trying to upset anyone. :sad: That's what I was told with my #3....I think they were trying to make me feel better....Sorry.

[Messyhair]

Any updates on what the scan revealed? I'm kind of torn on whether I want a girl or another boy, but if I conceive a girl, it will be the only girl in this generation for my side of the family. I'm feeling the pressure to have a girl...

[Myloves]

Well that makes me feel really depressed. May as well give up right now if that's really true!

I don't think fivebabies meant to upset you, hun x
If it makes you feel better, I had a daughter after two sons and I didn't even sway! And two of my cousins have the same family make up as me.

[bodhi]

I think I can relate, though I don't yet have three of a kind (I'm expecting boy #2). Some of the comments have been downright nasty, but I think the worst is being told that it shouldn't be a surprise because I really seem like more of a boy mom. WTF? That made me feel totally unfeminine and unworthy of ever having a daughter. I kind of feel like everyone was rooting against me just because I wanted it so badly, and I'm ashamed that I was ever foolish enough to think that I could be "girl mom". I expected to feel lots of things if this turned out to be a boy, but the shame took me by surprise.

[Tooblue]

I feel as though I could have written your post! I am also pg with #3 right now after 2 boys. I am still feeling pretty confident that this COULD be a girl, but if it's not then yes, embarrassed is one of the emotions I will feel. I understand feeling "defective", and feeling no desire to take care of another boy. I understand everything, absolutely everything you said here because I am going through these very same emotions, myself. ((HUGS))

[HopeNfaith]

I hated to tell people I was pregnant with my third son. Strangers were the worst...feel like everyone had a comment. But it's not so bad now that he's here....I dont get as many comments now. I had the same feeling, what did I need another boy for? He is perfect and so happy he came to me! But now the only way I'm having another is if definitely a girl...

[InLove]

Wow, I actaully really relate with what your saying. I only have one little boy who's 13 months and I don't find out the gender of this one for another two weeks, but EVERYONE in my family is saying it's a girl. This is our last baby so everyone is very invested. They refer to it as 'her', say 'little sister' to my son and my MIL says she will be dissapointed if I have another boy. I already feel embarrased, as I feel like I'll be letting everyone down if it is in fact another boy. Don't be too hard on yourself and although it might not be the little girl you want, it will be a beautiful little person all the same :babym:

[annabel♥lee]

People are just such assholes...the things they say. My boss made a sad face when I told her I &thought* it was a boy after my NT scan. She didn't even ask if it was healthy. They are chomping at the bit waiting for my 20 week scan (not sure why they care so much), but I think I'm going to tell them I'm not finding out. That way I don't have to talk about it at all. Baby won't be born until July and I'm done with work in late May/early June so I'll never even have to deal with the comments about it.

I really think that's my plan now. I will tell family and I told my BFF, but besides them everyone is just going to think I don't know.