BABY DESIRE, not just gender desire. Anyone else?

[fivebabies]

I am wanting another baby so badly I could cry...actually I have. Many times. I would love a girl for my DD to finally have the sister she's been praying for but I just want ANY baby.


A little about why this is:

It all comes down to healthcare costs....which is a terrible reason to not be able to bring another sweet baby into this world. We have health insurance but it doesn't cover maternity...at all. There is no chance of an insurance change, in my state it costs an arm and a leg)

And the bottom line is that the cheapest way for us to have one would be to pay cash up front for a discounted price. Without any pain meds and assuming a vaginal delivery the would be about $7,000...up front, has to be paid before disharge from the hospital. And I had a c-section last time since baby was breech so there is a very real possibility that would happen again. Now we"re talking $12,000+.

To some that may not sound like much. We make an ok living (at least I thought so) but things keep coming up. DS2 broke his arm recently....that took $4500 (and counting) out of our baby funds.

Life is expensive. :(

I try to stay away from this site because it makes me want to sway soooo badly. Not even sway, just ttc at ALL! My body is craving pregnancy! Does that make sense?

I just feel like its so unfair that we don't get to have another baby (at least not in the next few years, but by then I'll be too old and won't want to start over - too big of a gap too)!

We're good parents. We have a very loving home. And we're missing someone. :sad: I just know it. I keep counting heads when we're at the grocery store or sitting at the dinner table and I feel someone missing.

Can anyone else commiserate with me????

[TTC5]

Where abouts do you live? Don't they have a public health system for maternity?

[Hobbermittens]

Can you qualify for medicare, or can you go to a charity hospital? When I had my youngest DD, she was born at a hospital that offers help if you are in economic hardship. At the time she was born, my DH was laid off of work, and the hospital covered my insurance deductible. It was great. I hope you are able to find a way to bring a baby into your life!

[fivebabies]

Thanks for the suggestions ladies! We make too much for any government help (but not a lot by any means) and not sure I could feel good about getting pregnant (with #5) knowing I was going to depend on on government $. :(

I did find a way of getting the maternity care for cheaper but they don't do the delivery and would still have the hospital bills, which is the bulk of it.

I'm constantly looking but can't seem to find anything. I live in Arizona so insurance is super expensive! and (I hope this doesn't offend anyone!!!) but we have a lot of illegals that use the hospitals so they jack up the prices for the rest of us to cover those unpaid tabs. :( Not fair.

I know I sound selfish since I already have 4 healthy kids.

[Hobbermittens]

Can you pay the hospital with some sort of payment plan? How were you able to afford the first 4 kids?

[girlmom]

hugs to you my dear dear friend. you have helped me through so much and i honestly feel for you babe. i know exactly how you feel about "someone missing" who cares if you have 4. i had 5 and i still knew someone was missing. hopefully i am carrying my missing link hehe.

i would say try for the gov. assitance. hell your husband works his rear off to put half his paycheck in a pot for 16 year old hoochies from maury who have no idea who their baby's daddy's are. why can't you have a piece too?

if you are against that maybe the hospital would work with you? they really are very nice, it took my aunt 10 years to pay off her daughters birth but she said, "what are they going to do repo her?" maybe a nearby smaller hospital would be more willing to work with you.

and hey if all else fails. i've had enough babies. you come over here and i'll deliver your baby. i can hit you over the head with something to knock you out if you feel too much pain. hugs to you! if you need me you know where to find me

[fivebabies]

The first 3 kids I had in another state with wonderful insurance. Paid $375 for 1 and 2, then ins changed and we paid about $3000 for #3. #4 I had different ins but it was AWFUL and he cost us over $12,000. My mom lived with us for over a year and paid rent to help with those bills....still paying that baby off.

If you pay in cash up front its less than HALF the amount than if you get billed and pay over 3 years. So the hospital alone (no meds or baby care and vag delivery) is $3900 if paid up front, if billed it's $7500. And the OB care and delivery is $3000. If its anothe c-section than the hospital bill is almost double those #s. :(

Sooooo frustrating.

[fivebabies]

hugs to you my dear dear friend. you have helped me through so much and i honestly feel for you babe. i know exactly how you feel about "someone missing" who cares if you have 4. i had 5 and i still knew someone was missing. hopefully i am carrying my missing link hehe.

i would say try for the gov. assitance. hell your husband works his rear off to put half his paycheck in a pot for 16 year old hoochies from maury who have no idea who their baby's daddy's are. why can't you have a piece too?

if you are against that maybe the hospital would work with you? they really are very nice, it took my aunt 10 years to pay off her daughters birth but she said, "what are they going to do repo her?" maybe a nearby smaller hospital would be more willing to work with you.

and hey if all else fails. i've had enough babies. you come over here and i'll deliver your baby. i can hit you over the head with something to knock you out if you feel too much pain. hugs to you! if you need me you know where to find me

LOL! You always make me laugh! Thanks Sweetie! I know you're there for me no matter what!

And you nailed it! I saw some teenager knocked up by an older man that was obviously out of work and I just knew that DH's tax dollars were paying for her delivery. It made me sooooo mad! I would bring a baby into a very loving home! Who knows where they stay....

I'll keep looking but I feel like I've exhausted all options. DH would never agree to a home birth especially since it would be a VBAC. And in this state you have to do it unassisted...no midwife. :( ...Not that it's even an option.

Has anyone won the lottery recently?..... :grin:

I hope this is your missing link too!!!! I think it is. You deserve that baby more than anyone I know!!!!

[fivebabies]

And that's the problem, there are so many people out of work that we look "well off" compared to others. I'm beyond grateful that DH can bring in income but I wish healthcare didn't cost so much! It's ludicrous!!!

[Cinss]

Oh no, i had no idea about the costs involved with having children where you live. So sorry that this is the one thing holding you back. Is there any chance you could move? I definatly know how you feel wanting that next baby, i keep looking over my DD's baby pictures and am SO very clucky, a boy would be awesome, but really i will be happy with ANY baby.

[fivebabies]

No chance in moving really. I'm thankful for the job DH has and the office is local only.

We have been wanting to for over a year now (the "baby" is 2 1/2) but recently saw a pic from when he was about 9 months old and was so round and pudgy and freaking adorable!...we both freaked and wish we could have another one. :(

I hope you get another one soon Cinss!!!!

[familiesr4ever]

I just wanted to say I hope things will work out and you can find a way to have baby #5. Sorry this has to be so frustrating. It just isn't fair when hard-working people have to go without because of of others living off the government. Hugs and hopefullly things will work out for you.

[Princess of Pink]

Is home birth cheaper?? Am so thankful for our health system here. If you don't have private health insurance hospital is free. My first 4 kids didn't cost me a cent....and going private in a fancy hospital for #5 only cost me my $300 excess and prenatal care, a percentage which we get back from the government. I am considering home birth this time as my labours are so quick and easy, would rather just stay at home.

[jude17]

Gosh I can't believe you ladies have to pay for maternity care or even to get your kids arms fixed. That's so crazy to me as where I live (no matter what your earn) everything is free via public system unless of course you wanted to go private. My first pregnancy was a nightmare and I did need extensive medial supervision for my second pregnancy. I could have paid $4000 for everything including a c-section with a private doctor but I just went public and everything was free. Sorry this is no help to you but I just cant get my head around you having to pay so much money. So crazy.

[begonia]

Awww, 5babies, I hope you get your next little one soon! KUP!

[fivebabies]

Is home birth cheaper?? Am so thankful for our health system here. If you don't have private health insurance hospital is free. My first 4 kids didn't cost me a cent....and going private in a fancy hospital for #5 only cost me my $300 excess and prenatal care, a percentage which we get back from the government. I am considering home birth this time as my labours are so quick and easy, would rather just stay at home.

DH would never go for a homebirth. And it would legally have to be unassisted...... not for me.

[LolaInLove]

Healthcare is a giant nightmare in the USA. I know how frustrating it is! What about a private midwife or birth center? There is one here where I live that would cost me a little over $2,000 from all prenatal care to delivery there.....that is, of course, without having to be rushed to the hospital for an emergency. Just a thought.......

Good luck....I have been dying for a baby- any baby- for a good year now myself.

[purplepoet20]

AZ sucks for insurance... I live in view shot of a lovely Northern Mountain and a short drive to a big hole in the ground!

The cost of living here is 40% more then PH and that includes insurance. I prefer to deliver in the hospital but I sometimes wish I would be able to have a midwive instead of a Dr. They are 1/4-1/2 the cost and most will come to your house for monthly check ups. We paid $6,000 for each of our kids including Dr visits and delivery (not including monthly insurance fees). We have a good insurance but we pay $800 a month for the whole family, a $45 co-pay for normal check ups, and a very high co-pay for what they consider special things.

#3 will be our last because I hate spending all that money for something I think should be included in our insurance.

[Waiting4Daisy]

Aw hun, I want a baby but my LO is only 20 weeks, 5 has always been my dream family no! Luckily I live in the UK so healthcost isn't an issue, I'm so sorry your insurance is so shitty! Could you move state or anything? Would that help? xxx

[fivebabies]

I wish. :( No such luck though. I keep looking but am coming up with nothing. I truly do have to pay 100% out of pocket and all up front. Which most likely means no baby for me.

[Hobbermittens]

I know you don't want to mooch off the government, but there has to be a hospital near you that would be willing to work on a sliding scale! Where do the poor people go?

[fivebabies]

I called and we don't qualify for government assitance. And I have called every hospital in a 30 mile radius....those #s are the cheapest ones. :(

Pathetic, isn't it?

[Hobbermittens]

Yes, that's ridiculous. I honestly wouldn't worry about it, and if you want another baby, have one! Seriously, deal with the $$ afterwards. It isn't like you will regret the baby, even if you have to pay it off for 5 years!

[Princess of Pink]

I agree with Hobbermittens!! Go for it hon and work it out later!!

[fivebabies]

LOL. You guys are great! i would seriously just LOVE to do that but around here they send you to collections...and FAST. Then collections threatens to have your husband's wages garnished, then they bully you into putting it on credit cards or trying to hit up your entire extended family to borrow it. They really blow.

I can't go through that. I have insane anxiety when it comes to $$$ anyways. :(

Thanks for all the fantastic suggestions ladies! I have been looking into this for over a year with no solution. You guys are the best!

[princesssarah34]

We have a program in California called healthy families......and if you don't quailfy for medi-cal you may quailfy for this program...you pay like 50-70 month of health ins. They have a similar program in AZ it looks like here is a link KidsCare - Arizona's Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP) (http://www.azahcccs.gov/applicants/categories/KidsCare.aspx)
You may have already looked into this but I thought I would share anyway.

[fivebabies]

Thanks Hun! Yeah that one is a little different and doesn't cover pregnant women. :( The search continues!

Thanks!

[Waiting4Daisy]

What a crappy system. Wish I could whisk you away to Scotland to have your baby here!

[purplepoet20]

So if you got pregnant now and with a family count of 7 (preg counts as a family member) you would have to make sure your household income is less then the amount needed for free insurance.

AZ has been changing its healthcare for adults. There is currently a waiting list for 1yo-18 to get on, about 18,000 kids are uninsured right now. This includes AHCCCS (free) and Kidscare (sliding scale). Because of all the kids in need of insurance they are cutting benifits for adults in crazy ways, like no transplant coverage or vision or dental. The government is working to change this but often the "rules" they want to pass are shot down like... drug testing the adults, denying benefits to drug users, not insuring illegals and their children, and even changing the max amount of kids the parent can have (including the fathers amount of kids).

They do offer maternity care but you have to already be pregnant and can't make more then $25,000 (family of 4). For a family of 5 on Kidscare (if you are already approved and on it) family of income is about $42,000.

[princesssarah34]

Really how strange the one we have covers both children and pregnant women!

[fivebabies]

Yeah I've reading up on all of the cut backs. So sad for so many people. But I understand that they have to be made. Our state is broke PP! :(

That's why I decided that I should stop being so selfish to want another one...I already have 4.

I know that things can change I just truly don't see how they ever will. So I'll try and move on.

Thanks for all the support Ladies! You're amazing!

[fiveboysandagirl]

I live in the UK and we're very fortunate to have the NHS. A lot of people complain about it but I really am grateful for knowing I can have another baby without worrying about healthcare costs. I only wish they would cover gender selection for people like me with five of the same gender! :-)