unexpected pregnancy (sensitive comment warning)

[Sonnygirl]

Hello,

It's been a very long time since I was on this site.
Back in 2018/19 I had two little boys and was swaying for a girl. I didn't everything I could but my sway failed and I had another little boy 6 months ago.

I felt so depressed and although I cant imagine not having him now there are days that I still long for a daughter.

I have just found out that i am pregnant 6months postpartum. Totally unexpected but i guess i should have been more careful. I EBF and my periods are sporadic.

It was never the plan to have a forth and I'm not sure how id cope with 4 children. especially as my youngest would only be 15months old when this one is born.
My partner doesn't want any more children and i just can't go through it all again for another boy.

There was no sway (not that I believe swaying works for me, maybe I have too many boy traits) I have been eating a lot, under a lot of stress as we moved house just as lockdown hit, we only DTD once on what i'm guess was O day. We've been drinking in the evenings (but red wine) and not lost any baby weight from my last pregnancy, Zero exercise because of lockdown restrictions and generally being a knackered mum of 3 under 5.

I'm so confused and worried.

Is there anyway of finding out gender earlier than 10week NIPT test?

I hope there is someone out there that understand my predicament.

Thank you
SX

[atomic sagebrush]

DTD once, stress, being exhausted, close child spacing, breastfeeding, and drinking (even red wine) all sway pink. Not to mention, those with boy personalities often do better not planning pregnancies as the planning aspect may sway strongly blue, so you had the unexpected nature of the conception working for you too. You are absolutely in it with a chance of a girl.

There is no reliable way of telling gender other than the NIPT. You may be able to do it earlier than 10 weeks, though. Some have done it at 9 or even 8 weeks - it may be less reliable but they can tell you if they get enough fetal DNA to be accurate. Another possibility is to have the clinical Sneak Peek test which can be done sooner (you have to do this at a lab) but it is less reliable. Good luck and no matter what, wishing you peace of mind.

[Sonnygirl]

DTD once, stress, being exhausted, close child spacing, breastfeeding, and drinking (even red wine) all sway pink. Not to mention, those with boy personalities often do better not planning pregnancies as the planning aspect may sway strongly blue, so you had the unexpected nature of the conception working for you too. You are absolutely in it with a chance of a girl.

There is no reliable way of telling gender other than the NIPT. You may be able to do it earlier than 10 weeks, though. Some have done it at 9 or even 8 weeks - it may be less reliable but they can tell you if they get enough fetal DNA to be accurate. Another possibility is to have the clinical Sneak Peek test which can be done sooner (you have to do this at a lab) but it is less reliable. Good luck and no matter what, wishing you peace of mind.

Thanks Atomic, I think that it was a very similar situation to my first pregnancy and we still had a boy, only difference is that i'm 7 years older at 39 now.

I know that there is always hope but I can't imagine us ever having a girl.

Do people with 4 kids find it much harder than 3? or that such a small gap easier or harder? I'd have 4 under 6 years old.

[djmommy]

Hi Sonnygirl!
I had a surprise pregnancy at 6 months pp almost 3 years ago and 4 is definitely not any harder than 3. In fact mine are 14 months apart and they adore each other dearly and I can't imagine them not having each other.

[mommymachine]

You have a great shot for pink! I got pregnant with 1 attempt while breastfeeding my 10.5 month old DS. This resulted in my first girl after 3 boys!!!

It was hard having the babies 19 months apart, but it goes by so quickly. They are now 8 years old and 9 years old (he will be 10 on Sunday). I can not believe how fast it went!! I had 4 under 7.

Pink dust [emoji171]


3 blue 3 pink

Due January 29th

[4blue2pink]

Hi Sonnygirl :)
Ive had my kids really close together, 9 pregnancies in 9 years. 1 mid-pregnancy loss and 8 full term babies :)
i found the transition from 2-3 to be the hardest. From #4 onwards they just slot right in, there isnt any big adjustment anymore.
age gap wise the smallest gap we have is 13m the biggest is 19m, i love small age gaps, it can be hard when you have 2 very little ones the worst thing is if both are screaming at the same time.
But in lots of ways its pretty practical, pair them up and sort them together. My youngest 2 are curently age 2 and 10m and if im doing a nappy change i do both of them, same for bath time i bath those 2 together. Same for the mornings i sort them as a pair :)
seeing them grow up so close in age is amazing :heart:
As mommymachine said they arent in the super needy baby/toddler stage for long. I dont even notice or "feel" the closeness of the age gaps between my older ones now (10,8,7,6,5,3) as they are out of the baby stage (no nappies etc) and dont cause me that extra double-load of work anymore.
I hope this little one is your girl :heart:
I have everything crossed for this to be your girl, and i hope that you can

[Bobster]

Good luck for a girl sonny!
Your lifestyle and bd timing sounds just like mine was last time so you have every chance. I would do the NIPT. Sneak peek is from 8 weeks so maybe NIPT is too?

[atomic sagebrush]

Thanks Atomic, I think that it was a very similar situation to my first pregnancy and we still had a boy, only difference is that i'm 7 years older at 39 now.

I know that there is always hope but I can't imagine us ever having a girl.

Do people with 4 kids find it much harder than 3? or that such a small gap easier or harder? I'd have 4 under 6 years old.

Swaying is one of those things where everything can seem the same and you still get a different outcome. that's because it's like an iceberg - the stuff we see is minuscule compared to the stuff under the water, and of course additionally there's a huge element of luck involved so even if, somehow, magically,you were able to recreate the circumstances exactly (impossible, of course) you would still have a huge amount of luck coming into play.

I found my smaller age gap easier than my bigger one. You will be sort of "all in" as a parent for a short time, but as the kids get older they do grow out of that hard phase and then it gets WAY easier since they can all play together. Plus, I find very much that the independence they're forced to learn early really benefits them later on. My two boys who were spaced far apart are much less self-starters than my younger three who were closely spaced. It can work, although it's going to be hard for a year or so. :heart:

[Sonnygirl]

Thanks ladies, i'm just in shock. We find three hard at the moment because my middle son is quite a challenging child. He's obsessed with his baby brother but not always in a nice way and I find it so tiring trying to keep them safe and happy.

I also feel stupid, I know I shouldn't care but i keep thinking about what everyone will think! they will know it was a surprise baby.
I never planned on four :(

[atomic sagebrush]

You have a great shot for pink! I got pregnant with 1 attempt while breastfeeding my 10.5 month old DS. This resulted in my first girl after 3 boys!!!

It was hard having the babies 19 months apart, but it goes by so quickly. They are now 8 years old and 9 years old (he will be 10 on Sunday). I can not believe how fast it went!! I had 4 under 7.

Pink dust [emoji171]


3 blue 3 pink

Due January 29th

girl how is this even possible!!!!! OMGosh feels like just yesterday

[mommymachine]

girl how is this even possible!!!!! OMGosh feels like just yesterday

I know!! Wasn’t I just there in that hospital room marvelling at her?? And now she’s 8! Plus my youngest will be 4 next week, which is mind boggling.


3 blue 3 pink

Due January 29th

[Sonnygirl]

DTD once, stress, being exhausted, close child spacing, breastfeeding, and drinking (even red wine) all sway pink. Not to mention, those with boy personalities often do better not planning pregnancies as the planning aspect may sway strongly blue, so you had the unexpected nature of the conception working for you too. You are absolutely in it with a chance of a girl.

There is no reliable way of telling gender other than the NIPT. You may be able to do it earlier than 10 weeks, though. Some have done it at 9 or even 8 weeks - it may be less reliable but they can tell you if they get enough fetal DNA to be accurate. Another possibility is to have the clinical Sneak Peek test which can be done sooner (you have to do this at a lab) but it is less reliable. Good luck and no matter what, wishing you peace of mind.

Would you recommend sneak peak? I thought that you were dead set against it? do you think the clinical ones are accurate?
I would like the quickest way of knowing the gender, would I even believe the result of a sneak peak test though?
How would I go about having a NIPT test done at 9 or even 8 weeks, all the sites i've looked at say 10 weeks. Has anyone ever asked for it earlier or just lied about dates and they did it anyway??

[atomic sagebrush]

No, I don't recommend Sneak Peek, I assumed you had a reason for needing a test done sooner so I was giving that option. It's not at all something I recommend but if you absolutely need to know sooner for your own well being it's there. It's not that it DOESN"T work ever, it's that the opposites are enough so that I don't think anyone should bother with it when the NIPT is available. I hate to see anyone throw money away on something that might offer false hope or false despair that could be put towards the NIPT.

I would not spend money doing NIPT at the wrong time as it would not be accurate and would possibly just return a result of "not enough DNA" meaning you'd have to have it done again.

Your best option is to wait till 10 weeks and do the NIPT but if you have some need of knowing sooner (or at least getting some inkling) and can take into account the accuracy is not even close to perfect, the Sneak Peek is a possibility.

[Bobster]

When I looked into the NIPT sonny I think they used to scan you as part of it.. possibly for dating? I would wait until 10 weeks if that’s what they say or like atomic says if you choose sneak peek do the clinical or or a home testing kit and get someone to do your blood and decant it so it’s like clinical but at home. The boy results are much more likely to be wrong than girl results from extensive reading about it due to contamination risks.

[atomic sagebrush]

The at home test is junk. Don't waste your money on it. Not only is it prone to contamination, but it's also very, very hard to get enough blood to send in. There are hundreds of horror stories online about what a nightmare it is for people and a lot of them end up with tests that cannot be tested and then company has to send another test, again and again it goes on till they end up in the time frame for the ultrasound anyway.

The Sneak Peek can actually give girl to boy results if a woman has a high BMI. This actually just happened to someone on here. Her test said girl but it was a boy.

[Sonnygirl]

thank you for your replies, I think i'll probably wait until the NIPT. I've booked one for 10 weeks (what I assume is 10 weeks) as i'm still BF my periods haven't been regular and my cycle is more like 38 days so i've tried to work out dates as best I can.
Do you think it will be a problem if i'm work and i'm actually 9w5days for example?

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes as long as you're not weeks off it can still work.

[atomic sagebrush]

^^^ usually if there wasn't enough DNA to test they would tell you that

[Sonnygirl]

I heard somewhere that NIPT test results take longer to come back if it's a girl, is there any truth in this?

[atomic sagebrush]

I heard somewhere that NIPT test results take longer to come back if it's a girl, is there any truth in this?

Not to my knowledge and even if there was there are 1000 other reasons why the test could take a while to come back so I would not read anything into that. :heart: hang in there!

[Bobster]

Fingers and toes crossed for you sonny! When did you have the test??

[Mum of four monkeys]

Hi Sonny girl,
So I feel like I have to reply to this as I just posted a similar thread.

So I’m a mum to 5 boys (in a row) i had one failed sway in 2017 and I went hard at the diet so couldn’t understand why. After that I just came to the conclusion that I just couldn’t produce girls and my body was way too boy friendly to even consider letting a girl in full stop. I was still breastfeeding my son when I found I was pregnant with number 6! I automatically assumed it would be a boy my sway was not strong as I included fish ect and generally upped my values because I was still Feeding and didn’t want to feel deprived.

I would 100% tell you to be positive. I NEVER thought I would EVER get a girl and I did and I genuinely feel that was because of the breastfeeding. When I had the previous 4 boys there’s was no overlap with breastfeeding or I just didn’t feed for long enough before having the next baby.

This baby was meant for you because you didn’t sit down and actively try to conceive. The choice of gender is now out of your hands but I really want you to be positive because I know how draining it can be always considering what if and I didn’t do enough thoughts.

One thing is for certain- you do not need anymore stress right now and I’m sure your husband will come around to the idea very soon.

I also just wanted to say I’ve caught up on your thread and realised we are almost at the nipt test or have you already had it?

[Sonnygirl]

Sorry guys i wasn’t notified of any messages on my post.

I’ve had a bit of an emotional day, my friend who has 3 boys just gave birth to a surprise baby girl. She assumed all along that it would be a boy. I hate that I’m happy for her but sad for me. I just want to feel happy full stop. It feels like another person has gone from my mum of boys team, especially as we both had 3 boys at this point. Another person to not fully understand (although we never mentioned GD at all!)
I also had my NIPT test today and got to see the baby for the first time. If I’m honest I’ve been trying not to think about it much. I want to feel excited but I just feel scared. I’ve even stupidly convinced I saw a boy nub which is really dumb as I know that’s impossible as I’m only 10 weeks.
Just feeling low and scared.
Thank you for your support though ladies xx

[mommymachine]

I could have sworn I saw a boy nub on my 10 week old baby back in 2013, I even wrote about it on this site somewhere, nub ended up being flat at 13 weeks and was my 2nd daughter! So, don’t put stock into 10 week nubs!!!


3 blue 3 pink

Due January 28th

[Bobster]

I was just going to post the same as mommymachine. Remember when I was scanning myself like a crazy lady every week?? I saw lots of ‘boy nubs’ with bobbles/stacking on the end. They all look the same at that stage so no way to tell the difference. I remember how hard it is when a friend announces a girl. I’ve cried many times and then felt guilty for being that way. It’s normal and your feelings are totally normal and ok. Have a cry and then plaster on a ‘happy for you’ face. It will get easier with that friend in time.
I hope you get your results soon sonny as the waiting is so awful. Are they going to email you?

[atomic sagebrush]

Yep impossible at 10 weeks to see a boy nub. Boys and girls both have that thing at 10 weeks.

We are all hoping and praying for you to get good news soon.

[Sonnygirl]

NIPT confirmed boy number 4

[Pretty]

Sending virtual hugs

[treens]

Sending big hugs :hug2:

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh Sonny - how can we help?

[4blue2pink]

sending you lots of love sonny :heart: we are all here for you x

[Flowergirl]

I hope you’re okay Sonny :heart:

[lailapink]

Hey Sonny, I just saw your post. I wanted to send you lots of positivity and strength and don't feel guilty if you feel bad or upset we are human after all. Allow your emotions to run free...

Sent from my Pixel 3a XL using Tapatalk

[Sonnygirl]

Thank you for your support, honestly I feel devastated. I've been through these feelings three times now and it doesn't get easier. In fact each time feels more and more unfair. It's just something I have to get though but the desire for a daughter doesn't leave. ever.

Now I know that i'm hanging on false hope and I know i'm just looking for a tiny tiny shred of light that the NIPT test is wrong. I just wondered if anyone had a false NIPT test result? ( I realise that you can find any answer you want to hear on forums and online) There were just lots of articles of people who NIPT confirmed one result and the ultrasound/birth was different. Some say vanishing twin, some say too low fetal DNA or some think that boy DNA left over from previous pregnancy played a part ( I gave birth 7months ago to a boy).

I also think I just felt like this was a girl, my symptoms were different to my last 3 boys which were identical pregnancies.
This one is different, greasy hair, spotty skin, huge hunger, a lot more nauseous, no food aversions. it's very different.

I just want someone to tell me something I want to hear so the pain stops, realistically I have to face the reality.
Sxx

[Sonnygirl]

Just to add the fetal DNA was 7.2%

[atomic sagebrush]

That feeling of it being unfair never goes away. I admit it still haunts me to this day and I still struggle to get past it. Why does this happen so easily for other people and then for us it seems like we're being denied what everyone else has handed to them. :heart:

I do think you need to come to accept the NIPT results. While vanishing twins are possible, most of the false NIPT results threads online are people who are basing their claims off of ultrasounds. So they think they have had "confirmation" that their baby is a NIPT opposite but then you probe further and learn it's that they're believing an ultrasound over the NIPT. In many cases it's been a super early ultrasound or one done by a sketchy friend (in one case the receptionist at a doc's office, in another a person scanning themselves) that kind of thing. It is by far the most likely that the NIPT is right.

But what I do know is this - at some point this is going to make sense to you. It won't be today or tomorrow, but at some point you will come to know why this little person has come to you and be unable to imagine life without them. :heart:

[ksmom]

I'm so very sorry to hear this Sonnygirl. I was in a similar situation with DS3. I really thought I could be having a girl that time, especially after swaying for so long and the pregnancy was quite different than my other two boys. I totally get the feeling of it being unfair. I swear every person I saw had a pigeon pair or a baby girl after two boys. I didn't understand it at the time and mourned the loss of the daughter I thought I was having. That's what it feels like, doesn't it? It's a feeling as if the baby you thought you were having was somehow replaced by the baby you're actually having. I felt somewhat disconnected until DS3 was born. I thought I would never heal, ever and now he'll be 4 years old in just five short months and I'm crazy about him.
What you're feeling is completely normal and in time it will get better. So go cry, scream, write...do whatever it is you need to do to vent. We're all here for you. :HH:

[Sonnygirl]

Thank you for your support, I’m coming to terms with it. I’m not there yet and feel very sad and deflated.

Would there ever be a point on swaying for #5?
I feel like the odds are so stacked against me.
Over the 4 boy pregnancies I’ve..
Taken Clomid
Always been vegetarian
Was at my lowest adult weight
LE diet
OHW
Older mum

Nothing seems to sway for me :(

I think I probably have too much of an organised/control nature.

Sx

[LMSM]

SOnnygirl, sending lots of love in this difficult time.
I don’t know if #5 would ever be on the cards but if so, would Ivf with gender selection be an option? That may allow you to enjoy this pregnancy and new baby without the sadness?
ATomic had her girl after 4 boys, it’s possible!

[atomic sagebrush]

There is always a point. Remember, swaying is not 100% or even close, so for all we know at least with some of those conceptions you could have been 60,70, even 80% pink friendly and then the cards just didn't go your way. We just cannot seem to break that upper window that rests somewhere between 2/3-3/4 effective.

Did we ever do the alternate diet for you? That would be where I'd go with it.

Did you exercise?

I promise it is possible to get a girl after 4 boys - I did!

[4blue2pink]

i had 2 girls in a row after 4 boys sonny :heart: you always have a chance at a girl no matter how many boys you have