Desperate for a take home baby :-(

[Rf1927]

I’ve made other posts but wanted to make one more specific to my loss

I’m breastfeeding two babies currently
16 months and 2.5 years

When baby was 10 months I got pregnant with baby 6 after a couple of cycles since my period had returned

My cycles initially were wonky likely due to getting my period back

I was 39 3/4 at the time so I’m hoping that’s evidence at least that I can still get pregnant at this age.

We only saw a flicker of a low heartbeat and I miscarries naturally (mistake - took forever)

I had no pain at all at any point for that I’m thankful

I passed the sac 12/28 and bled until 1/21 (felt like an eternity)

I had hcg linger longer then normal and my first af took until Feb 21st to start (preceded by 3 days of lite spotting)

I did have a pos opk prior to that af and I had negatives before it so it wasn’t hcg

However I did pass large tissue in the first af so looking back maybe I wasn’t really even able to conceive anyway?

Same happened with My March af - passed a large 2”x1” glob of tissue at the end of af

I’m trying to work out how many cycles I’ve been trying

I’m hoping it’s not as long as it is on paper due to the longer cycles and passing of tissue

So I had af these dates and pos opks

12/28 passed the sac
1/13 hcg still 396
*Passing lots of miscarriage tissue still*
1/17 no more tissue / blood from here
1/19 negative opk (hcg gone)
2/6 first pos opk after zero hcg confirmed (cd41 from passing the sac)
2/21 af (11 dpo spotting 12dpo full flow) passed miscarriage tissue?
3/6 cd14 pos opk
3/21 af (12dpo spotting 13dpo full flow) passed miscarriage tissue?
4/6 cd17 pos opk
4/21 af (13dpo spotting 14dpo full flow)
5/8 cd18 pos opk
5/23 af (13dpo spotting 14dpo full flow)
6/7 cd16 pos opk

Am I in trouble here? Is this normal after a loss for it to take longer?
Do I toss the first few cycles?


I turned 40 this past March.
Im a complete mess emotionally and desperately want to get pregnant

And advice? Can someone over 40 have a loss and still go on to have a take home baby?

Thank you

[BunnyGirl19]

I had two miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy before my current one. I’m 40 and almost 27 weeks.

[Rf1927]

I had two miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy before my current one. I’m 40 and almost 27 weeks.

I hope you know how helpful that reply is. It’s such a comfort to read. I’m
So sorry for your losses

[Rf1927]

Our kids are all very similar in age!

I’ve got
2010,12,14, break for surgery lol 18, 20 would
Have had 21 but miscarried ttc for 2022 with all I’ve got

I really hoped for 8 but I’m struggling to get a 6th now I guess

I’m praying for multiples to make up for lost time haha

Clomid next cycle if not pregnant now

I’m
7dpo

[atomic sagebrush]

If your HCG was zero it is more likely that what looked like tissue was just a buildup of lining. This can happens sometimes after a loss. It can still mean that you weren't able to conceive before that, though. Sometimes you have an anovulatory cycle after a loss where you do not ovulate and just have the lining come off anyway. It is entirely likely you weren't fertile in Feb. at all. March, April, May do seem like possibly fertile cycles.

But I do want to reassure you that you absolutely CAN have a take home baby. I had two losses, one at 39 (this was twins, so I only lost one and did have a baby that time) and in my early 40's and had a baby at 42.

[atomic sagebrush]

Did we talk about Clomid in another thread??

[Rf1927]

We did!

I didn’t have fsh tested tho

Honestly I’m petrified to have levels taken because if they are low/high I will stress eternally over it. I already feel broken without knowing.

I asked my dr about clomid the other day and it’s affect on older women.

She said it’s short lived in the system and has no affect outside of the cycle it’s taken and the biggest gamble is possible hyper stimulation chance of multiples

Is that really the case?

Will I know if clomid is no good for me the cycle I take it? Like does it make older women sick? Screw up the cycle? Etc

[Rf1927]

I did have tissue mass come away in my March af as well. Not as large as the feb one but still a bigger size, 2”x1” would that have signaled a possible annovulatory cycles as well?

I wish I hadn’t gone with a natural mc :-( it dragged out too long and I feel stupid for not pushing for meds

It was a high stress time as I was losing my grandfather whom I’ve always been very close to at the same time as my loss - just hell.

Plus nursing the two babies and I’m not sure if they somehow knew there was a loss and it triggered them to nurse more frequently to help my uterus pass things or what but they certainly nursed much more during and the first few weeks

My ob has tried to reassure me she’s been great

She has a lot of over 40 mums naturally getting pregnant and successfully delivering so she keeps telling me that with proven (recent) fertility I need to just relax and it’s going to happen

She said she doesn’t beleive I need clomid at all but she also said it may kickstart something if something has been “off”

I get nervous about meds but really I’m just so desperate

I’m 9dpo and haven’t tested but I just figure I’m not pregnant again this cycle.

[atomic sagebrush]

I understand that. I'm ok with you not getting tested if that is your preference. The numbers are not as meaningful as people think of them as, and so often when you get tested, you end up very upset over numbers that do not have any real bearing on your ability to conceive anyway.

No, your doctor isn't right about that. Clomid causes FSH to go up and this is going to mess with egg quality in older moms because our FSH is already on the higher end. Now, this doesn't mean you can't use it, but you do need to be aware of the possibility or I wouldn't be doing my job! But she is right that it will be out of your system shortly, so if you wanted to try it a couple months, it won't keep yoru FSH up indefinitely, it will return to normal in the future cycles.

You do have a higher chance of multiples but it's VERY rare to have more than twins on the 50 mg dose most people are given. I've never seen a case of higher order multiples in 10 years, and only one case of triplets on Clomid (and I believe that was on 100 mg, I'd have to look it up!)

You would not know that the Clomid had any negative effect. You wouldn't feel any different. It would simply be that the egg from that cycle would not get fertilized or it would be fertilized and end in chemical pregnancy due to poor quality. But of course those things can and do happen even without Clomid, so there's no way to know without the FSH test to see how it's affecting you.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm so sorry you were going through all that. :heart:

It's not the tissue that causes anovulatory cycles, it happens all the time to people the first cycle after a miscarriage.

I agree COMPLETELY with your OB. We see tons of people having babies at 40+, even as late as 42/43 we are seeing good rates of conception as long as a woman has proven fertility. Honestly I had such an easy pregnancy and birth at 41/42 it made my pregnancies in my 20's pale in comparison!

Absolutely correct about the Clomid - even if you don't technically NEED it, it may help kickstart your body back into regular cycles. I would consider giving it a whirl for a month or two and then we can reassess. Like I said it will leave your system in future so there's no long lasting ill effect.

[Rf1927]

Thank you Atomic

I’ve reached such a desperate point over all this and your words, expertise and positivity literally keeps me going.

I hope I caught a good egg this cycle but if not I’ve got my clomid script ready to go

She said start it day 5, does that have something to do with my age?

I love to hear it can help kickstart things too just incase that’s the issue

Love you so much and thank you

[Rf1927]

Also when you say first cycle after miscarriage - do you mean miscarriage / af then cycle? Or the cycle before the first af?

Sorry if I’m not making sense lol

[Rf1927]

And I’m so sorry just one more ?

I’ve been on smarty pants prenatals about a month now

Was wondering if I can just use straight folate - ubiquinol and maybe inositol and skip the prenatals ?

Or because I’m nursing am I better off with a multi or prenatal?

Thanks!!

[atomic sagebrush]

So happy to help in some small way!

Taking Clomid CD 5-9 ~may~ (according to some theories that are largely unexplored and not at all proven) make you less likely to have multiples. But personally, I believe we see lower chances of conception taken those days, and are STILL seeing twins conceived anyway. So my advice is CD 3-7 instead. Or, you can split the difference and do CD 4-8, it's really very forgiving so you're not doing any harm changing the days. It will work on any of those combinations, just that we are seeing more pregnancies with CD 3-7.

Is there a reason you're wanting to skip the prenatals?

[atomic sagebrush]

Also when you say first cycle after miscarriage - do you mean miscarriage / af then cycle? Or the cycle before the first af?

Sorry if I’m not making sense lol

What I'm talking about here (that having come off a miscarriage can lead to anovulatory cycles) can be BOTH prior to your period (which would not be a true period if you do not ovulate) and that first "cycle" after a bleed.

Your body has been through the hormonal wringer, and this may mean you don't ovulate straight away. Your estrogen may drop and trigger bleeding that SEEMS like a period, but isn't, and this can happen for a month or even two. Nursing may make this more likely, even without a loss. Anovulatory cycles can happen at any time, it's just that coming off a loss may make them more prevalent for a cycle or even two.