IVF selection didn't work, help! - TTC Girl

[Sejiea]

I need help and i am hoping someone here can help me (If this is the wrong place to post please let me know)

We have two sons and want one more child, and would like for that child to be a girl. We are both healthy, have never had a miscarriage, good AMH, good sperm, no issues, and both in our mid thirties. So we went for IVF with gender selection. We knew what we wanted and the only way to guarantee it.

First cycle, we got two embryos to testing: one boy and one girl - both abnormal.We know its a roll of the dice, but our dr said it was unusually to have 10 eggs and only be able to test 2, and both be abnormal. So we went for another cycle:

Second cycle. we got four to test. Much better. They were: 1 abnormal girl, 2 abnormal boys and one normal boy.

We are crushed. We had 13 eggs this time, but still 90% of our embryos are abnormal! I can't emotional, physically or financially go through another cycle. So i feel like we are only able to sway. It feels ridiculous that our only option is to gamble on a sway.

Please has anyone else had a similar story? I feel like we can't gamble a sway and get another boy. Which means we either have to try and go through the whole process again or just don't have anymore children. It feels like the universe is saying we can't have a girl. That its not for us.

Anyway, thanks for reading my ramble.

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh gosh, how heartbreaking, I'm so sorry to hear this.

I have actually had quite a few clients who went through this heartbreaking situation, did end up swaying, and got girls. A few got boys but we've had quite good luck with swaying after going high tech. I find that many people who have gone through the IVF process are in a better mental place to sway (as they've learned the hard truth that all the planning in the world cannot MAKE things happen, thereby reducing the 'control freakishness' that plagues my pink swayers and undermines their sways). Additionally, in most cases, after having gone through IVF both partners are highly motivated to stick to a sway (which isn't always the case). And it may even be that having been through the IVF meds and the process may sway pink in some way as well. So while I am very sure you're feeling all kinds of ways right now, there is hope, this can still happen for you either via IVF or swaying.

Let's set concerns about swaying on the back burner for a minute and talk about possibly another round of IVF. Because if you have the means, obviously IVF is going to be more reliable and what we need to do is get you to a place where you have more XX to choose from. A few questions:

Are you going to a reputable clinic with good results?

Did your doctor go over with you any changes in protocols that might bring about better results?

What is your weight and/or BMI? And your husband's sperm analysis came back totally normal? Does he do anything like bicycle to work or wear tight fitting underwear?

Are either of you taking any supplements (even things that the Internet claims are good)?

What sort of diet were you following? Do you exercise at all?

The key to success for you with IVF is for us to get you a) more eggs b) healthier eggs) and c) be sure that your hubby's sperm is as healthy as possible. After all that, we also need to d) be sure you're physically in a good place to have the embryo successfully implant and grow normally. But it's NOT a matter of just taking a bunch of supplements as many supplements (even claimed to be beneficial, some are not actually beneficial, and others are ok alone but if you take 50 different things you're going to end up taking too much) so a little more info would better enable me to help you.

The GREAT news is this - what we'd have you change to make you have better results with IVF rounds is also very much along the same lines as what we'd have you do for a sway. So while we'd be focusing on IVF at first, in the back of your mind you can rest easy knowing that the changes would still be positive if indeed it does come down to swaying eventually.

Above all else, this I promise - the universe is NOT saying you can't have a girl. There are people who get girls after 6, 7, 8 boys. There are people who get girls after 6-9-12 IVF rounds. There are people who have gotten girls after having had six+ miscarriages. There was even a woman whose doctor implanted an XY (this was in a country where gender swaying was not strictly allowed), had a fifth boy, and then went on to sway and got a girl. It took me 20 years of boys before I got a girl!! This CAN HAPPEN for you, this is just a stumbling block on the way.

Hang in there and please let me know how I can help.

[Sejiea]

Thank you so much for your lovely and encouraging words. It really means a lot to me.

I will answer your questions, but I honestly donÂ’t think another round of ivf will work for us (as explained below)

1) we are in Europe so our choice of clinic is limited. We went to one with good reputation here BUT I am fully aware that a US clinic would be best. But that wonÂ’t be feasible. With two children already I couldnÂ’t travel that far and for that length of time to make it beneficial.

2) we discussed different protocols. I did the normal short one originally and then a long protocol second time. The third option would be a flash protocol but I honestly donÂ’t feel like I can do another round. Physically itÂ’s such a toll.

3) my BMI is 23.9. I am about half a stone over what I would like, but still a healthy weight. 10 stone 9 pounds. My husband has great sperm. No issues. Sperm analysis was good, with a high count, good mobility and very low level of misshapen ones. He has been working from home for the last year and a bit, so sits down a lot at his desk but doesnÂ’t ride a bike or wear Lycra or anything lol

4) we took a range of supplements. Standard prenatal, omega 3 and ubiquinol for us both. He took extra olive leaf. We both do light exercise - we walk the dog for long periods but thatÂ’s it. We used to do HIIT work outs but we have become lazy. Saying that my husband is very fit naturally and only has 5% body fatÂ…annoying lol 😆 we didnÂ’t follow a particular diet, but just ate healthy.

Although we have the means I just donÂ’t think IVF is for us again. And I feel like our options are either a sway or somehow get to America for over a month.

I feel way more relaxed about it now and in a better frame of mind. Like you said we are both open for a seat now. Just feels like the universe was against us, but thatÂ’s the way it goes sometimes

Thank you so much for reading and replying and being so amazing. I really really appreciate it xx

[atomic sagebrush]

Ok. If IVF isn't for you that is fine, I can completely understand that.

So when it comes to swaying, what is your timeline?? When might you want to begin?

[Sejiea]

I would like to start asap!

I am waiting for my second period, after my last egg collection, to arrive. It’s late (I am not pregnant) which is very common. . Atm we are both trying to be healthy and exercise more.

In an ideal world I would be getting pregnant in the next few months - only due to age gap issues (getting larger) - but I know I need to relax and accept my situation.

Any advice would be very welcomed. Thank you so much xx

[atomic sagebrush]

Ok, so to start with I would put you on the type of diet in this thread: https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/9052-swaying-under-special-circumstances-part-3-pcos.html

We have better results with it for swaying and anyone who can stick with it, should do it.

Also, I would suggest 12 plus weeks for best results.

Could you do exercise?

[Sejiea]

Yes I can definitely exercise 👍 just didn’t want to do too much just in case it stopped my period coming?

I will read through all the information. Thank you so much, honestly you are great!

I have never been diagnosed with PCOS, although over the years - and during ivf scans - it was suggested I may be on the cusp? Which isn’t very helpful. I am actually looking into a ADD and a dopamine deficiency which can affect ovulation. But since I had my kids (and before ivf) my periods have been regular. Who knows?!! Just want to give us as much chance as possible. I can do 12 weeks. 👍

[atomic sagebrush]

As long as you are eating enough an hour of exercise 4-7 days a week won't stop your cycle. We just have to be sure not to overdo, either in terms of exercise or diet.

You don't need to have PCOS to benefit from the diet. We started off using it just for PCOSers (which is a huge chunk of our pink swayers) but over time we've learned it's actually very effective for everyone and better for egg quality. So with or without PCOS it's still a great way to go provided you can stick with it. Most people have regular periods who use it.

What is your husband's age?

[Sejiea]

My husband is 36. I am 35. We both just recently had our birthdays.

Ok, I will start exercising. I was just worried it may delay anything that is already delayed. It’s driving me mad, just want it to arrive so I can get my body restarted again.

Thank you for all of your advice and help.

[atomic sagebrush]

Start small with the exercise. Don't just dive into the deep end, it's fine to start off with 2 or 3 days a week, and just walking. That may actually help your body to rid itself of any lingering drug effects and inflammation, and get things going again. Walking 2-3 days a week for an hour should not delay anyone's cycle.

Ok. So what I would have you guys do then is if you want to (and hubby can keep up) have him release once a day for 7-10 days before having one attempt at first positive OPK. If he can't keep up with this, just let him release every 2-4 days or "do what he does" (as long as that is not a long abstain over 5 days, because that will be harmful to his sperm) and then do the one attempt at first pos OPK.

Over time we will change that up if you don't conceive but that would be good for the first month or two.

Am I leaving anything out that you wanted to include? I have skipped the stuff that doesn't work and cuts odds of conception.

[Sejiea]

Once a day for 10 days will definitely be him trying to ‘keep up’. He will be shattered, but let’s do it 😆

Can I ask on timing of BD and abstaining before it. Would you recommend holding off for 24 hours before BD? (if we can timings wise) and also the timings of ovulation and BD. You would suggest a few days before a confirmed ovulation? Is that the first day a OPK would show a line? Even a faint one.

I have been tracking since April 2021, but obviously the ivf has mucked that up!! Usually I am about day 20 but it’s all in the air atm.

Thank you again, and again, an again xx

[atomic sagebrush]

No, I do not recommend abstaining before BD. That would undo the potential benefit of the daily release. Just have a release every 7 (no need to do the full 10 if he can't manage) days before the one attempt, and have an attempt at any point that 8th day when it's convenient. Worrying about the number of hours is just a meaningless detail that simply aggravates control freakishness (which can sway somewhat blue.)

No, positive OPK is not a faint line. Believe it or not, even your husband could get lines like that sometimes on an OPK if he used them. In order for an OPK to be positive, the line needs to be as dark or darker than the control DO NOT wait for the darkest test, have the attempt the first day (the night of that day is fine!) the lines are equally dark even if htey get darker later on.

Swaying does tend to change cycles as well. No worries about not having a regular cycle or tracking in advance, neither of those things are necessities.

My pleasure, let me know how else I can help.

[Throwaway_panther]

I need help and i am hoping someone here can help me (If this is the wrong place to post please let me know)

We have two sons and want one more child, and would like for that child to be a girl. We are both healthy, have never had a miscarriage, good AMH, good sperm, no issues, and both in our mid thirties. So we went for IVF with gender selection. We knew what we wanted and the only way to guarantee it.

First cycle, we got two embryos to testing: one boy and one girl - both abnormal.We know its a roll of the dice, but our dr said it was unusually to have 10 eggs and only be able to test 2, and both be abnormal. So we went for another cycle:

Second cycle. we got four to test. Much better. They were: 1 abnormal girl, 2 abnormal boys and one normal boy.

We are crushed. We had 13 eggs this time, but still 90% of our embryos are abnormal! I can't emotional, physically or financially go through another cycle. So i feel like we are only able to sway. It feels ridiculous that our only option is to gamble on a sway.

Please has anyone else had a similar story? I feel like we can't gamble a sway and get another boy. Which means we either have to try and go through the whole process again or just don't have anymore children. It feels like the universe is saying we can't have a girl. That its not for us.

Anyway, thanks for reading my ramble.

I know this post is older, but i had the identical outcome but flipped -- wanted a boy. We had a girl already. Did two IVF cycles and had 16 eggs turn into 2 embryos -- one boy (abnormal) and one girl (normal). Second cycle resulted in four embryos - one abnormal girl, two abnormal boys and one normal girl. Swayed for boy -- got a girl.

Eventually did two more cycles. Third cycle was a complete mess during lockdowns -- ended up with one embryo, mosaic boy. Finally did four cycle. THREE normal, healthy boys. My 3AA just turned one.

I learned firsthand that it's an odds game and very easy to see patterns where there are none. Not everyone can do what we did, and I was fortunate that I was able to go to a clinic that still worked during lockdowns, was cheap, and then cut me a deal on the sly as well. That plus working around the clock enabled me to try those two more times, which essentially left me with 4 of my DG.

[wantinfo9]

I know this post is older, but i had the identical outcome but flipped -- wanted a boy. We had a girl already. Did two IVF cycles and had 16 eggs turn into 2 embryos -- one boy (abnormal) and one girl (normal). Second cycle resulted in four embryos - one abnormal girl, two abnormal boys and one normal girl. Swayed for boy -- got a girl.

Eventually did two more cycles. Third cycle was a complete mess during lockdowns -- ended up with one embryo, mosaic boy. Finally did four cycle. THREE normal, healthy boys. My 3AA just turned one.

I learned firsthand that it's an odds game and very easy to see patterns where there are none. Not everyone can do what we did, and I was fortunate that I was able to go to a clinic that still worked during lockdowns, was cheap, and then cut me a deal on the sly as well. That plus working around the clock enabled me to try those two more times, which essentially left me with 4 of my DG.

which clinic did you use?

[Throwaway_panther]

which clinic did you use?

CNY

[Pcoop]

So sorry to hear your story, but I cannot give you advice but just lots of luck. In my case I had an embryo donation to have my girl and I had my treatment done overseas. Good luck on your pink swaying!

[Walkerbabies]

Hi this is an old post so just wondered how things turned out for you? Did you finally get your girl? And was it natural with pink swaying?