Mother in Law problems with gender?

[InLove]

I feel a little silly posting here, since I only have one child but it's really getting me down. I'm pregnant with our second (we find out the sex in 2 weeks) and I am really hoping this is a girl.

Our familes are really invested in this pregnancy but are putting HUGE pressure on it being a girl.

We have a beautiful 13 month old son and this baby was a suprise BFP. This baby is our LAST (hubby is VERY firm on that) and I would love one of each. I love my son more than anything but I honestly think I would have dealt better with two girls over two boys. Either way though, I'll be happy.

Everyone in the family is already refering to it as "little girl" or "granddaughter" or "little sister" and it's driving me bonkers! My mum is pretty fine with it being a boy but my dad is really pushing for a girl. So is my hubby's family.

But the WORST offender is my MIL. I can not STAND this woman for the life of me :fight:
I would rather swim through a river of angry hippos than spend more than a few hours with her. She is rude, critical, hysterical and over the top. She calls my son "her boy", will rip him out of my arms without even a "hello", give unwanted (and unneeded) advice and will go directly against anything we say or do to do with his upbringing. She constantly tells me how crap I am at mothering, in different words, and my hubby nevers sees it.

So far she wants nothing to do with this pregnancy unless it's a girl. She is setting up a bedroom for my son at her house and comments that it's "His room and maybe IT can stay over sometimes as well. But probably not. Oh, unless IT is a girl. Then she can have her own room too."

It doesn't really help that hubby was hoping for a girl the first time around and was actually pretty upset at first when he was finding out we were having a boy. He, of course, loves our son but I feel he will resent this baby for being a boy. And his family knows this.

I feel like I will let everyone down if this is a boy and it will make it THAT much worse. I feel selfish but I will be a little heartbroken that I will never get my chance of having MY little girl.

Am I being silly about this?

[Flava]

It sound like it's 'all your fault" if it's another boy. WTH? I think you have to stand up for yourself and tell them to back off. You know if you don't speak up they walk all over you...this MIL sound like a mean dragon to me. Tell her not to talk about your baby like that and your DS can maybe sleep over if you let him!
Omg sorry but ppl like them makes me angry. I also had to tell my MIL and SIL ect where is there place because they forgot...
everything was better after that.

[Hobbermittens]

My inlaws were pretty terrible about #3 being a girl. Before that we had a PP, and they seemed fine, but I guess they have a preference for boys, because they were pretty disappointed in DD2. They have made a lot of weird comments, and it is really upsetting. I wanted DD2 to be a boy as well, so their GD just compounded mine.

Your MIL sounds like a real witch! Your DH needs to stick up for you. Mine would NEVER tell his parents off, but maybe your DH is a little tougher than that?

I hope you get your baby girl!

[InLove]

It sound like it's 'all your fault" if it's another boy. WTH? I think you have to stand up for yourself and tell them to back off. You know if you don't speak up they walk all over you...this MIL sound like a mean dragon to me. Tell her not to talk about your baby like that and your DS can maybe sleep over if you let him!
Omg sorry but ppl like them makes me angry. I also had to tell my MIL and SIL ect where is there place because they forgot...
everything was better after that.

Thats exactly how MIL makes me feel! Everyone else will get over it but knowing her, she will make sure for the rest of my life, that I know it "couldn't be her side of the family, because they all produce girls."

Trust me, i try to stick up for myself and DH tries to as well but she is unstoppable. Since she's known me since I was 15 and my mum lives interstate, she treats me like a daughter, but in a controlling way. If you try to bring anything up against her, she will start crying, screaming and insisting that we are ganging up on her and declares that we need to get out of her house.

She has even said she will go to court for grandparental rights (which is baloney since my DH is a cop and said the only way she could have any legal standing is if he died or was in prison). The only reason I tolerate her is because DH is close to her and my FIL in the most lovely man in the world.

[InLove]

My inlaws were pretty terrible about #3 being a girl. Before that we had a PP, and they seemed fine, but I guess they have a preference for boys, because they were pretty disappointed in DD2. They have made a lot of weird comments, and it is really upsetting. I wanted DD2 to be a boy as well, so their GD just compounded mine.

Your MIL sounds like a real witch! Your DH needs to stick up for you. Mine would NEVER tell his parents off, but maybe your DH is a little tougher than that?

I hope you get your baby girl!

Thats what my MIL was like for one of my DH's cousins. The girl had a second boy and she was so obvious in pointing out that the girl was wanting a girl and didn't get it. I don't think she really cared about our son (she is OVER obsessed with him) but she is making it very clear that she dosen't want another boy. Thats how I think I will be. With hers being so strong, I think my GD will make it 100x worse.

He tries... kind of. My DH is somewhat like yours, haha, he would NEVER tell her off but will say little comments that just fly straight over her head.

Thankyou!

[Cinss]

I would not stand for this treatment from my MIL. I would be reminding her everytime she said something, that it is in FACT the fathers sperm which decides the gender, and tell her she seems to need to get some sort of councilling to help HER through her gender desire/dissapointment.

[tinksmagic]

You sure we don't share a MIL? I can totally empathize with you!! I've just gotten to the point where I ignore her and avoid her (after 15 years).
She was great until I got preggers with my and hubby's first. At that point she tried to take over and when she totally tried to take over the baby's christening, I finally put my foot down. She didn't like that! She already has a DGS from my SIL and we had her DGD (and only wanted 1). She freaked when I refused to put her in hubby's gown (my mother was insisting she use mine, so in order to make everyone happy, I bought her her own, the one I LIKED!).

When we had DD #2, she totally ignored her and focused on her 2 grandchildren she wanted. We were already disappointed we didn't get a son and when my FIL introduced us all to company they were having one afternoon he admitted to being disappointed to not having a DGS from hubby so the name could go on and she totally snapped at him that he HAD a grandson and didn't need another and THEY have 1 grandson and 1 granddaughter (like our #2 didn't exist) so hubby snapped back at her (thankfully, he knows she's a miserable witch) and we left. The company they had over was visibly embarrassed as well.
When we were planning DS IVF we told my FIL (he wasn't thrilled, but happy the name would go on) and we DID NOT tell the witch, for good reason! It wasn't until I was in the hospital with my m/c that she found out *(only cuz she answered the phone... someone on FB read our post and called her offering their condolences and she was pissed cuz #1 she didn't know and #2 she didn't like that we "aired HER family business online").

In the last few years, she has face to face told DD#2 she doesn't like her (which is fine, DD #2 hates her) and she has very, VERY little to do with her, to which I am fine!. We're not telling her about this cycle and hubby knows that I have no intention of having them visit with him/me when I do have him. I would prefer they stay home!

Good luck to you! I hope you get YOUR girl, after all, she IS YOURS, but no matter what you have, you'll love "IT" unconditionally and tough toughies to MILs!!

[fivebabies]

Yeah pretty sure we share in laws. :) I am soooo sorry! I have no advice. Just know that you have every right to feel this way.

[zibibbogirl]

Gee, what a dragon!

My first MIL was like that too to begin with. When we told her we were having DS1 she was disappointed that we were expecting at all. She told us she would accept it because it was too late to do anything about it (as if he was some kidn of mistake), but she made it clear she didn't want any more. She said she was hoping we wouldn't have kids at all because she had too many grandchildren as it was. I couldn't believe it. I told her that if she didn't breed like a rabbit and have so many kids herself, she wouldn't be paying for it with an excess of grandchildren now. Then we went on to have another DS. My husband and I used to fight over their ridiculous family all the time. Because my ex husband was such a Mummy boy and couldn't go to the toilet without asking his parents their opinion, we ended up getting divorced. If you have your DH support, that is the main thing.

I remarried and my current MIL is an angel. Loves all my children, eventhough our DS3 is her only biological grandchild. They are all hers as far as she is concerned. She buys them all presents every time she sees them and spoils them with cuddles and kisses. They all love her to death.

It is terrible when grandparents act like idiots. They are old enough to know better. And as for taking it out on the defenceless child/ren, that is intolerable. As long as your DH agrees with you, that is all that matters. I would make it very clear to her that her opinion means less than nothing to you both.

Zib

[auroara78]

I don't have any advice, but to say I'm so sorry about this :(

My MIL only wanted us to have one kid. She loves our first DS. She pratically ignores DS2 when she comes over (he's 9 months old) and now that I'm pregnant a 3rd time, she likes to ignore the fact. My DH notices it, but doesn't seem as clued in about it. When we showed her the 8 week ultrasound photos of #3 she just smiled faintly and barely looked at it.

I know she doesn't care, all she cares about is the first one because she only had one, she doesn't understand why I watned more than 1. She thinks I should be worried about makeup, hair, and my body, looking good for her son, and not worried about being pregnant/having kids.

Needless to say, we don't see eye to eye on much. I feel you.

[purplepoet20]

I would set a time for a talk with DH, his parents, and your parents if possible. With son in the other room or off with a babysitter. Start of by saying that you need to say something and you want to be heard completely and everyone can have a turn to talk after you are done. Say what is on your mind, feelings you have when they talk about a girl, and whatever. Make sure they understand that if they choose to treat #2 differently if it was a boy that none of your children will be involved with them. No matter the gender both should be treated the same and they should know that they are both loved equally. Your DS1 can pick up on what the adults are feeling and doing and he may treat his younger sibling poorly as well.


I guess I am lucky for many reasons. My MIL is very close to DS1 and he sleeps in her bed when we visit. She calls both boys her favorite boys. I do not let this get to me because she is the only Grandma in their lives (my mom=never, and my step mom doesn't get involved). I am happy that she is always willing to make the boys happy and feel safe. We drive 4hrs 2-4x's a mth to see her. I made sure she was even involved with the boy's delivery. She stays for weeks to take care of me mostly but also to spoil the babies early..... My MIL is a "grandma" to her step-grandduaghter and also her sisters two grandkids (B and G). She only allowed to attend one of their births but want to be at them all. She treats them the same as my boys. She loves them all equally. But my DS1 does have a very close attachment to her and everyone can see it... My MIL has always said she wanted a girl even when she was pregnant with her only son, when we were pregnant with both boys, and even now. But none of this has affected how she treats them or loves them.