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View Full Version : Baby showers...with people who aren't excited



applesoup
March 4th, 2012, 10:36 PM
Trying to keep this short, but could REALLY use opinions.

I found out that after 3 boys, I'm being blessed with a little girl. So excited, as you can imagine. In my perfect mind, I'd love to have a bright pink shower with pink cupcakes & balloons--and everyone who's excited for me. 1 giant party. It won't happen.

In realty, things are much more difficult. I have no friends...well, my best friends have all moved out of state. My current "friends" are more like acquaintance friends on facebook. We talk & see each other, but never hang out & I'd feel weird asking them to bring me a present. My best friend asked to throw me a shower (she lives an hour away) but I told her no because I didn't know who to invite?

Which leaves me with family. My mom & step-mom are horribly awkward around each other, so I hate to have a shower with them together. My mom + 2 sisters are holding a private lunch @ my mom's house in June. Which I'm blessed to have, no matter how small.

Which leaves me with his family...who's starting to harass me about a shower. DH's sister #2 has had major fertility issues this past year & was...unexcited, at best, to hear that we were pregnant--especially with a girl. I've seen her 1x & she didn't acknowledge or talk about the pregnancy the whole time. She didn't tell DH congrats & will only talk about it in passing with him...since they work together. My MIL asked if someone was throwing me one--I told her my friend offered & I declined...and told her not to do one. Then, she tells DH's sister #1 that information & SHE writes me to ask if she can throw a shower/lunch for me... with just:

1. Sister #2 (who isn't excited for me)
2. Herself (who wasn't excited for pregnancies 1-3 since she had previous fertility issues)
3. MIL: who told me before I found out DS3 was a boy that we "need more girls in our family" and that I should have a girl. Boy was she bummed & fake "happy" when I announced DS3.

The last thing I want to do is celebrate with people who weren't excited for me when it was a boy--truth be known, I probably NEEDED a shower the most with DS3. I can be excited for a girl...I couldn't be excited for DS3 since they weren't. I don't want to celebrate with people who haven't even acknowledged my pregnancy, let alone said congrats--and that goes for DS's sister #1 too (who's wanting to throw the shower), because she treated me the same way (as DS sister #2) with my other pregnancies.

I feel bad turning down parties...because I DO want to celebrate & have a PINK party. At the same time, I hate awkward parties, where people show up out of obligation.

Did I do the right thing, or should I let everyone hold tiny showers for me all over the place?

Thanks for any opinions...

atomic sagebrush
March 5th, 2012, 09:25 AM
I refused a shower with DS 3 and it was the best thing I ever did (I don't enjoy parties tho and all my "friends" are on the Internet so it would have been a lot of people showing up out of obligation and super awkward just like you're describing.) Plus, I've noticed at other showers that people give you so much cr-- that you don't even like or need...at my sister's baby shower, they gave her 3!! bathtubs! And she KEPT them LOL! Without a shower I felt good about just going out and buying clothes that I liked rather than being stuck with whatever cheap stuff my distant relatives grabbed off the sale rack - my DS 3 and 4 were both very dapper little babies!!

But if you enjoy and want that celebration, then I think you should go for it and let them throw you lots of little parties. With DS 4 a lady I had met on IG threw me a little shower which was very nice and I appreciated a lot.

auroara78
March 9th, 2012, 11:11 AM
I don't have quite the awkward situation you have with family, but if this baby is indeed a girl, I def. want a shower! Though my shower will just consist mostly of relatives, as I don't have a lot of real close friends in RL, mostly facebook acqintances and my one close friend has become very distant since I've been pregnant again. She was really agansit it in the first place and thinks I'm bound to have "all boys" and why did i even try when I'm just "doomed" to make only boys? Obviously with her bad attitude, I don't think I'd even want her at shower.

That being said, I know Sister 1 is going to be nasty if I have a girl because she has the only girl in family and likes her rein, Sister 2 will be happy for me but sad because she longed for daughter so much...etc etc

For me, my shower that I'm envisioning could be somewhat awkward with relatives that are somewhat supportive, but I am HELL-BENT on having a pink shower if I do indeed have a girl, so I will personally forgo any awkwardness and just eat cake at my party and love having one, even if it's not under the perfect cirumstances.

This is a very personal decision for you hun, I think you'd be better off having lots of tiny celebrations since there is a fragmentation going on.

Good luck! I hope you do get some beautiful gifts in pink and just get to enjoy the moment!