Confused

[purplepoet20]

I am having second thoughts about pregnancy. Not gender at all but just having a third child.

We were moving some things around trying to clear some room in the workout room and it hit me... I don't want anymore kids, regaurdless of gender. I have enough clothing for triplette girls NB-4, tons of baby items piled in the garage, and not to mention the boys old baby clothing. I want it all gone now. I want to donate it somewhere and be done. I want to focus on my kids I have and not the girl my MIL wants.

Why am I feeling this way! I love my boys and for as long as I can remember I wanted boys. Is it worth having a 3rd baby to make my MIL happy, having the family comment because we have 3 kids, or dealing with the idiots in the world who make comments ("3 boys poor you" or "you finally got your girl").

I don't think I want this anymore!

[nuthinbutpink]

I guess this is like buyer's remorse but I think it is natural to panic after you focused on something for so long and I have to believe you did this for you too, not solely for your MIL's sake.

You're right, people will say dumb stuff no matter the gender but it is up to you as far as what you do with those comments.

The best story I have about deciding to have 3 instead of 2 is that a friend of mine that is married to a man with only one sibling once told me that it is very boring to do to her inlaw's home for any holidays, birthday, etc. I asked her why because I knew she liked her inlaws very much and she said since her DH only has the one sibling, if for some reason he can't make it, then it is just them. She said it is just boring- her kids have nobody to play with, they see his parents often, so it's just not that big of a deal to get together for anything.

She came from a family of 4 and there was always a crowd. That is what she remembers about growing up- lots of activity, family, constant motion, but not boring.

I think having 2 kids is just fine but there is something nice about having a larger family, something that makes the big events that much more special and creates a world that your kids will grow up in and it really is a gift that you give them. Someone to share their lives with, someone to care, someone to show up when it counts.

Good things come in three's, right?

[purplepoet20]

DH has a half-bro and they go to the in-laws every Thanksgiving and I could do without seeing them :bigsmile: Both mostly they annoy me because they ignore their child but have the nerve to tell my DH that he should watch DS2 more while he is walking outside. (DS2 was gently touching a leaf and walking around, my neice was following him around pulling him away from plants, BIL and wife were sitting on a bench cheering her on for doing nothing, and DH was trying to tell neice to leave DS2 only because she was going to hurt him) BIL called a few family members and said that we need parenting classes because we don't watch our kids. My kids play outside all the time and never get hurt.

My IL's have 2 Godsons that come to visit all the time when we are there. My boys and them together makes for some fun crazy times. I would rather see them every Holiday then my BIL's family.

I am the second oldest of 7, with 2 step and 2 halfs, but it was fun most of the time. I know that when I was mad at 1-2 sibs I always had someone else to play with. But all the closeness ended once we all hit adulthood. But my parents never encouraged us to work out problems. Something I work on with my kids is talking to each other when they hurt each other and also talking about their day so they know what to work on (like hitting your big-bro in the head with a cup).

I just keep thinking about what life would would have been like if my parents stopped after I was born. Would they have been more involved and would we have grown up happier. What will my kids life be like if we have more then 2 kids.

[nuthinbutpink]

I hope that it wil be richer, fuller and I always say that you will learn something about yourself after this child is born. They will learn from him/her too. My DD3 has some issues we will have to work through the rest of her life but we all have learned something and continue to learn through her everyday. She provided a new perspecitve fo all of us and had she not been born, we would have not gained that insight or knowledge or perspective about our family and our lives.

You'll be fine. They will too. 3 is totally manageable. You are not your parents and your family is your own.

[KraizyDaizy]

Purple,
I completely get it when you say, "3 boys poor you" or "you finally got your girl", it has gone through my head so many times TTC my pink dream. I too wonder what my four boys will think of me if we do get our darlin baby girl...will they think I loved them any less or did not really want them? I would not take anything for either one of them, but the thought of them thinking I did, sometimes makes me not want to try for another. I mean at five, I am really going to get the "oh, you finally got what you always wanted" looks.

[tinksmagic]

Please just let this be the hormones talking! Ideally growing up, I wanted 2 boys and a girl. I am the youngest of 2 and my brother was a jerk to me growing up. I would have killed for an older, older brother or at least a younger sister. When my first DD was born I was just over 18, freaked out, and didn't know what to do! When DS came along 2 years later I was a seasoned pro. They were very close growing up. When I remarried I knew I wanted 2 more (1 of each). My kids were resentful about having a new sibling and step-father in their lives. By the time DD #3 came around, both of my older kids were just plain mean about us having another (we were ecstatic!).
When we were preggers with our last cycle, DD (then 20) refused to talk to us for 3 months until I miscarried. DS (18) wasn't happy about it either. Our younger 2 could have cared less.
Now that we're in the mess we're in with this cycle, DD #1 (now 22, is furious. I told her to get over it, grow up, and really needs to rethink her upcoming wedding in July if this is how she's going to react). DS (now 20) accepts our decision and states he's OK with it since he has his own life. DD #2 just found out over the weekend since things are not going well, and DD#3 just doesn't know.

Please, PLEASE don't regret your situation. You're having a wonderful healthy pregnancy so far. For what I'm going through, at this point, I would love to be looking around my house at all the stuff everywhere (wait, I already do, lol) and I am praying, for my sake, things work out for the best. I don't even care what the gender is (even though we KNOW they're boys), I just really want to be "in that healthy pregnancy".

Take some time for yourself. 3 isn't so bad, you learn to cook larger meals, lol, but I wouldn't trade any of my 4 for the world. As disappointed I was that #4 was a DD, one look into her blue eyes (she's the only one that got them, and I wouldn't have known I could produce a blue-eyed child if I didn't have 4) and all is right in the world. Even when she's having an OCD meltdown, she's still a perfect child with a beating heart.

Good luck!!! Please try not to beat yourself up!!!!

[auroara78]

Purplepoet, from about 5 weeks until 9 weeks with this current pregancy, I felt a real dark cloud looming over me.

I felt unsettled, agaited, really regretted that I got pg again so fast (DS2 is not even a year old yet!) and I was worried about money, space (we have a small ranch house, 3 tiny bedrooms, etc) and I felt suffocated. I'd go to work and cry on my way there, because I didn't want to be at work, didn't want to be home either, didn't want to do anything but pout about my situation.

Then I'd feel paniciky, like all my bad feelings were going to make me miscarry, etc, so I tried to snap myself out of it, and the harder I tried to give myself a pep talk, the worst I felt. Finally, the cloud just suddenly lifted, and now I'm sure it was just hormone related due to the pregnancy itself.

:hugs: We are here for you, hun, and I totally understand how you may be feeling, as I went a similiar slump myself. Even now that my mood has improved, I have days of "maybe I should have waited...."

Just give yourself some time. You will be so happy you had this baby when you meet her/him :)

[Flava]

Oh purple Im sorry you feel this way! Im sure it's hormones I felt the same way too before , lot's of us did.
I just hope it will go away soon .

[atomic sagebrush]

I have felt that way with every pg even the ones I desperately wanted!! (((Hugs)))

[girlmom]

i feel the same way right now and i know im having my desired gender. its just now i look around and i see pink pink pink. no boy stuff. he's going to hate it here, he's going to hate me and a bunch of bossy big sisters who will give him makeovers and dress him in drag. there isn't enough mom to go around somedays. sometimes i feel exhausted and i yell and i just want 5 mins to myself but with 5 kids who gets that. my family still won't speak to me. im going at this alone, dh is finally on board and happy about having a son, but yes we are terrified.
what makes me saddest is this is def my last baby. i can't do it anymore. i have enough kids but at the same time im sad my baby boy will never have that brotherly bond. he won't ever have a brother to play with or to bond with. a buddy for life. i just have to keep telling myself that giving birth to rupaul isn't a bad thing and we will love him anyway. hopefully its just hormones for both of us.

[purplepoet20]

I have been feeling a little better. I still have moments. I didn't have hormone issues with the boys, infact I was a little to calm. DH has noticed that I am really snappy with him and for the first time in all my pregs I have no desires to attack him. He made sure we had a talk about that last night.

My FIL keeps calling it another boy. My MIL was really upset by that comment and I guess she tossed 70% of his dinner in the trash for saying that while she was eating and thinking girly thoughts. She told him that if he calls it a boy one more time she was going to divorce him LOL Sad thing is I think she really would!

[auroara78]

Yeah, I am definitely far snappier and bitcher in this preg than my boys. I know and *feel* really different, and I know they say don't read into symptoms but I can't help it...I was so calm and serene with my boys and want to kill someone during this preg!

Girlmom, I know you have more girls than my mom did, BUT I have one brother, and two sisters....so it was GGBG, and my brother, being the only boy in the family is so beloved and cherished. Trust me, I know he wished when I was first born that I was a brother, but we are very close to this day still, and I think having all sisters made him very understanding and compassionate and i think he's a great husband because of US GIRLS! Don't worry, your baby will be awesome, and he will love being king of the roost!

And just don't let your daughters dress him up...my brother was dressed up by my two older sisters until he told them, "no, I'm not doing it anymore." They used to put the KISS makeup on him when he was a kid. And he's fine, happily married with two sons of his own....no RuPaul there ;)

[girlmom]

thanks auroara, im excited to be having my 1st boy i really this its just hormones and fears of the unknown. im sure some of these moms with 3 or 4 boys who find out they are expecting a girl sometimes feel a little nervous. im glad your brother didn't turn out to be a drag queen and i hope mine won't either. although i did tell dh rupaul makes alot of money and seems quite happy so maybe being a drag queen isn't so bad. lol

[tinksmagic]

My son was disappointed our last was another girl. He really wanted a brother. We didn't have the heart to tell him these were two boys. Though his youngest sister adores him and he's got a great bond with his oldest sister. I really hope even at 20+ we can finally give him a brother (well 2, we want the last 2 to grow up together ~ not giving up!)

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! :) I hope you do get your girl, but another boy would be nice too (really, yes, really!)

[Myloves]

Tink, I hope your boy gets a baby brother :).

And Purple, I know how you feel.. pregnancy hormones really suck at times, I remembered thinking dark thoughts when I was around 8 weeks pregnant with my third baby. I think I was mainly scared of having another kid all over again, another mouth to feed and I was worried that if I had a girl, she'd be really lonely (I wanted at least 2 or 3 girls, not just one). Turns out, my third was a girl, and although she's not lonely now, I worry that her brothers might exclude her from their games in the future :(.

[Bumblebee]

I kind of feel that way sometimes as to whether I've done the right thing by getting pregnant again because even now I don't think I'm ever going to be lucky enough to have a son and we'll just get another girl and I'll have to face all my relatives saying oh poor you no boy, no heir, and the burden of getting 3 girls married. Sometimes I feel like my husband is placing full responsible on me for this pregnancy because only I wanted to get pregnant and try again and he had no choice but to go along and oblige so if we have a girl its all my fault, that really depresses me but what can I do its too late and I didn't want to go through life regretting not trying one more time. Its like its now or never for me so whatever happens I just gotta face it somehow.

[Flava]

Purple- it's nice you feel better.Your MIL is funny lol .You know I never wanted to attack DH when I was pregnant!Last pregnancy I think we did it once ?:oops:
Well see what's gonna happen this time.lol

[Mochagirl]

I come from a large family with 3 older brothers, and it was a great childhood. Our house was always loud and crazy and there was no time to ever feel lonely. Now my kids have tons of cousins to play with and my Mom has loads of grandchildren. I like that I'm going to have the same number of kids my Mom had. Our family IS a party - even if we don't have company on holidays, it will always feel like a celebration because there are so many of us. I look at my friends with 1 kid and think about how quiet Christmas morning must be....

[atomic sagebrush]

My son was disappointed our last was another girl. He really wanted a brother. We didn't have the heart to tell him these were two boys. Though his youngest sister adores him and he's got a great bond with his oldest sister. I really hope even at 20+ we can finally give him a brother (well 2, we want the last 2 to grow up together ~ not giving up!)

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! :) I hope you do get your girl, but another boy would be nice too (really, yes, really!)

I had to smile at this post because I also have a 20+ year old son who really wanted a baby sister!! ;)

[purplepoet20]

I come from a large family with 3 older brothers, and it was a great childhood. Our house was always loud and crazy and there was no time to ever feel lonely. Now my kids have tons of cousins to play with and my Mom has loads of grandchildren. I like that I'm going to have the same number of kids my Mom had. Our family IS a party - even if we don't have company on holidays, it will always feel like a celebration because there are so many of us. I look at my friends with 1 kid and think about how quiet Christmas morning must be....

I love Christmas morning at my IL's... 2 little kids who take 4hrs opening presents because they have to play with each one, the breaks to eat breakfast and get coffee, and the trying to get all the presents opened so we can move with the day. I can see fitting in diaper changes and nursing into this coming Christmas. The best part of Christmas for me is my BIL and his family never come so I don't have to listen to them yelling at the kids to hurry up.