LolaInLove's Infertility Journey

[LolaInLove]

So, I've been around this site since it started. Before then, I was on IG for a good year. All in all, I started ttc in August of 2010, and my arms are still empty. Almost everyone I know on both sites are pregnant or have babies now. But, I don't want to give up. I flip-flop on how I want to conquer this infertility war every day, and I thought it might be nice to have a thread where I can talk about my journey and what I'm contemplating, how I'm feeling. I wanted to have a thread versus a blog so you all can comment and help direct me anytime. I hope that my journey helps someone, somehow....aside from being cathartic for me.

My story: I have 2 daughters, ages 9 and 7, with my ex-husband. Let's call him SL (for Sith Lord). I got remarried a little over 2 years ago, to my amazing husband R. He has never been married and doesn't have any kids, so really, this mission is for both of us. I very much want R to experience the joy and amazement of ultrasounds, of picking names, of seeing my belly grow, of birth, of getting up in the middle of the night. All of it. He deserves it. After all, this man took me and my two tiny daughters under his wing as his own family and loves us to pieces. I could not ask for a better stepfather for my girls.....and they love him so deeply that it makes me cry sometimes. They call him Daddy-O.

R so needs to have his own child....whether it is his biologically or not, he is the type of guy who would be so thrilled, so touched by every little aspect and treat the whole journey as if it were this precious piece of time that he could have never imagined....and he would be the best father.

When we started TTC and swaying, too, he was such a champ and always on board to do whatever I asked of him. He never cared what gender child we had, but he humored me as I spent countless hours studying swaying, buying supplements and opks, and giving him a new list of foods and drinks and making him quit smoking and drinking soda. Did I mention the trough of supplements I had him take 3 times a day? He never thought swaying was stupid, and every time I'd announce "someone on my forum's sway worked!" he would smile and say that he hoped we were as lucky soon. So, we tried and tried and here we still sit, wondering why we were the unlucky ones, as it turns out.

If you are reading this long thread/blog- thank you for caring about me and wanting to hear my long-winded story. I hope through all of these posts that I help you figure out how to go about your own journey more clearly, and hopefully without any gender disappointment. Each child that we make is such a pure and beautiful blessing, and I would give anything in the world for one, just one more, either gender. I plan to babble a lot about what we've been through here so feel free to post your experiences, the story of your friend's SIL who beat the odds, a long tirade about why I should do this or not do that, whatever.

And lastly, before I end this initial post, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone here on this site who makes it run and run smoothly, and to everyone who spends time here each day making this a thriving village where we can all come and share our hopes, dreams, u/s pics, vents, and heartaches. This forum and you ladies who I have come to know in cyber-fashion have been such a solid place for me to be each and every day. I want to move past feeling sorry for myself and move into a place where I can take action and help make others laugh, if anything.

Hope has two beautiful daughters: their names are anger and courage. Anger that things are the way they are. Courage to make them the way they ought to be. ~St. Augustine

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm glad you posted.

Is IVF out of the question?

[michaela]

I know you know that I understand what you are going through but I still wanted to offer you some HUGS and lots of good luck. Going through infertility is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. :heart:

[DoulaMama]

Huge hugs from me, Hun~ xoxo You WILL hold another baby in your arms. I just feel it:) Luv to you and yours~ J

[Myloves]

Hugs! Lola, you've gone through so much and you're such a strong lady. :awe: I pray that you and your dh will get a baby soon in the near future!

[zanacal]

I'm here to cheer you on every step of the way Lola, whichever way that may be. Lovely introduction x

[begonia]

Lola I think this is a great idea. Thanks for sharing your journey with everyone. :kiss:

[LolaInLove]

Thank you for all of the support and encouragement! Michaela, you are so right- IF (infertility) is one of the hardest things you can go through. For one, you see people all around you having absolutely no problem getting pregnant left and right....and there is something just gut-wrenching about wanting a baby and knowing you may never have him or her.

Sometimes I feel badly whining about IF because I have 2 kids already.....and for that reason, I am sensitive about not being too whiny. Certainly, if I never have another child, it is not as bad as if I was childless. But, I see my DH as childless many times, even though he has my girls to love. I think what drives me forward so strongly is my love for him and wanting to give him the most precious experience that I think life has to offer. I had a pretty awful and painful existence with SL before I got the courage to leave him.....and I never thought I would meet a man as amazing as R after that. I am grateful on a daily basis for having him in my life, and I don't regret one day or one move I made before I met him, because every step led me right to where I am.

[LolaInLove]

Here is our diagnosis: MFI (male factor infertility). Most stats say that 40% of IF cases are on the balls side. Funny thing about us is that we have conceived before, although none lasted and made it to full baby. Our first was December 2010, with a chemical at 5 weeks. We took a month off, and then ttc in March, and got another bfp. That one ended a little more brutally with a missed miscarriage or blighted ovum, whatever you like to call it, at 10 weeks. At my 8 week appointment, there was nothing in the gestational sac. Not even any excess "matter."

I know a lot of women have been through this. It seems like so many have had loss at one point or another, many of them later, many having to choose to terminate, and so many with early chemical losses. I don't look at one as more emotionally painful than another, really. Knowing that you have a tiny ball of cells in you that one day will be looking up at you with those innocent little eyes, will be walking towards you with first steps, will be shedding a tear as they start their first day of kindergarten....and so forth....and then it is yanked from you like it never happened- words are hard to use here to describe it. I screamed and writhed in my bed in pain that first day after the ultrasound. I screamed at God intensely, like he was punishing me. I had moments of hope where I thought- NO. There is a baby in there, they just couldn't see it....everything will be fine. And then a couple weeks later, my body let it go.

So, part of why this is so hard for us is because of the WHAT IF'S. When R's semen analysis came in, they called me right away and said he needs to see a reproductive urologist, because his count was below 2 million, and a normal count was between 20-60 million. BELOW 2 MILLION??????? They won't even let you try IUI with that kind of count. Dr. P tells me that I would need to do IVF with ICSI (for you non-HTs, where they take the sperm and put it in the egg) with that kind of count. But HOW on earth did we conceive before, two tries in a row at that? I know sperm counts can fluctuate, so we have kept ttc since then, and it's been 10 cycles since then. So I know something is not right.

I have had R on so many vitamins and supplements since we started ttc almost 2 years ago because we were swaying blue. Since the MFI diagnosis, he's been on special supps for boosting sperm count. None of it helps. We are so good at timing intercourse by now, I now exactly when I ovulate. We've tried about every pattern you can think of.....dtd every day, every other day, every third day, abstaining 4 days.....you name it, we've tried it. Of course, I keep going back to the two months we conceived- we did O-3, O-1, and O. We try that one the most. I had this sick feeling that something was wrong with his sperm after we ttc the first few months. Once we got pregnant, my doctor said not to worry about it. Then, I urge her to send him for an SA, and sure enough, it is bad. He doesn't have any morphology issues, and they seem to be fairly normal with motility also, there just aren't many of them.

And bless poor R....he feels SO bad about it. I tell him that he's not infertile, WE are infertile. I don't ever make it about him, although I see the pain in his face a lot. The other painful part is that it may well be his job- and the lifestyle that comes along with it- that is to blame. He's a ballet dancer, as many of you know, and he has to rehearse long hours each day wearing a dancebelt (it's like a thick bra for balls....it's actually a thong that male dancers wear to keep their junk looking smooth and out of the way), and tights and warm up pants. I KNOW he is heating those suckers, and even though he ices them and keeps them as cool as possible when he is not dancing, they get overheated for 8 hours a day, period. And unless he quits dancing, there is not anything we can do about that. Now, he gets a few months off where he dances more sporadically, so there is a break in the summer, but it hasn't seemed to matter for the past couple years. He also had problems eating like a regular man, even though he is very much a regular guy. (You would never know he was a ballet dancer if you met him! It's quite amusing to go out in town and watch new friends we meet ask what he does, then almost choke on their beer when he tells them. They think he's lying at first, then they recognize him from billboards and posters, etc.) Anyway, I have to force feed this man breakfast, I kid you not. All in all, I know these things affect his sperm production, and hopefully, we can figure some way to counter this, or work with it. I don't know yet. All I can say not is that he does his best, because he wants this baby as much as I do.

[Zivic-Bubac]

Lola thank you for sharing your story!
I told you once, I'll tell you again: if you conceived once, you will conceive again. That's just the way it is.
Sperm count can fluctuate. My brother was told he has low sperm count and motility and he'll probably has fertility issues in the future, but soon after he was diagnosed, he's wife got pg all naturally, and now they have 2 boys and want at least 2 more kids.
Keep your DH on supps, they can't hurt! Also please, please try white horehound tea ( there is my thread about it on this board) I believe that tea got me pg ( with a little help from DH :rofl:) I took it for 2 cycles ( + zillion other boy supps) and got pg.

Like Zani said, I'm cheering you all the way!!!!!! :luck: :luck: :luck:

[atomic sagebrush]

Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us!! Beautiful and I hope and pray with every fiber in my being that this time next year you are well on your way to your next baby. :hear:

[Flava]

Lola- I really hope you do get a bfp just like that! I understand IVF is just so expensive we could never do it either for sure.
I was also thinking this all could be because of the stupid belt!

[Plum3]

Lola, thankyou for sharing this with us. You are an amazingly strong woman and I truly hope that one day soon you do get to hold another little baby in your arms. xx

[LolaInLove]

Thank you so much everyone. I really could not make it without the amazing support system this site provides. :awe:

ZB, I agree, I think it fluctuates.....I just think it's been in a rather poor way for a while, obviously. I will check out the tea, I remember you talking about how you think it helped!

So, here is Plan A, B, and C.

Plan A: continue to ttc for a year. No swaying, per se, but just general good fertility practices- eating healthy, vitamins, etc. I am waiting until his folks come for a little vaca next week and go so I can start a diet. I am going to try a crash diet, but not an unhealthy one, just a very calorie-restricted one and add in some more exercise. I am trying to get this weight off me (it's 40lbs now, I got a scale for the first time in my life the other day) before summer, for one, because I refuse to stay away from water-related activities because I look like a beluga whale- which also reminds me to make a note to self to get some self-tanner because fat looks better tan. But, I think it will help my fertility be optimal to be at my body's proper BMI. Not to mention that I'm tired of being asked if I'm pregnant (I apparently carry the weight in my face and stomach of all places) and knowing that there is always a murmur of "what happened to Lola? she has gained so much weight!" And we are going to just give it our best shot for a year. Hopefully knowing that there is a Plan B and C will do that magical thing for me that it does for so many and BAM, we'll get pregnant naturally. Oh, I'm also thinking of dtd in the backseat of the car occasionally. There is apparently some magic in that also.

Plan B: we go to Czech Republic for IVF, which is top notch and affordable for us. Plus, we can stay with my good friend's mom there, so even better! Here is some info about it: Special Guest Post & Limited Time Offer: Fertility Tourism in Czech Republic | Global IVF Blog (http://www.globalivf.com/blog/?p=745) My DH is actually super excited about this prospect, because he is such the artsy-pants dude, he is all about a good reason to go live in Prague for 3 weeks. And by the way, the other reason this is so appealing is because I am a 3rd generation Czech myself, so this kinda seems fitting. My friend actually offered to come with us- her whole family and ours- as they go for 2 months in the summer to see her family and friends, so we *could* bring our girls and make it a crazy awesome experience. I'm really digging this too because I've never been there, and have been dying to go. It just fits, for many reasons.

Plan C: donor sperm. DH does not like. But it is a last resort if for some reason we can't end up going to CR for the IVF, or we end up with no money at the time, or for whatever reason. I know it will take him lots of time to warm up to that idea, but I think if we are going with Plan C, we will have been through a lot in the next year and a half, and it will be time to think last resort and look at the bigger picture of having a baby, even if it's not biologically his. He's always said he'd adopt, and this is not much different. You are adopting some cells instead of a ready-to-go kid. I know it's a bizarre thing for him to process right now, and we would certainly need to see a counselor who specializes in this sort of thing. I know he would have issues knowing it's my DNA and not his, but it is also a much more affordable option than adoption, and he would get to experience the pregnancy/childbirth thing, which I also want to experience one more time.

So, that is the plan. I'm feeling pretty good about it. I have been super stressed and on the verge of depression for a few months now, and I think it was due to not knowing what we would do if nothing worked naturally. We talked about not ttc anymore, and being baby-free people and just concentrating on our girls, but all in all, I know myself and I know that I would very much regret not doing whatever I could to have a baby with R while I could. I really think he would regret it also, and then we'd be sad middle aged people who just wanted to buy sports cars and drink martinis all day long, and although I technically would enjoy both, I'd rather have a baby right now than resign myself to being a sad drunk in a cool car.

[begonia]

Lola the CR IVF has some very cool side benefits! I think having that as a back-up plan is fantastic!

[Hobbermittens]

I am glad you started this thread, Lola. I hope it helps both you and others. :heart:

A story I want to share is about a family I knew growing up. They had 4 kids, roughly the ages of me and my siblings, all adopted, because they thought they couldn't conceive on their own. Then one day, the wife found herself pregnant! She went on to have a second surprise baby a couple years later. :)

[LolaInLove]

Lola the CR IVF has some very cool side benefits! I think having that as a back-up plan is fantastic!

Yep, it would be a really fun cultural trip, too! Coming home pregnant would be the best benefit though.

[LolaInLove]

I am glad you started this thread, Lola. I hope it helps both you and others. :heart:

A story I want to share is about a family I knew growing up. They had 4 kids, roughly the ages of me and my siblings, all adopted, because they thought they couldn't conceive on their own. Then one day, the wife found herself pregnant! She went on to have a second surprise baby a couple years later. :)

Thanks, Hobbs! I hear stories like that all of the time, so I have hope that Plan A is all we need. Love you gals, thanks for reading my long posts and being so awesome!

[LolaInLove]

I am really getting more and more exciting about this CZ thing. I got a book about travel there on Amazon, and have been loving reading this SUPER long thread on an infertility website I joined about all the ladies who have been or are there now.

It is really so insane that IVF is so expensive here in the US. I am glad we have this option available. I am kinda scared about saving up the cash for it this year, but I think it's smart to plan ahead.

On another note, OF COURSE my DH is out of town this weekend when I ovulate. Oh well, just gives me a good reason to go ahead and start this crash diet soon and not worry about 2ww. I will need to take next month off too, I guess.

[Hobbermittens]

Lola, are your inlaws able to help with travel costs and the cost of the IVF? DId you say they would help out if you needed it?

[mydream]

Lola- I am praying for you that all your dreams come true!

[LolaInLove]

Lola, are your inlaws able to help with travel costs and the cost of the IVF? DId you say they would help out if you needed it?

Well, we will need to save up about $2K for plane tickets, and then our lodging is free except for hotel rooms while touring around in between appointments. Otherwise, the clinic I've decided on- Prague Fertility Clinic- would cost us $5,000 for the IVF and PICSI (special ICSI where they monitor the sperm around some egg-like substance to detect which ones are actually mature). Meds will also cost something, but I have an ivf traveling concierge service who will help me with finding the best prices and possibly using a free-meds-for-the-poor program to get them. So, all in all, I'm thinking we'll need to save up $10,000 this next year, and they will likely help out, but I'm thinking we can save up and be fine. Tax returns will be saved, etc. I have to plan financially for time off after the baby is born also, so I've got a plan this year to live CHEAP!

Here is the website of the clinic, friends, just for your reading pleasure: Home | Prague Fertility Centre (http://www.pragueivf.com/en/home/)

[LolaInLove]

Lola- I am praying for you that all your dreams come true!

Thank you, and to everyone, thank you for your support and prayers!!!

[Hobbermittens]

Well, we will need to save up about $2K for plane tickets, and then our lodging is free except for hotel rooms while touring around in between appointments. Otherwise, the clinic I've decided on- Prague Fertility Clinic- would cost us $5,000 for the IVF and PICSI (special ICSI where they monitor the sperm around some egg-like substance to detect which ones are actually mature). Meds will also cost something, but I have an ivf traveling concierge service who will help me with finding the best prices and possibly using a free-meds-for-the-poor program to get them. So, all in all, I'm thinking we'll need to save up $10,000 this next year, and they will likely help out, but I'm thinking we can save up and be fine. Tax returns will be saved, etc. I have to plan financially for time off after the baby is born also, so I've got a plan this year to live CHEAP!

Here is the website of the clinic, friends, just for your reading pleasure: Home | Prague Fertility Centre (http://www.pragueivf.com/en/home/)

That sounds pretty doable! I hope it works out. Have you decided when you will go?

[Foxy]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Lola xx

[Zivic-Bubac]

Lola, this is so cool! I second what Foxy said! :awe:

You''ll enjoy golden Prague, I've never been, but we're planning to go in the future, by car, it's not that far away.
So you're of Slavic origin? Cool, so am I :wink:

Any chance for PGD since you're already doing IVF?

I'm sure it will work for you, I'm cheering you all the way! :bluecheer: :bluecheer: :bluecheer:

[LolaInLove]

That sounds pretty doable! I hope it works out. Have you decided when you will go?

Yea, we are going to keep trying naturally until the end of next March, and then we will put the plan into motion and go during the summer of 2013. Not exactly sure when, it does depend a good bit on when I'd want to have a baby (or babies!). I would really like to have them in May, which would mean we'd need to go in August. Oh, and I am assuming it will be twins because that will help me get used to that idea, which is very likely if we do this. I've got to ask when the best time to be there is! Not that it matters as much.....I'd just rather not have a December baby, that is for sure. I loved having my DD2 in late March, was the perfect weather over my pregnancy where I live.

[LolaInLove]

Lola, this is so cool! I second what Foxy said! :awe:

You''ll enjoy golden Prague, I've never been, but we're planning to go in the future, by car, it's not that far away.
So you're of Slavic origin? Cool, so am I :wink:

Any chance for PGD since you're already doing IVF?

I'm sure it will work for you, I'm cheering you all the way! :bluecheer: :bluecheer: :bluecheer:

Thanks, ZB! Oh yea, you are in Serbia, right? Not to far away at all!!! Maybe you can meet us in Prague for a beer since you will be post-baby! :bigsmile: Yes, my father's side is from Prague, actually, so I am half Czech. My mom is half Swiss and half British. One of my best friends here is from CR, though, and her mom lives an hour north of Prague and we can stay with her if we want, which will be nice. She and her DH (and two kids) might even come with us! It would be a few weeks for us but they usually go every other summer for 2 months.

No, you can't do gender selection there, it's illegal. You can get PGD on your embryos to just check their genetic health, though. The clinic in Prague actually has pioneered a new non-invasive system for making sure the embryos are likely very healthy by very carefully studying their cell division. It's pretty interesting. They have come to find out that abnormal embryos do not multiply normally, and the healthy ones do, so just by watching their division (which they record under a microscope video camera....which you can monitor on your computer at home, actually), they can tell without poking with a needle and possibly damaging the embryo. Of course, it's not the same as PGD, so you would need to do that if you are worried about a specific genetic abnormality.

That's not to say that I won't be the NICEST patient on the entire planet and mention ten thousand times that I'd really love boys, so maybe they will be cool and just "randomly" give me some. LOL I'm kidding, I doubt it works that way. Can't hurt to try, though, right???? I'm getting a CZ language learning book soon and getting my friend to help me learn it this year just in case, then I can really plead my case in their native tongue. :twins:

It's really crazy, though, how much cheaper it is than the US. For example, I already got my pricing from PFC (Prague Fertility Clinic), which is as state of the art as they come- $2,875 for the IVF, $1,568 for the PICSI (special procedure where the put the mature sperm right into the egg), and probably about $800 for the meds. Considering that would cost me like $20-25K in the US, I would not be as devastated if it didn't work.

[LolaInLove]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Lola xx

Thank you!!!! :HH:

[Zivic-Bubac]

I'm seriously thinking to give it one more try for a boy, BUT....the option of gender selection is soooo tempting, I'm more then willing to go through IVF if that would guarantee I get my :xy:

Do you believe it is available in Serbia? I've found 2 private clinics in Belgrade, they do IVF/PGD WITH gender selection, PICSI is also available and ICSI ( I'm not sure what's the diff) and we *could* afford it in a year or two if we develop a serious saving plan lol

I just took a glance, it would cost us somewhere between 4000-5000 euros ( approx. 5200$-6500$) we COULD afford that! Now I mentioned to DH I'm willing to try for #4, he just laughed and said we'll see after this bubba is born.

I hesitate to tell him about gender selection and costs, at this point he would probably chop my head off :rofl: I will have to prepare him step-by-step for my brilliant plan :p

It is really silly it's so much cheaper in Europe than in States, when I was reading threads about costs, I was convinced it couldn't be cheaper then 20.000 euros or so, which is science fiction for us, but 5000 euros could be done.

Keep us posted, I'm so excited for you!!!!!:bluecheer:

Oh, if there's any possibility, take the girls with you, I believe it is ultimately important for children to travel and get to know diff cultures as much as possible, it will make their horizons wider. They are both big now, esp your older, I'm sure she'll appreciate it! Our DD1 was truly happy and grateful when we took her in Budapest ( well we took DD2 as well, but she doesn't remember much our journey lol!)

Hugs and kisiz!!!!

[begonia]

I'm practically singing in my head "Lola's going to have a baaaaybee! Lola's going to have a baaaybee!" because this thread just makes me so POSITIVE it is going to happen for you. I have zero blue dust, even my dog is a girl, but I have lots of baby dust and that I give to you my friend :)

I think it would be totally amazing to take your DD's to Prague for a summer trip. Fantastic. They're old enough to really enjoy and remember it, too.

[zanacal]

The Prague option sounds amazing Lola! Of course I'm crossing everything that you won't need to make that trip but I'm so happy that it's there as a do-able and affordable back-up plan for you guys :D Baby dust from me too!

[LolaInLove]

I'm seriously thinking to give it one more try for a boy, BUT....the option of gender selection is soooo tempting, I'm more then willing to go through IVF if that would guarantee I get my :xy:

Do you believe it is available in Serbia? I've found 2 private clinics in Belgrade, they do IVF/PGD WITH gender selection, PICSI is also available and ICSI ( I'm not sure what's the diff) and we *could* afford it in a year or two if we develop a serious saving plan lol

I just took a glance, it would cost us somewhere between 4000-5000 euros ( approx. 5200$-6500$) we COULD afford that! Now I mentioned to DH I'm willing to try for #4, he just laughed and said we'll see after this bubba is born.

I hesitate to tell him about gender selection and costs, at this point he would probably chop my head off :rofl: I will have to prepare him step-by-step for my brilliant plan :p

It is really silly it's so much cheaper in Europe than in States, when I was reading threads about costs, I was convinced it couldn't be cheaper then 20.000 euros or so, which is science fiction for us, but 5000 euros could be done.

Keep us posted, I'm so excited for you!!!!!:bluecheer:

Oh, if there's any possibility, take the girls with you, I believe it is ultimately important for children to travel and get to know diff cultures as much as possible, it will make their horizons wider. They are both big now, esp your older, I'm sure she'll appreciate it! Our DD1 was truly happy and grateful when we took her in Budapest ( well we took DD2 as well, but she doesn't remember much our journey lol!)

Hugs and kisiz!!!!


Oh, I'd love to take the girls with.....it's definitely a thought. I'd have to work it out with their a$$ father, but it may be able to be done. I completely agree, I think traveling is one of the best educational things you can do for a child. There is no teacher who can tell you about the world vs. actually seeing the world.

And yea, SEE??? It's totally affordable somewhere near you! I was the same way- just to THINK about taking a $20-25K hit to chance getting pregnant (because it may not work or you may lose the baby) was not an option. But for $5K US dollars, it is way better. I bet there is a clinic that will do it somewhere. I keep hoping that I can maybe see if there is the remote possibility that they will give me xy embies if there is a choice between the best ones, but I doubt it. I really don't care at this point anyway.

Oh, and the difference between PICSI and ICSI is this: with regular ICSI, they get the sample from your DH and wash them to weed the dead ones out and then analyze them under a scope to find the most robust and best swimmer they can find and then they take that guy and inject him right into your egg. Well, they do this to all of your eggs they retrieve, so they need ya know, 10+ good sperm. In PICSI, they wash the sperm and then instead of just looking at them under a scope, they first put them in a solution that had a "fake" egg made of some gel substance and see which ones go straight to the fake egg. Then, they take those guys first. The fact that they go straight to the fake egg means that they are the most mature and "smart" sperm and more likely to be completely healthy and devoid of abnormalities. It's just another reassuring step to creating healthy embryos.

In Prague, at PFC, they also have that embryo monitoring so you literally get a video of your egg and sperm cell, as it was when they put the sperm in, dividing into 2, then 4, then 16 cells and so on, until they take it and put it in your uterus. Can you imagine seeing your son or daughter as a single cell??? When they embryos divide normally, it means they are most likely normal, and the abnormal ones will divide abnormally. Check this out, this video shows how they can detect an abnormal embryo from the get-go: Abormal 2nd cleavage - abnormal cleavage line producing atypical 4cell stage - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VN7snYYYvtc&feature=autoplay&list=ULfWqfOKCkp5Y&lf=mfu_in_order&playnext=1)

Super interesting, huh??? ZB, I really like your super brilliant plan! Did you find a clinic there that will do GS? I wish more women knew about this option- it's not necessarily for gender selection, but really ALL medical procedures are cheaper outside of the US because of the US's stupid healthcare and insurance monopolies.

[LolaInLove]

Thanks, Begonia and Zan!!!! It is SO much nicer to have a back-up plan. I feel like this is all doable with one. I am just such a planner, I couldn't handle the leaving-it-up-to-nature forever plan at all.

I know, wouldn't it be great to take them to Prague? And my DD2 would be with her best friend there also (her mom is the one that is my good friend from Czech that we would stay with!).

SO, I finally took the bull by the horns and made an appt for R with the local reproductive urologist for April 20th. For some reason, he kept "forgetting." I am sure he is not thrilled to have some dude manhandle his balls for an hour, but it's gotta be done. I have a tiny inkling of hope that he will put R on Clomid to see if it works for the count issue (yes, Clomid can make men's count raise tremendously) and then maybe after a few months of that and no dancebelt, we may have a surprise natural pregnancy later this summer. Who knows. Even though I'd love to go to Czech and all, I'd also love to not have to prod myself with stim drugs and go through all of the IVF turmoil and just get pg like a normal person.

[Hobbermittens]

Yea, we are going to keep trying naturally until the end of next March, and then we will put the plan into motion and go during the summer of 2013. Not exactly sure when, it does depend a good bit on when I'd want to have a baby (or babies!). I would really like to have them in May, which would mean we'd need to go in August. Oh, and I am assuming it will be twins because that will help me get used to that idea, which is very likely if we do this. I've got to ask when the best time to be there is! Not that it matters as much.....I'd just rather not have a December baby, that is for sure. I loved having my DD2 in late March, was the perfect weather over my pregnancy where I live.

When is your DD's birthday? My DD2 is March 24th.

I am so glad you have a plan in mind! And twins might be really fun... especially since you are going through so much to get a baby, you might as well get two!! :)

[LolaInLove]

When is your DD's birthday? My DD2 is March 24th.

I am so glad you have a plan in mind! And twins might be really fun... especially since you are going through so much to get a baby, you might as well get two!! :)

She turned 7 on March 22. I absolutely loved being pregnant over the winter and delivering in the spring as opposed to my 1st kiddo who was born in the dead southern heat of July. I could not even leave my house the last 4 weeks because I'd feel faint as it was well over 100 degrees that year.

And yea, I've been asking on the forum about how many they will transfer. Seems that it is kinda stupid to pay all that money and just transfer 1, although they will do it if you request. They have a roll call also, and really no one transfers just 1 embryo since most of these couples don't have any kids at all and many of them use donor eggs or embryos anyway. The advantage of CZ is that in their law, donors are compensated nicely and are completely anonymous no matter what. So, they have a lot of people donate eggs, embryos, and sperm, and have no waiting times for it. Literally, if we got there and everything turned out bunk, I could take an extra couple of days and have donor embryos transferred in if we didn't want to go home empty-handed. They will tell you a few things about the donors, like their hair and eye color and stature, but otherwise, you don't get any other info. They do guarantee that the donors are healthy as they have a rigorous screening process, but because they mandate that it is completely anonymous, you can never know who your children came from. The other reason it's so popular there is because CZ people look relatively American (I apparently look very Czech, although I just look like any other gal in the US really). They are fair and have a variety of hair and eye colors.

Anyway, when it boils down, I would just have 2 transferred and hope at least one of them took, but if I get twins, well, that is the way it will go down and we will be ecstatic. We told the in-laws about it this last week when they were in town and they said they will move down here if we have even 1 baby as they were planning on moving from Michigan at some point anyway. I said, what if we have twins? They said they'd be down asap and totally help out. It would be craziness, but hey, I guess you don't really get to choose what happens. We just want some baby somehow!

[SweetLily]

Lola, wow...I had no iea you;ve been through so much since I met you on IG forever ago (used to be toddsgirl). I knew you had a mc, but that was about all. I really hope you get your baby soon, I agree with other posters that if you got pregnant a couple of times, you CAN and WILL again, but it may take time. I understand the pain, I have had 5 CP's in the last 2 years and am going to a fertility clinic now--after 4 kids. I think its teh 2 cm polyp in my uterus causing them, so they are doing some tests to see if they need to remove it.

I wish you success, not luck, for luck is blind and I dont believe in it. I belive in work and care and effort, and you are putting those things in and you will reap your reward eventually. Hugs

[LolaInLove]

Hey girl!!!! Yep, it's been a while and nothing is happening, so we are kinda moving on and planning for some assisted reproduction. But, my DH does have his uro appt on the 20th, so there is a chance that he can get his balls fixed (LOL) and we'll have some success without having to do IVF.

So, you've had 5??? I'm so sorry, Weezie! Hopefully it is an easy thing like removal of that polyp (which isn't exactly EASY per se, but at least there is something that is the culprit that you can fix as opposed to unknown infertility). Keep me posted!!!!! So good to hear from you! xoxo

[LolaInLove]

I'm excited to see what happens on Friday at the urologist. Part of me is so hoping it just takes a round of Clomid for him to get his hormones (T levels) and all up so the sperm production goes up. I really hope it's not the varicocele thing.

On a good note, I started the Rapid Fat Loss Diet that Michaela recommended to me yesterday. I eat only a chunk of lean protein and some fibrous veggies all day, and I feel a lot better already! My body HATES carbs, I think they have caught up with me at the ripe old age of 36 and now they just pack on my body. Getting old is so fun. So, we'll see how the diet goes. I am going to be a bridesmaid in September now, so I am really motivated to lose all of this swaying weight really soon!

[auroara78]

Lola, this is sooo exciting!!!

I will be thinking of your husband on Friday and hope that his balls can get fixed, as you say!! I think being this proactive is awesome, and it would still be nice to get pg naturally of course, but the IVF in Prague sounds very promising as well, seeing a really, cool historical place then possibly getting twins from it! I think whatever is meant to be in your case will unfold, but I definitely see a babe(or babies) in your future!

[Flava]

lola- I hope you have some good new on Friday like some easy fix for DH and so you guys don't need ivf or anything else!

I also read Michaela's blog and saw the pics omg so great! i will be 38 after this baby comes and then BF so even older after that I will need some magic to loose weight i guess I need all the secret i gather find lol I even have back fat something I never had so depressing!

[LolaInLove]

Thanks Aurora and Flava! I am really trying to stay positive and believe that we will have at least one kid, one way or another. I'd much rather not have to do IVF either, but at least it will be a fun journey should we need to. Flava, I will share this diet stuff that I learned with you when you want so you can do it after your baby is born and weaned. It's working really well for me. I weighed myself on Sunday night and then again last night (Tuesday) and I've lost 3 lbs already!!!! And I'm eating well, it's not a starvation thing at all, just eating a lean portion of protein and veggies (and a moderate portion of both) with no carbs or sugar or fats or anything, and my body is just eating up this tire around my waist like crazy. You are supposed to take a good amount of fish oil for your omegas, and I accidentally did that this morning before b-fast and just threw up. A few people in my office got excited when I came out of the bathroom because they thought I had morning sickness but alas, just some good old fashioned barfing. Anyway, I like this diet because I get to have a "free meal" on Saturday night when we are at a wedding, so it's easier to stick to.

[Hobbermittens]

Lola, you need to share those diet secrets with me after I have this baby! Sorry you barfed up your vitamins... sounds like it wasn't very fun. :(

[begonia]

:luck: for Friday Lola!!!

[Flava]

Oh yeah Lola we need the secret for sure sound great! sorry you got sick...
1 more day!

[auroara78]

Can't wait to see how your husband's balls are tomorrow :rofl:

[LolaInLove]

I am dying for the Balls Report as well!!! I will update once he gets back. My poor R, he is just not thrilled about the logistics of this appointment, although he is excited to get whatever is wrong fixed and make some babies.

And of course I will share the secrets with you guys. I got the info kind of underground, if you will, so I'm not going to post the ebook here, but I will give you all the gist of it. Maybe I will write it all out tomorrow when I have time.

So, my mom calls me last night and tells me that my 42 year old cousin, who was infertile for years and finally had a son at age 39, is miraculously pregnant again- naturally. I was super excited for her, and cant' help but hope that I have some strong eggs like her that will stand for my age if it takes another year or two to get pg. (I'm only 36, but still.....)

Again, thanks for the well-wishes for R's testes. LOL

[Hobbermittens]

Go balls go! I hope the Dr has some magic to fix those fells!

Congrats to your cousin!

[LolaInLove]

Oh, and I had the carbs at dinner last night, which you are supposed to do one night a week, and my body revolted. That's all I'm saying. I felt a little fatter when I went to bed. I've never done no carbs....in fact, I've never dieted! But man, it totally works.

[Plum3]

Hoping the appointment goes well today, Lola!

[LolaInLove]

TESTES UPDATE: (that was really fun to write, by the way) So, the appt went well this morning. Poor R, he had a good sense of humor about the whole thing. But the doc said that he is optimistic that we can conceive naturally because he has gotten me pregnant a few times before. R has to do another SA and have an ultrasound next Thursday, so we'll have a better idea of what is going on then, but the doc said he couldn't feel a varicocele. He said if there is one, usually it feels like a "bag of worms." Eeeewwwww, right? Anyway, he said it very well could be the tights and dancebelt, so he really wants him to make efforts to go commando or wear boxers only and use cool packs and such as much as possible. He said counts can fluctuate also, something about "stress patterns" with sperm production, but overall, R said he was upbeat about our chances and actually said that he and his wife had the same problem, and there was no identifiable issue, just that he had low count for a while. So YAY for the optimistic thumbs up from the doctor! Of course, we'll know more after the u/s and SA, but I'm feeling optimistic. He said we shouldn't necessarily assume we'll need IVF and that most likely, we will conceive at some point since we have before.

I have a feeling that during the ballet season, life is just hard on those poor fellas down there.....they have to be all wrapped up for long periods of time under 3+ layers of clothing. Not to mention that R is like most ballet dancers and must watch what he eats (read: can't have man-muffin tops and the like) so he doesn't eat very much, and in the past, hasn't eaten well, although that is changing. Poor guy, if left to his own devices, he will not eat all day until dinner. Can you imagine your DH doing that? I am always like, what guy doesn't eat all day? Well, ballet dancers, that's who. Anyway, keeping my fingers crossed that the off season (now until early September) is lucky for us.

It is kind of nice to think we may be able to do this the old fashioned way and not do IVF, although I was kinda excited about the prospect of a trip to CR and all. We can just go on our own someday and have fun though.

[zanacal]

That sounds so optimistic Lola, I so hope to hear of a BFP from you over the next few months - you can have all my babydust :D

[auroara78]

I am so excited over this update, and really hope DR's advice about letting his balls "relax" will help you concieve naturally! Whoo hooo!!!

[Hobbermittens]

That is awesome news, Lola! I hope the time he has off will let the balls heal, and send a baby your way!

[michaela]

I am so happy to read this update Lola!!!! What great news that they didn't see anything right off the bat and that they were so optimistic for you! Yay!!!!!!!!!


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[LolaInLove]

Thanks everyone! He had an ultrasound this morning (which I dubbed the "nutscan") and of course, they wouldn't tell him anything as it was at an u/s place and not the doc's office. He's got another SA on Thursday and then another appt with the doc in a week and a half or so. I guess we'll have more of a verdict then.

In the meantime, I am going in to my doc tomorrow as I've had a lot of bleeding and super bad pain. I'm afraid I have a fibroid or a cyst or something. I had to take painkillers since then! I've stopped bleeding, but something was definitely not right on Saturday. I had two hours of terrible pain and then that night I passed some clotty stuff, but no bleeding last night or today so far. I've read on WebMD that sometimes growths can get their blood supply cut off somehow and they kind of twist up and then break off (sorry, that is gross), so I have a small inkling that I might have experienced that, but the LAST thing I need now is something wrong with my freakin' system, right????

[auroara78]

I hear you on that, Lola!!

Can't wait to find out the results of the "nutscan"!!

[Princess of Pink]

Nutscan :rofl: Love it!! I can just see your DH's balls sitting on a beach somewhere sipping a vitamin cocktail and relaxing!

[LolaInLove]

So, my appt went fine, she saw nothing in there but a nice lining and an ovary ripe with an egg. All we could figure was that it was a tiny cyst that killed itself off and came out. There was no matter from it left though, which she said was odd. Anyway, all looked fine, so I am going with that.

My doc pulled the "nutscan" off of the med center's lab site and told me he had a "mild and active varicocele" and she explained that it meant that there was a good bloodline in it so it may be heating up his balls too much as blood is 98.6 degrees and balls need to be cooler than that (which is why they are external and hang off the body, of course). It could also be blocking his sperm tube. He's doing an SA right now as I write, actually, so all will be interpreted and diagnosed as a whole at his appt on May 11.

Also, my doc said that I should NOT think I need to do IVF. She said they should be able to figure out what is wrong and get him back to normal and then we may need to do IUI if anything. It might be that he has too many bunk ones ("licorice sperm" as atomic put it) so they need to just wash those suckers out and put a small handful of the good ones up in my uterus and have them bypass the treacherous vag so we help things along.

I guess we'll see, but still, it comes back to $......varicocele surgery is like $8,000. IUI is like $2,000 where we are. All out of pocket. May be cheaper to still go to Czech and make some twins!!!!!

[michaela]

Everything sounds good so far!!!

[LolaInLove]

Everything sounds good so far!!! Thanks, lady. I hope you are doing ok. Just wish infertility was covered by insurance and/or this country wasn't a hot mess with medical prices and all that BS. I know you are with me on that one! xxoo

[Hobbermittens]

Glad your appointment showed nothing abnormal with you, Lola. And it sounds like they are really zeroing in on what is going on with your DH! Hope the SA comes back with better #'s than last time.

[LolaInLove]

Thanks, Hobbs, me too!

[auroara78]

It's so cool how they really are discovering things about your DH's balls! I still love that they think they can get you guys to concieve naturally, or with help of IUI. Still, the Czech thing sounds tempting, going over there, enjoying the views, doing IVF and maybe getting twins....ohh twins woudl be perfect!

[Princess of Pink]

Great appt Lola!! Things are sounding better...either for IUI at home or twins while on holiday!! I hope as you start planning either of these you get surprised by a natural BFP!!

[LolaInLove]

Thanks everyone! I am going to call and see if I can get my DH's results today. I just want that stinking count #!!!! You guys have no idea how great it would be to have a natural bfp. This crap can get so expensive (Michaela knows what I mean). I can't help but think of how unfair it is that the starving artists can't have a nice free pregnancy!!!!!!

[begonia]

Lola this is so exciting :bigsmile:

[auroara78]

Lola, did the doctor's get back to you the number of spermies?

[LolaInLove]

Nope, they are not ready yet! I am going to try later this afternoon. I am dying to know!

[LolaInLove]

Ok, they said that I'd have to make an appointment to come talk about them (fertility clinic, sheesh.....that would be like $200+ for appt) or we can just wait till DH's follow up at the urology practice on the 11th, so I think we have to wait.

[Hobbermittens]

Why won't they just tell you?? That is annoying! I hope it is good news. :)

[begonia]

Man Lola that bites that they won't release it! At least you can find out next week though, FX it is a good report!

[Princess of Pink]

That is just rude!! I hope he has bazillions of superman spermies!!

[zanacal]

That IS annoying!

[LolaInLove]

I know, I very politely asked the lady, "Can you PLEASE just tell me the number that is next to the line that says sperm count????" She played dumb and said she didn't know how to read SAs. I was like, IT'S A NUMBER! I just told you how! Oh well. R is out of town until late Sunday night doing a show in Atlanta anyway, so I've got my hands full being single working mom this week. I'll have enough to take my mind off of it!

[Wishing4Princess]

Lola, I'm sorry you're going through so much! I am praying for you, hun! you are such a sweet person! you've helped me and so many others on this site. you really deserve the best.

[LolaInLove]

Thank you, Wishing! That is so sweet of you to say! xoxo

[LolaInLove]

It's been really fun to watch moms and their newborns get wheelchaired out of the hospital while I wait for R's knee surgery to end. I feel like an avatar is hiding behind a chair and shoots and arrow at me each time I hear that little new baby cry.

On a good note, I have no more cramping. I think it was the lack of carbs.

[Hobbermittens]

Any news on the SA yet??

[zanacal]

Aww I'm sorry Lola, that must hurt. {hugs}

[LolaInLove]

Zan, it was not fun....but I just tried to be positive and then think about my "dream" where I get to do it all again. I have this fantasy, really, about the whole thing....the u/s scan, the birth, the look on my DH's face, all that good stuff. I try to think about that when I feel bummed out and tell myself that it will be my turn again someday!

Hobbs, they don't have it yet, so we are just waiting on his appt this Friday. I am going with him and will have a million questions.....the doc said he and his wife had the "same problem" actually, and I am sure my DH didn't ply him with questions like I will. I asked R if he said he had to do IUI or IVF and he said he didn't ask, he just knows they did have a baby. I guess that is guys for ya....plus, well, he had just the doctor manhandling him in all sorts of unhappy ways. He probably didn't want to be all bro with him, LOL.

[LolaInLove]

UGH, why do I let myself get my hopes up in these occasional months when I have something happen like some spotting that I think may, just may, be implantation spotting because it's 10dpo? I was actually excited this morning, thinking I will go dig out those FRERs from the bottom of some drawer of forgotten toiletries when I got home from work. Now I think I need to go get the tampons out instead. I've noticed my DH gets a little bit sweeter to me on the days he notices the box of tampons sitting by the toilet in the bathroom, which is sweet. I don't even say anything anymore.

Anyway, I am going to keep positive, that's all I can do. We'll got the follow up appt with the urologist on Friday morning. Looking forward to that. DH is down for 6 weeks with the surgery so it's like I have too many babies right now as it is!

[auroara78]

Ah, Lola, sorry to hear that :(

Glad your DH is extra sweet when u need him to be. You and him will make a beatitiful child together :) I hope it happens sooner than later, but I got a feeling you will be holding a sweet babe in your arms again.

[Hobbermittens]

:( sorry Lola! I had my hopes up for you. :( Your DH sounds like such a great guy. :heart: I hope they have good news for you at the urologist appointment!

[LolaInLove]

:nails: I just want to do an IUI if anything......praying no varicocele surgery needed. It's painful and expensive!!!

[LolaInLove]

Well, this day is a good one only because dear sweet TTC5 has a healthy happy baby boy on the way! Bless her, I was afraid just before her bfp that she was going to be in my shoes. Life has a funny way of working out, huh?

We had our follow up this morning- and now my world is spinning again with WHAT TO DO. R's count was up to 19 million per ml, meaning his total "sample" had 93m because it was 5.5 ml. SO, that is an improvement. They consider 20m per ml to be the bottom of normal. However- his morphology is horrific. Only 1% of his sperm are "normal forms." This is why we kept having m/c he said. The urologist's advice- go IVF. He said he will happily recommend us to the local fertility clinic for a consult, and it may be that they could try an IUI first, but with so few normal sperm, the washed load to put up me would be small in number and less likely to do the job. He said our best option for a normal baby is to do IVF with ICSI. After that, he said we could continue to try, but it could be forever, and with my age being 36, time is not on our side.

So, I feel a bit helpless today. R (who is on percocet, so isn't really all there) was all excited when we left, like "my count is up!!!" I could barely hold it together in there. I don't think he got it. The doctor was being optimistic in tone....he didn't want us leaving and driving straight off the nearest bridge, for pete's sake. I had to give R a dose of reality and he got mad at me for being negative. I just told him it's reality, not being negative. Oh, and then the doc tells us how he and his wife had problems (although he didn't go into detail about his sperm, but I gathered they had something wrong there), and two months after they gave up and just didn't care anymore, they got pregnant. He says he thinks there is something to cortisol levels in the woman that can interfere with getting pregnant. So, R says we need to chill. RIGHT. I don't know how to accomplish that right now. I am an action person. I need to DO something about it, decide mentally what we are doing so I have a plan. You guys know how I am about having a plan.

So, what do you think? I need some honest opinions here. Should we activate Czech Plan and just ttc in the meantime? Should we go to the local fertility clinic and pay $2,000 for IUI that may not work and try that first? Should I just try to convince myself that I don't need or want another baby? I wasn't good at it 6 months ago, but given this new information, I could try again. Should we think about donor sperm? At least if I do that, I will be doing the $2K IUI but have a pretty good chance of it working with a strong sample. Keep in mind that we are not flush with cash- we do alright, but don't have reserves to do this. It will be all out of pocket. Our insurance doesn't cover infertility at all.

Thanks for "listening" my friends. xoxo

[Hobbermittens]

I'm sorry the results weren't better. :( What causes the motility problems? Did the Dr. say?

I would try IUI first. That might work, and for only $2,000 I think it would be a good gamble.

How does R feel about the donor sperm?

[LolaInLove]

I'm sorry the results weren't better. :( What causes the motility problems? Did the Dr. say?

I would try IUI first. That might work, and for only $2,000 I think it would be a good gamble.

How does R feel about the donor sperm?

He said there is no telling about motility. Maybe the testes are too hot, but there is not much he can do about that. He said cold packs are not a good idea because there are no studies about how temperature fluctuations affect sperm (ie, getting cold, then hot, then cold again, etc), so he would not use that, just try to keep them as cool as possible. There is no reason, some men are healthy as a horse and have crappy sperm. He said there is nothing more he would do than what he already is as far as vitamins and supplements go.

I just hate to do IUI and it be a waste. It's like every dollar needs to count, ya know? I'd rather put that $2,000 towards the IVF trip in a way, but who knows, maybe there is a remote chance the IUI would work? Of course, I've got to pay like $350 to just go freaking TALK to the RE now.

I'm gonna go on a little tangent here and say that it is absolute BULLS&!T how the American medical system deals with infertility medicine. I pay $500 a month for health insurance and I can't go to an RE. I can go have anything else in the world done or looked at, but not that. If I want infertility coverage, my monthly insurance bill goes up to $1,000, which ain't happening. And now it's "pre-existing" anyway. If I want to do a procedure that takes less time than regular outpatient surgery, I have to pay $25,000.....meanwhile, in the rest of the civilized world, the same procedures cost less than $5,000.

And we are being referred to the local clinic that somehow didn't find time to send over the SA by this morning, which he did 2 weeks ago, so we had to sit and wait an hour for them to fax it over. Seriously. Same ones who would make us pay to come "go over the results" if we wanted them before our follow up with the urologist. There is no way in hell I am going to that place. R didn't like it either when he went in for the SA. He said he felt like cattle.

I am just confused. I think I need to think about it for a while. So, somehow I am supposed to de-stress and NOT think about ttc, and just give up mentally so my cortisol level is down. You know, I kinda wanted to slap that urologist and say, how the bloody hell do you just "relax" about it? I guess his wife had no problem since he is a doctor and they could have done IVF for free as a trade for all of his referrals. And I'm guessing his wife doesn't have to work and raise 2 kids at the same time. I have a crappy attitude right now, sorry gals. I think I need a refreshing weekend. And a margarita or seven!

Hobbs, thanks for your reply, honey. You know I love ya.

[OnlyPraying]

Lola, I think I would do IVF with ICSI if I were you.... I know its tough....but you and your hubby have an awesome attitude and with love everything is possible right? Hang in there dear friend...and just take it one day at a time and you know I am always praying for you :)

[alreadyneedivf]

that is our problem--my husband had poor morph...we tried three iuis that did not work and then got pregnant first time with ivf/icsi! let me know if you have any questions! good luck!!

[michaela]

I'm sorry Lola :( I also think you should go straight to IVF and that clinic is crazy to charge $2k for an IUI! I am sure it has gone up a little since I did one in 2009 (before I found out about my tubes) it was only $500!!! I can't believe they can get away with charging that much!

Anyway I would put my effort into IVF and if that doesn't work then think about donor sperm with IUI. I wouldn't even go the DS route until you have tried IVF on your own. Of course that is assuming you can afford to go that route and it is still in the plans to do so.
:heart:


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[Plum3]

Lola, I'm going to put my two cents in as well. I would go for IVF for sure over IUI. You have a much better success rate.

I can't believe how expensive the health system is over there, it's absolutely crazy!

[LolaInLove]

Thanks ladies for the advice. I am way more inclined to skip the IUI as well. Gosh, at this point, I really think our best bet is to just start stashing away money for a trip to Prague next summer. It could be our honeymoon, really, since we never got to take one. (Then we could call it our honeymoon baby, LOL.) If we do decide to try an IUI, I think I would find a clinic that charges $500 like yours, Michaela. My folks live in Houston- I bet there is a clinic that is reasonable in the big city there.

I don't think R would warm up to the idea of donor sperm unless IVF did not work and a doctor said straight to his face "your sperm will not work, period." He is not against it, but I think, like you said M, he wants to exhaust the other options first.

Quite frankly, I've had the weirdest emotions the past few days- like I don't WANT his messed up sperm. I know that sounds terrible, and I think it is (hopefully) just a temporary reaction. Makes me scared that I will have another abnormal embryo and m/c, or an abnormal child. I guess there is no way to know what caused all of the m/c, but seems that it is a logical explanation to point at the 99% abnormal sperm. In fact, the lab marked in all caps "SEVERE ABNORMAL FORMS" on the report. I think that is what scarred me. I keep seeing "SEVERE ABNORMAL (child)" in my mind. I know that is horrible to say, but I do. I am afraid to get pg naturally, in a way, because of this. I wish we could just do IVF now, but there is that small part of me that says that when we are saving and not ttc so intensely, we could have a natural pregnancy, but I really am not in the mood now, or ever, for any more m/c.

So, I guess we move on to saving money now. I think we can swing $10K in a year without too much hurt.

And yep, Bec, USA is ridiculous with medical costs. US is horrible with the state of public education, too. Our leaders are pretty much rich guys who don't understand how the other 99% live.

[auroara78]

Oh Lola, I just got caught up on your posts, and I totally see how you'd feel.

A) How are you supposed to relax and just "forget" about TTC'ing??? Sometimes men make things sound so easy, when they dont know what its like in our shoes.

B) Totally understand how you feel / worry that his abnormal sperm would make an abnormal child or even more m/c and heartache. :hugs:

C) I would def. go with IVF. IUI is too high and has a very low success rate.

D) I also agree that it's ridicilious how much we pay in health care and how little we get out of it. It wasn't fertilty treatments, but a few years I had an issue with my eye that was very rare and required being at a certain hospital and doctor but they weren't on my plan. Needless to say, it took years to pay off the few K required to essentially save my life, when the whole idea of no coverage/or very little coverage if the hospital does not participate with the insuracne is such bullshit!! Then, when we had Quinten 4 years, I just had to pay 400 co-pay but my insurcane got much expensive with second son (we pay like $450 a month for the family) and I had mad hospital bills coming in that I'm still paying for DS2, even though i pay more now per month than I did for DS1. It's crazy how broken the system really is.

Sorry for the rant....but I can feel and understand your frustration. I just hope it gets better.

[begonia]

Hugs Lola. I'm SO sorry the appt didn't bring better news, and even more sorry that you're struggling w/the "abnormal" label... that doesn't help anything :( I understand though as I'd likely be obsessing over it too.

I think the honeymoon baby is the way to go though, IVF over IUI for sure.

*sigh*

I wish life was easier sometimes.

[LolaInLove]

Hey girls, thanks for the support! I am starting to psyche myself up for the IVF. I'm about to open a new savings account for it, and the honeymoon. We only need to save $10K which isn't that bad. And hey, I'm going to assume we won't get pg in the meantime, which will hopefully lower my stress level and maybe we'll have one of those lucky months before we go and then I can buy myself a fun little used mommy convertible with the savings! LOL Kidding, it would be maternity leave money. Either way, it's a win-win.

Prague Fertility Clinic has daily embryo monitoring to watch for normal cell division as well as PICSI (think I talked about this earlier) so I feel better about our chances of weeding out the bad sperm and finding that gem in there (or 10 of them). Not super excited about the IVF meds, giving myself daily shots, etc, but that is a small price to pay.

Trying to keep positive about it. I can only control how I react to my life, not what happens, right?

[Hobbermittens]

I am excited for you, Lola! I think it will be a fun trip and an exciting experience, with the bonus of a baby (or babies!!). Have fun saving that money!

[Princess of Pink]

I am so happy that you guys have a plan!! Maybe while you save and focus on your IVF honeymoon you may just make a baby!!!

[LolaInLove]

Thanks, POP. I hope we actually do get to go do it!!! I am currently worried that my fertility has taken that turn south all of the sudden. I can't imagine everything is ok with having brown spotting all month, the random severe cramps (which have only been twice, but I needed a big time painkiller), and I really don't think I'm ovulating right now. I have zero sign of ovulation, not a hint of line at all on the opk test line at all. I'm CD14 today and usually ovulate now. I think I am just too stressed right now with random life stuff, and this IVF thing isn't helping. I am so worried that my eggs will run out before we get to Prague in a year that I think I've made my eggs run out.

[skrimpy]

(((hugs))) Lola! I think your eggs are still good in there :) So much can affect our fertility, and you can have normal cycles even after some are anovulatory. Are you doing any supps that are known to alter cycles? Vitex or anything?

You're in the middle of so much right now, it's possible your body isn't sure what's going on. Are you eating well? Getting enough fat? Those things can stop your cycles, too.

I hope you get your normal cycles back soon.

[Princess of Pink]

:hugs: Big hugs Lola...I don't think you can "make" your eggs run out....but OMG I understand how you feel. I am starting to feel like me wanting a baby so bad and deciding to start TTC has also run my eggs out. Gotta love the irrational thoughts of a mad TTC woman!!

[LolaInLove]

(((hugs))) Lola! I think your eggs are still good in there :) So much can affect our fertility, and you can have normal cycles even after some are anovulatory. Are you doing any supps that are known to alter cycles? Vitex or anything?

You're in the middle of so much right now, it's possible your body isn't sure what's going on. Are you eating well? Getting enough fat? Those things can stop your cycles, too.

I hope you get your normal cycles back soon.

I'm taking a prenatal with DHA and fish oil, but just added in (about a week ago) a RJ/BP capsule and an antioxidant multi that DH and I are both taking. I am REALLY hoping you are right and it's just a lifestyle change thing. I am not eating as much fat as I used to, that is one thing. I have started working out a lot and eating way less carbs and fat to lose some of this swaying weight. I was afraid it was inhibiting my fertility having gained weight. I eat healthy fats, though, like avocados and cheese. Plus I take the fish oil, but I don't know if that helps. I do have an unopened bottle of Vitex that I could start at the appropriate time of month. I could also try DHEA again.....

Like I said, really hoping it's a temporary thing, but it does freak me out. Thanks for your reply, Skrimpy!

[LolaInLove]

:hugs: Big hugs Lola...I don't think you can "make" your eggs run out....but OMG I understand how you feel. I am starting to feel like me wanting a baby so bad and deciding to start TTC has also run my eggs out. Gotta love the irrational thoughts of a mad TTC woman!!

Well, because I'm 36 and of course, thanks to the wonderful folks who put out fertility information everywhere, feel like I am about to coast into menopause at any moment. I know that is not true, but it would be just my luck to FINALLY have a solid plan- we got the bad sperm diagnosis and are excited and all systems go with the overseas IVF and have just opened a new savings account for it, and WHAMMO, that is the stage cue for my eggs to run out.

[Princess of Pink]

Yeah I have to agree that is my luck too hon! I'm 34 and feel the exact same way about it. My body won't even ovulate now!

[LolaInLove]

Well, I got a positive opk just around noon today, so seems that I will actually ovulate (well, hopefully), but it was just later than usual. I have no cm at all, though, which leads me to think I have low estrogen from something, probably stress, this month. POP, why don't we make a pact to try to be chill and nonchalant about ttc for a while and see if it helps us? Maybe the stress of just ttc and temping and all is doing the same to you? But you did have ewcm this month, that is good.

[Hobbermittens]

Use some preseed, Lola! It will help!

[LolaInLove]

I did! I've been putting it up there by the cervix with the applicator like you are supposed to also.

[Princess of Pink]

Yay Lola!! Good luck! I had a temp rise this morning...not huge but a definite rise!! I don't think I O'ed yesterday though....I think I O'ed during the evening before as I had my typical stabbing pain I get when I O and yesterday by 10am my cervix was back super low and creamy CM....so maybe I did O. Got a 2 day cut off though lol

[LolaInLove]

Ugh, the 2ww is just pure torture when you have been ttc this long. Mostly because I'm not sure how to feel anymore....do I remain hopeful and waive that glass of wine and not go water skiing and whatnot or do I just go on acting like I did when I was unknowingly pregnant with my girls....just go on about life and not think about it. Every time I get a "symptom," my mind starts playing tricks on me. Like, oh, you smelled that dog shit from 20 feet away? Pregnant! Or, nipple is slightly tingling....pregnant!?!? This meal makes me want to barf a little and not because it's not delicious....pregnant?

On a good note, I did start taking my progesterone again and it has made my uterus feel much calmer, if that makes any sense. I slept like a dead bear the other day, too. Best sleep I've had in months. But still going to go in and see what the doc thinks about this brown spotting business from the last two months. My girlfriend told me some horror story over margaritas the other night, so now I'm a bit alarmed. I haven't had it for a while now, which is good.

[atomic sagebrush]

Hey, the tingly nips have always been a sure sign for me. I hope this is it for you Lola.

[LolaInLove]

Thanks, Atomic! I wish it would be! My nips tend to do that anyway in the 2ww so I doubt it....my biggest tell-tale symptom has always been feeling dizzy and faint, isn't that odd?

[auroara78]

Lola, big fingers crossed for you!! I still hope you can either concieve naturally or do IVF...I think it would be so awesome for you and your supportive man to have a baby together!

[Hobbermittens]

Try not to listen to horror stories! They just freak you out for probably no reason. I hope your dr. can shed some light on the spotting for you.

[LolaInLove]

Thanks, gals. I hope everything is ok also.....I just hope whatever is wrong, if there is something wrong, is temporary and fixable. I just have this overwhelming irritation that we can't get pregnant naturally lately. It's really hard when it's not you, either. I keep having this recurrent thought that I could just order some sperm from a donor that looks like my DH and have an insemination on my lunch hour on O day and call it a wrap. Isn't that horrible???? I am just dreading the IVF thing....paying for it (even if it's less than in the US), the shots and meds and all, and just the whole thing. I am getting a little chicken about it lately. I feel like it would all rest on that one cycle, like it then or nothing, since we obviously can't do lots of cycles. Heck, we'll need a year to save up for that one, and it's less than half the cost of the US.

[Hobbermittens]

How much is donor sperm and artificial insemination? Is your DH at all into that option these days? I know he had rejected the idea initially, but maybe he would be more receptive to it now. It wouldn't be his bio child, but it would be HIS child, and you could find a donor that looks like him. Didn't someone else suggest mixing your DH's sperm with donor sperm, and then you would never really know if it was his bio baby or not? It seems like that would be a nice option too. Cheaper than IVF, and no traveling!

[LolaInLove]

Honestly, Hobbs, I would love it if he would just say OK, let's do it. I worry that my eggs will go bad or my uterus become a crap environment before next July/August (which is when we would go to Prague) for one. The whole IUI/donor sperm shooting match would maybe be $2,000 at most, which would be way more affordable. The other thing is, with his sperm being 99% abnormal, I kinda don't even WANT his in there, kwim? I know, this is all super horrible crap I'm saying here, but I am so afraid of having more m/c because of bad sperm. And I don't even know for sure that it was the cause, but I just have this bad feeling that it was.

I know couples that use DS have to for many reasons, and this is definitely one of them. I know we should investigate IVF first, but I'm so afraid of there being no good sperm when we get there ready to go and having to use Czech donor sperm on the fly anyway. I mean, if you look up 1% morphology, the odds are BAD. And my DH has a low count to boot. This is how the urologist put it: if you have a count of 100 million but only 1% morphology, there are still like 1 million normal sperm present. If you only have 19million, there are a heck of a lot less and your odds of natural pregnancy go WAY down to like nothing. I guess we could try IUI with his sperm, but there will be so few, and they'd have to "wash" all the crappy ones out, but there would still be many that were abnormal that would probably make it through the wash.

I don't know, I would never say it to his face, but it's almost like I'm afraid for his sperm to get me pregnant whichever way we do it.

[Hobbermittens]

Well, can you really push the idea of donor sperm? Or is he really opposed? What are his reasons?

[TTC5]

You have a GREAT chance at IVF, after all, he has got you pregnant before remember ;) x x

[LolaInLove]

You have a GREAT chance at IVF, after all, he has got you pregnant before remember ;) x x True, but they were all m/c and most likely abnormal since after testing me for every possible thing that could cause a m/c, nothing was found. I'm just mad that we have to do ivf, I guess. I'm going through a little pissed off phase about it all I think.

The only one time I mentioned DS, he just said he didn't want to think about that option. I've told him that it may need to be an option if we want a child at all, and he said yea, ok, although he wasn't real excited about that. I think it's the same thing a lot of guys feel (and women who need donor eggs, for that matter), that it's just a step away from perfect. But lots of people, including myself, get to the point where they don't care because having a baby is more important, and after all, it's just a couple of microscopic cells that you are using. In my opinion, it's no different than adopting a baby, except that it's half genetically linked to you and your partner, and you get to experience pregnancy and birth....and it's a hell of lot more affordable than adoption.

We'll see....I need to just think about it for a while. I need to talk to R also....I keep feeling mad at him, and I know it's just my disappointment in his sperm, and not his fault, but I can't help it. Part of me thinks it IS his fault, that if he would have taken better care of himself throughout his life (we only met when he was 35), he'd have normal sperm. I think it's a phase....hopefully. But I do wish we could just do the easiest thing. Not that I'm being lazy, but I have SO much on my plate with a demanding job, being the breadwinner, raising my girls, and currently taking care of R still since he had surgery. Easy is the name of my game lately. IVF is certainly not readily attainable or easy at all. I would much rather have a simple IUI with some super sperm that will make a healthy baby and be done with it right now.

[zanacal]

Just {hugs} Lola x

[LolaInLove]

Thanks, Zan! I tend to rant a bit on here, don't I???? I will tell you all, no matter what gender child you are gestating, you are super blessed! There is nothing harder than infertility. It is just heartbreaking and kills your soul a little bit each day. I have no idea why this is what I have to deal with right now, but it is certainly the most trying thing I've ever done, even after I left my mean ex and was a single mom with 2 little kids. Seriously. Your emotions just go up and down and some days you feel like Thor of the Uterus, you will conquer it and get that baby come hell or high water. And then the very next day, you feel like wallowing in a corner and crying all day and have the most enormous pity party ever. And of course, like most of us infertiles, you constantly try to fix it or come up with a plan, even if it means spending every dime you have, which feels really quite irrational at times.

I say all of this to be the voice of soothing for those of you who feel bummed about having another boy or another girl, not so much for you to feel sorry for me. Walk in the shoes of an infertile couple for a day and you will look at your little one as if there has never been a more precious gift bestowed upon you.

It's funny how you can buy almost anything in the world with enough resources- you can buy a whole new body with modern medicine and plastic surgery, for pete's sake! But the one thing you cannot buy....literally, maybe the ONE thing, is a healthy, biological child. You can spend a fortune trying, but there is never a guarantee.

XXOO

[Princess of Pink]

{{{{BIG HUGS LOLA}}}} :hugs:

I was watching a show last night where a couple had a healthy baby...the guy only had 6 sperm in his whole balls!! Just 6....your DH surely must have more than just 6 healthy sperm!! I think you guys can do this!!!

[Butterfly Spirit]

{{{{BIG HUGS LOLA}}}} :hugs:

I was watching a show last night where a couple had a healthy baby...the guy only had 6 sperm in his whole balls!! Just 6....your DH surely must have more than just 6 healthy sperm!! I think you guys can do this!!!

Holy Moly MIRACLE! Cool show!!! :)

[auroara78]

Ahh Lola, I love having you on here and I love hearing your story, I just want the story to have a great happy ending :) I think maybe you should have another talk with R and let him know your concerns about time running out/donor sperm idea.

[LolaInLove]

{{{{BIG HUGS LOLA}}}} :hugs:

I was watching a show last night where a couple had a healthy baby...the guy only had 6 sperm in his whole balls!! Just 6....your DH surely must have more than just 6 healthy sperm!! I think you guys can do this!!!
WOW, those are some low odds there! It's so crazy how all of the stars have to be aligned just right for conception to occur- you'd think with 20-40 MILLION sperm in most guys, DWs would be getting pregnant every time they tried. But it's such a treacherous journey to your egg, no wonder so many don't make it. This guy must have had one super trooper in there!

[LolaInLove]

Ahh Lola, I love having you on here and I love hearing your story, I just want the story to have a great happy ending :) I think maybe you should have another talk with R and let him know your concerns about time running out/donor sperm idea.

Thank you, hun! I hope it has a happy ending someday too. I ended up talking to my mom last night, which just made me cry because she does not understand at all. She just tells me to be thankful for my wonderful husband and two girls, which I totally AM, but it still does not erase the pain of not being able to conceive again and give R a bio child (which I desperately want also, it's not just for him!). I think I need to express to him what exactly happens in IVF so he knows that I would really be the one who has to go through a crapton of meds and procedures and the like. He just has to make love to a cup. Once. I think that is why male factor is such a SOB- because I'm the one who has to do all the hard stuff for IVF even though I work perfectly fine. I know that is a snarky thing to say, but it's true. That's why I would LOVE to be able to just do IUI, but he doesn't have good enough numbers all around to do it. But yes, Aurora, you are right, I need to talk to him about it again. I don't think he knows how I feel sometimes, and he is so sensitive lately since he feels useless with the recovery from knee surgery.

[LolaInLove]

So, R had his first round of acupuncture today with an infertility specialist. I think I may go back also, but want to spend the money on him doing it (obviously!). His pensiveness was kind of funny- he said, "They're not going to stick those needles in my BALLS, are they?!?!" Poor guy, he's been through the ringer already!

[auroara78]

LOL poor R! I can imagine him being apprehensive!

About moms, I think they just say things to help calm us down, not realizing that we feel like they are just "shushing" us as grown children. Mom was so worried before I got pregnant this time about our money, etc, space, etc, what if we had another boy....she didn't want us to try out of fear of me getting hurt. I had to really talk to her about somethings are just worth the risks, even if it might hurt our heart, we gotta try some things just to get that richness in our life, and at least say "I didn't settle for no!"

Now she's thrilled about her upcoming grandbaby girl, but still of course worried for us. It used to drive me crazy, but I guess that just means she loves me and is *trying* to help, though it seems very counter productive and defeatening when we are having a conversation about it!

[skrimpy]

So, R had his first round of acupuncture today with an infertility specialist. I think I may go back also, but want to spend the money on him doing it (obviously!). His pensiveness was kind of funny- he said, "They're not going to stick those needles in my BALLS, are they?!?!" Poor guy, he's been through the ringer already!

LOL poor guy!! I think there really is something to the acupuncture. Firstly, it's clinically proven to help with IVF success rates. Secondly, I went from no signs of labor around 5pm to a baby in my arms around 12am - my chiropractor used some points in my ankles at my 5 o'clock appt when I told her I was so ready for the baby already!! I had just told my dad that morning that I didn't think I'd see a baby for a few days. When I called him at 1am he was shocked to hear he had a new granddaughter hehehe.

Anyways, I think it works so I hope your DH sees some results!!

[LolaInLove]

LOL poor R! I can imagine him being apprehensive!

About moms, I think they just say things to help calm us down, not realizing that we feel like they are just "shushing" us as grown children. Mom was so worried before I got pregnant this time about our money, etc, space, etc, what if we had another boy....she didn't want us to try out of fear of me getting hurt. I had to really talk to her about somethings are just worth the risks, even if it might hurt our heart, we gotta try some things just to get that richness in our life, and at least say "I didn't settle for no!"

Now she's thrilled about her upcoming grandbaby girl, but still of course worried for us. It used to drive me crazy, but I guess that just means she loves me and is *trying* to help, though it seems very counter productive and defeatening when we are having a conversation about it!

Ah, our mothers! Mine just doesn't like talking about non-happy things, and she got pregnant 3 times without trying, so she doesn't relate. She did not like the IVF idea either because of the twins possibility, saying it would be expensive to do IVF and then have to pay for 2 more kids. I got the same grief you did. She just keeps on with the "take care of the 2 kids you have now" crap. You are so right, though, about just doing what your heart tells you to do! Could you imagine if you didn't try for your little Lillian?

[LolaInLove]

LOL poor guy!! I think there really is something to the acupuncture. Firstly, it's clinically proven to help with IVF success rates. Secondly, I went from no signs of labor around 5pm to a baby in my arms around 12am - my chiropractor used some points in my ankles at my 5 o'clock appt when I told her I was so ready for the baby already!! I had just told my dad that morning that I didn't think I'd see a baby for a few days. When I called him at 1am he was shocked to hear he had a new granddaughter hehehe.

Anyways, I think it works so I hope your DH sees some results!!

I am happy to read this comment, Skrimpy! I think there is something to it also. I am thinking we won't see any results for a few months, but MAN, I would love to get pregnant in August and have a May baby! That's my ideal with my job. And good gosh, those needles did work fast for you! Must be that "uterine line" or whatever my massage therapist friend called it.

[LolaInLove]

Hey everyone, haven't been on here for a while. I wanted to get some updates and see photos of some of the new babies! Hope you ladies are doing well....seems like a lot of new members and lots of happy swayers lately!

My update is, well, pretty much the same. We are not trying anymore, and I don't think we are doing IVF. I don't even do opks or use preseed anymore, believe it or not. I just don't feel like it's in the cards for us to have a kid, and that's ok. We have my 2 girls and we are happy with that. So anyway, that's why I'm not around much anymore....I'm trying to erase it all from the brain. :cool:

But I did want to pop in and say hi and hope everyone is doing great!!!!

[atomic sagebrush]

:wave: Hi! Hope things are going well for you in every other way. :heart:

[nuthinbutpink]

Thank you for updating us. Maybe one day you'll be pleasantly surprised! I'm glad you checked in.

[ELP]

Missing you loads Lola xxxxxx

[Wishing4Princess]

Hi Lola! it's nice to hear from you ! enjoy life with your beautiful girls!!

[auroara78]

Lola, it's nice hearing from you and I hope you'll still pop in from time to time to say hi and catch up :heart:

[Myloves]

Lola! Nice to hear from you :awe: glad you're feeling better.

[Pearl327]

Lovely to hear from you Lola, I hope you are enjoying life with your DH and girls

[zanacal]

Lola! I've often wondered how you are! I'm glad to hear you sounding upbeat and that you, DH and the girls are happy :D

Take care xx

[Hobbermittens]

Hey Lola!
Thanks for checking in. You sound happy and at peace with the way things are going. I hope you are enjoying Nutcracker season!

[Butterfly Spirit]

:HH: Lola, it's so nice to hear from you again hon! You've ironically been on my mind the past couple weeks, so it's good to hear what you are up to these days. Maybe one day fate will give you your surprise baby when you least expect it! Take care dear lady! And always know you are welcome to come back here!

And I agree with the beautiful daughters comment, they absolutely are!

[begonia]

Lola, popped on tonight after quite awhile and you, of course, are one I wanted to catch up with ... happy to see an update. Love you tons, strange considering we've never even met, but 'tis true :) xoxoxoxoxo!

[LolaInLove]

Hey! Thanks everyone! I posted something fun in the BFP forum, somewhere I thought I would NEVER be posting. :fx:

[Hobbermittens]

Just saw the BFP post!!! I am so excited for you!! Yay!!!

[Princess of Pink]

Massive congrats hon xxxx

[LolaInLove]

You're next, POP!!!

[dloui128]

I posted in your other thread but wanted to say it again CONGRATULATIONS!

[ELP]

Oh Lola, I have goosebumps!!!!!! Massive, massive congratulations for you, so, so excited for you all xxxxxx

[love being a mummy]

Just been reading through this thread and I skipped to the end with wonderful BFP news :) Congratulations I'm so happy for you.
Did you conceive naturally ? I have been ttc for 16 months now.

[Satox3]

I am new here. But wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. I read the entire thread and it was so moving and I am so happy to see the update in your sig. Many well wishes for a healthy and happy pregnancy.

[LolaInLove]

Just been reading through this thread and I skipped to the end with wonderful BFP news :) Congratulations I'm so happy for you.
Did you conceive naturally ? I have been ttc for 16 months now.

Hey LBAM! Yes, we did conceive naturally. We weren't even trying! And I mean no opks, nothing. I am not even sure what day I ovulated, but apparently we hit the window somewhere there.

I used to shrug off the "when you quit trying, it will happen" advice, but the more I think about it, that is exactly what happened with us. We really got over it, and moved into a new space in life where we were 100% content with the 2 girls I have from previous marriage. Got a new job, bought a tiny little car for myself to drive for work (that a baby seat won't fit in at all), and here we are. And you know all of those crazy stories about people who go through infertility, ttc for years, do IVF and have their IVF babies, and THEN get naturally pregnant within months of that- it's the same thing. They just gave it up in their heads, and I mean TRULY gave it up. I know, easier said than done. I don't think you should not ttc, but maybe just try a few months of just dtd when the mood hits and see what happens. You never know....that's honestly the only advice I can offer from my position.....and sometimes, it's just a change of lifestyle, even the most subtle, that can make a difference. We started juicing and were moving on to a very healthy eating regimen, but also started drinking wine every night with dinner. WHO KNOWS! Just don't give it up, because if my poor DH has like 7 sperm who are worth a damn and I managed to get pregnant, I am sure you will find success sometime...even if it takes a lot longer than you thought. XO

[LolaInLove]

I am new here. But wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. I read the entire thread and it was so moving and I am so happy to see the update in your sig. Many well wishes for a healthy and happy pregnancy.

Hi there, and thank you! I have been on this site since it started, and it is an amazing place of camaraderie and advice, so you are in the right place! As you can tell, I was one of the few who had infertility issues after a while, but I never felt an outcast here. I had to take some breaks just for my own sanity- which included a break from all things TTC- but I always felt supported by the ladies here on these forums. I mostly wanted to post my story for personal cathartic reasons but also post something about hope and perspective.

Good luck to you in your journey here!

[ELP]

Lola, great to see you:) I hope you and little beanie are really well xxxxxx

[LolaInLove]

So, we will find out the gender by the end of the week hopefully! I had the MaterniT21 test done on March 28 so 7-10 days. A happy ending would definitely be a healthy baby!

[ELP]

Lola this is great news!!! I can't wait for you to be given the great news of a perfect little passenger and a sneak peak at who they might be:bigsmile: Completely excited here for you!!!!

[nuthinbutpink]

Lola, I am so excited that this new little person is coming to meet your family and be it boy or girl, I know that he/she is special and will be an exciting addition! Good luck and FX that all is healthy.

[Hobbermittens]

I am excited for you! Can't wait to hear. :)

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm so excited for you!!

[Butterfly Spirit]

Ooo Ooo I know what her baby is!!!!


It's A....




Beautiful....




Baby....




That is all.
I will let her tell you! ;)

[LolaInLove]

LOL Butterfly!!!!!

[XXdreaming]

Lolainlove I remember you, and how excited I am to see you expecting and it being a boy! Girl that's better then winning the lottery! To finally conceive and it be with your gd! So very happy for you!! Congrats :)

[LolaInLove]

Lolainlove I remember you, and how excited I am to see you expecting and it being a boy! Girl that's better then winning the lottery! To finally conceive and it be with your gd! So very happy for you!! Congrats :)

Yes, exactly! I just can't believe this happened, because I never have "lucky" things happen to me. But who knows, maybe it's not luck at all.

I will be keeping you and your bean in my thoughts!!! FX for this one! I know how hard multiple mc are. xxoo

[Hobbermittens]

Still so excited for you! :)

[michaela]

Not sure how I missed all of this but huge congrats to you Lola!!!! So happy for you!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[LolaInLove]

Thanks, Michaela! I have no idea how it happened, but we'll take it. I am suspecting there is something to us completely giving up, but who knows. I am thinking about you and hoping things are looking your way this year!!!

[Violet_]

Congrats on your little man! Just wanted to share that it took us 16 months to conceive DS3 and while some of that was due to PCOS and I lost some weight as per fertility specialists recommendation in the months leading up to conception, we had also completely shifted our focus from TTC and weren't even thinking about it when we did get pregnant.

[SweetLily]

Oh MY GOODNESS LOLA! SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!

I guess you are or were due anytime in the last month!
WOW!!!!