Now what?

[Zivic-Bubac]

So.....it's probably girl#3 for us :sad:

I feel confused, ashamed, sad, betrayed, exposed, vulnerable and most of all I feel and pray it can't be true.

Lots of lovely ladies here told me how great is to have 3 girls and I know I'll have somebody's dream family, but the thing is-I don't know NOBODY irl who thinks 3 girls are great. 3 or more girls - you get the treatment like you're cursed.

3 boys - now that's a blessing and moms are getting all kind of compliments and congratulations on their succesfull mission as mothers.

I feel like a lesser mom, worthless, like I failed. All the nasty comments I'll be getting. We tell everyone we don't know the gender yet, how pathetic is that?

My poor DH will be an easy target :sad: He still hopes baby might be a boy although he told me he would love another girl. He is a good man and a loving dad to our daughters.

The support I'm getting here means a lot to me, because i'll be getting none irl. Thank you all again!!!! :heart:

[wilma_five]

Well.......I don't know where you live but here multiple boys is NOT a blessing!
I get stupid comments also and people pitty me because I can't do mother-daughter stuff (like talking, shopping etc) Plus getting a grandchild from your own daughter is so different then getting a grandchild from your son. Around here is a blessing to have more then 1 daughter.

[Myloves]

Plus getting a grandchild from your own daughter is so different then getting a grandchild from your son. Around here is a blessing to have more then 1 daughter.

Agreed. I don't think it's the same at all either Wilma. Though I will the best MIL I can be to my future DIL, I know that it probably won't be the same as a bond with my own dd.

[Myloves]

Zivic, I'm so sorry you're hurting hun x
I know how you feel about people surrounding not wanting girls; most of my own family/friends prefer sons (which actually ticked me off more than it made me feel better about my GD, because I wanted all girls/or more girls than boys).
Please don't feel inferior, I love love love (3x the love for 3 girls :D) everything about little girls and I would have 10 of them if I could! I love my boys to pieces, but I'll stick with having two only thanks :). I feel like you're the lucky mum here.

I get shitty comments either way - before I had my daughter people would comment on when I was going to have a girl, and 'didn't you want a daughter? Why don't you have one?' As if I can choose the gender of my kids!:mad:
Or I would even more annoying comments from family, saying that I shouldn't have anymore in-case I ruined my perfect 'boy' family, even though they knew I wished for a girl.

with my girl, I am told 'she will be lonely', or 'lucky you only had one girl (from my stupid Inlaws who I don't talk to anymore)', or even 'she MUST have a sister or she'll be 'stuck' with brothers for life!'. That last one was from my cousin to which I said, 'sure, she'll be 'stuck' with the best brothers on earth!' That shut her up real quick.

Trust me, boy mama's get annoying comments too.

And btw, your DH is a lucky man! He'll have three girls who will adore him. Girls love their dads too!

[Zivic-Bubac]

Around here is a blessing to have more then 1 daughter.Netherlands, here I come!
I hope you get your :XX: ASAP!

[Zivic-Bubac]

Zivic, I'm so sorry you're hurting hun x

I get shitty comments either way - before I had my daughter people would comment on when I was going to have a girl, and 'didn't you want a daughter? Why don't you have one?' As if I can choose the gender of my kids!:mad:
Or I would even more annoying comments from family, saying that I shouldn't have anymore in-case I ruined my perfect 'boy' family, even though they knew I wished for a girl.

with my girl, I am told 'she will be lonely', or 'lucky you only had one girl (from my stupid Inlaws who I don't talk to anymore)', or even 'she MUST have a sister or she'll be 'stuck' with brothers for life!'. That last one was from my cousin to which I said, 'sure, she'll be 'stuck' with the best brothers on earth!' That shut her up real quick.

And btw, your DH is a lucky man! He'll have three girls who will adore him. Girls love their dads too!Thank you for kind words! :HH:

[Flava]

Z-Im sorry you feel sad I know how is that and I think I will join you again soon...That is so nice of your DH to say for sure he will love his baby girl. But really your pic is not showing a girl 100% it may be the cord . I hope you will get another u/s with a clear pic. And to think 3 boys is a blessing and 3 girls not that's just mean. maybe those ppl are jealous of you and your DH?
Others also make some comment to my DH sometimes .I don't know I think guys are so stupid thinking making a boy show you are a big man or something. But he got 1 friend with 2 boys and he is jealous of DH because he wanted a baby girl.
And you really don't know what is the baby yet for sure so don't feel that way.

[LolaInLove]

Z, I know it is hard to think about this right now. Just try to remember how much you wanted to get pg and how we were in the long-timers club together for so long! This little one is a blessing! And you know what, just like every mom here with 3+ of the same gender, you will have a lovely family and everything will be just fine. You can't worry about what other people think.....who gives a S&%T really what they think? Your DH is a champ and will be so proud no matter what, and you know it doesn't make you either of you less of a man or a woman to have 3 girls. You will love this little lady just as much as your other 2 gals, and I think it's important to just try to push yourself away from feeling badly about it the best you can. I know you are disappointed, but in my eyes, you are SO lucky to have a healthy little baby on the way, honey!!!! I hope you can come to terms and feel good about all of this. She will be awesome, if it even is still a she!

[fun family]

3 boys - now that's a blessing and moms are getting all kind of compliments and congratulations on their succesfull mission as mothers.

Totally not true. I got rude comments with three boys, and now that I have four boys, I get downright mean comments all the freakin' time. Ranging from, "poor you, you will never get to do mother-daugther stuff" to "sons will leave you, daughters are forever" to someone who actually said having so many boys was a punishment from God!

I think no matter whether its boys or girls, having a few in a row makes people judemental and rude. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[LolaInLove]

Fun family, that is just awful. I cannot imagine ever saying anything to anyone like that. In my opinion, children are who you raise them to be, with a good dose of their own personalities in there, of course. It is so not true that one gender stays and one leaves.....good grief. It depends on the family. I have friends IRL with 4 boys and they are awesome!!!! I think their kids are just precious and they have a darling family, just like everyone I know. Kids are such a blessing, I can't say that enough. I wish people would shut their mouths with the comments unless they are saying something nice like "your kids are so cute!"

[Zivic-Bubac]

Z-Im sorry you feel sad I know how is that and I think I will join you again soon...That is so nice of your DH to say for sure he will love his baby girl. But really your pic is not showing a girl 100% it may be the cord . I hope you will get another u/s with a clear pic. And to think 3 boys is a blessing and 3 girls not that's just mean. maybe those ppl are jealous of you and your DH?
Others also make some comment to my DH sometimes .I don't know I think guys are so stupid thinking making a boy show you are a big man or something. But he got 1 friend with 2 boys and he is jealous of DH because he wanted a baby girl.
And you really don't know what is the baby yet for sure so don't feel that way.

Flava you're 100% right - thinking that 3 boys are blessing and 3 girls are curse is not just mean, it's sick and not human. I found out that I don't have a problem or need to make comments about 3+ same gender families, it just bothers me that it will be MY family.
I'm probably ready for psychiatric evaluation...

I know few people are jealous for sure, but they don't have kids at all, just IVF failures. I would NEVER make comment about them not having kids or having fertility issues.

I think it's cultural thing and yes, like you said, making boys make them a big man :rolleyes: I also believe the more civilized society is, the less important is whether couple have girls or boys, but since here we're practically living in stone age, what to expect :rolleyes:

It's your turn for :xy:, I can feel it in my bones! :luck:

[Zivic-Bubac]

Z, I know it is hard to think about this right now. Just try to remember how much you wanted to get pg and how we were in the long-timers club together for so long! This little one is a blessing! And you know what, just like every mom here with 3+ of the same gender, you will have a lovely family and everything will be just fine. You can't worry about what other people think.....who gives a S&%T really what they think? Your DH is a champ and will be so proud no matter what, and you know it doesn't make you either of you less of a man or a woman to have 3 girls. You will love this little lady just as much as your other 2 gals, and I think it's important to just try to push yourself away from feeling badly about it the best you can. I know you are disappointed, but in my eyes, you are SO lucky to have a healthy little baby on the way, honey!!!! I hope you can come to terms and feel good about all of this. She will be awesome, if it even is still a she!
Thank you Lola! :HH: I know in my heart you're right. Yes, I wanted to get pg for ages and I realize what a blessing is a to have a healthy child.
My DH told me : You're practically winning to God - why you're giving me a healthy baby? That's called blasphemy.
He's right.
I'm sure I'll love this baby to bits the moment I see her, but I'll never feel comfortable with FACT of my family make-up. Also, I'm too freaking sensitive to comments, I'll never be immune to others people stupidity. Also I believe I'm pretty much culturally conditioned and the way my upbringing was. I'm trying to rise above it, but it's not easy.

[Zivic-Bubac]

I wish people would shut their mouths with the comments unless they are saying something nice like "your kids are so cute!"
Absolutely! But it won't happen in my life time lol!

[Zivic-Bubac]

Totally not true. I got rude comments with three boys, and now that I have four boys, I get downright mean comments all the freakin' time. Ranging from, "poor you, you will never get to do mother-daugther stuff" to "sons will leave you, daughters are forever" to someone who actually said having so many boys was a punishment from God!

I think no matter whether its boys or girls, having a few in a row makes people judemental and rude. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

There is a 'funny' saying here: It's better to have 2 girls then 3. I hear that ALL the time when I'm out with my girls.
Even my sister already told me: Oh s**t, it seems your husband and you are uncapable of producing boys?
My mom: Hang in there, it might still be a boy.
MIL: I lost every hope, I'm sure it's a girl.
My dad: Oh, they are finally getting a brother! I said, no probably a sister, and he just said: m-hm.

Wonderful support from your own family. I don't think they were deliberately trying to hurt me, they just don't know any better and never tried to rise above it.
I have to say again it means a world to me all support I'm getting here! Thank you!!!! :HH:

[begonia]

Oh ZB! Hun I feel you. I never thought twice about seeing other families with 3 girls, never bothered me a bit, but for it to be MY family?!!? I was devastated! It kind of surprised me to be honest, how much it bothered me, and embarrassed me, to have 3DD. Weird how that works.

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. FWIW it has gotten so much better for me since her arrival. I still get the comments, I mean honestly I had 6 nurses in the hospital say something about how disappointed we must be to have a third girl, literally while I was in L&D or recovery. But by that time I just didn't give a rip anymore. I flat out told one of them maybe the reason her DD was so dramatic (she was saying how sorry she was I'd have 3x the drama) was more of a lousy parenting issue, because I didn't see that in either of my DD's :bigsmile: I can honestly say that while I hate that the comments come, it doesn't impact me anymore the way it did when I was pregnant, and they don't influence how I see my family. These are MY girls. MY children. And if anyone thinks less of them or me for the fact that we're all a bunch of girls, then that's their own issue to deal with.

I understand you have a heap of cultural influence to deal with on top of just your own desire and that just sucks. But from everything you've shown here on these boards, you're a fantastic woman, and you're going to raise some amazing daughters. We'll see who gets the last word when your girls go on to achieve great things in their futures :)

[Zivic-Bubac]

I understand you have a heap of cultural influence to deal with on top of just your own desire and that just sucks. But from everything you've shown here on these boards, you're a fantastic woman, and you're going to raise some amazing daughters. We'll see who gets the last word when your girls go on to achieve great things in their futures :)Awww that is so sweet of you!!!! :awe: Thank you so very, very much!!!!
Your experience is encouraging, I hope I'll feel the same once she's actually here :happy:
Nurses here are also completely insensitive to others people feelings, they feel they have natural right to say the first thing they come up with :rolleyes: Also here they are on first name basis with their patients which bothers only the very few of us....

[purplepoet20]

My DH is 1/2 Norweign and 1/2 Italian. He was very happy to have a son first, Viking Pride. He joked about DS2 being a boy but he felt bad about not having a girl. He loves our neice and always has to get her the cutest funkyest outfit. He really wants a daddy's girl. But I fear the "boy" word because it would break his heart because he is already thinking about thinks he can do with a girl.


ZB and Flava - How about a trade? You two can have my DH boy thoughts, my MIL boy thoughts, and my own boy thoughts and I will take your girl thoughts.

[zanacal]

I'm sorry ZB, massive {hugs}

[Foxy]

I have 4 girls in a row and I have gotten SO many crappy comments over the years. Having this many girls is a curse here too. But you know what? Now that they are older I couldn't care less! They always know how to make me smile, they help me around the house, we go shopping, go out to eat and have so much fun. Seriously those people who make stupid comments like that don't know how awesome it is to have 3, 4 or more girls!

[Indira]

Big hugs from me too ZB, I´m sorry you´re feeling so sad and I completely understand.

[raspberry73]

I know how you feel, I felt the same way upon finding out we were having a third little boy. The feelings are very overwhelming. Telling people is awful. Hang in there, you will feel better over time, not all better, but better.

[mysixpack]

Ur not alone!! I have 5 girls and I heard all the comments that could be out there! I don't like it and I do get mad sometimes I try to ignore them and sometimes I say something back to them. I just don't understand how people can say things to another person without thinking first or be considerate. The worst to me was "why do u keep having more kids u will never get ur boy!!". Hopefully I'll prove them wrong on Thursday when I find out the gender of #6!! I already prepared myself to hear girl!! Good luck!

[Coccinelle33]

Im so sorry your going though this. It sad that any of us have to. I was sitting in my car thinking today after picking up my daughter a barbie toy thinking how I would have loved to have 3 girls and then a boy (I have boy, boy, girl, boy, boy). I would love to have my house filled with daughters. I love my boys with every last inch of my heart but if I could have I would have chose girls over boys. I know everyone has their own dream of what their perfect family would like like and it makes me feel better knowing there are people wishing they had what I have so hopefully it will make you feel just a little better knowing I would LOOOOVE to have what you have. Congrats!

[NYFamilyOfFiveRoses]

I have 3 girls and when I found out DD3 was a girl, I was depressed the entire pregnancy and depressed for a long while after she was born. I still feel sad at certain moments.

For me, my 3rd daughter was also my VBAC baby. After 2 cesareans, I wanted a vaginal birth as much as I long for a boy, and I pushed her out and she has been such a special little girl ever since she was born.

But very quick, I put my accomplishments to the side and I focucsed and dwelled on the fact that I did not have a son and I probably will never have one.

Did you try for #3 for a boy or did you try because you wanted to add to your family? With me I tried to add to the family, but then GD kicked in harder than with #1 and #2.

It gets easier once you get more used to it and know how to answer back comments.

I have a thread up on here on come backs.

Like some said even if you have a boy after 3 or 4 girls, you will still get "finally you got that boy". or "you kept trying until you got that boy". Believe me I much rather have those comments and have a son. But my point is people always have something dumb to say if that is the type of person they are.

Like yesterday my friend said to another Dad that has 3 girls also I will trade you for one of my boys for one of those adorable boys. This girl has 2 boys. Now I thought that comment was cute and of no hurt.

The Dad said "#3 was supposed to be a boy" but I said as long as they are healthy is what matters. So even the Dad has a come back. But the girl did not say anything mean.

So people who like that to begin with will make comments like that. Funny thing is one women who owns the daycare said to me "when are you going to have that boy". She herself has 2 sons and never had a daughter. So go figure!!!

Hope this helped some.

[Zivic-Bubac]

The feelings are very overwhelming. Telling people is awful. Hang in there, you will feel better over time, not all better, but better.Thank you rasberry, you're very realistic. I've decided not to tell people bcos I can't stand the comments. Even when I say it's PROBABLY a girl, I get all kind of awful comments.

I do hope I'll feel better over the time, but at this point, I think I could never feel completely OK. I also feel guilty bcos of those feelings.

[Zivic-Bubac]

The worst to me was "why do u keep having more kids u will never get ur boy!!"That's awful. I pray you hear It's a boy!!! on your next scan! :luck:

[Zivic-Bubac]

Thank you mommy*duke, you're so kind! It always cheers me up when someone here say they would love to have 3 girls :)

FamilyOfFiveRoses- thank you for sharing you story :HH: I'm too sensitive (or hormonal?) right now and I can't stand mean comments. I was crying last evening for a good hour with all kind of mixed feelings.
I always wanted 3 boys, that was my dream family. I'm getting the opposite, probably God wants to teach me a lesson. Maybe I'll try for #4, but it would be hard to get DH on board :worry:

[Zivic-Bubac]

Big hugs from me too ZB, I´m sorry you´re feeling so sad and I completely understand.

Thank you huni! :HH:

[Zivic-Bubac]

ZB and Flava - How about a trade? You two can have my DH, my MIL, and my own boy thoughts and I will take your girl thoughts.Done deal! :wink:

[Zivic-Bubac]

I'm sorry ZB, massive {hugs}

Thank you Zani-huni! Maybe it takes 4 to get what you want? Recently I've got the idea to try for a #4 during 2013/2014, I'm not completely sure yet tho.

[Zivic-Bubac]

I have 4 girls in a row and I have gotten SO many crappy comments over the years. Having this many girls is a curse here too. But you know what? Now that they are older I couldn't care less!Thank you Foxy! I do hope I'll find my piece once she's here for real.
It's good to hear that's possible :) :HH:

[fivebabies]

I am so sorry you're feeling this way. :( This is supposed to be such a fun and exciting time in your life. I hate that other people's comments can ruin it for us. People can be so insensitive.

I have 3 boys and get rude comments too, about how noisy my house must be.

I read through this whole thred but did I miss something? why is it that you think its a girl?

[Zivic-Bubac]

This is supposed to be such a fun and exciting time in your life. I hate that other people's comments can ruin it for us. People can be so insensitive.
You're right, I should be overwhelmed with joy and not worrying about others people comments. Buit I'm too sensitive and hormonal, and I rarely talk back (I probably should start) just feel bad for the rest of the day knowing that so many people (including my family) think DH and I failed :(

Yesterday I cried for an hour and I felt sorry for this bubba, I don't want her to feel not wanted or whatever.

The reason I believe it's a girl is that I had 2 scans, first at 12 weeks, really, really flat nub (although the whole pic is a bit streched) and on my 2nd scan tech told me it's a girl, I was 15 weeks or so pg. I was too confused to ask him to show me where he saw it, I just faked a smile and said Oh, great, struggling not to run away. I didn't get the potty shot, but he must have seen girl parts somewhere.
I have my u/s pics posted on Ultrasound Gender prediction board.

I have to tell you, when I see family with 3 or more boys, I feel nothing but jealous lol!

[fivebabies]

I'll go check out your u/s....But just FYI, I was told with baby #4 that it was 100% girl at 18 weeks. 4 weeks later had another and Nope, its a boy! So you never really know.

I hope you start to feel better soon. Try and enjoy your pregnancy...even though I know that's hard right now. (((hugs)))

[Zivic-Bubac]

Fivebabies you're so sweet, thank you!!!

[nuthinbutpink]

I've been there and it is hard. I know you can't see it right now but you will feel better. My 3 are so different. I have the jock, the pink girl and my special DD that is funny as they come. Having young kids is so hard to think forward to them being people and doing something productive with their lives. There is so much to look forward to for all of us.

Most people do not care what your family make up is. They really don't. They may say something stupid just to fill the air but they don't go home and think about you or pity you. They have their own lives to live so try to forget about what other people say or do.

Your girls will be a great unit and you have an awesome family. After DS my girls asked of we could have another sister! That's not happening of course but they are a tight unit and I'm sure yours will be too.

It gets better. Life is what you make it and there is so much good.

[LolaInLove]

SO well said, NBP. I hope you are doing ok, ZB!

[Mochagirl]

ZB - it very likely will be me posting here next week when I have my gender scan. I feel the same way about finding out I'm having my 4th boy - I already get so many comments and so much pity, I'm just dreading the kind of comments I'll get if I end up with FOUR boys. FWIW - I would LOVE 3 girls, but I know what matters is what YOU want. I still think you have a chance of hearing boy, and I'll be praying that you do...but if you don't, I know this will be one amazing little girl :HH:.

[begonia]

Thank you Zani-huni! Maybe it takes 4 to get what you want? Recently I've got the idea to try for a #4 during 2013/2014, I'm not completely sure yet tho.

Me too, meet you here in a year LOL :) Oddly I think I really do want a 4th child, not just for the boy thing... though I know I'd have GD again if I heard DD4. We are also considering adoption though, so who knows?!? But it does help GD I think in pregnancy to have the idea that you can try again.... so no harm in thinking about it ZB!

[TTC5]

I hear you on the pity too mocha, you should hear what people say to us about the idea of this being a 5th girl. Hubby and I are now very quick to put them in their place ;)

[Zivic-Bubac]

I still think you have a chance of hearing boy, and I'll be praying that you do...but if you don't, I know this will be one amazing little girl :HH:.
That is so sweet of you, thank you!
I'm praying you hear the right answer next week! :pray: :XX: :pray:

[Zivic-Bubac]

Me too, meet you here in a year LOL :) Oddly I think I really do want a 4th childThat would be so cool!!!!!
Adoption is not an option for us bcos sadly the procedure is too long and you can't choose the gender :worry:
My DH doesn't know about my brilliant idea yet, I'll spare him until this bubba is 6mo or so :p

[Zivic-Bubac]

I hope you are doing ok, ZB!
I think I'm doing much better! All things you've said here makes sense and sometimes I believe I'd be OK with my 3 princesses :)

[Zivic-Bubac]

I've been there and it is hard. I know you can't see it right now but you will feel better.

Most people do not care what your family make up is. They really don't. They may say something stupid just to fill the air but they don't go home and think about you or pity you. They have their own lives to live so try to forget about what other people say or do.

Your girls will be a great unit and you have an awesome family. After DS my girls asked of we could have another sister! That's not happening of course but they are a tight unit and I'm sure yours will be too.

It gets better. Life is what you make it and there is so much good.Thank you NBP, it makes sense. I do believe once she's here I'll feel much better.

My girls are thrilled they're having a sister, brother wasn't an option for them :worry: So at least my girls are totally happy which means a lot + DH says he would love another girl :HH:

[Zivic-Bubac]

I hear you on the pity too mocha, you should hear what people say to us about the idea of this being a 5th girl. Hubby and I are now very quick to put them in their place ;)

I can only imagine....I have to learn ASAP to talk back lol!