3 kids close together, would you do it?

[ThroughWithBlue]

Hi! I don't know where else to post this, hope this is the right spot... I have no friends in real life I would ask this question to, they'd definately judge the swaying aspect or think I'm crazy LOL

So, I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old, both are boys. 2 year old has a speech delay and 1 year old is very attached to me, he's like a third limb. If we got pregnant this year, that would make a 3 and 2 year old and a newborn. Having 2 back to back was NOT planned, I will swear to the day I die DH got me pregnant on purpose, having 2 so close was never my plan. I was planning on swaying when ODS was 1 so I am still pretty resentful over having to wait SO much longer than planned due to DH's "oops" while I was switching BC pills. Hence why I really really really want to sway now. I'm so sick of waiting and feeling that opportunity was taken from me.
BUT in my head I think, 3, 2 and a newborn, could I do that? DH doesn't help me with the kids or house, and is literally always gone either at work or training at the gym, so I know it'd be rough. But, then I think, ok if I wait and just get more resentful, that won't be good. And if I wait for what 1-2 more years (honestly don't think I could but if I did) then I would have a 4, 3 and newborn or 5, 4 and newborn. I would think that wouldn't be any easier.

thanks for reading this, I just really don't know what to do. Whether to wait or not. I really don't feel like waiting will do me any good, because as the boys get older things just get even harder with them, but I haven't ever had a 3 and 2 year old or a 4 and 3. Looking for advice from someone who has BTDT who may/may not have done things different.

Also, we are only mid twenties. We don't HAVE to rush things due to age but I'm busting at the seams to at least try for a DD.

[applesoup]

My boys are 2, 4, & 6...and we have a little girl due in June.

Three thoughts:

1. Kids become "easier" when they're able to do more things for themselves. Potty trained, getting dressed, training them to help around the house...so plan accordingly.

2. What if baby #3 is a boy? I know that hearing boy #3 was really hard for me to swallow--and it may make you feel more "trapped" if you have 3 so close together & no hope of having a 4th...or any more to try for a girl.

3. I'm regretting the every 2 year pattern due to school issues. It seems like I'm going to have the horrible schedule of 1/2 day Kindergarten + kid in preschool for the long distance future.

If I were doing it over again, I would've postponed number 3 a little longer...to 3 years & then had the last 2 together. But, if you're only having 3 kids, then having them closer together is the way to go...in my opinion.

Hope this helps. :)

[sjbroadley]

Personally I'd go for it of its what you want! I mean either way it's going to be challenge whatever the children's age, each age group comes with its own set of worries and difficulties,
I'm expecting my third now(unplanned) although hoping for a girl, and I'll have a 2 year 6 months old an 11 month old and newborn!


Tap-atalking on my IPhone!

[ThroughWithBlue]

Thanks for the opinions. Right, when they are potty trained it will be much easier. I'm just so ready for them to bathe themselves lol. I know that's SO far down the road but gosh I absolutely loathe bathtimes.

DH has said before I have 2 tries for a girl, and I hold him to that. As long as he gets to basically live at the gym he won't care lol I deal with it all kid-wise anyway.

If my 1st sway failed and I had a boy, I'd have to wait at least 3 years probably til DH would be willing to give in to that 4th. Whether #3 was born right this second or 5 years from now, I know it'd take at least 3 years to get him ready again lol. Guess I may go ahead, I'm just scared of 3, 3 years and under lol

[nini]

My first son is from a previous relationship, so I wont count him into the sibling constellation as such as he is 8 yrs older than my 2nd son. My ds2 and dd are 16 months apart and this baby if all goes well will be 21 months apart from my dd. I absolutely LOVE it. I have no family nearby, and initially I was worried I wouldnt cope. I got myself an au pair shortly before dd was born only to tell her to leave 2 months later as I simply didnt want to be disturbed by other people as I LOVED being with my babies so much. I do get help cleaning though. I have a cleaner that comes in once a week or now every 2nd week, which is great. I really dont think it matters that much whether you change 2 nappies or 1, my son was potty trained when he was just over 2years, but becasue winter was extremely cold I did put him into a nappy when going outdoors, he is now fully potty trained, but I really didnt mind having 2 kids in nappies. I just had them both sleeping in my room, which I LOVED as well :) Its a bit chaotic around the house, but I think my house wouldnt be super neat if they were 3 yrs apart either.... I think it will be lovely when they are older, we can really do stuff together, whereas my friends that have a3-5 yr age gap between their kids always have to take them to differnet activities etc.

[HappyLea]

Hi i have 3 boys one is DS1 5 DS2 nearly 4 (18months gap) and DS3 nearly 2 (2 year gap) and now expecting baby #4 (2.5 year gap)

I think if you have a routine then you can do it. Dont get me wrong at times it is hard work and i just want to lock myself in a room on my own sometimes, but who doesnt?? No matter what age gap or how many kids you have??

All my kids go to bed by 7pm and sleep through and that time is me time and i can chill.

I really think it is how you bring them up as my sister has 3 kids now 8, 6 and nearly 4 and she let them run riot and they have never had a routine from day one and they run rings around her, paddy all the time trash their bedroom and only go to bed when they want like 11pm - 12pm and she finds it hard to cope.

If you think you are ready then go for it, its so nice to see them all playing together. Good Luck with your decision x

[ThroughWithBlue]

nini, I have no family nearby too, and no real babysitter either. I probably only get a babysitter once a year as I don't find anybody I truly trust.
HappyLea I totally love what you said, in it's how you raise them. I keep a pretty tight schedule as is, i just dont want my other 2 to feel unloved if I have another baby but I guess I'll feel that way 10 years from now too lol.

[Waiting4Daisy]

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[nuthinbutpink]

I would not. There's just no way to enjoy number 3 with a 3 and 2 year old. I do think 4 and 3+ would be substantially easier. I think 3 is a good age where you can begin to rationalize with them and they understand what waiting a minute means while you tend to baby.

I think our babies need time to be babies and feel like they are the center of our world for a bit before they must adjust. I think spacing just a bit reduces some of the competition between siblings though not all.

What I have learned with my 4 is that a lot of it depends on the temperament and personality of the new baby. My number 3 was easy. Not a big adjustment. Number 4 has been a doozie and very difficult. Without my DH's help I would have been on Meds or lost my mind. No support is hard no matter what the ages but having 3 babies would be hard no matter what.

You're very young and you do have lots of time.

[pebmcpd7]

One more makes no differene, mine are ages 11, 10, 9, 5, 4 and 2 next month. There is 14mths between my first two and 15mths between 2 and 3. there is 13mths between the 5 and 4 yr old.

[ThroughWithBlue]

I think our babies need time to be babies and feel like they are the center of our world for a bit before they must adjust.

I completely agree, this is totally why I was so very upset when I found out I was pregnant with #2 only 5 months after #1 was born, I think my relationship with #1 would be SO much tighter if #2 would have been born 1 year, at least, later.

Waiting4Daisy: I feel like a hot mess 90% of the time too LOL When visiting the states a while back my MIL told me she would get a hysterectomy if she were me lol, it's really not that hard though I like the chaos of the kids, it's just hard adding in house, food, husband, laundry lol

[auroara78]

There are 3 and a half years between DS1 and DS2.

It was an adjustment. DS1 was potty trained and independent, so that part was nice, but the looks in his eyes, very, very hurt that he was no longer the center of things, that stung. Sometimes I wish I had DS2 sooner only because DS1 wouldn't have been so "aware" that he was no longer the only baby. So, we are having our 3rd in September and DS2 will only be 17 months old when this new baby is born. Maybe that is crazy, but like you, I was dying for a chance to sway at having a dear daughter.

Before we got pregnant with DS2, I was going to buy Shettles book and try his timing method to concieve a DD. I always knew I wanted at least one daughter (I had imagined 3 before when I was young), but DS1 was an opps and DS2 was an opps, and what made me angry at the time was that I had begged and begged my DH to let me try for a 2nd but because of cirumstances at that time, he thought having another child was a bad idea. Then, we have an opps, and I had a sinking feeling from the beginning that baby 2 would be another boy. So, with that mind, pretty much ever since I've had DS2 (he turns 1 in April), I've been dreaming and hoping of having my daughter.

Sorry for the long essay, but I totally understand how you feel about needing to try now, though maybe you'll want to wait. I've been thinking about how I rushed my sway lately in my all-consuming desire to have a daughter and wonder if I didn't just screw everything up.

Take a deep breath and IF you do decide to sway sooner rather than later, make sure your sway tactic is 150% locked down, or you'll be having regrets or doubts once you're pregnant.

[Waiting4Daisy]

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[auroara78]

oh Watiing 4 Daisy, that is so beautiful :) I am really, really trying to stay positive that *whoever* is in my belly is meant to join our family, but it's so hard sometimes to keep perspective when I have so much gender desire. My boys are awesome and I know if baby 3 is a boy too, he will be meant for us

I hope you get your DD when you sway again!

[Just1wish]

I would go for it if I were you.I have 4 boys under 6 years old.don't get me wrong it is testing (at times) but what isn't in life.I love the bond my boys have and they are so caring and loving towards eachother and I think that comes from being so close in age.they are as thick as thieves lol.there's never a dull moment in our house :) good luck whatever you decide !

[Zivic-Bubac]

I think it could be overwhelming? Like others said, it might prevent you to fully enjoy your newborn.
Idk, I don't have that experiences myself, my girls are 4 years apart and this baby will be 5 years apart from DD2.

Since this one is probably a girl :tissue: I recently came up with the idea to try for a 4th. Eventhou I'm 39 ( so much older then you), I'm going to wait until this baby turns 1 year, so I'll be 41 when (if) I TTC again.

The only thing that might go in favor to start right now, is that you're probably exhausted on daily basis which sways pink, so maybe to use this advantage now?

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck! :HH:

[purplepoet20]

My boys are 23mths apart but I have noticed some things.... DS2 is so dependent on his brother that he doesn't do anything when alone. We are working with him but I am hoping that when DS1 goes to school and I am alone with 2 kids that DS2 will strat to be a leader to #3.

I really wanted only 2 kids and for them to be 3-4 years apart. mostly so I can take the time with each one.

[Indira]

I would not. There's just no way to enjoy number 3 with a 3 and 2 year old. I do think 4 and 3+ would be substantially easier. I think 3 is a good age where you can begin to rationalize with them and they understand what waiting a minute means while you tend to baby.

I think our babies need time to be babies and feel like they are the center of our world for a bit before they must adjust. I think spacing just a bit reduces some of the competition between siblings though not all.


I totally agree with NBP.
If I were young like you, I would wait 3-4 years and then have nr.3 and nr. 4.

[begonia]

I love, love, love my gaps. DD1 was 3.5 years when DD2 was born, and DD2 is almost 3 (in 6 weeks), and DD3 is a newborn. DD1 is in kindergarten, DD2 goes to preschool 3 days a week, so I have time where it is just me and the babe, which is just lovely. Neither of my girls had any issues with bringing in a new baby, because they were done being babies. They didn't want me to carry them around or feed them anymore. They were in a different stage, and rather than feel they are competing with the baby they want to do things for me/her. It's kind of awesome :)

ITA with NBP and several others that it is nice to let your babies have their time as babies w/o another one around, but I also know short gaps have their advantages too. It's very much a to-each-her-own type of thing. I would never try to tell someone else how to space because everyone has their own reasons, KWIM? Only you know what you can handle!

I was glad to see you post this though because we've been wondering the same thing re: gaps; if we have a 4th, we've thought about having a 2 year gap instead of the 3 we're accustomed to having... I'm getting old, LOL. So I am interested in seeing the replies here :)

[Cinss]

If it was me i would wait, the longer the better. Raise your sons, enjoy every moment with them, then when you feel like they are no longer a challenge, try for the girl.

[ThroughWithBlue]

Thanks everyone for your responses! It's so nice to hear other people's point of view on such an important deciscion! Cinss, it probably would be best to wait til they aren't quite so challenging. Newborns are so hard, DS2 had colic and was a preemie, any baby I have from now on will be taken at 35 weeks at the latest so I know another preemie would be very stressful again.
Maybe some day, I can talk to DH (probably get him drunk first lol) and ask him about having 2 more back to back a few years down the road.. Id love to secure a #4 but he's quite contented with his 2 sons, but he knows how desperately I want a DD and is willing to try 2x more for me. Yet he says all the time he only has one more in him.
I guess in my head and heart and I know that I shouldn't have a third right now, but my greed makes me want to try right NOW. I'm so tired of having to wait. I had everything planned out to sway before DS1 was even born but everything happens for a reason. Maybe I'll hold off for now, I just know it's not a good idea or I wouldn't be questioning it, I'm just being greedy. I just hope I don't end up pregnant before the attempt, that's another reason I want to have one planned try then another surprise cuz I just snack way too much to ever have a DD naturally lol. A few of you mentioned not rushing the sway planning and yeah, I have been like AH I don't even know what I'm going to do! And where we are has absolutely nothing on the list pretty much. We're moving at the end of the year anyway. I obsess over things so I haven't started my new plan yet, I have to be completely able to obsess away and with these 2 boys fighting and getting into everything I can't zone in.
Anyway thanks again everyone, it's so hard to wait for something you want so bad. Maybe we will move back to the states and have a chance to adpot a girl. Or maybe we will win the lottery and can go HT hahaha

[NewYorkmom]

My kids are 5, 3, 1, and the baby will be born in December. They are all two years apart. I have always had them potty trained before I brought home the new baby. That won't happen this time around because my son will only be 20 months old. My house is never really clean but I love seeing them play and teach one another. I don't have much help. My husband works 7am-to 7Pm and travels for weeks at a time to other countries. My parents will help if I have a doctors appointment or emergency but they are old grandparents.

[ThroughWithBlue]

My kids are 5, 3, 1, and the baby will be born in December. They are all two years apart. I have always had them potty trained before I brought home the new baby. That won't happen this time around because my son will only be 20 months old. My house is never really clean but I love seeing them play and teach one another. I don't have much help. My husband works 7am-to 7Pm and travels for weeks at a time to other countries. My parents will help if I have a doctors appointment or emergency but they are old grandparents.

NewYorkMom I feel for you! My DH works from 3am to 3pm, leaves for the gym from 5-9 (he fights prof here so he trains alot) so I'm alone all day also. Also is military so he deploys for 7mo every other year, plus we live in Japan so I have nobody nearby to help. I totally understand how you feel. It's nice to hear you can do it alone.

[xeyecandiixx]

My DS is now 3 and I'm 20 weeks pregnant so i guess it's okay but knowing how hard headed my son is now, I'll probably have a hard time since my DH works during the day time. :-s

[n710]

I technically have 4 kids 4 and under right now. For me it has been the right decision, but my husband helps a lot so if he didn't I think I would feel a bit crazier.
DS is almost 5, DD1 is 3 1/2 and DD2 is 1 1/2 and DD3 is 2 months.
They all range 16 months apart to 21 months apart. The oldest def. fight sometimes, but they are also so close and can do many activities together.
I think they will continue to be close as they get older too. They will be in school together, etc. Yes, they def. get less of my attention, but they also gain the relationship with one another. They do say your sibling is the longest relationship you will have.
I will say #3 and #4 was easier because #1 and #2 had each other to play with so I was able to spend more time with #3 and #4 as infants than I was with #2 when she was an infant.

GL-go with your gut. I am a twin so I think that helped us decide to do closer. I grew up with sister and really enjoyed having someone to go through things with.

[Wishing4Princess]

TWTB, you and I are in the same situation! I have a 3.5 yr old and a 2 yr old (Bday May 12). Dh keeps on putting off having babies every month, since the past 4 months that I was on the diet. I finally decided we are going to try and thats that. my boys are 1.5 yrs apart and DH says they have each other to play so there's no need for a 3rd so early. dont' get me wrong, DH is crazier about having more kids. he wants like 5, but since he's been sooo involved w/ them since day 1 that he feels like he will be tied down again. He's started a business and has trips etc. and I work full-time too. during the day I take kids to my mom's . He thinks it will be so hard for me to be pregnant and take care of my very active boys, so he says we should wait. I have always been a spoiled brat so he doesn't think i would b able to handle a 3rd while he's away etc. I promised I will take care of them by myself and that I wouldn't complain when time comes lol..


I still think I made the right decision about having them so close in age, have no regrets about that and I wish that I had them even closer . my opinion is either have a 1-2 yr gap between kids. it's a bit tough at first, but it'll be much more fun in the long run. my boys share a room, toys and do the same activities.

oh, the other thing Dh is worried about is what pple will say when he have a 3rd so soon. he's worried about ppples comments?! I personally, could care less about what pple think.

hope everything goes well for you! good luck

[Luvcole]

Hi Ladies!! Im reading this thread and Im in the same boat as you all:) My DS#1 is 5 now and DS#2 will be 2 in August..we are hoping to attempt our first sway in June..so that would put my DS#1 at 6 andDS#2 at almost 3 when we bring a new baby home.. my oldest was 3.5 yrs when we had DS2 and he seemed to do really well with him...he helped take care of him and liked to hold and kiss him:) I was actually worried about having a baby when DS2 isnt at the 3yr mark..do any of you have any thoughts on this? Im hoping that DS2 will be mostly if not completely potty trained by then, since my DS1 was done by the time his brother arrived..DH and I dont like to think about the expense of buying 2 sets of diapers:)

[girlmom]

my first 3 are all 21 months apart. then i waited 5 years. got remarried. now i have a 2 year old, my baby girl will be 1 next week and im due anyday now with our baby boy. dilated to 5cm and 100% so even though he needs to cook longer i probably will go soon. the gap is good. i love my 12 year old, she is such a huge help sometimes. but alot of times i feel like there isn't enough mom to go around. it really helped alot once the older 3 girls started school full time.

[BoyDreaming]

I have four daughters close together. I wouldn't change a thing!

[ThroughWithBlue]

I will say #3 and #4 was easier because #1 and #2 had each other to play with so I was able to spend more time with #3 and #4 as infants than I was with #2 when she was an infant.

GL-go with your gut. I am a twin so I think that helped us decide to do closer. I grew up with sister and really enjoyed having someone to go through things with.

Love what you said about #1 and 2 being so close to each other you had more time with #3 as an infant. I hardly remember DS2 being a baby I was so busy. I was robbed of the precious baby time with him.


oh, the other thing Dh is worried about is what pple will say when he have a 3rd so soon. he's worried about ppples comments?! I personally, could care less about what pple think.

hope everything goes well for you! good luck

Wishing4Princess I wouldn't care what people say, people will always have some dumba** comment to say about something. If it wasn't your kids it'd be something else. I get comments ALL the time about my 2 boys now and can only imagine what I will get when I'm pregnant with a 2 and 1 or 3 and 2 yaer old.

[jogami]

I will have 3 by December! DS will be 2 by the time the twins arrive and I'm petrified. It will be hard for sure but I'm excited knowing that in a few years I'll look back and be glad I had them so close. Good luck!

[fish2012]

Through with blue this is my story!
I have DS1 (2 and half) and DS2 13 months i planned to sway second time but it just happened we are ttc pink now so if we're lucky I'll have a newborn, a 23 month old and a 3 year old. 16 months between my boys 14 months between yours I guess?
I'm going for it now I only would have picked two children (two girls incidently - not that i'd sawp now!) as there is a small gap between my two I don't want a big gap and hopefully a girl on her own and I want to get teh nappy days over with! this is just how i feel not everyone's cuppa tea i have no idea how I willl cope but i thought that before having DS2

good luck do what feels right to you, or wait for me to do it and tell you how bad it is ;-0 xx

[CherryBlossom]

I always wanted my babes close together. My Aunty I'd and I look up to her a lot.
My first son was 21 months when I had ds2. I love their age gap.
Nt too big not too small just right. They really are best friends.
Although like some have said my ds2 follows his big bro around like a bad smell. He's 22 months now and starting to gain some independence since i put ds1 in daycare one day a week. But hes still clingy and a total different child to my ds1 who was independent from the get go. Oh and my ds1 also has a speech delay !!

I wanted number three to be closer. But we bought a house last year so still getting renovations done, getting financially stable again, wanting/needing my partner to change work!!! As well as work on our relationship more, wait till ds2 is a little bit more dependent, and potty trained!!! I also have a few medical things I wanted to sort out. Plus researching swaying and wante to be a bit older in hope number 3 will be our girl !!! ( a lot I know, but it's vital for me to be stress free!!!)

I honestly thigs it's up to family. Each lifestyle is different. For me my partner is a miner. He leaves or work at 5 and gets home at 7! He also works shift work those same hours. So thigs get strained. I live away from family an most friends. My two are keeping me on my feet and I feel if we start ttc too early and my eldest is not in school I'm not sure I could cope with three kids at home as mean as that sounds.
In saying that I don't want to wait too long either! There's 7 years between my partner an his sister (dp is younger than me btw lol). She's now 15 and hes 22 and yes they were close when younger but since he was the age of 16/17 they really have not gotten along. She being 15 and we know how teenage girls are he has no time for her. Not something I would like.

We are hoping to start ttc next year ds1 will be 4.5 and ds2 will almost be 3.
Therefore ds1 in kindy 3 full days a week.
If I do get pregnant ( fingers crossed) ds1 will be 5 and in school when babies here and ds2 will be 3.5 and in daycare 1 day a week.
When bubs is 6 moths ds2 will be in kindy 3 days a week.
But we shall see

[Shakti]

We're getting ready to conceive our first and going for 2, maybe 3. Our rule on spacing is far enough apart where they're not as competitive with each other, but close enough where they can relate to each other, which will probably mean 3-5 years apart.

My husband is 4 years younger than his brother, which he said was perfect, his cousin also said that his parents intentionally spaced 4 years between him and his brothers so they could give more attention to each one, and that he really appreciates this. On the other hand, my youngest niece is 1 1/2 years older than my nephew, he's a child prodigy in many ways, and they fight a lot, which I think will go down as they get older. Although they both get along beautifully with their twin sisters, who are 6 years older than my niece.

[mummypink]

I think it is a personal decision and everyone's situation is different, in my case there is 17/18 months between my two boys which was on purpose. Dh wanted a third but I decided it was just going to be too much, I was worried about a big age gap for number three but I'm really glad we waited.
Now my eldest will be over 5 and my current youngest will be nearly 4 when the baby arrives, I know it is going to be so much easier this time. Little things like being able to ask them to get their own coats and shoes on when going out, they can open the car doors and sit in their seats and wait for me to fasten them in. They are both toilet trained so I don't have 2 or more nappies to change before trying to leave the house. They play well together and keep themselves well entertained as a result, neither of them need a pushchair anymore, loads of stuff like this that makes me feel so relieved!
The other thing is they are really looking forward to the baby arriving already, which is really lovely.
I don't have any family nearby or anyone to babysit either so I knew I needed a gap to save my sanity, personally I don't think I would have coped very well having 3 really close together. I know lots of people do though and absolutely love it! You have to do what is right for you and your family. xx

[Inky]

we had two close together. no problem. when we had our third close together, that's when it went to suddenly feeling like i had several dozen kids instead. I wouldn't, in retrospect, have 3 so close together again. Still, we want 1 more, so can't be that bad, but it took 4 years for us to want to try again.

[helpmeonthis1]

i will say go with what your hear tells ya. most of the time is thru that first respond that we have the answer.

[LacePrincess]

My first two are 21 months apart....and they were HARD - two in dipes, not self sufficient, etc etc. We delayed having #3 because there was just NO WAY I wanted to add to that workload.

#3 is almost 3 years younger than DS2, and omg, what a difference. I loved having DS2 well potty trained, and it's perfect spacing because DS2 was far out of babyhood so there was no jealousy, no two-in-diapers. And DS1 was much older and able to help with simple chores. I was able to really enjoy DS3's infancy, which I didn't have time or energy for with DS2, and as a result I believe my relationship with DS3 will be closer than with the older two. Plus, DS1 was almost 7 when DS3 was born, and able to help with bringing me diapers, cleaning up after himself, etc.

So IMO, I LOVE the 3 year spacing much much better than 2 years or less. You really get to enjoy the new baby that way. Plus, now that the older two are off to school all day, I have just DS3 all day to myself and it's like having an only child......great for running errands, etc, and sometimes I even get ME time when DS3 naps! Wh00t!

[mamabear]

We have 4 close together, 16 months between DS1 and DS2 and 2years between DS2 and twin DS3&4. I was worried about DS2 when the twins were born as he was very much a mummy's boy but he was absolutely fine. They all get along really well most of the time (they're now 5.5, 4 and almost 2) and I wouldn't change it for the world. I found it far easy going from 2 to 4 that 1 to 2 :)