Dr says my 2yr has aspergers

[Twins6boysinall]

Oops 3 year old. My 3 year old doesn't have the same doctor my now 23 year old had. And was unaware my oldest has it too. I was shocked when he said aspergers. My sweet Andy is so lovable so different than my oldest. Not that my oldest isn't a good kid he is. But I just really didn't suspect it.

I can't help but feel sad. I know they can grow up to be just like everyone else. Or better after all bill gates has it. But I can't help but feel sad that he will need so much specail schooling. And what about friends? My oldest didn't have friends till he was in the seventh grade. I don't want that for him.

One thing I did notice about him as a baby and now is when I would go to get him out of his crib or ask him if he wanted me to carry him he never put his arms up. Sounds like a little thing unimportant but now I'm thinking it was a sign. He didn't realize your supposed to put them up. I'm not sure if it's the aspergers or not but he is really good on a computer and the iPad. Better than a lot of adults. He can get on the computer and log into games he likes to play. And on the iPad go from one game to the next he knows which games he likes and knows how to get them to play. Maybe he will be lucky and just be really smart.


I guess as a mom you want everyone to love your child as much as you do and want them to have a picture perfect life. Now he has work ahead of him just to be average.

[TTC5]

xxx

[Ribbons]

(hugs) 6boys... my oldest has aspergers too. It is very hard, especially in junior high/high school which I am sure you know. I love everything about DS1 and I wouldn't change him for the world, he is such an honest, affectionate guy and I think he will grow up to be a wonderful man. Sure, it is hard, but he's doing well in school and even has a girlfriend this year! Just hang in there, it sounds like he is off to a great start. And like you say, maybe he will grow up to be the next Bill Gates!

I always like to look at the list of famous people with Aspergers when I start to feel down about DS1's future: Newton, Darwin, Einstein, Alfred Hitchcock, Jim Henson (of The Muppets fame), Thomas Jefferson, Mark Twain, Woody Allen, Henry Ford, Michaelangelo, Beethoven, Mozart, Hans Christian Andersen - you can see from this list that there is a wide range of possibilities for his future from technology, innovation, politics, science, the arts! There are a lot of challenges of Aspergers, but a lot of greatness can come out of it as well! :HH:

[Yuzu]

I'm sorry you had to hear such disturbing news but I would strongly urge you to get another diagnosis (and maybe another when he is four). My ds2 is severely autistic (non-verbal) and over the years I've gathered a lot of info about Asperger's and autism. It's being HIGHLY over-diagnosed. HIGHLY. It's gotten to be like ADHD is; every kid is being diagnosed with it. That's why I say be hopeful; you may just have a quirky kid.

If it does turn out that the diagnosis is correct, it's not the end world. He will have to work harder to overcome some social deficiencies, but he may be as smart (or smarter) than anybody! Aspies live pretty normal lives.

Have hope sweetheart! Ask me any questions you need!

[Twins6boysinall]

Wow I didn't know there were so many famous people with it. Thank you. I do feel a bit better.
And you are right my oldest is so honest and he's very against smoking and drinking. They are very firm in there beliefs. What ever it is they tend to stick to it.

[Myloves]

Twin6, we all want the best for our kids as mothers, and I'm sure you're doing the best you can for your little Andy. :hugs: He doesn't have to be exactly like his older brother; perhaps he will make good friends with children at his special school? He sounds like a sweet kid even if it will be hard.

[Myloves]

Wow I didn't know there were so many famous people with it. Thank you. I do feel a bit better.
And you are right my oldest is so honest and he's very against smoking and drinking. They are very firm in there beliefs. What ever it is they tend to stick to it.

Sounds like you did a good job with your oldest. :)

[Twins6boysinall]

My dh and I try hard not to favor any of the boys or to say things that make one sound better than the others but we both said Andy was the quietest sweetest baby we ever had. He does have odd behaviors but he is so sweet and love able you kind of just laugh if off. I guess the biggest thing for the doctor is he doesn't talk a hole lot. He talks to me and dh and his brothers but only when he wants to. He doesn't talk to people he doesn't know at all. But I always thought that was a good thing. Lol.

[Twins6boysinall]

One cool thing for him is he has 5 brothers who love him. So even if he has a hard time making friends he has them. And there friends. One rule I have is your friends have to be nice to your brothers or they aren't allowed at our house.

[Ribbons]

DS2 didn't talk AT ALL until just a few months ago... at almost 2.5 years. I was getting really worried, but he didn't show any other signs like DS1 did, so I was pretty certain that he was fine. I had him evaluated last September and we put him through 6 months of speech therapy. Just had a follow-up eval done in March and he's pretty much caught up now, no more speech needed! So, you never know, maybe Andy will progress rapidly with just a little push! Have hope, and I agree with Yuzu, you should get a second opinion (my first opinion when DS1 was 3 was that he was MR - I did NOT accept that diagnosis, I knew it wasn't right, and I'm glad I had him re-evaluated.)

[nuthinbutpink]

It's devastating to have someone label your child. I have recently been there with my DD and I know how it feels.

I say get all the help you can get- use the school system to gain access to any specialists available. I am trying to do as much as possible before the age of 5-6 because from what I have read, those are critical years. Good luck to you and your sons.

[Twins6boysinall]

He did tell me to have the school evaluate him for speech. So when I left the doctors office I went right to the school to request it. All my boys have had to have speech so I knew how to start that. He might talk more if people understood what he was saying.

[nuthinbutpink]

He did tell me to have the school evaluate him for speech. So when I left the doctors office I went right to the school to request it. All my boys have had to have speech so I knew how to start that. He might talk more if people understood what he was saying.

USE the diagnosis. It can work in your favor to gain free services. Use it to your advantage. I would be as aggressive as you can for him right now. I hope you have access to people that can help. I went through our public school system and starting at age 3, they provide preschool services. My DD's class is led by a special needs teacher and she receives therapy through the school. We also get help privately. The diagnosis hurts but it can be useful too.

[Ribbons]

I TOTALLY agree with nbpink. You really need to push as hard as you can, as long as you can, for services that the state will provide to you, usually FOR FREE, to help your child succeed. You are in CA, right? What county are you in?

[Twins6boysinall]

We are in riverside county. I am lucky in that I have a sister who is a school psychologist so she can tell me all the services that I can get for him through the school district. My doctor also gave me the number of an agency that takes our insurance so I can get him services through them as well.
My dh says this is probably a good thing because he will get preschool and other help at a young age which is always a good thing. So I am going to try and stay positive.

I don't understand though I thought kids with aspergers were not real lovey or affectionate but Andy is. He is very sweet and loving.

[nuthinbutpink]

There are various levels and not all are severe. The therapists might know more than his doctor just because of how many kids they see. Is he talking?

[Ribbons]

I think that the "non-affectionate" stereotype for Aspies is grossly incorrect. I can sort of get how people think that if they aren't close to one (family, friend etc), but my son is incredibly sweet too. And very honest! They are just no-nonsense type of people and they are probably lucky that they don't get hung up in all the social nuances that seem to keep the rest of us running in circles.

[Twins6boysinall]

There are various levels and not all are severe. The therapists might know more than his doctor just because of how many kids they see. Is he talking?

Not really that's one of the big reasons the doctor thinks he has aspergers. He try's to talk to me and dh and his brothers but he won't talk to other people. I always thought he was just shy. Funny though he started to talk early he could say one hole sentence long before any of my others mind you it wasn't a really nice one. He would say "what the hell is that" but he never got anything more than that. I know speech would greatly help him. If no one can understand you why would you bother talking. But I don't know what would help him talk to people he doesn't know and I really rather he not like talking to strangers you know. I guess that's bad.

[Twins6boysinall]

I think that the "non-affectionate" stereotype for Aspies is grossly incorrect. I can sort of get how people think that if they aren't close to one (family, friend etc), but my son is incredibly sweet too. And very honest! They are just no-nonsense type of people and they are probably lucky that they don't get hung up in all the social nuances that seem to keep the rest of us running in circles.

So true. There's no grey area with them just black and white. Which to me that was one thing I admired in my oldest son. He didn't get into all the drama of school stuff. Didn't care what others wore or the things they had. He wanted comfortable clothes and comfortable shoes. He didn't need hundred dollar sport shoes or fifty dollar jeans. He liked who he was and if you didn't to bad.

[princesssarah34]

Asperger Syndrome (http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/brain/asperger.html)

I would do exactly what others have said....seek out more info and help while you can....also seeing someone that specializes in children with issues like AS will give you more peace of mind.

[nuthinbutpink]

Not really that's one of the big reasons the doctor thinks he has aspergers. He try's to talk to me and dh and his brothers but he won't talk to other people. I always thought he was just shy. Funny though he started to talk early he could say one hole sentence long before any of my others mind you it wasn't a really nice one. He would say "what the hell is that" but he never got anything more than that. I know speech would greatly help him. If no one can understand you why would you bother talking. But I don't know what would help him talk to people he doesn't know and I really rather he not like talking to strangers you know. I guess that's bad.

That's the speech therapist's job- to get him talking. They work with kids that are not talking, kids that have processing issues, kids that say their r's wrong- the latter is not what they really do, the bigger issues are what they are trained to help with. I would get him in ST as soon as you can. It can make a big difference.

[ejk741]

i would take advantages of the services. however, it might be beneficial for you to get a second opinion.
follow your instincts!

[suregena]

My father was diagnosed with Aspergers two years ago. His entire life (AND MINE!) came flashing before his eyes and suddenly things made *sense*. He's truly a difficult individual since the diagnosis. It's very bizarre, really.

I was 24 weeks pregnant. He was flown to Amsterdam to do some work with a woman for a Montesoori type learning thing, and she has quite a big disability so was in a wheelchair. He was pushing her around a park and he was talking, and she stopped him and said, "I think you have Aspergers."
This had never been uttered to my father before, in all his 55 years of life. It never entered his mind. It really took him aback.

When he got back to his hotel, he googled it and began reading and he felt very much weighed down and overwhelmed but yet everything was clicking in his mind.

This woman then flew him over to the UK to have a 4 night visit to see me. We had just moved into our house. He told me what she said and on my own, I looked it up later that night and MY mind was blown. It was him nearly word for word!

When he got back to the States, he got an appointment with his doctor to be properly tested and diagnosed - which he did end up having Aspergers.

He began thinking back on his life and reevaluating everything - why my mother responded to him the way she did when they were married, his relationships in general with people - colleagues, friends, partners, family, his own children; he felt depressed (deeply depressed) in the beginning but now he is a completely different person - he's quite happy these days.

As for me, my father is a very intelligent, interesting man... he's very fine-tuned focused to the things that interest him and often this could get quite annoying growing up. I also never understood ways he interacted with other people and as a kid, it was always deeply embarrassing. Now I feel like I understand him more. The awful thing is my mother said that if she had known, she might still be married to him. Unfortunately, that's just how it is.

He used to call me constantly and talk at me, rather than ever listen to me... and it would be hard to get him off the phone. Now he doesn't call nearly as often. As terrible as that may sound, it's just because he's got himself in check and when he does call, he's very relaxed, he listens to me, and doesn't talk at me without giving me a moment to respond... and this is just regular back and forth conversation. Before it was intense and exhausting. Our relationship is so much better now.

Basically, what I'm saying, is if their diagnosis is correct... this could be a good thing, because it can affect people in later life, however if they know beforehand it might be very beneficial to not so much as have a "label", but more so understand themselves. My father wishes he had known when he was a child as it would have likely changed the entire course of his life in a more positive way, especially with how he interacted with others and within his business (he never managed well as an employee with a boss... he spent most of his life being his own boss... now we know why!)

Anyway... nothing is WRONG with your child. Not at all! It's a way to know them even more completely.
*hug*

[auroara78]

Lovely for sharing suregena!! Amazing story about your father!

[suregena]

He has really gone through A LOT in the past 2 years. And it was very intense for him - but I think it's a good thing we all know now. Everything just feels better, oddly.

[lisa3delta]

isnt that weird, kids with autism and ipads. my daughter (6 now) was diagnosed with ASD when she was 3 and it was around the same time we got her an ipad. She was a whiz with it! she could do things i couldnt work out how to do. She also managed to rack me up a $50 bill spending up on apps (which landed us a short article in the paper lol) when my friends son was diagnosed with aspergers she also got him an ipad and its practically his best friend. there are so many good apps for kids with autism no matter the severity (my daughter is quite mild) as for the special schooling, i guess it will depend on how severe it is. my daughter started school this year and she goes to a normal school, shes actually doing SO much better than i thought she would (i wasted a year stressing about it last year) she is a little behind her peers but not as much as i thought she would be, she also has a lot of friends but her school is zero tolerance for bullying and has a attached speech class with a lot of deaf kids/special needs kids (much more severe than she) and so i think it helps when they have a lot of 'different' kids there, not just one kid who's not quite right and becomes a target. it kind of becomes normal do you know what i mean? maybe you can look for a school like that, i know it really makes a huge difference which school your child grows up in and you should be choosy!

[Rosie85]

My DS1 is on the spectrum as well...not officially diagnosed though yet, that is our next step. He adores the ipad and he has learned so much from it.

I totally get what you mean about the heartbreak of knowing your child won't grow up to have a normal life. I get sad here and there thinking about my son's future but I remember then to be thankful it isn't something worse. :-)