I'm sorry you've had people make such rude comments. You need to come live by me because EVERYONE prefers boys over here. I actually had someone laugh when I said I was having my second girl. It was a "haha" laugh and she said she "knew I was doomed to have girls. I've never mentioned anything in real life either but it still hurts.

Jany - I would so so enjoy the day if we were getting our SIRM DDs together - what an amazing thing to picture!!
And actually, I'm so glad you - and my therapist - said what you did. I've felt so different in just the last week, and I know I'm emotionally healthier going into this cycle. Meds arrived so now it's just awaiting AF. I feel calm and patient. At least this next step WILL eventually happen... :)

Cagirl09 - Let's do stay in touch - it's definitely our turn!!

Those of you who have made it work give hope to those of us who haven't gotten that far.
It is SO hard not to get hopeless and feel defeated after so many let downs!!

Yeah, I'd love to know what passes through someone's mind and makes them think it is ok to say that kind of crap to someone...amazing...

I was super proud of DH when he FINALLY stood up for me this summer. I wasn't around when it happened but i figured it out. I was sitting on the couch and MIL was showing me pictures of her grandkids, (showing mostly pictures of grandsons...girls don't matter in their world) and i braced myself for the usual slew of lame ass comments I get from her every time. She didn't say anything, I was stunned because I am so used to it.

Later that night in bed I asked DH what was up and he told me what he did. I was so proud of him...GD was totally on the back burner with that kind of emotion, I still beam when I think of him doing that! He was sweet about it but finally told her to knock it off!

I enjoyed reading your post, and am going to latch on to some of the wisdom you have gained through your work with your therapist. I too have been protecting myself with thoughts consuming me that this is against me, of course I hope to be a OHW, the thought that it won't work is there. I love this statement: "Negative thinking is getting me nowhere - it neither protects nor heartens me. For now, just focus on the next step. One day at a time... " And together with you, I'm going to try the same thing. Its our turn!

Ocean, I thought about what I wrote, I HOPE that I wasn't being too harsh, Please that was NOT my intent!! Your posts really hit a chord in me, because everything you write it is EXACTLY how I felt when I cycled throughout the years and just because I have a DD now doesn't mean I don't remember the pain, heartache, tears, anxiety etc.... I just don't want you to be down and negative it will get you nowhere, not saying thinking positive will but don't bring on negativity onto yourself and your cycle!
I would love that, we can get together with our SIRM NY daughters!!

You are both very right. It smarted a bit to read your post Jany but you're absolutely right and to glory's point, I really am just going step by step now, and it's already helping.

Jany - Someday I hope we might even get to meet in person, who knows, with DDs in tow - what full circle that would be!

And with that - on to enjoy my Sunday! :)

My therapist was the one who told me I should go HT, I mentioned it when talking and she fully supported it.

I agree with the odds, they mean nothing, it is proven time and time again it can happen. Like Jany I had a hard time, but I got there in the end. I spent $150+ on getting my girl (as international) and I don't care one bit if I had to pay it off for the rest of my life, she is worth every cent and more.

You just have to go one step at a time, stop jumping ahead, get to stage one, and then do step by step.

Not everyone has a hard time and I have found for whatever reason that Dec and Jan are not only slow months but the odds aren't as good. So don't look at what you are seeing on here.

It can work, as long as you get eggs, it can work.

Please! Stop with the odd and chances of it working blah blah blah! You saw my birth post AGAINST ALL ODDS! thats right I didn't give two shits about my ODDS! or when I was 37 and only 4 out of 10 fertilized the embryologist tried to tell me it was because of my "old eggs", F you, I didn't let that stop me or anything else for that matter! I will say that I remember thinking if I am not pregnant by 40 thats it, I will stop because I will be throwing money out the window! Well 4 weeks after turning 40 I had my consult with SIRM! The heart wants what the heart wants! And here I am 41 and with a fussy newborn AHHH ;) It can happen my friend!! XOXO

"Why don't you have a boy?" - that does pretty much take the idiotic cake.

I would be almost fascinated to be inside the brain of someone who's saying one of these comments. WHAT are they thinking. WHY is their normal human-decency filter not on, you know, the one that would tell them not to ask a tall person why they're not shorter, or an overweight person why they're not skinnier.

It is a part of human dynamics that I truly truly fail to understand.

These experiences will never leave my memory but at least the pain from them fades a tiny bit with time, as I look at them with a bit more of a 'what the f***'?!' feeling.

GO YOUR DH btw - that's great that he did that and stood up for both of you!

People are idiots...and somehow seeing a pregnant woman makes some of them them even bigger idiots.
If I did it all over I would NEVER tell any one I was having DD3 the comments were unreal. How can people say those things and still call themselves decent? I just don't get it.
Being an all girl mom invites lots of stupid comments too. The most common one, " I feel SOOOO bad for your husband." Geez, thanks he is such an unlucky chap, his kids are all healthy, have 10 fingers, 10 toes...that has got to suck!
My favorite is my MIL, "Why don't you have a boy?" When are you going to have a boy. She has 7 kids...I am the only DIL/DD who hasn't had a boy...I should be banished! DH finally told her to shove it this past summer, makes me less irritable when we are going to see them. As if GD wasn't a problem anyways...

Adia - THANK YOU for your such supportive comments, and for all your thoughts! You are so right - this is a very distinct window of opportunity. I'm doing this because the risk of regret is higher than the $ cost, the emotional roller coaster, the hassle. I couldn't bear the thought that I might want to do this even more badly in a few years when it will be too late.

And even though the cost is shocking - wow, the meds alone - if I knew for sure it would work I'm not sure what amount would be 'too much'...

Adia - What supplement are you taking?

I almost never check FB now...I just never seem to get anything from it, only sadness. It is though a great way to stay in touch with people that we'd utterly lose touch with otherwise.

Adia - I never got any DG clothing when I was swaying for just that reason. And now I figure, there's so much science, luck, hormones, random stuff behind whether this HT thing will work...I'm pretty confident my little DG outfit will have no effect. :)

Mayra - That's a good plan, if nothing comes of this, I can give it to someone!

I already have 3 onesies under my mattress. I does not hurt to be hopeful. I see it this way; if doesn't come through, I will eventually go to a baby shower for a little boy and ill give that stuff away :)

DG baby outfits are awful...part of me wants to hold on to them for the 'luck' and 'positive thinking' aspect, but part of me thinks I am just cursing myself and making the likelihood of it really happening even less likely.

MM - Thank you thank you for writing that. I feel like I can't get a handle on who's on here - many seem to be SAHMs, some clearly work - but it's comforting knowing I'm not the only over-worked, over-educated etc etc person on here! As I do feel like an oddity at times, that I can't manage to be satisfied with this ridiculously blessed life. That perfectionist streak - know it all too well. I'll try to think of this quest in the terms you gave, 'I couldn't shake the need for a daughter.' That's just what it feels like, as I can't seem to logic/reason/negotiate myself out of this one. I just FEEL, and am taking more action based on these feelings than I can almost believe!

You have the most beautiful daughter - she must take your breath away! If I was ever in the position of saying 'her' and 'she' and meaning my actual daughter, I don't think I'd ever be able to shake the feeling of sheer amazement.

Ocean - I could have written your blog a couple of years ago. I'm a corporate lawyer. 3 uni degrees. I have a loving husband, 3 awesome step kids, beautiful twin boys just starting school and so about to give me back a little freedom and yet I couldn't shake the need for a daughter. So many of the women I was on my HT journey with on this site were in v similar situations. Over achievers, well educated, living blessedly comfortable lives. I think there is a perfectionist streak that drives some of us in our quest for a daughter.

I also had a less pleasant reason - to try and remedy the mother/daughter rel'ship I have with my own mother which has been disappointing and continues to be so. We just don't get each other. And I really felt the absence of that bond not having had a sister.

Don't give up on the dream. You are not selfish and you shouldn't feel guilty. The heart wants what it wants. HT can work. I think if it doesn't after 3 cycles then its time to step back and evaluate where you are and how much you are willing to commit. I probably spent around $40k all up. And she was worth all that and more. Good luck. MMx

Have to agree there...sleep is the thing I need the most during the day but cannot get to work during the night. I have to take an herbal supplement to sleep, otherwise I lay there and my mind goes in circles...GD is always a piece of that circle.
While I maintain my FB membership to communicate with many people I don't want to lose touch with, it has proven itself time and time again to be one of my GD triggers...I have to stay away unless I am feeling elastic enough to handle a dose of GD that day.

I was just thinking yesterday how I foolishly spent money in my younger years on dumb things that made so much sense at the time. Now they seem just dumb....I don't feel that HT falls into that category.
We have a very distinct window of opportunity to have babies and if you have the chance to shoot for that dream, even with the hefty price tag, I think you should do it. This window of chance only comes around once in our lives and when it shuts, it is shut! I completely understand the wincing that probably accompanies every time you dish out money for HT. Whether it works or not I would think this is one of those things you should look back on and not regret a bit.
The fact that your insurance covers some of it is phenomenal...keep going. Listen to yourself, if you need to stop you will know when its right. I am hoping beyond hope that you get your DD on this cycle. We never know what life has in store for us!!