Time to say goodbye.

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Hi all. I'm sad to say that I wont be around for much longer and for quite a long time. I know I have said before in posts that I plan to have internet breaks but this time I will be asking DP to change my password and not tell me. I wanted to hang around a while longer so I could see the New Zealand ladies cycles and sway attempts and also for the arrival of Adia's little boy and Oceans FET two to name a few but I have to do what is best for me. I can not TTC my girl for quite some time. Maybe not for 2-3 years and when I log on lately I only feel pain afterwards as much as I love this forum and do not want to leave. When I see people get their DGs now I only feel like "that will never be me" and when I see others who get opposites or have failed cycles I think 'gosh that will be awful when it is my turn to go through it." And I end up feeling more pain over not having my girl than before. It was hard to quit Facebook but I did it over half a year ago and just don't feel the need anymore and Gender Dreaming has become my replacement but I know it is time to move on for now too. ( I never plan to return to facebook)

I don't want to go into too much detail but I need to live a simple and 'real' life so I will be going internet free apart from email which I will check once a week when DP is home so I am not tempted and I will even be deleting my Trade me account! I have ADD and need to work hard to be and stay happy and can not afford any extra distractions and know it is for the best.

The plan: We will definitely be having another child. DP agrees 100% and understands my GD by imagining our situation in reverse. He said if he had 6 daughters he knows he would long for a son. This makes me so happy! But we can not try for a while due to other important things in our life including money but thanks to a new oppertunity that shouldn't be as much of an issue in a few years. Plus I know I am too busy right now and need a break from raising young children.
A big age gap was not what I wanted but it has made me realise that if I am less busy in a few years (and have more money) then we might even have two more children so the last one has a close age play mate. Annnnd, that I could try swaying before HT! I know HT is recommended first if it is an option but do not worry, I am only 27 so if we ended up having another boy in a few years I'd still only be early 30s when when it came to do HT. I never got to try swaying and feel like HT really should be the last straw.

It feels more right for me to be able to try swaying first as I still have some issues with HT but if I am not blessed with my daughter next time then I will do the exetreme to get what I want.
DP and I have three sons including identical twins and their conceptions plus what it sounds like from his other three sons conceptions seem to echo alot of what blue swayers do which gives me hope.

I wish I could get my daughter now but I can't so I just need to get on with life in the mean time. When I just get on with things I am alot happier instead of thinking about things too much.

So best of luck to all the lovely ladies on this forum in their sways/cycles and in life and I can't wait to see who is still here in three years.
This is such a special forum that holds a special place in my heart. A special thanks to Atomic Sagebrush (coolest forum name ever!) and Nuthin But Pink for answering so many questions for me and thanks for the support from them and other amazing and members including a few names that stick out that I don't want to list in case I forget any!

Lots of love from,
Emma xo Mum to the best three little boys in the world <3 (for me of coarse ;) )
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  1. Bluespinach's Avatar
    Wishing you all the best and I hope your return will be filled with great news of your onward journey of motherhood. Especially one with your DD in the future! xxx
  2. atomic sagebrush's Avatar
    Wishing you the best!!!
  3. covered in blue's Avatar
    Oh Emma I will miss you! It's been like 4 years or so since I first "met" you and you have been such a big encouragement and helped pick me up when I was down. I'm still very hopeful that one day we will have that catch up with our 2 little DD's in tow! xx
  4. Kittybear's Avatar
    Sorry to see you go sweetie, but I totally get it. I know I live my life too much in my own head right now, rather than in reality... You are a stronger woman than me.
    Good luck whatever you decide and sending my best wishes xxx
  5. 1+2+3boys's Avatar
    I will miss you heaps too covered in blue and would love to meet you too and some of the other NZ ladies as well, but especially you :)
    My email is [email]emmalindyunderwood@gmail.com[/email]

    I feel sad having to do this but I need to practice mindfulness to the extreme and living in the momment. I'm not totally skrewed up or anything but I don't find general life easy and need to be in the best form possible for myself and my family. I am even going to stop watching so much TV because we don't have one so I watch all my shows online which I need the internet for and I have poor self control so can never just watch my show and hop off the computer. Essentially I am rejecting all the tech of the last decade. My cellphone is a simple model and just a phone which I like and I have no Ipads or tablets or any of those kinds of things. I look forward to getting into books but have no idea what I will like to read yet! I might even have fun with a film camera. I would love a polaroid, one of those cute little instax ones. I lost all my photos of 2013 thanks to a computer glitch and I hope I never have to have that happen again. wahh, the twins and DS1 were so cute at those ages but luckily I can get some photos back from family and friends. I always felt like I was born in the wrong time.

    One day I will have time to keep up with the latest technology, especially if I want to get back into graphic design.
    The twins turn 3 in June and will be going to Kindy another day (yay to the free 20 hours ECE each!). I will have more time to sew and draw and keep up with housework. I think I am getting quite good and have been able to practise girly things for friends with new baby girls and I enjoyed making the things. Hopefully I will be an expert sewer by the time I have a DD.

    Goodluck with your girl sway and I truely hope it works for you and please email me any updates like if you are starting your sway or get a BFP :)
  6. trifecta's Avatar
    Best of luck!
  7. covered in blue's Avatar
    I will email you :)
  8. Claireashworth's Avatar
    I understand where you are coming from. Wishing you all the best xx
  9. Myloves's Avatar
    Best wishes xx
    For what it's worth, I took a long break from this website too! Even now I don't use it anywhere near as much as I used to.
  10. hopper's Avatar
    Best of luck, I truly hope you get your DD someday x
  11. 1+2+3boys's Avatar
    THanks all. I can't 'like' any of the individual comments for some reason
  12. Adia's Avatar
    Oh Emma, I understand. I will miss you tons because I feel like we have a special connection, but I am a big supporter of doing what is best for you.

    Knowing you will get a DD someday is priceless and I agree that it is best to "leave well enough alone" until it is closer within reach. Having your DP's support is worth so much and I am thrilled that he is supporting you.

    I feel like you, and so many others, contributed to me actually getting a little boy. Encouragement and support is a cherished memory I have from my sway. No one understands the longing for a child of a certain gender like another woman who has the same ache. I think its a sisterhood that we share and it has meant so much to me.

    Lots of love and hugs!
  13. pink_bean's Avatar
    I understand what you are doing and I applaud you! I wish you all the best for the present and the future!
  14. ocean's Avatar
    Emma (so nice to know your name! Totally suits the warm, nurturing person you are on here)

    You are a wise woman. You're really thinking about what you need to be happier, and taking real steps toward that. You seem quite self aware (AC would applaud you if she was reading!) and centered. Good for you, dear friend.

    There are so many good books in life to throw yourself into - that sounds like a dream come true to me!

    All that said, I feel a bit quiet and sad that you won't be on here, you're someone I really think about, imagining your life in NZ with your stunning children dressed in the sweetest ever clothes. ��

    Echoing everything Adia said so well, too! Your DP's support is wonderful, you two are on the same page and you have so much to look forward to.

    Feel like there's more I want to say - but for now - just sending big positive vibes your way!! Thank you thank you for all your support through the years. You've really made an impression on me. Onward and upward to your new adventures!
  15. WannaGirl's Avatar
    Good luck, you are still young and sound like a wonderful mum!
    All the best
  16. Pink rose 76's Avatar
    I'm sorry to hear this. I thought we maybe had you onboard on the Czech forum;) I will look out for you when you return. Wish you a nice peaceful break but I'm sure you will eventually get your daughter being only 27 now. Pinkrose xx
  17. HelsBells's Avatar
    Dear Emma, I've been quietly reading your blog. I think you're making a great decision for yourself at this time. I left Facebook a year ago and have never looked back. It used to irritate me and waste time. I really don't feel I have missed anything. Enjoy your new life internet -free (I'm sure at only 27 there is pink in your future) x
  18. 1+2+3boys's Avatar
    THanks so much for your lovely replies Adia and Ocean. I have been delaying replying because I am sad that after that I will have to say goodbye for real and I am procrastinating but will do it in the next couple of days and I can't think of what to say right now to such heart touching comments :)
    Thanks Pink Rose. I may still be on board for Cz one day but ultimately if we were able, I'd love to go to America
  19. covered in blue's Avatar
    Did u get my email?
  20. True Blue's Avatar
    1+2+3boys wishing you a most beautiful, peaceful break with your DH and boys xx
    You are doing the right thing taking time when you feel you need it :) I also quit FB a long time ago and wouldn't dream of going back. It's so emotionally draining!!
    Enjoy your 'you' time ;)
    I hope to be here when you come back and have the pleasure of seeing you getting your longed for DG xx
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