Originally Posted by Butterfly Spirit

This is SO hard, I should be pregnant right now, I'm just angry. I Want to vent and I just want my baby back! Last night I was resting in bed and baby DS was by my stomach and he pointed and poked my stomach and out of the blue said "baby sister in tummy!?" It was so hard to say "No, baby sister has gone away to heaven, but she told me she will be back." Today for the hell of it I asked older DS and asked him where baby sister was and he replied "Baby sister in your tummy." I decided to tell him now so hopefully he won't ask for awhile. Those sweet babies! I wanted so much to give them their sister!!! I've already cried today. DH tried to make me feel better by saying "You just can't blame yourself! You didn't know about your thyroid and then...well there wasn't a heartbeat, so I don't think she had a soul" I replied "She had a spirit, and her spirit visited me on Wed night, and I felt it strongly, and I know without a doubt it was our daughter!!!" I of course cried after I said that and he did too.
Damnit, why did I have to even get pregnant if it wasn't safe yet!? However, I would have never known it wasn't safe if it would not have happened. But what a painful lesson!!!!!!!!
Then I got my mom saying "The fetus spontaneously aborts because it has a defect, if so this was a blessing in disguise."
I did tell my mom and sister Wed night.
I believe everything happens for a reason, but I just can't shake this away very easily no matter how hard I try!
I need to get my health good so I can conceive her again.
I know I need to go to the dentist as well, and have cavities. I haven't been since 2006
I HATE the dentist!
I know bad dental heigene can cause miscarriage too!
Then I have all of them pushing me to do my colonoscopy. GRRR I wish I didn't have to do it.
What to do!?!?!?
What if I get pregnant the same cycle again..