sbowman
You have GD and you should be ashamed.
by
, August 22nd, 2013 at 01:47 PM (25565 Views)
This is going to get a bet rant-y.
Just recently at church we got into a discussion about gender desire, and the general consensus seems to be that having a preference for the gender of an unborn or unconceived child is shameful. Of course this is something I feel strongly about...as I'm sure you all understand. So I had to chime in and say that I think it's 100% normal to have a preference, and that most human beings on earth have had a preference at some point, whether they want to admit it or not. Their reactions were extreme. They called me ungrateful and basically turned their noses up at me, and also told me they felt sorry for my son. I could barely hold back tears as I left the room. We didn't even stay for the service. Of course these women don't know me at all, which makes it worse. They don't know I went for an ultrasound on my birthday and found out my unborn child was dead. They don't know the heartache I feel and the longing I have for my son every single day of my life. They don't know the guilt I live with that my sadness somehow caused my loss. The pain is so bad some days, I feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of this guilt and pain. They also don't know how much I absolutely adore my living son, how he is the light of my life and my heart just bursts with love for him. I couldn't imagine loving another human being more than I love him. He was a very much wanted little boy, and still is. I know I would have loved my second son just as much. Having GD has really made me appreciate my child more than I did before. I know I'm lucky to have a son, to be able to easily conceive. I'm very fortunate. But you know what? It doesn't CHANGE my desire. Having desire for a girl or boy doesn't make you ungrateful, it doesn't make you love your child any less. I just wish the whole world could know that. Or to stop saying things like, so and so can't have any children, so and so lost a child, so and so is happy with twelve boys with no GD at all. Well, I'm here to tell you that there are plenty of us who have infertility or who have lost children and yet we STILL have that desire. It is still there. Shame on those women for mocking me and making me cry in church, a place of forgiveness and acceptance of others, NOT judgment. I'm so sick of seeing women who have to hide their desire or disappointment and are afraid to talk about it because of judgmental people like that. My feelings are valid. I am NOT ungrateful.