I feel bad. I have a friend's baby shower this Sunday. She's having DS2 and was devastated because they're stopping at 2 and her daughter dream is over. I TRIED to steer her here, but she stubbornly refused to believe that diet had anything to do with it since her sister had both genders "without trying or changing anything." Her sister got pregnant right after the wedding, when she was dieting ad exercising like crazy to get into her dress, and had her DD. She got her DS a couple years later doing things I thought swayed girl (breastfeeding and taking the progesterone-only pill improperly,) but she was gaining weight like crazy and ate ALL THE TIME. I never saw her without a snack in hand at that time. It totally makes sense to me why she has one of each by unintentionally swaying, but instead my friend saw this as confirmation that it's just 50/50 everytime and there's nothing we can do about it. I HAVE to acknowledge that luck is a component here, but depending on it completely when so much of your happiness is at stake is folly, IMHO.

So I've been delaying telling her I'm pregnant because I remember how painful it was when I heard that another friend of mine was having a girl when I had just had DS2. I'll be telling everyone after our 13 week scan, but I'm particularly afraid of telling her.

I fear the pain I might cause the all-boy moms in my life, but I also fear something else. It's like, I think they're going to think my desire for a daughter is a judgement on their lives and families. As if I didn't think what they had was good enough.

Maybe there's a grain of truth in my fear. It wasn't enough for ME. I had to know if one more shot would yield me my daughter. I had to know if a kitchen-sink sway would be the key to my daughter, or if even that would lead to another boy. I had to take a leap of faith toward my dream. I wasn't ready to settle on what a few of my friends HAVE, but I don't want them to feel bad about it.

I also don't want to lose friends. Everytime a mom friend of mine had a girl, I felt like my boys weren't going to be good playdates for their kids anymore. It was like, because of their mixed gender family make-up, my single gender one was no longer acceptable for company. I don't want any of my friends to feel that way! I'm not going to stop inviting them to join me for coffee and playdates at the mall playground because they have boys, not a girl for my DD to play with. I want my DD to play with boys too (and, with two awesome older brothers, I think she will!) I don't want my social circle to shrink because my sway was successful.

I have more confidence in my Panorama result now. They give results for anything over a 4% fetal fraction rate (percentage of cell-free fetal DNA in maternal blood,) and mine was 15%! The geneticist said this was high for 9 weeks, and makes them very certain of my results. So, a girl it is! Let's see how adding her in changes my life...