ocean
Deep dread for FET #2
by
, March 10th, 2015 at 10:05 PM (7762 Views)
Woke up this morning with a heavy heart. You know that feeling….the head-bowing, rounded shoulder, already-sunk feeling that takes up your whole chest.
I'm preparing for FET #2. I'm not really imagining any outcome right now - it working or not - because the first I can't believe is possible, and the second makes me want to throw up.
If it doesn't work, there will be so very much to regret. If it does work…. well, I can't even complete the sentence. That path literally looks blank and unimaginable to me.
I know that I shouldn't be seeing things as so dire, so final. Mmx gave me valuable advice to remember that I 100% control how I respond to what happens. Jany and AC gave me SUCH important context to think about, and I'm so glad they did, or I wouldn't be here.
The full arc of HT, in all its high low peak valley forward backward glorious horrible glory. I have thrown myself to this beast and now I'm deep in the jaws.
It's really just time to pray.