Overcoming my Gender Dissapointment - going into therapy - results

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Hi all,

In this blog I want to share the understandings I gained from going into therapy. (Excuses for my bad english/mistakes.)
First for the ones who do not know me, I will shortly update you on my situation.
I am a 33-year old mom of three sons. 5 years ago I gave birth to my first son, who I strongly believed to be a girl (we were on the green team) and cost me a couple of days to adjust to the fact that we had a son instead of a daughter. I never heard of GD, and I also did not experience it at that point yet. The 2nd time I tried to do the timing thing, but I was impatienced and still BDed on the O-day. I was sure this time it was really a girl. When I gave birth to my 2nd son (he was the cutest, most precious baby I had ever seen) the GD hit me hard. Very hard. I became obsessed and after his first birthday I started my sway. It was a controlled, fanatic sway, which ended in taking Clomid as well with my last attempt and I got pregnant with twins. Twins! I always wanted that, I felt sooo special!! Unfortunately the heart of the 2nd embryo started beating at 10 weeks of pregnancy. My world fell apart, I knew it was my daughter who's hart had stopped. The other embryo was my 3rd son. I experienced GD in a very bad form ever (although I never wished the baby dead or considered abortion!) which lasted until my 3rd son was 10 months old. The obsession for a daughter was bigger than ever, I did think about a daughter like 1000 times a day! Than I decided to take action! I could not and should not let this GD determine my life. Ruin the experiences I had with my 3 lovely boys. They did not deserve that, I did not deserve that! So I did something radical and I decided to get into therapy and release myself from the horrible GD, or at least tried to get rid of it.

This is wat I learned in the past 2 months of therapy:

- I should not link my yearning and mourning about a daughter to my three sons. I would do this all the time. For example, after a bad day full of crying and arguments and troubles with my boys I would say to myself: "If you have had a girl /daughter by now, you shouldn't be feeling miserable like you are doing now. She would make it all go away. " So I would increase my longing for a daughter by feeling sad about the behaviour of my sons. They reflected all what was going wrong in my life because I had no daughter.

Clearly, this is not the best way to get over my grief of not having a daughter. I have to see my sons and my GD apart from another. I must not link them together. It will increase my unhappiness and my guilt for my sons.

- I have the expectation for the future that my life with 3 sons will be less happy and more difficult than when I would have had a daugther (or more). This is ofcourse not true. My life with 3 sons will not be less happy and more difficult than with 1 or 3 girls, but DIFFERENT. And different does not mean less happy and more difficult, but just DIFFERENT. Life with boys, with cars and lego and spiderman and soccer. I will reconize myself in DIFFERENT ways in my boys than I would have in my daughter. This will not mean that my life will be less happy.

This was a huge eye-opener for me. Because I really pictured my life to be this way because of me having 3 sons. I am absolutely sure at this point that this insight will help me get over the GD more quickly and it also will help me in my future life.

So that is it for now, I decided to blog about my experience because I hope it will help other moms at the forum who are experiencing very bad GD. When the GD is taking over your life as it did with me PLEASE consider therapy like I did!!
General Blog Posting , Natural Gender Swaying Blogs , Swaying for a Boy


  1. trifecta's Avatar
    I'm glad you have found some peace through therapy. Can I ask how you found someone who deals with these issues? Did you ask ahead of your treatment? I've had two therapists in the last few years but neither was familiar with GD and seemed to brush it off.
  2. Girlwish's Avatar
    Hi trifecta,

    I did found the therapy online! It is a special treatment initially meant for people who have experienced a trauma like being attacked or raped. The psychologists who run this service did not hear about GD either but were very openminded about it. You first have to re-live the experiene(s) and than have to take another prespective on your trauma, like a friend who gives you advice. This is very difficult but you learn to look , in my situation, on the GD and be happy with your life as it is.
    I too could not find a good therapist in real life either who was specialized in GD.
    From which country are you? Maybe they will also have an english version.
  3. trifecta's Avatar
    Thanks! I'm in the US. I've tried a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach and then a more traditional approach--I've never thought of trying an online therapist before. I'll look into it!
  4. littlebee3's Avatar
    Thank you for sharing your experience that gives hope.