I have wanted a daughter from pregnancy #1. I was okay with the first being a boy because I know there are certain advantages to being a firstborn that might cancel out some of the disadvantages (developmentally, not socially) of being male. I also knew I wanted one of each, so there was a second chance. DH wanted two, for sure.

I tried Shettles for a year, while crossfitting, eating paleo, and continuing my very boy-friendly lifestyle. Looking back now, it's obvious why I got another boy, although I didn't understand at the time.

My GD with DS2 was crushing. I was almost suicidal. The idea that there were no more chances and that I was stuck with the odious "boy mom" label, and all the preconceived notions that come along with it, was too much to bear. I have never been so depressed in my life, and, while I loved my baby more than I can express, I missed out on so much of his first two years in just trying to deal with anger, guilt, crippling disappointment (in his gender and my life,) and a righteous sense of unfairness that I should have to try so hard to be rewarded with a family that other people viewed as a "failure."

A lot happened since then. I had an accidental pregnancy, JUST as I was getting used to the idea of having just the two boys, and making peace with it. I became so hopeful that it was horrific when MaterniT21+ results came back telling me it was boy#3. No one who hasn't experienced this extreme level of GD will ever understand how relieved I was when I lost that pregnancy.

So, The idea of having a third was back in my head. I wanted to sway, DH didn't. We saw a relationship counselor to deal with our issues, and I saw a therapist privately to deal with my GD.

Dealing with GD has been a long, intense process for me, and I'm so glad that I'm seeing the professionals who have helped me so much in the last year. DH didn't want to try for another until he was sure I could deal with disappointment again, and I'm actually there now! I'd be disappointed, for sure, but not in the depths of despair like last time.

One of the triggers for my GD is my mother-in-law. I love her to death, she's an amazing lady and we have a phenomenal relationship. BUT, she's recently expressed her desire for a granddaughter that kind of caught me off guard and stung quite a bit. I figured, since my DH only has the one sister and she's going to put off getting pregnant until September, at least, I'd at least have one last chance to have the first granddaughter!

Wouldn't you know that my SIL is pregnant! I did the calculations and there's no way I could get pregnant and get the genetic testing results before she hits 18-22 weeks for her big gender reveal. I was really down about that one for a while.

But I got a reprieve yesterday. SIL is going Team Green! So, I could, conceivably, find out I'm carrying a girl before she gives birth. SIL wants a boy first, by the way. I sincerely hope we both get what we want.

Oh yeah, and IF (and it's a BIG if) I were to get pregnant on the first try next month, if I ovulate when Fertility Friend says I should, and IF I get a girl, my due date would be my MIL's birthday! Talk about a great birthday gift!

The odds of that happening as so slim, I probably shouldn't even think about it... but a girl can dream, right?